From another board need some support (OE DE Mentioned)

From another board need some support (OE DE Mentioned)

Joined: June 18th, 2012, 3:41 pm

June 29th, 2012, 2:03 am #1

Hi All,

I am over 40 with high FSH have just finished my fourth round of IVF which got converted to an IUI and it failed, Im feeling so hopeless about my own eggs and thinking more and more about the possibility that it might never be possible for me to conceive a child with my own eggs. I need to hear some joy from those who have conceived children with donor eggs, and if you feel like it, if you could calm some of my fears about DE that everyone has, I would appreciate it...

Thank You
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Joined: January 19th, 2007, 7:18 pm

June 29th, 2012, 2:16 am #2

Hi, Jennifer. I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I was there once, too, although it has been so long that it seems like a distant memory.

FWIW, neither dh nor I has any OE children. We have 2 wonderful boys, both via DE.

As you can see from my tickers, they are now 2 & 4, so our ttc journey is a fading memory, but I was 35 when we moved to DE. It took another 3 yrs. to get a baby out of it.

Honestly, I couldn't be happier. Do I worry that someday they may have questions or not share my utter contentment? Yes, but in terms of loving my children & not caring a lick that they came to me via DE? I'm there 100%.

When I 1st considered DE, I ruled it out, as did dh, but we came around when the reality of my high fsh & very, very poor response to stims sunk in. For me, the moment came when I realized that walking away without a child, somehow, someway, wasn't an option. I wanted to be a mom & it seemed that DE was by far the best option.

As the therapist we had to see to satisfy our clinic's requirement said, "DE may be 2nd choice, but the child is not 2nd best."

Some women do experience lingering or sporadic grief over the lack of the genetic connection, but that has not been my experience. I feel like I'm back in the land of the living after being in the dark infertility trenches for years. I'm a mom now & that's what occupies my time & fills my heart. The emptiness & agony of longing to be a mom & having no children is gone, thank heavens.

I hope this helps some. I do remember being where you are now & feeling what you are feeling, but it's now like it happened in a different life. The pain is gone & the joy is limitless.

If you can bear it, as I know it's hard, read the threads on this board. The posters are dealing with pregnancy & parenting issues. You will know when you are ready for those issues to replace the debate of OE via DE in ttc issues.

Hugs to you.



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Joined: June 2nd, 2006, 8:19 pm

June 29th, 2012, 2:43 am #3

Hi All,

I am over 40 with high FSH have just finished my fourth round of IVF which got converted to an IUI and it failed, Im feeling so hopeless about my own eggs and thinking more and more about the possibility that it might never be possible for me to conceive a child with my own eggs. I need to hear some joy from those who have conceived children with donor eggs, and if you feel like it, if you could calm some of my fears about DE that everyone has, I would appreciate it...

Thank You
It is really hard to say when I really accepted that fact that my owns were crap.  I was fortunate beyond belief that I worked in a state with mandated infertility coverage.  OF course there was no way I was ever going to need the 4 life time IVF's.  It was going to work after the first one or maybe 2 if we were that unlucky.

Somehow I thought in the back of my mind DE was there, but I was NEVER going to have to resort to that.  Imagine my surprise when the first 3 were miserable failures.  I wasn't sure that I wanted to move on.  I  can almost remember the exact time I knew I was going to do DE.  I was at the mall with a friends 2 year old son.  and I was walking around with him and talking to him and said "I love you".  I realized if I could love this child that was no way related to me, then what is to say I couldn't love a child I carried.  After that I thought that there was nothing in my genetic background that the next generation couldn't live without. 

A friend of mine (the same one whose son I was walking around with) volunteered to be our donor.  It was a process to go through, we had to meet separately with the counsler, and several other appointments. 

Today I have almost 9 year old twins, who are the absolute loves of my life.  Not for one minute could I imagine having any other kids than these two.  These were the ones that I was meant to have, the ones that my daddy picked out for me in heaven.  The only thing I regret is waiting as long as I did.  Looking back now I wish I had moved to it sooner.

Here are pictures of my kids taken about 2 weeks ago.

My daughter.



My son




Molly
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Joined: September 26th, 2008, 9:06 pm

June 29th, 2012, 2:43 am #4

Hi All,

I am over 40 with high FSH have just finished my fourth round of IVF which got converted to an IUI and it failed, Im feeling so hopeless about my own eggs and thinking more and more about the possibility that it might never be possible for me to conceive a child with my own eggs. I need to hear some joy from those who have conceived children with donor eggs, and if you feel like it, if you could calm some of my fears about DE that everyone has, I would appreciate it...

Thank You
We started ttc when I was 35. We tried hard. Several cycles. Our original dx was male factor, so when we got to our first OE IVF we were feeling fairly comfident. That went away fast. I was a very poor responder. Repeat several times.

I became a mother when I was 44. There is no way this child could be more mine. Her brother (no genetic connection) will be born when I'm 47.

I'm healed. After I held my baby in my arms, I realized DE is no big dieal.

I wish you well.
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Joined: April 10th, 2008, 1:25 am

June 29th, 2012, 3:00 am #5

Hi All,

I am over 40 with high FSH have just finished my fourth round of IVF which got converted to an IUI and it failed, Im feeling so hopeless about my own eggs and thinking more and more about the possibility that it might never be possible for me to conceive a child with my own eggs. I need to hear some joy from those who have conceived children with donor eggs, and if you feel like it, if you could calm some of my fears about DE that everyone has, I would appreciate it...

Thank You
Once you are holding your DE baby you will wish you had done it sooner. That is one of the things many of us regret is not throwing in the towel and moving on to DE sooner. Many of us had the same feelings of regret, anxiety all of it. But nothing beats the feeling of having your baby placed in your arms for the first time. You won't have any regrets when you move on, it may even come as a relief.

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Joined: April 10th, 2008, 1:25 am

June 29th, 2012, 3:00 am #6

Hi All,

I am over 40 with high FSH have just finished my fourth round of IVF which got converted to an IUI and it failed, Im feeling so hopeless about my own eggs and thinking more and more about the possibility that it might never be possible for me to conceive a child with my own eggs. I need to hear some joy from those who have conceived children with donor eggs, and if you feel like it, if you could calm some of my fears about DE that everyone has, I would appreciate it...

Thank You
n/t
Last edited by Dee.S on June 29th, 2012, 3:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: June 28th, 2008, 7:01 pm

June 29th, 2012, 3:01 am #7

Hi All,

I am over 40 with high FSH have just finished my fourth round of IVF which got converted to an IUI and it failed, Im feeling so hopeless about my own eggs and thinking more and more about the possibility that it might never be possible for me to conceive a child with my own eggs. I need to hear some joy from those who have conceived children with donor eggs, and if you feel like it, if you could calm some of my fears about DE that everyone has, I would appreciate it...

Thank You
My 7w old baby is asleep in my lap as I type. I needed a GC as well as DE. I couldn't be happier and more in love. My only reservation is the worry that my ds will have issues with the methods that he was conceived. But he will always know that he was wanted and loved dearly.

I could go on and on about how happy I am, but it is very difficult to type with ds in my lap. I am sorry you have had such a difficult IF road. I hope you are holding your baby soon, by whatever it takes for him/her to get here. And I second everything that The pps wrote.

Last edited by margolis on June 29th, 2012, 3:09 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: May 10th, 2011, 11:57 pm

June 29th, 2012, 3:05 am #8

Hi All,

I am over 40 with high FSH have just finished my fourth round of IVF which got converted to an IUI and it failed, Im feeling so hopeless about my own eggs and thinking more and more about the possibility that it might never be possible for me to conceive a child with my own eggs. I need to hear some joy from those who have conceived children with donor eggs, and if you feel like it, if you could calm some of my fears about DE that everyone has, I would appreciate it...

Thank You
I'm a relative newcomer compared to some of these ladies, but my story is similar. We started TTC when I was 40 (late marriage) and after a year went to see an RE. We originally thought we were dealing with male factor, but initially neither my DH nor I was willing to consider donor sperm (or egg). We had the idea that if the child couldn't be both of ours genetically, "we might as well adopt." Well, after 6 failed IUI's (the first of which resulted in an ectopic), we were considering OE IVF, but by that time I was 42 and the success rates were so low, we didn't know if it was worth the cost, physical toll, and emotional agony. We were on our way to talk to the RE when DH said, "Would you like to think again about donor eggs?" When we brought it up to the RE, she lit up and said she would have let us do OE only because she didn't think we'd consider DE (we had indicated such on the paperwork).

Fast forward a year and a half later: we have a beautiful 7-month-old son. I feel that he is every bit mine. I do wonder from time to time how we will explain it all to him (we definitely want him to know, although we are not "tell" to the general public). But stretches of time pass in which I literally forget about the donor. Like, I will start to say that he could have gotten something from my side of the family, and then I catch myself.

As others have said, I don't think anyone starts out planning to do DE. It took a long time for us to be comfortable with it, and the doubts never entirely went away during the process. But I guess it's sort of like getting married: you can't look into the future and know what's going to happen, but you reach a point where the desire is stronger than doubt.

I wish you the best in your journey. This (and the yellow board) is a great place for support.

Jen in TN (another Jennifer)

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Joined: December 21st, 2011, 7:41 pm

June 29th, 2012, 3:30 am #9

Hi All,

I am over 40 with high FSH have just finished my fourth round of IVF which got converted to an IUI and it failed, Im feeling so hopeless about my own eggs and thinking more and more about the possibility that it might never be possible for me to conceive a child with my own eggs. I need to hear some joy from those who have conceived children with donor eggs, and if you feel like it, if you could calm some of my fears about DE that everyone has, I would appreciate it...

Thank You
I'm 34 - ttc for 2 years - didn't respond well to stim meds so never did IVF (always converted to IUI). Yes, I was really bummed to not pass on my genetics, but more than being bummed I am very very happy that I moved on fairly quickly and am currently 4 months pregnant via DE IVF. The joy I felt at finally seeing a positive pregnancy test was awesome - I still can't believe it worked after so many failures, but chances are just SO much better with DE. I'm so thankful science has made it possible for this to happen - we are really quite lucky that thanks to DE I get to experience pregnancy and see my husband pass along his genes... I'm cool with it - I've shared my experience with close friends and family and we're all just so excited. I'm going to instill lots of great traits in my child - genetics are overrated
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Joined: July 3rd, 2010, 9:13 pm

June 29th, 2012, 4:24 am #10

Hi All,

I am over 40 with high FSH have just finished my fourth round of IVF which got converted to an IUI and it failed, Im feeling so hopeless about my own eggs and thinking more and more about the possibility that it might never be possible for me to conceive a child with my own eggs. I need to hear some joy from those who have conceived children with donor eggs, and if you feel like it, if you could calm some of my fears about DE that everyone has, I would appreciate it...

Thank You
we tried and tried and tried. We had numerous losses. Finally we were offered a batch of embryos (no opportunity to choose donors--take or leave--and if we left it would have been another 2 plus year wait. DS is the light of our lives. He looks like me, acts like DH. But even if he wasn't like either of us (as happens with oe and os also), we would love him. Our only regret is waiting so long and now i am going to be quite old before we try for a sibling. Do i have concerns about how he will handle his conception story? Yes. Do I ever regret that he isn't genetically related...well, honestly he seems so perfect (yes, i now he is not perfect...and know it every day as he throws his tantrums, but he is perfect for us) that i really don't miss that genetic connection. He has been my baby, my son, since the moment he was implanted and I love the little guy more than i could ever imagine.

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