Feeling like I must be a horrible mom...

Feeling like I must be a horrible mom...

Joined: November 25th, 2006, 1:50 am

May 3rd, 2012, 5:34 pm #1

as dd tells me she doesn't love me! Sometimes she says she loves me but other times she says I don't love you. Last night she also said, "You don't love me," which just about broke my heart. I did have to drag her out of some place this past weekend because she just was having a complete meltdown and I couldn't get her to calm down. She was not so happy with me about that but not sure if this is why she is saying this stuff or not as she has said she doesn't love me prior to that incident. Is this normal? I keep thinking if she is saying this stuff now, I am screwed when she is a teenager!

Quote
Like
Share

Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

May 3rd, 2012, 5:51 pm #2

Naw, she's just jerkin' yer chain. nt
Quote
Like
Share

Joined: September 18th, 2007, 2:03 am

May 3rd, 2012, 6:27 pm #3

as dd tells me she doesn't love me! Sometimes she says she loves me but other times she says I don't love you. Last night she also said, "You don't love me," which just about broke my heart. I did have to drag her out of some place this past weekend because she just was having a complete meltdown and I couldn't get her to calm down. She was not so happy with me about that but not sure if this is why she is saying this stuff or not as she has said she doesn't love me prior to that incident. Is this normal? I keep thinking if she is saying this stuff now, I am screwed when she is a teenager!

C. plays me like a fine stradivarius on this topic. She loves me, she doesn't love me, I love her, I don't, etc. She does it to manipulate because I definitely reacted the first few times it came up. Now I try to calmly correct her (when we veer toward "don't love") and not overreact. I think it's an age-related language/cognitive limitation as much as anything else. Another way to express disappointment over not getting something they want or just feeling glum. GL!
Quote
Like
Share

Joined: April 27th, 2007, 10:46 am

May 3rd, 2012, 7:50 pm #4

as dd tells me she doesn't love me! Sometimes she says she loves me but other times she says I don't love you. Last night she also said, "You don't love me," which just about broke my heart. I did have to drag her out of some place this past weekend because she just was having a complete meltdown and I couldn't get her to calm down. She was not so happy with me about that but not sure if this is why she is saying this stuff or not as she has said she doesn't love me prior to that incident. Is this normal? I keep thinking if she is saying this stuff now, I am screwed when she is a teenager!

Our kids frequently tell us that they don't love us. Or that they don't like their teacher or nanny or sitter. They'll also say that they don't like their preschool (it's excellent BTW, and we are signing them up for the summer semester).

I don't think that they have any concept of what love is at 3.5 years old. Since we tell them all the time how much we love them, they'll try to "play" with us by using negative words to see what will happen.

I usually tell them that the person that they mention loves them, then go on to the next subject.


Quote
Like
Share

Joined: September 26th, 2008, 9:06 pm

May 3rd, 2012, 8:28 pm #5

as dd tells me she doesn't love me! Sometimes she says she loves me but other times she says I don't love you. Last night she also said, "You don't love me," which just about broke my heart. I did have to drag her out of some place this past weekend because she just was having a complete meltdown and I couldn't get her to calm down. She was not so happy with me about that but not sure if this is why she is saying this stuff or not as she has said she doesn't love me prior to that incident. Is this normal? I keep thinking if she is saying this stuff now, I am screwed when she is a teenager!

I do think it's normal. DD does it to her dad from time to time, but not to me. She ALWAYS makes him go last, though, if she gets to decide. Or tells him there's no room on the sofa for him, etc.

But she loves him. I think she's just practicing skills, really, and suspect your DD is too. Though I also shudder to think of the teen years.

I told DH I wasn't worried. By the time they're teens, we'll be old enough to just sleep through everything.
Quote
Like
Share

Joined: February 9th, 2008, 3:37 am

May 3rd, 2012, 10:05 pm #6

as dd tells me she doesn't love me! Sometimes she says she loves me but other times she says I don't love you. Last night she also said, "You don't love me," which just about broke my heart. I did have to drag her out of some place this past weekend because she just was having a complete meltdown and I couldn't get her to calm down. She was not so happy with me about that but not sure if this is why she is saying this stuff or not as she has said she doesn't love me prior to that incident. Is this normal? I keep thinking if she is saying this stuff now, I am screwed when she is a teenager!

she just trying to hurt your feelings to get her way!! My oldest son used to do this and it stung so bad till I figured out what he was doing!
My DD said this to me a few times recently, usually when she was in time out!
Later that day I sat with her and explained how much she hurt my feelings and would she like it if said that to her?she said she would be very sad and would never want to make me sad! and she hasn't said it since!!! Thank God!!!

Quote
Like
Share

Joined: February 9th, 2008, 3:37 am

May 3rd, 2012, 10:05 pm #7

as dd tells me she doesn't love me! Sometimes she says she loves me but other times she says I don't love you. Last night she also said, "You don't love me," which just about broke my heart. I did have to drag her out of some place this past weekend because she just was having a complete meltdown and I couldn't get her to calm down. She was not so happy with me about that but not sure if this is why she is saying this stuff or not as she has said she doesn't love me prior to that incident. Is this normal? I keep thinking if she is saying this stuff now, I am screwed when she is a teenager!

she just trying to hurt your feelings to get her way!! My oldest son used to do this and it stung so bad till I figured out what he was doing!
My DD said this to me a few times recently, usually when she was in time out!
Later that day I sat with her and explained how much she hurt my feelings and would she like it if said that to her?she said she would be very sad and would never want to make me sad! and she hasn't said it since!!! Thank God!!!

Quote
Like
Share

Joined: February 9th, 2008, 3:37 am

May 3rd, 2012, 10:07 pm #8

I do think it's normal. DD does it to her dad from time to time, but not to me. She ALWAYS makes him go last, though, if she gets to decide. Or tells him there's no room on the sofa for him, etc.

But she loves him. I think she's just practicing skills, really, and suspect your DD is too. Though I also shudder to think of the teen years.

I told DH I wasn't worried. By the time they're teens, we'll be old enough to just sleep through everything.
my DD is the same way to her Dad!!she's just awful sometimes!!If she was that way to me I would be crying all the time!
she is a huge Mommys girl though

Quote
Like
Share

Joined: August 16th, 2011, 10:08 pm

May 3rd, 2012, 10:23 pm #9

as dd tells me she doesn't love me! Sometimes she says she loves me but other times she says I don't love you. Last night she also said, "You don't love me," which just about broke my heart. I did have to drag her out of some place this past weekend because she just was having a complete meltdown and I couldn't get her to calm down. She was not so happy with me about that but not sure if this is why she is saying this stuff or not as she has said she doesn't love me prior to that incident. Is this normal? I keep thinking if she is saying this stuff now, I am screwed when she is a teenager!

Yep, this one is 101 in the kid's handbook "Stressing parents out and getting what you want."

Most kids I've met do it, and I taught for many years. They learn pretty quickly which buttons to push. It's not because you did DE and the child 'secretly knows something" (I only put that in because I've seen another DE mom feel that this was a reason why her child was doing it). My DS tried this about six months ago. Every time he said it I would turn around, look him in the eyes and say "well sweetheart I love you - always and forever! I love you when you're being good and I love you when you're being naughty. I love you when I'm cranky, I love you when I'm happy" and just walked away. Stopped it in its tracks pretty quickly as it didn't get the desired response. THEN out of sight I went into another room and quietly melted down.

You're not a bad mom mate, you've got a normal 3yr old!
Last edited by aussiehoneygirl on May 3rd, 2012, 10:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Quote
Like
Share

Joined: December 2nd, 2005, 3:49 pm

May 3rd, 2012, 10:44 pm #10

as dd tells me she doesn't love me! Sometimes she says she loves me but other times she says I don't love you. Last night she also said, "You don't love me," which just about broke my heart. I did have to drag her out of some place this past weekend because she just was having a complete meltdown and I couldn't get her to calm down. She was not so happy with me about that but not sure if this is why she is saying this stuff or not as she has said she doesn't love me prior to that incident. Is this normal? I keep thinking if she is saying this stuff now, I am screwed when she is a teenager!

My DD is totally in love with me (has never "fallen in love" with her dad, as I did with mine) and yet from time to time, when I need to lay down the law, I get "I hate you!" "You're the worst mommy in the world!" and "You don't love me!". Yes, the teen years are going to be FUN!!!
Quote
Like
Share