Feeling kind of...apathetic

Feeling kind of...apathetic

Joined: August 18th, 2010, 6:45 pm

April 17th, 2012, 4:40 pm #1

I am heading into DE cycle number two. I have been at this since about 2005 (taking off time for husbands illness for a year or so). I feel tired and not interested in this cycle.

Maybe I don't want this anymore? Maybe I have just been burned too many times by getting my hopes up. Maybe some of the shine has come off the silver?

I miss ...having a life. My DH and I were supposed to go on dozens of vacations or special plans over the years and they all didn't happen because I am cycling (or worse). We have been in real estate limbo wanting to move but not knowing what or where to move to because we don't know if we will have a kid or not.

The limbo is wearing on me perhaps.

Anyone ever get this way?
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Joined: March 25th, 2008, 8:46 pm

April 17th, 2012, 5:26 pm #2

Every decision was made with due consideration given my fertility budget, timing etc. It got SO damn old that I felt like all my joy was eventually sucked out of me when I finally got my sticky BFP almost 10 yrs in.

It sucks. But I pray for your light at the end of the tunnel.
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Joined: July 4th, 2011, 3:21 am

April 17th, 2012, 5:32 pm #3

I am heading into DE cycle number two. I have been at this since about 2005 (taking off time for husbands illness for a year or so). I feel tired and not interested in this cycle.

Maybe I don't want this anymore? Maybe I have just been burned too many times by getting my hopes up. Maybe some of the shine has come off the silver?

I miss ...having a life. My DH and I were supposed to go on dozens of vacations or special plans over the years and they all didn't happen because I am cycling (or worse). We have been in real estate limbo wanting to move but not knowing what or where to move to because we don't know if we will have a kid or not.

The limbo is wearing on me perhaps.

Anyone ever get this way?
Yes (OE M/C, DE failure, & cancer mentioned )
Last edited by CrazyLady42 on April 19th, 2012, 6:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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hopeful7608
hopeful7608

April 17th, 2012, 5:39 pm #4

I am heading into DE cycle number two. I have been at this since about 2005 (taking off time for husbands illness for a year or so). I feel tired and not interested in this cycle.

Maybe I don't want this anymore? Maybe I have just been burned too many times by getting my hopes up. Maybe some of the shine has come off the silver?

I miss ...having a life. My DH and I were supposed to go on dozens of vacations or special plans over the years and they all didn't happen because I am cycling (or worse). We have been in real estate limbo wanting to move but not knowing what or where to move to because we don't know if we will have a kid or not.

The limbo is wearing on me perhaps.

Anyone ever get this way?
As I am currently in the 2ww with our last frozen embryos I feel exhausted thinking about trying again somewhere else with a new donor. We have been married for 2 years and this is all we have truly focused on for that period of time. What happened to that hope I used to have when the RE told me....no worries 85% with donor egg and you have plenty of time. Unfortunately now I only feel like he has plenty of our money...... I should probably be thinking more positively but it is hard to be hopeful. Maybe a new start with a new donor will be your lucky eggs that is what I keep trying to tell myself!
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samys
samys

April 17th, 2012, 5:52 pm #5

I am heading into DE cycle number two. I have been at this since about 2005 (taking off time for husbands illness for a year or so). I feel tired and not interested in this cycle.

Maybe I don't want this anymore? Maybe I have just been burned too many times by getting my hopes up. Maybe some of the shine has come off the silver?

I miss ...having a life. My DH and I were supposed to go on dozens of vacations or special plans over the years and they all didn't happen because I am cycling (or worse). We have been in real estate limbo wanting to move but not knowing what or where to move to because we don't know if we will have a kid or not.

The limbo is wearing on me perhaps.

Anyone ever get this way?
We TTC for 6 years straight. I felt like a Zombie and missed trips, work stuff, decided not to be in people's wedding -- you name it, I missed it. No one understands the time committment of fertility treatment, it's a nightmare. Hang in there, this was one of the worst parts for me. I think anyone that doesn't feel apathy after what we've been through is amazing. Apathy was the only way I could deal with it!
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Joined: August 18th, 2010, 6:45 pm

April 17th, 2012, 6:09 pm #6

Apathy may just be my coping mechanism. I am not happy to hear that others can relate to my feelings but at least it is reassuring!

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Joined: August 18th, 2010, 6:45 pm

April 17th, 2012, 6:46 pm #7

Yes (OE M/C, DE failure, & cancer mentioned )
My DH and I vowed, when he was very ill, that if he lived, we would have a baby. Until he got sick, we were both very happy and although I had had a couple of MCs at that point I was not too worried. I only thought about Steve. Now I feel a bit like I may have tainted the blessing of his survival with my own selfishness.

I have been following your posts here (creepy, right?) and I find your story inspiring and reassuring. We are all strong people, who have come through heart ache and disappointments. We will get past this too.

I hope.

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Violet
Violet

April 17th, 2012, 6:46 pm #8

I am heading into DE cycle number two. I have been at this since about 2005 (taking off time for husbands illness for a year or so). I feel tired and not interested in this cycle.

Maybe I don't want this anymore? Maybe I have just been burned too many times by getting my hopes up. Maybe some of the shine has come off the silver?

I miss ...having a life. My DH and I were supposed to go on dozens of vacations or special plans over the years and they all didn't happen because I am cycling (or worse). We have been in real estate limbo wanting to move but not knowing what or where to move to because we don't know if we will have a kid or not.

The limbo is wearing on me perhaps.

Anyone ever get this way?
Your life has been on hold for a very long time. You have not been able to follow through on plans due to ttc and your DH's illness. That will wear on anyone.

It is also understandable to not know where you want to live due to having a child or no child.

DH and I have been married for almost 4 yrs and have been ttc the entire time. We finally bought a home 3+ years into the marriage. The home is meant for a family. We decided that we could not stand the not making steps to our future stuff anymore so we bought a house. Some days I think, what are we doing in this house and some days I think, this was the right thing to do. I do feel happy that we made a step in some direction.

Doing the cycle is giving you a step in a direction. I think it is normal to feel like "Do I really want this anymore?" This is hard road and it will wear down even the most focused of traveler.
Hang in there and let us know how we can help.
Violet
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ks
ks

April 17th, 2012, 7:01 pm #9

I am heading into DE cycle number two. I have been at this since about 2005 (taking off time for husbands illness for a year or so). I feel tired and not interested in this cycle.

Maybe I don't want this anymore? Maybe I have just been burned too many times by getting my hopes up. Maybe some of the shine has come off the silver?

I miss ...having a life. My DH and I were supposed to go on dozens of vacations or special plans over the years and they all didn't happen because I am cycling (or worse). We have been in real estate limbo wanting to move but not knowing what or where to move to because we don't know if we will have a kid or not.

The limbo is wearing on me perhaps.

Anyone ever get this way?
On my 3rd cycle. I was so used to failure and complications. My energy was too zapped for hope or negativity. I was going through the motions (and mainly for my DH). I thought for sure the cycle was going to fail and thought okay we'll get our money back and buy a different house and move on... This journey (especially with all the hiccups you've experienced) is ridiculously hard. But...with what I know now...don't give up! The end isn't here yet! And I can not tell you how amazing life is now after success! Knowing how awesome and incredible everyday will be one day for you I have to say DO NOT GIVE UP!!! You are at the right clinic, with the right Dr's, they will get you there! Stay strong Seymo! And it's totally okay to feel how you are feeling, it won't determine how this cycle goes one way or another. But we will all be here for you thinking positive hopeful thoughts!

All my best!
is
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Joined: August 18th, 2010, 6:45 pm

April 17th, 2012, 8:35 pm #10

Your life has been on hold for a very long time. You have not been able to follow through on plans due to ttc and your DH's illness. That will wear on anyone.

It is also understandable to not know where you want to live due to having a child or no child.

DH and I have been married for almost 4 yrs and have been ttc the entire time. We finally bought a home 3+ years into the marriage. The home is meant for a family. We decided that we could not stand the not making steps to our future stuff anymore so we bought a house. Some days I think, what are we doing in this house and some days I think, this was the right thing to do. I do feel happy that we made a step in some direction.

Doing the cycle is giving you a step in a direction. I think it is normal to feel like "Do I really want this anymore?" This is hard road and it will wear down even the most focused of traveler.
Hang in there and let us know how we can help.
Violet
you succinctly spelled out what is bothering me. At least I am "normal". Ha.
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