FAO: HappyBean

FAO: HappyBean

Joined: December 8th, 2006, 11:41 pm

March 11th, 2013, 1:55 pm #1

I was 46 when DD was born.

I missed out when you posted below because I am not as regular a poster especially now since DD arrived (DE - she is 7months old now) and I also have OE son who is 6yrs who was conceived naturally after years of IF and doing ivf etc.

I wanted to say that we are 'no tell' I had the same concerns about privacy as you mentioned in your post. Some of my friends/relations would have some knowledge of the possibilities of conception at my age. One thing that has helped maintain that privacy is that I did not say we did IVF at all. We have pretended it was a natural conception. Totally unexpected etc. I also did not tell anyone I was pregnant until well into pregnancy and then made comments about being nervous about risks due to my age and I had full maternal serum testing to ensure all was ok (I didn't do amnio). The whole created a picture that I am confident has convinced all but one person who is still secretly wondering but too polite to ever ask. Most people think I got lucky for a second time, just even luckier since I was that much older. I think if you say you did ivf then you will be making it more obvious that it is DE since one look on the internet will show that OE ivf at that age is almost never a success, and yet natural conceptions do occur as evidenced by those births to older mothers before DE technology even existed.

For us this approach has protected this very private information for my daughter because for me I believe it is no ones business but hers. If we choose to tell her when she is older and if she then chooses to tell others, then it will be her decision.

By the way, I am absolutely thrilled with my decision and that I took this journey. I never dreamed I would take the DE step but when I decided to do so it took three attempts and within two years my beautiful DD had arrived. She is everymuch the world to me as my DS is. And she is a very happy little being and I am sure she is happy that I took that step !

Good luck with your journey.

Aoife

Last edited by aoife1 on March 11th, 2013, 1:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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HappyBean
HappyBean

March 11th, 2013, 4:44 pm #2

Everything you posted makes sense to me. Funny that I'm worried about telling, when and how, when I've got to put first things first and get a cycle started--UGH! Everything feels like it's taking foreverrrrrrrr, but that's due to the three "wasted" years of trying/waiting with OE.

Hope you continue to enjoy your lovely babies! xo
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Orchid
Orchid

March 11th, 2013, 7:19 pm #3

I was 46 when DD was born.

I missed out when you posted below because I am not as regular a poster especially now since DD arrived (DE - she is 7months old now) and I also have OE son who is 6yrs who was conceived naturally after years of IF and doing ivf etc.

I wanted to say that we are 'no tell' I had the same concerns about privacy as you mentioned in your post. Some of my friends/relations would have some knowledge of the possibilities of conception at my age. One thing that has helped maintain that privacy is that I did not say we did IVF at all. We have pretended it was a natural conception. Totally unexpected etc. I also did not tell anyone I was pregnant until well into pregnancy and then made comments about being nervous about risks due to my age and I had full maternal serum testing to ensure all was ok (I didn't do amnio). The whole created a picture that I am confident has convinced all but one person who is still secretly wondering but too polite to ever ask. Most people think I got lucky for a second time, just even luckier since I was that much older. I think if you say you did ivf then you will be making it more obvious that it is DE since one look on the internet will show that OE ivf at that age is almost never a success, and yet natural conceptions do occur as evidenced by those births to older mothers before DE technology even existed.

For us this approach has protected this very private information for my daughter because for me I believe it is no ones business but hers. If we choose to tell her when she is older and if she then chooses to tell others, then it will be her decision.

By the way, I am absolutely thrilled with my decision and that I took this journey. I never dreamed I would take the DE step but when I decided to do so it took three attempts and within two years my beautiful DD had arrived. She is everymuch the world to me as my DS is. And she is a very happy little being and I am sure she is happy that I took that step !

Good luck with your journey.

Aoife
Exactly. But not to be 'no tell' --although now I want to be no tell for everyone but a few select people until the child is much older.

But because I don't have people who understand anything about this issue. There was no point in sharing anything with them.
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WIThanks
WIThanks

March 11th, 2013, 10:15 pm #4

I was 46 when DD was born.

I missed out when you posted below because I am not as regular a poster especially now since DD arrived (DE - she is 7months old now) and I also have OE son who is 6yrs who was conceived naturally after years of IF and doing ivf etc.

I wanted to say that we are 'no tell' I had the same concerns about privacy as you mentioned in your post. Some of my friends/relations would have some knowledge of the possibilities of conception at my age. One thing that has helped maintain that privacy is that I did not say we did IVF at all. We have pretended it was a natural conception. Totally unexpected etc. I also did not tell anyone I was pregnant until well into pregnancy and then made comments about being nervous about risks due to my age and I had full maternal serum testing to ensure all was ok (I didn't do amnio). The whole created a picture that I am confident has convinced all but one person who is still secretly wondering but too polite to ever ask. Most people think I got lucky for a second time, just even luckier since I was that much older. I think if you say you did ivf then you will be making it more obvious that it is DE since one look on the internet will show that OE ivf at that age is almost never a success, and yet natural conceptions do occur as evidenced by those births to older mothers before DE technology even existed.

For us this approach has protected this very private information for my daughter because for me I believe it is no ones business but hers. If we choose to tell her when she is older and if she then chooses to tell others, then it will be her decision.

By the way, I am absolutely thrilled with my decision and that I took this journey. I never dreamed I would take the DE step but when I decided to do so it took three attempts and within two years my beautiful DD had arrived. She is everymuch the world to me as my DS is. And she is a very happy little being and I am sure she is happy that I took that step !

Good luck with your journey.

Aoife
I told a close relative that I did IVF, and she told others that. It was not their business. I wish I had told everyone that it was a natural pg. Good thinking!
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HappyBean
HappyBean

March 11th, 2013, 11:07 pm #5

"You tell one person, you just told twenty." People gossip, or they forget you told them in confidence, or...whatever. It happens. I plan to lie my butt off. Well, "it's a MIRACLE" isn't a lie, exactly, but it is, shall we say, "truthy."

Sorry that person was such a blabbermouth!
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