Emotional Day - Went through DE Book @ Clinic

Emotional Day - Went through DE Book @ Clinic

ALM
ALM

January 8th, 2011, 12:02 am #1

Good Evening Ladies,

This afternoon I drove over to the HFI clinic and looked through their donor book. Honestly, I wasn't really high on ANY of the women. Is that mean? There were a couple of 'maybe's'. I'm 43, but was surprised at how old I thought these women looked for early/mid 20's, and most didn't have a college degree.

They allowed you to look at the pics of the women NOW, which is different from the donor sperm, where you can only get a baby picture but most of them are out of MIT or Berkeley and such.

None of the egg donors really looked like me - I have a big smile and was hoping to get a Julia Roberts looking donor. HA! I guess you gotta pay more than $15k for that one . It has left me feeling quite sad. I stopped drinking in August to up the quality of my eggs (hopefully) and I gotta tell you I wanted to go get a bottle of wine something fierce, but I'm going to do an OE cycle next month, so I won't.

There were 2 potentials:
1 Was a 30'ish looking 5'7" strawberry blonde with blue eyes who was really lean/slender and had 3 kids. But she had no degree and had never attended college AT ALL. No college at all? Seems like a red flag to me. I sure hope this doesn't offend anyone. Plus, I have brown hair and hazel eyes....but she was pretty and she looked friendly. Her kids were really cute.....THIS ONE WAS READY TO GO FOR A SHARED CYCLE. There's another couple/person waiting for someone else to pick her to share the cycle. Hmmmm.....

The second was a 5'5" blond haired (dyed blonde, but nice hair) with brown eyes. She had graduated from college and started law school in the fall. Her pictures looked like she was happy/friendly. A nice smile and open seeming. For her, I'd be waiting in line. The problem with that is - what if she doesn't want to do a bunch of cycles? It's not like they can make her! And again I'm on a waitlist. On hold. UGH! This one is actually my preference. Seemed more well rounded than the above one.

So.......for now - and I'm glad I have the weekend to think about this. I will be getting the hystosonogram (sp?) next week (today is day 2 of cycle) and then proceed next month, probably with injectibles/IUI while trying to decide on donor. OR maybe I'll decide over the weekend that I'll just go with donor #1. Too much on my plate!!!!!!

Any input/ideas/experience is welcome. Again, I hope this doesn't upset anyone. I'm just looking for advice and I literally have NOONE to talk about these options with. There is only 1 friend of mine that I would trust with the DE secret. She knows I may be pursuing it, and is very tight lipped. BUT, given that she's not in the same space (has a grown daughter and new boyfriend she's crazy about) as me, it's not really fruitful to discuss with her.

Hey - I said it was long! Thanks for listening.
ALM
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Joined: February 6th, 2007, 1:08 am

January 8th, 2011, 12:23 am #2

you need to be totally happy on the donor you decide on. If you want a donor with big eyes and a big smile you must keep looking, if a college education is what you want, you'll find someone. Have you looked on surromomsonline? I found my first donor there and was everything I wanted except she lied about her age. There are normally photos of the donors and most are able to travel, mine travelled to Asia to donate for me - she had big eyes and a big smile (not that I'm suggesting her as she is too old) but she was a total match to what I wanted, even the same doctorate that I had. DE to me has been the best thing I ever did but I had total peace in the donors that I chose, if I didn't then I think I may have worried about it but as it is I'm so glad I went forwards and have the most wonderful children in the world.
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BlessedThistle
BlessedThistle

January 8th, 2011, 1:06 am #3

Good Evening Ladies,

This afternoon I drove over to the HFI clinic and looked through their donor book. Honestly, I wasn't really high on ANY of the women. Is that mean? There were a couple of 'maybe's'. I'm 43, but was surprised at how old I thought these women looked for early/mid 20's, and most didn't have a college degree.

They allowed you to look at the pics of the women NOW, which is different from the donor sperm, where you can only get a baby picture but most of them are out of MIT or Berkeley and such.

None of the egg donors really looked like me - I have a big smile and was hoping to get a Julia Roberts looking donor. HA! I guess you gotta pay more than $15k for that one . It has left me feeling quite sad. I stopped drinking in August to up the quality of my eggs (hopefully) and I gotta tell you I wanted to go get a bottle of wine something fierce, but I'm going to do an OE cycle next month, so I won't.

There were 2 potentials:
1 Was a 30'ish looking 5'7" strawberry blonde with blue eyes who was really lean/slender and had 3 kids. But she had no degree and had never attended college AT ALL. No college at all? Seems like a red flag to me. I sure hope this doesn't offend anyone. Plus, I have brown hair and hazel eyes....but she was pretty and she looked friendly. Her kids were really cute.....THIS ONE WAS READY TO GO FOR A SHARED CYCLE. There's another couple/person waiting for someone else to pick her to share the cycle. Hmmmm.....

The second was a 5'5" blond haired (dyed blonde, but nice hair) with brown eyes. She had graduated from college and started law school in the fall. Her pictures looked like she was happy/friendly. A nice smile and open seeming. For her, I'd be waiting in line. The problem with that is - what if she doesn't want to do a bunch of cycles? It's not like they can make her! And again I'm on a waitlist. On hold. UGH! This one is actually my preference. Seemed more well rounded than the above one.

So.......for now - and I'm glad I have the weekend to think about this. I will be getting the hystosonogram (sp?) next week (today is day 2 of cycle) and then proceed next month, probably with injectibles/IUI while trying to decide on donor. OR maybe I'll decide over the weekend that I'll just go with donor #1. Too much on my plate!!!!!!

Any input/ideas/experience is welcome. Again, I hope this doesn't upset anyone. I'm just looking for advice and I literally have NOONE to talk about these options with. There is only 1 friend of mine that I would trust with the DE secret. She knows I may be pursuing it, and is very tight lipped. BUT, given that she's not in the same space (has a grown daughter and new boyfriend she's crazy about) as me, it's not really fruitful to discuss with her.

Hey - I said it was long! Thanks for listening.
ALM
Of course my experience colors my advice. I did donor embryo and actually saw no pics and had limited physical information on the egg donor and donating family father. But the profiles made me just go "wow, I want to be your mommy" to the blastocysts frozen 1700 miles away. And I was right. I could not have picked children more right for me.

I am sure there are other women here who can tell you tales of using donors that they were not completely excited about but being thrilled with the results. But I was so happy to find donors I was purely delighted with (of course, I was nervous over the lack of pictures but that was short lived).

I am curious - does the first donor have an essay? How she expresses herself might be enough to sway me.
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Anon
Anon

January 8th, 2011, 2:07 am #4

Good Evening Ladies,

This afternoon I drove over to the HFI clinic and looked through their donor book. Honestly, I wasn't really high on ANY of the women. Is that mean? There were a couple of 'maybe's'. I'm 43, but was surprised at how old I thought these women looked for early/mid 20's, and most didn't have a college degree.

They allowed you to look at the pics of the women NOW, which is different from the donor sperm, where you can only get a baby picture but most of them are out of MIT or Berkeley and such.

None of the egg donors really looked like me - I have a big smile and was hoping to get a Julia Roberts looking donor. HA! I guess you gotta pay more than $15k for that one . It has left me feeling quite sad. I stopped drinking in August to up the quality of my eggs (hopefully) and I gotta tell you I wanted to go get a bottle of wine something fierce, but I'm going to do an OE cycle next month, so I won't.

There were 2 potentials:
1 Was a 30'ish looking 5'7" strawberry blonde with blue eyes who was really lean/slender and had 3 kids. But she had no degree and had never attended college AT ALL. No college at all? Seems like a red flag to me. I sure hope this doesn't offend anyone. Plus, I have brown hair and hazel eyes....but she was pretty and she looked friendly. Her kids were really cute.....THIS ONE WAS READY TO GO FOR A SHARED CYCLE. There's another couple/person waiting for someone else to pick her to share the cycle. Hmmmm.....

The second was a 5'5" blond haired (dyed blonde, but nice hair) with brown eyes. She had graduated from college and started law school in the fall. Her pictures looked like she was happy/friendly. A nice smile and open seeming. For her, I'd be waiting in line. The problem with that is - what if she doesn't want to do a bunch of cycles? It's not like they can make her! And again I'm on a waitlist. On hold. UGH! This one is actually my preference. Seemed more well rounded than the above one.

So.......for now - and I'm glad I have the weekend to think about this. I will be getting the hystosonogram (sp?) next week (today is day 2 of cycle) and then proceed next month, probably with injectibles/IUI while trying to decide on donor. OR maybe I'll decide over the weekend that I'll just go with donor #1. Too much on my plate!!!!!!

Any input/ideas/experience is welcome. Again, I hope this doesn't upset anyone. I'm just looking for advice and I literally have NOONE to talk about these options with. There is only 1 friend of mine that I would trust with the DE secret. She knows I may be pursuing it, and is very tight lipped. BUT, given that she's not in the same space (has a grown daughter and new boyfriend she's crazy about) as me, it's not really fruitful to discuss with her.

Hey - I said it was long! Thanks for listening.
ALM
A college degree is no indicator of native intelligence. A person can be extremely bright, but perhaps not interested in college, for whatever reason. My donor did not go to college, she married young and had several children. I think it was smart for her to do this, first. She can always go to college later on in life.
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H40+
H40+

January 8th, 2011, 2:10 am #5

Good Evening Ladies,

This afternoon I drove over to the HFI clinic and looked through their donor book. Honestly, I wasn't really high on ANY of the women. Is that mean? There were a couple of 'maybe's'. I'm 43, but was surprised at how old I thought these women looked for early/mid 20's, and most didn't have a college degree.

They allowed you to look at the pics of the women NOW, which is different from the donor sperm, where you can only get a baby picture but most of them are out of MIT or Berkeley and such.

None of the egg donors really looked like me - I have a big smile and was hoping to get a Julia Roberts looking donor. HA! I guess you gotta pay more than $15k for that one . It has left me feeling quite sad. I stopped drinking in August to up the quality of my eggs (hopefully) and I gotta tell you I wanted to go get a bottle of wine something fierce, but I'm going to do an OE cycle next month, so I won't.

There were 2 potentials:
1 Was a 30'ish looking 5'7" strawberry blonde with blue eyes who was really lean/slender and had 3 kids. But she had no degree and had never attended college AT ALL. No college at all? Seems like a red flag to me. I sure hope this doesn't offend anyone. Plus, I have brown hair and hazel eyes....but she was pretty and she looked friendly. Her kids were really cute.....THIS ONE WAS READY TO GO FOR A SHARED CYCLE. There's another couple/person waiting for someone else to pick her to share the cycle. Hmmmm.....

The second was a 5'5" blond haired (dyed blonde, but nice hair) with brown eyes. She had graduated from college and started law school in the fall. Her pictures looked like she was happy/friendly. A nice smile and open seeming. For her, I'd be waiting in line. The problem with that is - what if she doesn't want to do a bunch of cycles? It's not like they can make her! And again I'm on a waitlist. On hold. UGH! This one is actually my preference. Seemed more well rounded than the above one.

So.......for now - and I'm glad I have the weekend to think about this. I will be getting the hystosonogram (sp?) next week (today is day 2 of cycle) and then proceed next month, probably with injectibles/IUI while trying to decide on donor. OR maybe I'll decide over the weekend that I'll just go with donor #1. Too much on my plate!!!!!!

Any input/ideas/experience is welcome. Again, I hope this doesn't upset anyone. I'm just looking for advice and I literally have NOONE to talk about these options with. There is only 1 friend of mine that I would trust with the DE secret. She knows I may be pursuing it, and is very tight lipped. BUT, given that she's not in the same space (has a grown daughter and new boyfriend she's crazy about) as me, it's not really fruitful to discuss with her.

Hey - I said it was long! Thanks for listening.
ALM
If you're talking about the HFI in Houston, don't feel bad about being disappointed with the donor pool. If you are looking for particular qualities, you may not find what you're looking for. I'm using HFI too, but I didn't have high hopes for any clinic donor, even though it would be cheaper, so I wasn't that disappointed when no donor in their book jumped out at me.
Just go over to The Donor Solution, it's not much more expensive than going the clinic donor route and the donors are far and away better than HFI's in-house ones. They're all attractive and graaduated from/are in college.
The HFI in-house price for the donor's fee/screening costs is $7,900. Mary Fusillo (the Donor Solution)'s price is $9,200 for donor fee and screening. Her fee is $4,200 and that includes everything - Initial FDA Screening Interview and Testing of BAFC/E2/FSH or AMH levels; Psychological Evaluation and Testing with PhD level psychologist; Legal counsel for Donor; Donor Insurance for cycle; and Cycle coordination fee (includes coordination of cycle, escrow management of all fees, injection training for donor, advertising and donor gift post retrieval). The donor fee is $5,000. For $1,300 more than the in-house price, it's a no brainer. I was super-picky about what kind of donor I wanted, because I was looking for high intelligence, and blue eyes (both husband and I have blue eyes, so that was a must). Finding a clinic donor like that was like buying a pig in a poke for me, because I was looking for different qualities than perhaps what the clinics donors had.
I generally hate agencies, and I went with an out-of-state agency on my first cycle; they cleaned me out and made a huge production out of everything, and the donor ended up being a prima donna who didn't end up stimming well. It seemed like it took months to get the thing off the ground and the cycle ended up cancelling.
I found someone in late December with Mary and I'm set for a February transfer, with everything as smooth as it can go. She's so matter of fact and won't pull any tricks. If you're in Houston, I would go with her in a heartbeat.
Good luck and let me know if you have any questions! You'll find someone soon.
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Anon
Anon

January 8th, 2011, 2:17 am #6

Good Evening Ladies,

This afternoon I drove over to the HFI clinic and looked through their donor book. Honestly, I wasn't really high on ANY of the women. Is that mean? There were a couple of 'maybe's'. I'm 43, but was surprised at how old I thought these women looked for early/mid 20's, and most didn't have a college degree.

They allowed you to look at the pics of the women NOW, which is different from the donor sperm, where you can only get a baby picture but most of them are out of MIT or Berkeley and such.

None of the egg donors really looked like me - I have a big smile and was hoping to get a Julia Roberts looking donor. HA! I guess you gotta pay more than $15k for that one . It has left me feeling quite sad. I stopped drinking in August to up the quality of my eggs (hopefully) and I gotta tell you I wanted to go get a bottle of wine something fierce, but I'm going to do an OE cycle next month, so I won't.

There were 2 potentials:
1 Was a 30'ish looking 5'7" strawberry blonde with blue eyes who was really lean/slender and had 3 kids. But she had no degree and had never attended college AT ALL. No college at all? Seems like a red flag to me. I sure hope this doesn't offend anyone. Plus, I have brown hair and hazel eyes....but she was pretty and she looked friendly. Her kids were really cute.....THIS ONE WAS READY TO GO FOR A SHARED CYCLE. There's another couple/person waiting for someone else to pick her to share the cycle. Hmmmm.....

The second was a 5'5" blond haired (dyed blonde, but nice hair) with brown eyes. She had graduated from college and started law school in the fall. Her pictures looked like she was happy/friendly. A nice smile and open seeming. For her, I'd be waiting in line. The problem with that is - what if she doesn't want to do a bunch of cycles? It's not like they can make her! And again I'm on a waitlist. On hold. UGH! This one is actually my preference. Seemed more well rounded than the above one.

So.......for now - and I'm glad I have the weekend to think about this. I will be getting the hystosonogram (sp?) next week (today is day 2 of cycle) and then proceed next month, probably with injectibles/IUI while trying to decide on donor. OR maybe I'll decide over the weekend that I'll just go with donor #1. Too much on my plate!!!!!!

Any input/ideas/experience is welcome. Again, I hope this doesn't upset anyone. I'm just looking for advice and I literally have NOONE to talk about these options with. There is only 1 friend of mine that I would trust with the DE secret. She knows I may be pursuing it, and is very tight lipped. BUT, given that she's not in the same space (has a grown daughter and new boyfriend she's crazy about) as me, it's not really fruitful to discuss with her.

Hey - I said it was long! Thanks for listening.
ALM
just an FYI: many colleges these days have programs for people with learning disabilities, or who might be slow to learn. Anyone who wants to go to college, can get admitted somewhere, and go. I have a friend who has a four year degree, and she can't put sentences together correctly, or spell. She cannot do basic math. She once added 20 plus 14 equals 40. I have another friend who never went to college and earns 200K a year. He's very articulate and bright.

If you are concerned about intelligence, why don't you ask if they do any sort of IQ testing, or ask about high school grades, or something.
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ALM
ALM

January 8th, 2011, 4:12 am #7

If you're talking about the HFI in Houston, don't feel bad about being disappointed with the donor pool. If you are looking for particular qualities, you may not find what you're looking for. I'm using HFI too, but I didn't have high hopes for any clinic donor, even though it would be cheaper, so I wasn't that disappointed when no donor in their book jumped out at me.
Just go over to The Donor Solution, it's not much more expensive than going the clinic donor route and the donors are far and away better than HFI's in-house ones. They're all attractive and graaduated from/are in college.
The HFI in-house price for the donor's fee/screening costs is $7,900. Mary Fusillo (the Donor Solution)'s price is $9,200 for donor fee and screening. Her fee is $4,200 and that includes everything - Initial FDA Screening Interview and Testing of BAFC/E2/FSH or AMH levels; Psychological Evaluation and Testing with PhD level psychologist; Legal counsel for Donor; Donor Insurance for cycle; and Cycle coordination fee (includes coordination of cycle, escrow management of all fees, injection training for donor, advertising and donor gift post retrieval). The donor fee is $5,000. For $1,300 more than the in-house price, it's a no brainer. I was super-picky about what kind of donor I wanted, because I was looking for high intelligence, and blue eyes (both husband and I have blue eyes, so that was a must). Finding a clinic donor like that was like buying a pig in a poke for me, because I was looking for different qualities than perhaps what the clinics donors had.
I generally hate agencies, and I went with an out-of-state agency on my first cycle; they cleaned me out and made a huge production out of everything, and the donor ended up being a prima donna who didn't end up stimming well. It seemed like it took months to get the thing off the ground and the cycle ended up cancelling.
I found someone in late December with Mary and I'm set for a February transfer, with everything as smooth as it can go. She's so matter of fact and won't pull any tricks. If you're in Houston, I would go with her in a heartbeat.
Good luck and let me know if you have any questions! You'll find someone soon.
But, that doesn't include ANY of the meds or ultrasounds or the IVF procedure, so that route is going to cost a good $20k+. Unless you could split those fees you mentioned in half and the IVF in half. Hmmmm. Thanks for the information. I'll look her up over the weekend and see what my thoughts are. Good luck!!
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ALM
ALM

January 8th, 2011, 4:18 am #8

Good Evening Ladies,

This afternoon I drove over to the HFI clinic and looked through their donor book. Honestly, I wasn't really high on ANY of the women. Is that mean? There were a couple of 'maybe's'. I'm 43, but was surprised at how old I thought these women looked for early/mid 20's, and most didn't have a college degree.

They allowed you to look at the pics of the women NOW, which is different from the donor sperm, where you can only get a baby picture but most of them are out of MIT or Berkeley and such.

None of the egg donors really looked like me - I have a big smile and was hoping to get a Julia Roberts looking donor. HA! I guess you gotta pay more than $15k for that one . It has left me feeling quite sad. I stopped drinking in August to up the quality of my eggs (hopefully) and I gotta tell you I wanted to go get a bottle of wine something fierce, but I'm going to do an OE cycle next month, so I won't.

There were 2 potentials:
1 Was a 30'ish looking 5'7" strawberry blonde with blue eyes who was really lean/slender and had 3 kids. But she had no degree and had never attended college AT ALL. No college at all? Seems like a red flag to me. I sure hope this doesn't offend anyone. Plus, I have brown hair and hazel eyes....but she was pretty and she looked friendly. Her kids were really cute.....THIS ONE WAS READY TO GO FOR A SHARED CYCLE. There's another couple/person waiting for someone else to pick her to share the cycle. Hmmmm.....

The second was a 5'5" blond haired (dyed blonde, but nice hair) with brown eyes. She had graduated from college and started law school in the fall. Her pictures looked like she was happy/friendly. A nice smile and open seeming. For her, I'd be waiting in line. The problem with that is - what if she doesn't want to do a bunch of cycles? It's not like they can make her! And again I'm on a waitlist. On hold. UGH! This one is actually my preference. Seemed more well rounded than the above one.

So.......for now - and I'm glad I have the weekend to think about this. I will be getting the hystosonogram (sp?) next week (today is day 2 of cycle) and then proceed next month, probably with injectibles/IUI while trying to decide on donor. OR maybe I'll decide over the weekend that I'll just go with donor #1. Too much on my plate!!!!!!

Any input/ideas/experience is welcome. Again, I hope this doesn't upset anyone. I'm just looking for advice and I literally have NOONE to talk about these options with. There is only 1 friend of mine that I would trust with the DE secret. She knows I may be pursuing it, and is very tight lipped. BUT, given that she's not in the same space (has a grown daughter and new boyfriend she's crazy about) as me, it's not really fruitful to discuss with her.

Hey - I said it was long! Thanks for listening.
ALM
Just want to put it out there that I agree that college is not a measure of IQ. My thoughts are, however, that when picking an anonymous donor, I only have black and white to go on. College is about much more than intelligence. It's about goal setting, and being able to stick something out. With the world we live in today, a bachelor's degree is like a high school diploma used to be, but much more expensive!

I'm torn. Plus, I think I mentioned I have brownish hair and hazel eyes, with a fairish complexion. This donor is very thin (I'm medium build)with natural blond hair and blue eyes. The baby would be nothing like me, unless it mixed in some weird way with the donor sperm.

But I digress.

I have considered all of the options on college, and I see it's a sore spot. Sorry ladies! I also realize if I adopted a baby from a third world country, there'd be no degree, and possibly no education whatsoever.

I'm at the very beginning of this process, and still grieving the fact that my genes will not be passed on. I'm surprised how much it hurts, and how it must be come to terms with.

Thanks for the input!
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ALM
ALM

January 8th, 2011, 4:21 am #9

you need to be totally happy on the donor you decide on. If you want a donor with big eyes and a big smile you must keep looking, if a college education is what you want, you'll find someone. Have you looked on surromomsonline? I found my first donor there and was everything I wanted except she lied about her age. There are normally photos of the donors and most are able to travel, mine travelled to Asia to donate for me - she had big eyes and a big smile (not that I'm suggesting her as she is too old) but she was a total match to what I wanted, even the same doctorate that I had. DE to me has been the best thing I ever did but I had total peace in the donors that I chose, if I didn't then I think I may have worried about it but as it is I'm so glad I went forwards and have the most wonderful children in the world.
The only reason I can afford the DE option at all (I'm single and doing this alone) is to do a shared cycle, which is $14/$15k total. Donor fee, screening, meds, u/s, b/w, IVF, the whole 9 yards. If only $$ were not an option.....well, if that were the case I'd be flying to California to do OE IVF. But, I have to live in the real world.

I do appreciate your input. I'm thrilled you found someone you were happy with. I think I will keep looking.
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H40+
H40+

January 8th, 2011, 4:22 am #10

But, that doesn't include ANY of the meds or ultrasounds or the IVF procedure, so that route is going to cost a good $20k+. Unless you could split those fees you mentioned in half and the IVF in half. Hmmmm. Thanks for the information. I'll look her up over the weekend and see what my thoughts are. Good luck!!
No, it doesn't include the meds, etc, but the cycling fees (monitoring, retrieval, lab, transfer and meds) are the same whether you use an in-house donor or an agency donor. The only way you can knock it down some is to do a split cycle. I was just pointing out that if you used the particular agency I mentioned, a dedicated cycle would be only $1,300 more than if you used an in-house donor.
I want a dedicated cycle, because I'm really hoping for some embryos left over, in case this transfer doesn't work, or in best case, if I am able to use the frozen ones for a second or third successful transfer. Plus, I don't want to be wedded to an using agency donor who I'm not that keen on.
You can go on free garage sale meds website where people sell their extras and try to get your meds cheaper. People do that all the time. It's substantially cheaper.
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