Ego in the midst of severe exhaustion.

Ego in the midst of severe exhaustion.

Joined: February 25th, 2010, 8:30 pm

May 5th, 2012, 2:58 am #1

Somehow I feel like if I was in my 20s I could just cry freely, "I exhausted. This is so hard." But because I am in my 40s and this was a very clear deliberate choice to have kiddos I feel like I have to have a stiff upper lip. My little ten month old girl is sick and needed lots of love the last two days, but it is very hard to give her what she needs when there is another little ten month old boy who wants his mommy too. I called my mom today and just broke down saying how exhausted I was. She was so sweet, but I feel like embarrassed. Like I should be able to handle this with better mental health. A good night sleep would do wonders.

Moms with kiddos close in age how do you handle all the neediness. Even when I get one from the crib to take downstairs and the other one is crying it makes me feel guilty. My husband totally handles it in stride, but then again he doesn't have the 24/7 thing going on either. PAH
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Joined: February 9th, 2008, 3:37 am

May 5th, 2012, 3:04 am #2

Its okay to cry!! Just cause we chose this doesnt mean it's easy girl!!!don't let yourself feel guilty you love on them the best you can!
I promise it gets easier with twins! Mine know they have to share Mommy and it's great!!!
Men just are usually less emotional than we are.My DH the same way but he recently confessed he had meltdowns inside but kept it in!!!
Huge hugs!!!

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Joined: August 22nd, 2008, 3:29 pm

May 5th, 2012, 4:34 am #3

Somehow I feel like if I was in my 20s I could just cry freely, "I exhausted. This is so hard." But because I am in my 40s and this was a very clear deliberate choice to have kiddos I feel like I have to have a stiff upper lip. My little ten month old girl is sick and needed lots of love the last two days, but it is very hard to give her what she needs when there is another little ten month old boy who wants his mommy too. I called my mom today and just broke down saying how exhausted I was. She was so sweet, but I feel like embarrassed. Like I should be able to handle this with better mental health. A good night sleep would do wonders.

Moms with kiddos close in age how do you handle all the neediness. Even when I get one from the crib to take downstairs and the other one is crying it makes me feel guilty. My husband totally handles it in stride, but then again he doesn't have the 24/7 thing going on either. PAH
just get up and walk away from her happily nursing brood and I thought well she doesn't have very good mothering instincts but now I get it. Today when I sat on the floor of my laundry room to fold some clothes my babies who were around the corner in the family room found me and were clamouring all over me...I picked up one and bounced her on my knee and the other one cried to be picked up too...I know just what you mean.

I've been finding it hard at night too as my little ones have colds right now...not bad but there runny noses are making it hard for them to breathe at night so either one or the other one is taking turns calling for me at night...it's exhausting when they are so needy...it's exhausting when they are well...but when they aren't feeling well it's worse...because they don't sleep well either at night and the next day they are so whiny.

Since I'm not an experienced mom of twins I don't have any wisdom but I wanted to say...I'm there with you although I don't have a mom on earth any longer to cry to any longer...I do talk to her though...her wing back chair is in my family room and I just say some days...'oh momma...what would you suggest'....and my heart hears...'take care of your babies'...and be gentle on yourself because you are doing a great job.

Oh PAH...it doesn't matter how old you are when you have children...or even matter how hard the road was to finally get them onto earth...being a parent, being a mom is just plain hard some days but getting up day after day and doing it all over again is how we do it...because this too shall pass...sadly, they grow up all too soon. Take care of yourself....you are doing a great job...you amaze me b/c you have been able to nurse your little ones ....something that I wish that I had been able to do...but I'm okay now...as I sit here pumping for the 6th time today...not alot but it's all I could do today...it's okay...we do what we can and what is is.

BTW...I can still pick up both babies at the same time so I never have to leave one crying in the crib...but the day is coming when they are going to be too big for me and when that happens...well they will take turns I guess....as I tell my little Will who is almost 3...patience gets extra kisses....and he loves kisses...so that little one that is left behind for a few minutes gets smothered in kisses for waiting for momma to return.

I think that golden retriever though was onto something...she was trying to wean her babies and she also knew when she had had enough and to be a good momma...sometimes we need to set limits and ask for help, take care of ourselves to be better at taking care of everyone. It's hard but those little gummy smiles make it so worth it hey? Also, my little ones are calling to me now...mama...mama...and they know exactly who they are calling for...it's remarkable how quickly they grow from sleepy little babies into litle people with big personalities....they are very aware what is going on and so you have to talk to them.

I'm glad that you posted....you are not alone...someday soon we can commiserate with a twin mom in the first year and say...'this too shall pass.' and I bet you anything that we will wish we were back in that special golden moment of time with our little ones

Blessings from Hope

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Joined: February 6th, 2008, 8:16 pm

May 5th, 2012, 6:40 am #4

Somehow I feel like if I was in my 20s I could just cry freely, "I exhausted. This is so hard." But because I am in my 40s and this was a very clear deliberate choice to have kiddos I feel like I have to have a stiff upper lip. My little ten month old girl is sick and needed lots of love the last two days, but it is very hard to give her what she needs when there is another little ten month old boy who wants his mommy too. I called my mom today and just broke down saying how exhausted I was. She was so sweet, but I feel like embarrassed. Like I should be able to handle this with better mental health. A good night sleep would do wonders.

Moms with kiddos close in age how do you handle all the neediness. Even when I get one from the crib to take downstairs and the other one is crying it makes me feel guilty. My husband totally handles it in stride, but then again he doesn't have the 24/7 thing going on either. PAH
Cut yourself some slack sister...I am an older mom and went through hell to get here AND parenting is hard. period. Caring for twins is really brutal; having just one is tough...I don't care how young you are, how planned/unplanned your kids are...sometimes it is overwhelming and just a staggering amount of work. Everyone of us, EVERY ONE, deserves to piss and moan, vent, complain and generally hold forth on how rough it is sometimes.

I believe that we are all tremendously grateful for our kids but also sometimes just done in by the all consuming nature of being a good parent. You are in good company.
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Joined: October 9th, 2008, 2:53 am

May 5th, 2012, 7:39 am #5

Somehow I feel like if I was in my 20s I could just cry freely, "I exhausted. This is so hard." But because I am in my 40s and this was a very clear deliberate choice to have kiddos I feel like I have to have a stiff upper lip. My little ten month old girl is sick and needed lots of love the last two days, but it is very hard to give her what she needs when there is another little ten month old boy who wants his mommy too. I called my mom today and just broke down saying how exhausted I was. She was so sweet, but I feel like embarrassed. Like I should be able to handle this with better mental health. A good night sleep would do wonders.

Moms with kiddos close in age how do you handle all the neediness. Even when I get one from the crib to take downstairs and the other one is crying it makes me feel guilty. My husband totally handles it in stride, but then again he doesn't have the 24/7 thing going on either. PAH
HI PAH,
You deserve a break. I"ve written it twice now. Hey, just because we all went through all this stuff to have our children doesn't mean that it isn't hard or we ought not say 'oh heck I need a break'.
So honeybun somehow sometime you arrange to have some time off.
Secondly, if one of your little ones is ill then have your DH take up the 'slack' with the other twin. Also spent some 'special time' with the other twin each day. My mom did this with my sister and I and it worked.
It is hard being a mom mostly because there is no let up. For 99% of us if we had a good break regularly you would come back to it refreshed.
Take it easy PAH you are doing a great job best, THK
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Joined: August 20th, 2009, 7:03 pm

May 5th, 2012, 3:07 pm #6

just get up and walk away from her happily nursing brood and I thought well she doesn't have very good mothering instincts but now I get it. Today when I sat on the floor of my laundry room to fold some clothes my babies who were around the corner in the family room found me and were clamouring all over me...I picked up one and bounced her on my knee and the other one cried to be picked up too...I know just what you mean.

I've been finding it hard at night too as my little ones have colds right now...not bad but there runny noses are making it hard for them to breathe at night so either one or the other one is taking turns calling for me at night...it's exhausting when they are so needy...it's exhausting when they are well...but when they aren't feeling well it's worse...because they don't sleep well either at night and the next day they are so whiny.

Since I'm not an experienced mom of twins I don't have any wisdom but I wanted to say...I'm there with you although I don't have a mom on earth any longer to cry to any longer...I do talk to her though...her wing back chair is in my family room and I just say some days...'oh momma...what would you suggest'....and my heart hears...'take care of your babies'...and be gentle on yourself because you are doing a great job.

Oh PAH...it doesn't matter how old you are when you have children...or even matter how hard the road was to finally get them onto earth...being a parent, being a mom is just plain hard some days but getting up day after day and doing it all over again is how we do it...because this too shall pass...sadly, they grow up all too soon. Take care of yourself....you are doing a great job...you amaze me b/c you have been able to nurse your little ones ....something that I wish that I had been able to do...but I'm okay now...as I sit here pumping for the 6th time today...not alot but it's all I could do today...it's okay...we do what we can and what is is.

BTW...I can still pick up both babies at the same time so I never have to leave one crying in the crib...but the day is coming when they are going to be too big for me and when that happens...well they will take turns I guess....as I tell my little Will who is almost 3...patience gets extra kisses....and he loves kisses...so that little one that is left behind for a few minutes gets smothered in kisses for waiting for momma to return.

I think that golden retriever though was onto something...she was trying to wean her babies and she also knew when she had had enough and to be a good momma...sometimes we need to set limits and ask for help, take care of ourselves to be better at taking care of everyone. It's hard but those little gummy smiles make it so worth it hey? Also, my little ones are calling to me now...mama...mama...and they know exactly who they are calling for...it's remarkable how quickly they grow from sleepy little babies into litle people with big personalities....they are very aware what is going on and so you have to talk to them.

I'm glad that you posted....you are not alone...someday soon we can commiserate with a twin mom in the first year and say...'this too shall pass.' and I bet you anything that we will wish we were back in that special golden moment of time with our little ones

Blessings from Hope

touchingly beautiful sentiments from Hope...

xoxox

cat
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Joined: August 20th, 2009, 7:03 pm

May 5th, 2012, 3:16 pm #7

Somehow I feel like if I was in my 20s I could just cry freely, "I exhausted. This is so hard." But because I am in my 40s and this was a very clear deliberate choice to have kiddos I feel like I have to have a stiff upper lip. My little ten month old girl is sick and needed lots of love the last two days, but it is very hard to give her what she needs when there is another little ten month old boy who wants his mommy too. I called my mom today and just broke down saying how exhausted I was. She was so sweet, but I feel like embarrassed. Like I should be able to handle this with better mental health. A good night sleep would do wonders.

Moms with kiddos close in age how do you handle all the neediness. Even when I get one from the crib to take downstairs and the other one is crying it makes me feel guilty. My husband totally handles it in stride, but then again he doesn't have the 24/7 thing going on either. PAH
Twins are relentless... double the love/joy, but RELENTLESS work.

Your journey, age, etc. matter nothing. You have every, EVERY right to ventilate on this one. We get it.

When the going gets tough, I just remind myself: these babies didn't ask to be twins. Regardless of who else is in the room, I need to give each of them the best of me. Somedays my "best" is better than other days, but I give whatever I am capable of giving at that moment. And that has to be enough.

I don't compare myself to others, and I don't care what anyone else thinks of my decisions, my house, my appearance, etc. Moms of multiples just need to survive the next hour. And you will.

Someday (very soon!) we'll be able to tell them how much we wanted them, how deeply loved they are, and how we always tried to give them all the love we could give. As someone who has taught teenagers for 13 years, they will understand. And I believe they will marvel at the circumstances we faced -- and survived -- each day! Even on your worst day, you are probably doing a far superior job than most moms of singletons.

You are a warrior. Remember that. Chin up.

xoxox
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Joined: January 31st, 2011, 3:38 am

May 5th, 2012, 4:44 pm #8

Somehow I feel like if I was in my 20s I could just cry freely, "I exhausted. This is so hard." But because I am in my 40s and this was a very clear deliberate choice to have kiddos I feel like I have to have a stiff upper lip. My little ten month old girl is sick and needed lots of love the last two days, but it is very hard to give her what she needs when there is another little ten month old boy who wants his mommy too. I called my mom today and just broke down saying how exhausted I was. She was so sweet, but I feel like embarrassed. Like I should be able to handle this with better mental health. A good night sleep would do wonders.

Moms with kiddos close in age how do you handle all the neediness. Even when I get one from the crib to take downstairs and the other one is crying it makes me feel guilty. My husband totally handles it in stride, but then again he doesn't have the 24/7 thing going on either. PAH
My hat is off to you, PAH. I am exhausted and beat and I don't have twins! One 11 week old. Parenting is hard hard work and I have no doubt you are doing a great job. Yesterday I went jogging for the first time in who knows how long when DH got home from work - and I ran and sobbed from sheer exhaustion. I cannot imagine what it would be like with twins! But you.are.doing.it!!! I do feel my age at times, but I (we) also have wisdom, perspective and coping skills I(we) know I did not have when I was (we were) younger.

So, hun...add to your list of critical to-dos "cut myself some slack and cry if I need to.". Good for you for calling your mom. Asking for help is definitely one of those things I didn't do well when I was younger.

Thank you for posting, because I'm certain every single one of us can relate.

Hugs to you, my dear.

LM

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Joined: February 25th, 2010, 8:30 pm

May 5th, 2012, 7:01 pm #9

Somehow I feel like if I was in my 20s I could just cry freely, "I exhausted. This is so hard." But because I am in my 40s and this was a very clear deliberate choice to have kiddos I feel like I have to have a stiff upper lip. My little ten month old girl is sick and needed lots of love the last two days, but it is very hard to give her what she needs when there is another little ten month old boy who wants his mommy too. I called my mom today and just broke down saying how exhausted I was. She was so sweet, but I feel like embarrassed. Like I should be able to handle this with better mental health. A good night sleep would do wonders.

Moms with kiddos close in age how do you handle all the neediness. Even when I get one from the crib to take downstairs and the other one is crying it makes me feel guilty. My husband totally handles it in stride, but then again he doesn't have the 24/7 thing going on either. PAH
You have no idea how much I needed your kind words and encouragement. It really is the wind that I so desperately need at my back right now. Every large and small act of kindness is such a blessing.

My husband is driving me up to my parents tonight with the kids. We will stay there a few days and hopefully get our bearings. This will allow him to get the crops in the field and get some rest. My parents, sister and aunts will be the extra laps I and these babies need right now. Somebody to hold them when they are both struggling during the times when I am getting food, clothes, etc. ready.

Scary thing happened this morning. I was doing laundry and the kids were standing up by the bath tub and acting like they wanted a bath. So I thought, well why not. I can sort laundry in the bathroom and they can have fun in the tub. I started filling up the tub and I was rinsing out a messy pants in the toilet (oh yes, I am taking a break from cloth diapering while at my parents as well). I turned my head to see my boy bend over the tub and go head first into the water. It was a perfect reminder to never ever leave them alone for one second near water.

My daughter's fever broke last night and she seems on the mend.

Things are looking up.

Many blessings and thanks! PAH
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Joined: July 23rd, 2008, 6:49 am

May 6th, 2012, 4:55 am #10

That feeling that no matter how hard I tried or how much I gave, it was NEVER enough because each boy wanted all of me and of course, I could not give that. They still aren't onto the sharing thing either. If anything, they are more vocal now about their disapproval! I loved Hope's story about the dog (too funny!) and I loved Catmama's comment about just surviving the next hour. Sometimes, that's the best you can do.

A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, I had a coworker who was returning to work about 8 months after giving birth to twins. She had stayed home those first 8 months. She relayed a story about her husband coming home from work and asking her what she did that day and she said "I kept the babies alive" and I could tell from her tone of voice in telling the story that she meant for us to agree with her that he was sure stupid for asking such a question. I was sympathetic outwardly but inwardly I was thinking "oh, come on, is it really a life and death venture, caring for twin infants?" I guess this is my karmic punishment . . .

Glad you can be with your family to help you. About the boy going headfirst in the tub - been there, done that and you're right, you cannot take your eyes off them for a minute around water. Mine plunged in fully clothed and thankfully I was standing at the sink (also preoccupied with something) and heard the splash. Never again!

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