donor choice

donor choice

anon
anon

February 11th, 2011, 9:01 pm #1

Wanted to know if I am alone in this consideration - does the religion of the donor factor into your decision of who to chose? We come from a religious family and I'd like to have a donor in the same religion. Do they reveal the religion of the donor?
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Anonymous
Anonymous

February 11th, 2011, 9:08 pm #2

from what I remember that question was on all the donor profiles I looked at (from agencies anyway). It was not a high priority for us but in some cases it is very very important to have a donor from the same faith.

Our donor was very religious and we tried to acknowledge that when choosing gifts.
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Newbie
Newbie

February 12th, 2011, 12:03 am #3

Wanted to know if I am alone in this consideration - does the religion of the donor factor into your decision of who to chose? We come from a religious family and I'd like to have a donor in the same religion. Do they reveal the religion of the donor?
In the different profiles I looked at, there were questions regarding religion. I don't think its a bad thing. For myself, I couldn't possible choose a donor that voluntarily had an abortion. To me, that is important but not necessarily important to others. Please know whatever you value is all that matters.
Best of luck
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Orchid
Orchid

February 12th, 2011, 5:17 am #4

Wanted to know if I am alone in this consideration - does the religion of the donor factor into your decision of who to chose? We come from a religious family and I'd like to have a donor in the same religion. Do they reveal the religion of the donor?
that's very interesting! Is it just that you would like the donor more or you think it would affect the child?

Please don't answer if you are uncomfortable but: Are you Catholic or Bible believing Christian?

I just ask because I have some emotional conflicts about DE (VERY personal--just reactions) because my religion forbids it--but I believe for reasons which do not apply in this case. (Hah--my religion does not like people who look for exceptions but I do have a good argument I won't go into)

A lot of religions forbid this process...I have been so curious to know if this is an issue for anyone and how they dealt with it.
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Joined: December 29th, 2010, 1:57 pm

February 12th, 2011, 3:14 pm #5

Wanted to know if I am alone in this consideration - does the religion of the donor factor into your decision of who to chose? We come from a religious family and I'd like to have a donor in the same religion. Do they reveal the religion of the donor?
Personally it does not matter to me. It is reveal in our donor information but that is def not a factor for my decision. I would rather have someone that is healthy/has a healthy background.
Last edited by lenebene on February 12th, 2011, 3:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: August 12th, 2004, 4:42 pm

February 13th, 2011, 10:14 pm #6

that's very interesting! Is it just that you would like the donor more or you think it would affect the child?

Please don't answer if you are uncomfortable but: Are you Catholic or Bible believing Christian?

I just ask because I have some emotional conflicts about DE (VERY personal--just reactions) because my religion forbids it--but I believe for reasons which do not apply in this case. (Hah--my religion does not like people who look for exceptions but I do have a good argument I won't go into)

A lot of religions forbid this process...I have been so curious to know if this is an issue for anyone and how they dealt with it.
As I really don't know. I'm a Christian, have many Christian friends of varying backgrounds (liberal and conservative), and I do not know of a single one who forbids IVF (and DE isn't even discussed, usually, as most people don't know about it). Who actually forbids this besides Roman Catholics? (I know that they do, of course; they don't even allow contraception!)

Maya
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Joined: August 12th, 2004, 4:42 pm

February 13th, 2011, 10:17 pm #7

Wanted to know if I am alone in this consideration - does the religion of the donor factor into your decision of who to chose? We come from a religious family and I'd like to have a donor in the same religion. Do they reveal the religion of the donor?
Sure, I would have felt more "common ground" with a woman who was a practicing Christian (as I am), but that really wasn't a deciding factor for me, as it has nothing to do with the quality of her eggs. I wanted a healthy donor who was bright, happy, and well-rounded. Many very fine people are not of my religious faith; I certainly don't hold it against them.

Maya
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Orchid
Orchid

February 15th, 2011, 3:52 am #8

As I really don't know. I'm a Christian, have many Christian friends of varying backgrounds (liberal and conservative), and I do not know of a single one who forbids IVF (and DE isn't even discussed, usually, as most people don't know about it). Who actually forbids this besides Roman Catholics? (I know that they do, of course; they don't even allow contraception!)

Maya
because most religions are not as absolutist in their dogma as Roman Catholics.

But I do know some more fundamentalist protestant groups forbid IVF and DE is a form of IVF.

I don't know what Orthodox Judaism would say. It probably depends on the Rabbi. They have a more humanistic conception of medical ethics in my limited reading.

There are various types of confusions and types of issues. So if a religion forbids masturbation (as many do--including some Orthodox Jewish religions...but they are better about making medical exceptions) there's one issue. Then there is the issue of the egg being from a third party. Then there are issues of the possible destruction of the embryo. That is the biggest issue from the more fundamentalist or absolutist or Catholic perspective.

To be honest, I think these views are confused. I don't think there is full compassion or understanding of the medical facts surrounding conception or this procedure. I think there is a general theory about how conception is supposed to be 'the natural way' and I think this is incorrect from the standpoint of medicine and then it is taken further into this very fuzzy realm.

For example, it seems to be assumed that every embryo from the moment of conception is chromosomally normal. I don't know what the ethical status is of embryos that aren't viable. It's like it is assumed every zygote is a full blown person but really and truly there are so many whose cell development is completely abnormal--which may include from 30-50% of conceptions.

So I don't find the arguments convincing. I don't find you can engage people in a real discussion of procreation and its complexities when religion is involved. But I dislike having an uneasy feeling like I have to have a secret when I don't think I'm doing something wrong.

I find this unfortunate. I wish people were not so GD judgmental of other people's reproductive choices. And I'm not just talking religious people. It is very difficult to get understanding about these processes.

Some feminists are opposed to egg buying and selling as commodification of women's bodies. This is another thing I disagree with. It could be commodified, perhaps. I do not think absolutely ever way of creating donors would be acceptable--you could coerce donors or take advantage of them-- but I think the women in the situations here are genuinely consenting and they have the right to consent.

I really need the support of people on this board and I worry that I bring up issues that are on my mind that are not right. But you have to understand--I'm a college professor, it's just how we are. This is stressful so I guess one way I handle the stress is to think about all the various social, political and ethical wrinkles. I might as well find this really distressing process slightly interesting and it is just part of my experience.

But I don't want to make people annoyed at me here. I am isolated and confused and don't want to anger people here or upset them as I do need help. I don't have anyone else to talk to. In the entire world, only my husband knows what I'm going through and he does not understand anything about the medicine or even the stress I am under.

So far people have helped me a lot here and I don't want to lose people's help.
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Joined: August 12th, 2004, 4:42 pm

February 16th, 2011, 12:36 am #9

I'm certainly not annoyed, and I hope nobody else is. If you can't discuss things *here*, I don't know where else you could do it that would be better!

Maya
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