Did you get your donor a present?

Did you get your donor a present?

Anonymous
Anonymous

April 29th, 2012, 11:35 pm #1

If so, what did you get and how did you get it to her?
Thanks!
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Joined: February 6th, 2012, 1:26 am

April 30th, 2012, 12:55 am #2

I had flowers sent to the clinic for her on the retrieval day.
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LadyMagoo
LadyMagoo

April 30th, 2012, 1:05 am #3

If so, what did you get and how did you get it to her?
Thanks!
We had flowers, wine and a massage gift certificate delivered to her hotel after retrieval.
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Joined: December 2nd, 2005, 3:49 pm

April 30th, 2012, 1:16 am #4

If so, what did you get and how did you get it to her?
Thanks!
I did, however, write her a very heart-felt thank you letter and I got not so much as a "thank you" in return (via the donor coordinator). I'm glad I didn't get her a gift because I would have felt even more slighted. If you know the donor, or if you will be able to know her someday, I would be more inclined to get her something. Please keep in mind that what this means to you (your future child) is not the same thing it means to her. If you got her something like jewelry or something personal and she really has no interest in remembering/thinking about the donation, that would be a gift wasted. Maybe some people are less jaded than I am...
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Joined: April 27th, 2007, 10:46 am

April 30th, 2012, 2:25 am #5

If so, what did you get and how did you get it to her?
Thanks!
In her profile, she mentioned that she liked a particular singing group so we got her a boxed set of them in concert. We also gave her an inexpensive bracelet, which was more personal.

It was an open donation, and she thanked us.
Last edited by Obie9 on April 30th, 2012, 2:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: May 10th, 2011, 11:57 pm

April 30th, 2012, 3:52 am #6

If so, what did you get and how did you get it to her?
Thanks!
Our donor was arranged through our clinic and strictly anonymous. Also, we used frozen eggs, so she'd already been through all the procedures before we chose her. I asked about sending her flowers, but because she was out of the area, that was going to be tricky, so we wrote a letter (unsigned of course) and enclosed a gift card related to one of the hobbies mentioned in her profile. Our IVF nurse coordinator forwarded to her. We never heard back, but I wasn't expecting to. (In fact, given the double anonymity, I'm not sure how she could have responded.)
Last edited by jentenn on April 30th, 2012, 3:52 am, edited 1 time in total.
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thesameboat
thesameboat

April 30th, 2012, 4:22 am #7

I did, however, write her a very heart-felt thank you letter and I got not so much as a "thank you" in return (via the donor coordinator). I'm glad I didn't get her a gift because I would have felt even more slighted. If you know the donor, or if you will be able to know her someday, I would be more inclined to get her something. Please keep in mind that what this means to you (your future child) is not the same thing it means to her. If you got her something like jewelry or something personal and she really has no interest in remembering/thinking about the donation, that would be a gift wasted. Maybe some people are less jaded than I am...
And of course I don't know the details, but I don't think the fact that she didn't reply means she didn't truly appreciate your heartfelt letter. I have never heard that it is expected that someone offer thanks for a thank-you note. She may have felt very flattered and have kept your words close to her heart. Maybe she felt it best to not reply. Many if not most DE recipients wouldn't want to be in too close contact with the donors and she could have felt it was the right thing to do to have your letter be the friendly, warm closure to the relationship.
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Joined: December 13th, 2011, 5:12 pm

April 30th, 2012, 4:37 am #8

I did, however, write her a very heart-felt thank you letter and I got not so much as a "thank you" in return (via the donor coordinator). I'm glad I didn't get her a gift because I would have felt even more slighted. If you know the donor, or if you will be able to know her someday, I would be more inclined to get her something. Please keep in mind that what this means to you (your future child) is not the same thing it means to her. If you got her something like jewelry or something personal and she really has no interest in remembering/thinking about the donation, that would be a gift wasted. Maybe some people are less jaded than I am...
did you ask her to reply to you? Was she anonymous?

I've never heard that you are supposed to thank someone for a thank you note.
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Joined: December 2nd, 2005, 3:49 pm

April 30th, 2012, 2:40 pm #9

Some donors write a short "your welcome" in reply, or tell the donor coordinator to wish the recipient well, etc. I'm not saying she's evil or anything, just that I would have handled it differently I think. I tend to be very concerned about the feelings of others, which is why I spent a long time trying to say just the right things in my letter to let her know how much we appreciated her gift. Maybe I am jaded, but I do think for some number of donors this is financial transaction and doesn't hold the sweet emotional feelings we recipients are hoping for. Still, it was an amazing gift.
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Anonymous
Anonymous

April 30th, 2012, 3:03 pm #10

If so, what did you get and how did you get it to her?
Thanks!
anonymous?
Thanks!
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