Daddy, Daddy, Daddy

Daddy, Daddy, Daddy

Joined: July 3rd, 2010, 9:13 pm

August 13th, 2012, 2:54 am #1

At risk of sounding like Jan Brady (all you Brady Bunch fans), I have to say that hearing DS beg for Daddy all day every day is getting to me. It starts in the morning upon waking. Then, as we walk past Daddy's office he cries for Daddy again. It continues as we reach the kitchen, where DS searches for Daddy (who has already left for work). Then it is seeing Daddy's hat, seeing Daddy's car, taking a nap, 6pm and waiting for Daddy. Heaven help us if Daddy is not there in time to give him a bath...let's just say that it is not relaxing as he sobs for Daddy and tries to climb out of the bath. And bedtime...well, if Daddy is not there he either pukes all over himself and me from crying so hard for Daddy and/or cries so long and hard (with me there consoling him) that he finally goes to sleep several hours later. If he gets hurt he calls for Daddy (he will accept me if Daddy is not home). He even pushes me away on a regular basis if Daddy is home if I try to console him.

OK, so I think I am a decent mom. I love the little guy more than life itself. I spend A LOT of time with him. I laugh with him, play with him, take him places he loves to go, kiss him, hug him, and make sure we have fun and that I am teaching him. Sure, I am a stay at home mom who has other things to do, but it is frightening how much I let go in order to spend time with him.

This is not a new thing. DS has preferred Daddy for quite some time now. And it is getting worse.

Perhaps it is getting worse because he misses Daddy. Daddy's schedule is chaotic and there have been months at a time during which they had very little time together. He has always been a Daddy's boy, but as I said, things have gotten much worse since Daddy started a new position at work which has somewhat chaotic hours. And when he is with Daddy it is pretty much full on fun time. But, that is a small consolation.

Any thoughts? Words of wisdom? Something to make me feel better and not like a complete failure of a mom>

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Joined: April 10th, 2008, 1:25 am

August 13th, 2012, 3:44 am #2

Moms are the primary care givers in most families...they on average have more physical contact with the child during any given day.

Dad's are viewed as the fun parent. Dad's spend less time with kids because of who they are with work and life in general.

On top of this most little boys identify with their dad more then their moms. Both of my boys are crazy about their dad. I feed them, bath them teach them, discipline them way more then their dad does because he works at night and they rarely see him because of this. When my husband is home I need him and they need him, I need help with house work and stuff and they want to play with their dad. So often I look around for DH and he is playing with them, they love playing wii with him and during football season they love laying on the couch all 3 of them watching the game.

So please don't take it personal, you can't take dad's place, you son identifies with the male in himself and the male in his father. Birds of a feather will stick together. My youngest son is 3 he could be classified as a mama's boy, but only if dad is not around.

Your son is young and thrust me as he gets older his love and attention to you will strengthen but he will often want to spend his quality time with his dad. You will teach him how to be a loving man, his father will teach him how to be a strong man's man's. I find that my daughter likes spending more time with me, though she loves her daddy madly but when he is home, the boys are stuck under him and she is stuck under me.

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Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

August 13th, 2012, 1:39 pm #3

At risk of sounding like Jan Brady (all you Brady Bunch fans), I have to say that hearing DS beg for Daddy all day every day is getting to me. It starts in the morning upon waking. Then, as we walk past Daddy's office he cries for Daddy again. It continues as we reach the kitchen, where DS searches for Daddy (who has already left for work). Then it is seeing Daddy's hat, seeing Daddy's car, taking a nap, 6pm and waiting for Daddy. Heaven help us if Daddy is not there in time to give him a bath...let's just say that it is not relaxing as he sobs for Daddy and tries to climb out of the bath. And bedtime...well, if Daddy is not there he either pukes all over himself and me from crying so hard for Daddy and/or cries so long and hard (with me there consoling him) that he finally goes to sleep several hours later. If he gets hurt he calls for Daddy (he will accept me if Daddy is not home). He even pushes me away on a regular basis if Daddy is home if I try to console him.

OK, so I think I am a decent mom. I love the little guy more than life itself. I spend A LOT of time with him. I laugh with him, play with him, take him places he loves to go, kiss him, hug him, and make sure we have fun and that I am teaching him. Sure, I am a stay at home mom who has other things to do, but it is frightening how much I let go in order to spend time with him.

This is not a new thing. DS has preferred Daddy for quite some time now. And it is getting worse.

Perhaps it is getting worse because he misses Daddy. Daddy's schedule is chaotic and there have been months at a time during which they had very little time together. He has always been a Daddy's boy, but as I said, things have gotten much worse since Daddy started a new position at work which has somewhat chaotic hours. And when he is with Daddy it is pretty much full on fun time. But, that is a small consolation.

Any thoughts? Words of wisdom? Something to make me feel better and not like a complete failure of a mom>

I do hear that. And, yeah, I think it is mostly that 1) Dada is a guy like them and 2) Dada is the "fun" parent. DH has been having to be away quite a bit lately dealing with his parents; his mother needs to go to an Alzheimer's unit ASAP and his father needs to be in assisted living. Sometimes they wake up in the morning asking for dada and start asking for him as soon as they get in the car to come home from day care. I'm very lucky to have a husband right now, so I just try to focus on how glad I am that they have a father. But, I swear, it can be trying when your whole life is devoted to meeting their every need (we are currently working on the concept that mommy is not a maid servant), and all they want is dada. Really, I suspect these things run in phases, and it will probably abate sooner or later, especially when your DH can be home more consistently. Take care, Maggie (in VA)
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Joined: December 2nd, 2005, 3:49 pm

August 13th, 2012, 3:54 pm #4

At risk of sounding like Jan Brady (all you Brady Bunch fans), I have to say that hearing DS beg for Daddy all day every day is getting to me. It starts in the morning upon waking. Then, as we walk past Daddy's office he cries for Daddy again. It continues as we reach the kitchen, where DS searches for Daddy (who has already left for work). Then it is seeing Daddy's hat, seeing Daddy's car, taking a nap, 6pm and waiting for Daddy. Heaven help us if Daddy is not there in time to give him a bath...let's just say that it is not relaxing as he sobs for Daddy and tries to climb out of the bath. And bedtime...well, if Daddy is not there he either pukes all over himself and me from crying so hard for Daddy and/or cries so long and hard (with me there consoling him) that he finally goes to sleep several hours later. If he gets hurt he calls for Daddy (he will accept me if Daddy is not home). He even pushes me away on a regular basis if Daddy is home if I try to console him.

OK, so I think I am a decent mom. I love the little guy more than life itself. I spend A LOT of time with him. I laugh with him, play with him, take him places he loves to go, kiss him, hug him, and make sure we have fun and that I am teaching him. Sure, I am a stay at home mom who has other things to do, but it is frightening how much I let go in order to spend time with him.

This is not a new thing. DS has preferred Daddy for quite some time now. And it is getting worse.

Perhaps it is getting worse because he misses Daddy. Daddy's schedule is chaotic and there have been months at a time during which they had very little time together. He has always been a Daddy's boy, but as I said, things have gotten much worse since Daddy started a new position at work which has somewhat chaotic hours. And when he is with Daddy it is pretty much full on fun time. But, that is a small consolation.

Any thoughts? Words of wisdom? Something to make me feel better and not like a complete failure of a mom>

My husband goes through what you are going through since all 3 of our kiddos tend to want Mama over Dada most of the time. I think that he brushes it off most of the time, but I do think there's some amount of heartache there for him, esp with our 5 1/2 year old DD. He wanted a girl to "bring out his feminine side" and I shake my head sometimes because she is so like him temperamentally that they are like oil and water and the relationship not a smooth one. He is the boys' playmate, though, and they love him and like to be with him.

I'm sorry that you're feeling hurt, especially since you are the primary caregiver. It's kind of a thankless job in many ways and hard to put our own needs aside. I totally, totally get that! I have a feeling that in your case this is going to change at some point in your DS' development and also that it is related to dad's on again off again availability. It's easy to take someone for granted when she is there for you 24/7. I'm sure your little guy really trusts that you are there for him every day and that you can "handle" his daddy fixation. Please keep that in mind, and know that he DOES love you.

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Joined: May 18th, 2006, 3:27 pm

August 13th, 2012, 3:58 pm #5

At risk of sounding like Jan Brady (all you Brady Bunch fans), I have to say that hearing DS beg for Daddy all day every day is getting to me. It starts in the morning upon waking. Then, as we walk past Daddy's office he cries for Daddy again. It continues as we reach the kitchen, where DS searches for Daddy (who has already left for work). Then it is seeing Daddy's hat, seeing Daddy's car, taking a nap, 6pm and waiting for Daddy. Heaven help us if Daddy is not there in time to give him a bath...let's just say that it is not relaxing as he sobs for Daddy and tries to climb out of the bath. And bedtime...well, if Daddy is not there he either pukes all over himself and me from crying so hard for Daddy and/or cries so long and hard (with me there consoling him) that he finally goes to sleep several hours later. If he gets hurt he calls for Daddy (he will accept me if Daddy is not home). He even pushes me away on a regular basis if Daddy is home if I try to console him.

OK, so I think I am a decent mom. I love the little guy more than life itself. I spend A LOT of time with him. I laugh with him, play with him, take him places he loves to go, kiss him, hug him, and make sure we have fun and that I am teaching him. Sure, I am a stay at home mom who has other things to do, but it is frightening how much I let go in order to spend time with him.

This is not a new thing. DS has preferred Daddy for quite some time now. And it is getting worse.

Perhaps it is getting worse because he misses Daddy. Daddy's schedule is chaotic and there have been months at a time during which they had very little time together. He has always been a Daddy's boy, but as I said, things have gotten much worse since Daddy started a new position at work which has somewhat chaotic hours. And when he is with Daddy it is pretty much full on fun time. But, that is a small consolation.

Any thoughts? Words of wisdom? Something to make me feel better and not like a complete failure of a mom>

Never even said Mama until after Daddy died. It sort of tore me up then... But up until then everything was all about Daddy...
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Joined: May 14th, 2007, 7:28 pm

August 13th, 2012, 4:08 pm #6

Hugs:(.......nt
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Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

August 13th, 2012, 4:44 pm #7

Never even said Mama until after Daddy died. It sort of tore me up then... But up until then everything was all about Daddy...
More {{hugs}}, that made me cry a little. nt
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Joined: July 16th, 2007, 12:16 am

August 13th, 2012, 11:32 pm #8

At risk of sounding like Jan Brady (all you Brady Bunch fans), I have to say that hearing DS beg for Daddy all day every day is getting to me. It starts in the morning upon waking. Then, as we walk past Daddy's office he cries for Daddy again. It continues as we reach the kitchen, where DS searches for Daddy (who has already left for work). Then it is seeing Daddy's hat, seeing Daddy's car, taking a nap, 6pm and waiting for Daddy. Heaven help us if Daddy is not there in time to give him a bath...let's just say that it is not relaxing as he sobs for Daddy and tries to climb out of the bath. And bedtime...well, if Daddy is not there he either pukes all over himself and me from crying so hard for Daddy and/or cries so long and hard (with me there consoling him) that he finally goes to sleep several hours later. If he gets hurt he calls for Daddy (he will accept me if Daddy is not home). He even pushes me away on a regular basis if Daddy is home if I try to console him.

OK, so I think I am a decent mom. I love the little guy more than life itself. I spend A LOT of time with him. I laugh with him, play with him, take him places he loves to go, kiss him, hug him, and make sure we have fun and that I am teaching him. Sure, I am a stay at home mom who has other things to do, but it is frightening how much I let go in order to spend time with him.

This is not a new thing. DS has preferred Daddy for quite some time now. And it is getting worse.

Perhaps it is getting worse because he misses Daddy. Daddy's schedule is chaotic and there have been months at a time during which they had very little time together. He has always been a Daddy's boy, but as I said, things have gotten much worse since Daddy started a new position at work which has somewhat chaotic hours. And when he is with Daddy it is pretty much full on fun time. But, that is a small consolation.

Any thoughts? Words of wisdom? Something to make me feel better and not like a complete failure of a mom>

I'm sure that it is part missing daddy, but also part asking incessant questions. IE are "we there yet?" I used to tell my boys daddys working until after your bath...


RJ
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Joined: May 18th, 2006, 3:27 pm

August 14th, 2012, 3:16 am #9

More {{hugs}}, that made me cry a little. nt
Ya know, I used to tell myself not to be jealous of the 'Daddy, Daddy' thing and I had Phil feed him and do lots of other things I really loved doing b/c he wasn't home much. Who've thought he'd be permanently gone?!
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Joined: January 19th, 2007, 7:18 pm

August 14th, 2012, 3:29 am #10

My husband goes through what you are going through since all 3 of our kiddos tend to want Mama over Dada most of the time. I think that he brushes it off most of the time, but I do think there's some amount of heartache there for him, esp with our 5 1/2 year old DD. He wanted a girl to "bring out his feminine side" and I shake my head sometimes because she is so like him temperamentally that they are like oil and water and the relationship not a smooth one. He is the boys' playmate, though, and they love him and like to be with him.

I'm sorry that you're feeling hurt, especially since you are the primary caregiver. It's kind of a thankless job in many ways and hard to put our own needs aside. I totally, totally get that! I have a feeling that in your case this is going to change at some point in your DS' development and also that it is related to dad's on again off again availability. It's easy to take someone for granted when she is there for you 24/7. I'm sure your little guy really trusts that you are there for him every day and that you can "handle" his daddy fixation. Please keep that in mind, and know that he DOES love you.
You know, sometimes you think you can explain it (mommy's home all day & daddy is the novelty), but sometimes it's just a phase & sometimes it is what it is.

In our house, we both work & we're both equally involved with the children, but the boys want me almost all the time. Like Renata, I feel for my dh & I know it hurts his feelings sometimes. And he surely doesn't deserve the 2nd best treatment, as he is as involved as I am with them.

So it may or may not be explainable. As hard as it is, do know he loves you. It's nothing you are doing wrong.



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