Bad news this morning (mc ment) x-post

Bad news this morning (mc ment) x-post

Joined: November 27th, 2011, 4:22 pm

May 17th, 2012, 6:23 pm #1

I don't even know how to feel. This was our 10 week exam - everything had been PERFECT... two healthy heartbeats, perfect measurements, etc.. Except for the SCH that seemed to have healed almost entirely by last week, the RE felt we were in great shape. After several scans with such positive results, I had finally calmed down and was feeling really good about this pregnancy.

But today, one of the twins was dead. No heartbeat, no movement.. it measured 9 weeks, 4 days, which probably means it only died within the last day or two. The other was still healthy, yes, but I'm back to being utterly terrified. How do we know the one that's still alive one won't suffer the same fate later today or tomorrow? What the hell is WRONG with me that they can make it this far and then just die? It's likely either chromosomal or a result of the SCH... I guess we'll never know unless we lose the 2nd one as well. My ob is fairly confident that it never implanted properly, especially since the bleed is still very evident around the sac, but I just don't know. It looked so perfect 10 days ago.

I'm trying to be happy and focus on the positive here (we have one healthy baby, which is all I ever wanted!), but I have absolutely no faith left. I feel like the loss of the 2nd one is inevitable. I really don't know how I'm going to make it another week until my next scan..

Any words of advice/encouragement would be very welcome.
Thanks,
Leigh
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Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

May 17th, 2012, 6:52 pm #2

Please understand that there.is.nothing.wrong.with.you. Really. Unless you have a yet-undiagnosed condition, but I'm doubtful even of that. You have had a lot of d***ed bad luck.

IMO, this is the time to focus all the positive energy you can muster on your surviving LO, including creative visualization. And bear in mind that I'm not a particularly new-agey person. Consider taking a meditation class, maybe private instruction if you can, so you can be frank with the teacher about why you need it. I don't want to encourage you to think you did anything mentally if the other baby doesn't survive, but I think you need something like this now to preserve your sanity and create a nurturing environment in your body. And, sad as this is, a singleton pregnancy will be healthier for you and your baby.

A thousand {{hugs}},

Maggie (in VA)
Last edited by maggie1961 on May 17th, 2012, 7:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Crazy Lady
Crazy Lady

May 17th, 2012, 7:10 pm #3

I don't even know how to feel. This was our 10 week exam - everything had been PERFECT... two healthy heartbeats, perfect measurements, etc.. Except for the SCH that seemed to have healed almost entirely by last week, the RE felt we were in great shape. After several scans with such positive results, I had finally calmed down and was feeling really good about this pregnancy.

But today, one of the twins was dead. No heartbeat, no movement.. it measured 9 weeks, 4 days, which probably means it only died within the last day or two. The other was still healthy, yes, but I'm back to being utterly terrified. How do we know the one that's still alive one won't suffer the same fate later today or tomorrow? What the hell is WRONG with me that they can make it this far and then just die? It's likely either chromosomal or a result of the SCH... I guess we'll never know unless we lose the 2nd one as well. My ob is fairly confident that it never implanted properly, especially since the bleed is still very evident around the sac, but I just don't know. It looked so perfect 10 days ago.

I'm trying to be happy and focus on the positive here (we have one healthy baby, which is all I ever wanted!), but I have absolutely no faith left. I feel like the loss of the 2nd one is inevitable. I really don't know how I'm going to make it another week until my next scan..

Any words of advice/encouragement would be very welcome.
Thanks,
Leigh
I grieve your loss with you but remain hopeful that your Little One will continue to thrive!

Stay as positive as you can, Leigh.

((HUGS))
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Joined: August 18th, 2010, 6:45 pm

May 17th, 2012, 7:38 pm #4

I don't even know how to feel. This was our 10 week exam - everything had been PERFECT... two healthy heartbeats, perfect measurements, etc.. Except for the SCH that seemed to have healed almost entirely by last week, the RE felt we were in great shape. After several scans with such positive results, I had finally calmed down and was feeling really good about this pregnancy.

But today, one of the twins was dead. No heartbeat, no movement.. it measured 9 weeks, 4 days, which probably means it only died within the last day or two. The other was still healthy, yes, but I'm back to being utterly terrified. How do we know the one that's still alive one won't suffer the same fate later today or tomorrow? What the hell is WRONG with me that they can make it this far and then just die? It's likely either chromosomal or a result of the SCH... I guess we'll never know unless we lose the 2nd one as well. My ob is fairly confident that it never implanted properly, especially since the bleed is still very evident around the sac, but I just don't know. It looked so perfect 10 days ago.

I'm trying to be happy and focus on the positive here (we have one healthy baby, which is all I ever wanted!), but I have absolutely no faith left. I feel like the loss of the 2nd one is inevitable. I really don't know how I'm going to make it another week until my next scan..

Any words of advice/encouragement would be very welcome.
Thanks,
Leigh
I am so sorry. I can imagine a bit how scary this must be. I don't think anyone who has gone through this journey would NOT be scared. I guess the only advice is to take it one day at a time. And try to think at least one positive thought each day.
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Joined: May 1st, 2012, 10:58 pm

May 17th, 2012, 7:58 pm #5

I don't even know how to feel. This was our 10 week exam - everything had been PERFECT... two healthy heartbeats, perfect measurements, etc.. Except for the SCH that seemed to have healed almost entirely by last week, the RE felt we were in great shape. After several scans with such positive results, I had finally calmed down and was feeling really good about this pregnancy.

But today, one of the twins was dead. No heartbeat, no movement.. it measured 9 weeks, 4 days, which probably means it only died within the last day or two. The other was still healthy, yes, but I'm back to being utterly terrified. How do we know the one that's still alive one won't suffer the same fate later today or tomorrow? What the hell is WRONG with me that they can make it this far and then just die? It's likely either chromosomal or a result of the SCH... I guess we'll never know unless we lose the 2nd one as well. My ob is fairly confident that it never implanted properly, especially since the bleed is still very evident around the sac, but I just don't know. It looked so perfect 10 days ago.

I'm trying to be happy and focus on the positive here (we have one healthy baby, which is all I ever wanted!), but I have absolutely no faith left. I feel like the loss of the 2nd one is inevitable. I really don't know how I'm going to make it another week until my next scan..

Any words of advice/encouragement would be very welcome.
Thanks,
Leigh
I'm so very sorry about your little one. I, too, had a m/c at about the same time with a singleton and I know how devastating that loss can be. I also know how tough it can be trying to balance that deep sadness with other joys in your life. For you, your other little one who's still thriving. For me, around the time of my loss, others in my life were having their babies or announcing their pregnancies. Take the time you need to grieve. And don't be afraid to ask people for what you need from them. (People want to help, but they don't know what to say or do.) Also, remember it's ok to be happy for the joys in your life as well. I can remember feeling guilty the first time I laughed after losing my little one. But then, slowly and gently, I was able to feel the loss AND experience those lighter emotions as well. You may not be able to believe it right now, but it really does get better after some time.
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Mrs. M
Mrs. M

May 17th, 2012, 8:48 pm #6

I don't even know how to feel. This was our 10 week exam - everything had been PERFECT... two healthy heartbeats, perfect measurements, etc.. Except for the SCH that seemed to have healed almost entirely by last week, the RE felt we were in great shape. After several scans with such positive results, I had finally calmed down and was feeling really good about this pregnancy.

But today, one of the twins was dead. No heartbeat, no movement.. it measured 9 weeks, 4 days, which probably means it only died within the last day or two. The other was still healthy, yes, but I'm back to being utterly terrified. How do we know the one that's still alive one won't suffer the same fate later today or tomorrow? What the hell is WRONG with me that they can make it this far and then just die? It's likely either chromosomal or a result of the SCH... I guess we'll never know unless we lose the 2nd one as well. My ob is fairly confident that it never implanted properly, especially since the bleed is still very evident around the sac, but I just don't know. It looked so perfect 10 days ago.

I'm trying to be happy and focus on the positive here (we have one healthy baby, which is all I ever wanted!), but I have absolutely no faith left. I feel like the loss of the 2nd one is inevitable. I really don't know how I'm going to make it another week until my next scan..

Any words of advice/encouragement would be very welcome.
Thanks,
Leigh
Oh Leigh, I'm so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how devastating it must be. I can certainly understand your anxiety. I hope and pray your LO will continue to grow and thrive. Be kind to yourself, meditate and do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself and create positive energy. When is your next appt? Another ((hug)).
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Joined: September 29th, 2010, 9:51 pm

May 17th, 2012, 8:51 pm #7

I don't even know how to feel. This was our 10 week exam - everything had been PERFECT... two healthy heartbeats, perfect measurements, etc.. Except for the SCH that seemed to have healed almost entirely by last week, the RE felt we were in great shape. After several scans with such positive results, I had finally calmed down and was feeling really good about this pregnancy.

But today, one of the twins was dead. No heartbeat, no movement.. it measured 9 weeks, 4 days, which probably means it only died within the last day or two. The other was still healthy, yes, but I'm back to being utterly terrified. How do we know the one that's still alive one won't suffer the same fate later today or tomorrow? What the hell is WRONG with me that they can make it this far and then just die? It's likely either chromosomal or a result of the SCH... I guess we'll never know unless we lose the 2nd one as well. My ob is fairly confident that it never implanted properly, especially since the bleed is still very evident around the sac, but I just don't know. It looked so perfect 10 days ago.

I'm trying to be happy and focus on the positive here (we have one healthy baby, which is all I ever wanted!), but I have absolutely no faith left. I feel like the loss of the 2nd one is inevitable. I really don't know how I'm going to make it another week until my next scan..

Any words of advice/encouragement would be very welcome.
Thanks,
Leigh
Barging from the high fsh board - I had a similar experience, lost a twin between 1st and 2nd trimester (not sure exactly when). Just wanted to say I delivered a very healthy baby at 37 weeks. Sure, I was nervous for a large part of the pg. I was still treated as high risk and I was told might deliver early. Hang in there - sending you lots of prayers and hope.
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Joined: November 27th, 2011, 4:22 pm

May 17th, 2012, 9:02 pm #8

Please understand that there.is.nothing.wrong.with.you. Really. Unless you have a yet-undiagnosed condition, but I'm doubtful even of that. You have had a lot of d***ed bad luck.

IMO, this is the time to focus all the positive energy you can muster on your surviving LO, including creative visualization. And bear in mind that I'm not a particularly new-agey person. Consider taking a meditation class, maybe private instruction if you can, so you can be frank with the teacher about why you need it. I don't want to encourage you to think you did anything mentally if the other baby doesn't survive, but I think you need something like this now to preserve your sanity and create a nurturing environment in your body. And, sad as this is, a singleton pregnancy will be healthier for you and your baby.

A thousand {{hugs}},

Maggie (in VA)
You're so right. I've decided to give myself today to grieve and be sad, but I know I need to be strong and positive for the surviving twin. Tomorrow, I will figure out a way to take care of myself.
Thank you again.
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Joined: November 27th, 2011, 4:22 pm

May 17th, 2012, 9:03 pm #9

I grieve your loss with you but remain hopeful that your Little One will continue to thrive!

Stay as positive as you can, Leigh.

((HUGS))
I know you're going through a terrible time right now, so I appreciate you taking the time to write. I'm grieving your loss with you as well. ((hugs))
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Joined: November 27th, 2011, 4:22 pm

May 17th, 2012, 9:05 pm #10

I am so sorry. I can imagine a bit how scary this must be. I don't think anyone who has gone through this journey would NOT be scared. I guess the only advice is to take it one day at a time. And try to think at least one positive thought each day.
good advice.. Thank you, seymo. n/t
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