Joined: 6:49 AM - Jul 23, 2008

8:06 PM - Apr 09, 2012 #21

I wrote a long letter to my donor pouring my heart out to her, thanking her, explaining what a difference she had made in my life, and never heard a word. I even contacted the agency owner just to be sure she got the letter, and I was worried that if she had, maybe I had upset her in some way, it just seemed so odd not to respond. Yep, the agency owner had given it to her herself and the donor never responded, not so much as a grunt! Needless to say, I felt foolish. I wasn't expecting a wet tongue kiss or anything like that, but a simple "so glad I could help" would have sufficed.



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Joined: 6:49 AM - Jul 23, 2008

8:11 PM - Apr 09, 2012 #22

I went and googled her and read some of her fiction. Tripe. Pure, utter tripe. Reading it was akin to choosing to watch someone self-pleasure. I didn't stick around for the...er...climax of the story.
Mind you, I have a lot yet to learn about grammer. I'm no expert, though I do know a thing or two! I am that obnoxious person who sees (and hears) almost every grammatical error. But I must say I was so p!ssed off reading the content that I didn't catch but one or two of the more glaring errors. I am shocked that 1) she considers herself a writer, and 2) that Atlantic would publish such a poorly written thing!! I mean, wow. How the mighty have fallen. Atlantic used to be one of the great quality mags.
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Joined: 10:01 PM - Aug 07, 2007

8:12 PM - Apr 09, 2012 #23

I found this April 4th article equally riveting and blood boiling. She seems to have a deep seated anger toward egg donation, and to the women specifically who are the recipients. I wonder how she would feel if she hadn't found out her problem with genetics, and the impact it may have on her own fertility.

Curious to hear your thoughts on this article. It is long, but I wasn't able to put it down.

Here is the link:

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archi ... gs/253625/

Baby Blessings,
Jordee




I didnt like the first sentence or the end. THat pissed me off the most! She seems very selfish for having done this to be honest. I am pretty sure she would not be a friend in my life. I think the story of donating, finding out the medical info later, dealing with that etc was a great thought but her execution and attitude are atrocious!
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Joined: 10:01 PM - Aug 07, 2007

8:14 PM - Apr 09, 2012 #24

Mind you, I have a lot yet to learn about grammer. I'm no expert, though I do know a thing or two! I am that obnoxious person who sees (and hears) almost every grammatical error. But I must say I was so p!ssed off reading the content that I didn't catch but one or two of the more glaring errors. I am shocked that 1) she considers herself a writer, and 2) that Atlantic would publish such a poorly written thing!! I mean, wow. How the mighty have fallen. Atlantic used to be one of the great quality mags.
I had to reread some parts because of run-on sentences or weird ordering of words, not to mention the random stuff like "naval oranges". I didn't know our navy produces oranges?
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Joined: 4:42 PM - Aug 12, 2004

8:14 PM - Apr 09, 2012 #25

I found this April 4th article equally riveting and blood boiling. She seems to have a deep seated anger toward egg donation, and to the women specifically who are the recipients. I wonder how she would feel if she hadn't found out her problem with genetics, and the impact it may have on her own fertility.

Curious to hear your thoughts on this article. It is long, but I wasn't able to put it down.

Here is the link:

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archi ... gs/253625/

Baby Blessings,
Jordee




She really is a clueless jerk (or, as BBG so eloquently put it, a "narcissistic asshat")! Here's another lovely quote:

"...but, really, I just don't want to do another round of hormones, to push my luck with the retrieval surgery, to feel like a luxury guinea pig, to be a part of the creation of another mystery child, to feel somewhat criminal when I deposit 8,000 dollars that could have been better spent on adopting a child instead of this elaborate luxury operation that may cost less than a handbag this mother could conceivably own and that I've become complicit in all this and why didn't these people just adopt because it obviously wasn't the money and yes, maybe the mother really wanted to experience childbirth and who am I to tell a stranger that she shouldn't want that but is being a parent really about giving birth and if I say that it isn't about giving birth, does that make me, somehow, a parent?"

Good lord. Not only "why didn't she just adopt"...but then the presumption that "it obviously wasn't the money"... REALLY?! Do you have any fricking idea how much money adoption costs?? (Yes, for me, it really WAS "about the money"... as in, I could do a DE cycle in South Africa a hell of a lot cheaper than I could adopt a child anywhere. That's the simple, plain truth of the matter. Of course I could also go fifteen thousand dollars into dept doing it, but hey, that beats going $40,000 into dept!)

I'm really saddened to think that this is how donors might feel about us. I'm hoping they aren't all like this; that at least some of them (or most?) might actually realize that many of us can't afford this easily; that we save, and scrape, we dig out our credit cards, and just about move heaven and earth to try to make this dream come true. And that, at the end of the day, when we hold our babies, we adore them unconditionally, and never, ever, spend time "laughing" about our children's "imperfections" or gloating that "they didn't get it from me." (Her arrogance and presumption in this regard leave me totally speechless!!!)

So, yes, interesting article. I haven't even finished it yet, but just felt compelled to share...

Maya



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Joined: 6:49 AM - Jul 23, 2008

8:30 PM - Apr 09, 2012 #26

I had to reread some parts because of run-on sentences or weird ordering of words, not to mention the random stuff like "naval oranges". I didn't know our navy produces oranges?
nt
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Joined: 5:25 PM - Dec 04, 2005

8:30 PM - Apr 09, 2012 #27

I wrote a long letter to my donor pouring my heart out to her, thanking her, explaining what a difference she had made in my life, and never heard a word. I even contacted the agency owner just to be sure she got the letter, and I was worried that if she had, maybe I had upset her in some way, it just seemed so odd not to respond. Yep, the agency owner had given it to her herself and the donor never responded, not so much as a grunt! Needless to say, I felt foolish. I wasn't expecting a wet tongue kiss or anything like that, but a simple "so glad I could help" would have sufficed.


I, myself, for emotional reasons, would never be able to donate my eggs. I respect that everyone is different in how they are able to cope with emotionally complicated situations. I would imagine that some donors might need to keep a distance from the recipient as a way to keep detached from the outcome.


Baby literally pushing me away from computer. Gotta go! Sorry if clumsy...
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Joined: 9:06 PM - Sep 26, 2008

8:45 PM - Apr 09, 2012 #28

She really is a clueless jerk (or, as BBG so eloquently put it, a "narcissistic asshat")! Here's another lovely quote:

"...but, really, I just don't want to do another round of hormones, to push my luck with the retrieval surgery, to feel like a luxury guinea pig, to be a part of the creation of another mystery child, to feel somewhat criminal when I deposit 8,000 dollars that could have been better spent on adopting a child instead of this elaborate luxury operation that may cost less than a handbag this mother could conceivably own and that I've become complicit in all this and why didn't these people just adopt because it obviously wasn't the money and yes, maybe the mother really wanted to experience childbirth and who am I to tell a stranger that she shouldn't want that but is being a parent really about giving birth and if I say that it isn't about giving birth, does that make me, somehow, a parent?"

Good lord. Not only "why didn't she just adopt"...but then the presumption that "it obviously wasn't the money"... REALLY?! Do you have any fricking idea how much money adoption costs?? (Yes, for me, it really WAS "about the money"... as in, I could do a DE cycle in South Africa a hell of a lot cheaper than I could adopt a child anywhere. That's the simple, plain truth of the matter. Of course I could also go fifteen thousand dollars into dept doing it, but hey, that beats going $40,000 into dept!)

I'm really saddened to think that this is how donors might feel about us. I'm hoping they aren't all like this; that at least some of them (or most?) might actually realize that many of us can't afford this easily; that we save, and scrape, we dig out our credit cards, and just about move heaven and earth to try to make this dream come true. And that, at the end of the day, when we hold our babies, we adore them unconditionally, and never, ever, spend time "laughing" about our children's "imperfections" or gloating that "they didn't get it from me." (Her arrogance and presumption in this regard leave me totally speechless!!!)

So, yes, interesting article. I haven't even finished it yet, but just felt compelled to share...

Maya



She got all that nonsense in one LOOOOONG run-on sentence? :0 Wow! So that's what 'great writer' means.
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Joined: 1:22 AM - Jan 15, 2008

8:52 PM - Apr 09, 2012 #29

She really is a clueless jerk (or, as BBG so eloquently put it, a "narcissistic asshat")! Here's another lovely quote:

"...but, really, I just don't want to do another round of hormones, to push my luck with the retrieval surgery, to feel like a luxury guinea pig, to be a part of the creation of another mystery child, to feel somewhat criminal when I deposit 8,000 dollars that could have been better spent on adopting a child instead of this elaborate luxury operation that may cost less than a handbag this mother could conceivably own and that I've become complicit in all this and why didn't these people just adopt because it obviously wasn't the money and yes, maybe the mother really wanted to experience childbirth and who am I to tell a stranger that she shouldn't want that but is being a parent really about giving birth and if I say that it isn't about giving birth, does that make me, somehow, a parent?"

Good lord. Not only "why didn't she just adopt"...but then the presumption that "it obviously wasn't the money"... REALLY?! Do you have any fricking idea how much money adoption costs?? (Yes, for me, it really WAS "about the money"... as in, I could do a DE cycle in South Africa a hell of a lot cheaper than I could adopt a child anywhere. That's the simple, plain truth of the matter. Of course I could also go fifteen thousand dollars into dept doing it, but hey, that beats going $40,000 into dept!)

I'm really saddened to think that this is how donors might feel about us. I'm hoping they aren't all like this; that at least some of them (or most?) might actually realize that many of us can't afford this easily; that we save, and scrape, we dig out our credit cards, and just about move heaven and earth to try to make this dream come true. And that, at the end of the day, when we hold our babies, we adore them unconditionally, and never, ever, spend time "laughing" about our children's "imperfections" or gloating that "they didn't get it from me." (Her arrogance and presumption in this regard leave me totally speechless!!!)

So, yes, interesting article. I haven't even finished it yet, but just felt compelled to share...

Maya



and by the way, my DE cycles are making it very hard to make my mortgage payments now. The callousness is what got me, the mean spirited, spiteful, angry, resentful tone-- like we went in there and robbed her of her eggs. I really just don't get it.

And no. I don't believe most donors feel this way, though I am sure there is some lingering feelings towards the children born from the donation, I am sure it is an unsettling feeling to think of someone genetically connected to you out in the world and not in your life. But like one past poster wrote, grow the F up. She readily cycled again, and was even going to cycle a 3rd time. I am not sure how it is that she views of herself as a victim, especially $16,000 later.

Baby Blessings,
Jordee




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Joined: 6:49 AM - Jul 23, 2008

8:57 PM - Apr 09, 2012 #30

I, myself, for emotional reasons, would never be able to donate my eggs. I respect that everyone is different in how they are able to cope with emotionally complicated situations. I would imagine that some donors might need to keep a distance from the recipient as a way to keep detached from the outcome.


Baby literally pushing me away from computer. Gotta go! Sorry if clumsy...
It's just rude. She should have told the agency owner to convey to me that she was happy to help, but also at the same time, have told the agency to please not send her any more messages as she prefers no contact and no extra information on the outcome. That wouldn't be so difficult, and it would have been the polite, thoughtful thing to do while still protecting herself. If it's so upsetting that she can't even cope with acknowledging a thank you, then she probably should not have donated. She comes from a wealthy family that is close and generous so she didn't do it just for the money, which makes it even harder to understand her need to distance herself to such an extent that she can't even respond. Also, the agency owner told me she was happily planning a couple more donations in the near future so she couldn't have been riddled with regret or anything. I guess I should have kept it to something more like "thanks for the egglets! you're so awesome!" instead of getting so emotional. I must have freaked her out in some way.


ETA: btw, this gripe is in response to Renata's point that not only do we not take our donors for granted, we diligently tried to thank them and were hurt by not getting a response, that's how much it meant to us to make a connection. Even though my donor appeared to blow me off (I don't know how she actually felt or why she actually did not respond), I have no doubt that she is a lovely young woman with a good spirit, and I cannot even imagine her harboring the same sort of bitterness or resentments that this Lacey gal does. If I'm wrong about that, I hope I never find out.




Last edited by biogal on 9:26 PM - Apr 09, 2012, edited 1 time in total.
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