Anyone here with IF issues in early to mid 30's

Anyone here with IF issues in early to mid 30's

Joined: February 23rd, 2012, 7:57 am

February 24th, 2012, 8:06 pm #1

I've noticed that there are a lot of women here with mainly age issues causing IF. I completely understand that this is a major issue and that you guys experience the same pain as someone in my position. I have no intention of upsetting anyone, but I'm wondering if there are any DE mum's out there who have IF issues caused by recurring endometriosis and scar tissue and are closer in age to me.

I'm struggling at the moment with the thought that I am now half a woman if at all, due to the fact that I can't have my own child at such a young age (34). If anyone can relate, please post. I would love to hear ways to deal with this. I'm fighting tears all day long and just hang out for bed time, when I get 6 or so hours to forget about it.

I should mention that I have a 3 yr old miracle that was conceived 2 months shy of my first IVF cycle, so I just assumed that we could have another one either naturally or with IVF, only to find that this is not the case. I'm so gutted and struggling to get through the day without tears.
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Joined: August 6th, 2011, 6:43 am

February 24th, 2012, 8:41 pm #2

I'm not one of them but there are some. The High FSH board is packed with them but they are not doing DE right now.

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Joined: February 29th, 2008, 2:22 pm

February 24th, 2012, 8:44 pm #3

I've noticed that there are a lot of women here with mainly age issues causing IF. I completely understand that this is a major issue and that you guys experience the same pain as someone in my position. I have no intention of upsetting anyone, but I'm wondering if there are any DE mum's out there who have IF issues caused by recurring endometriosis and scar tissue and are closer in age to me.

I'm struggling at the moment with the thought that I am now half a woman if at all, due to the fact that I can't have my own child at such a young age (34). If anyone can relate, please post. I would love to hear ways to deal with this. I'm fighting tears all day long and just hang out for bed time, when I get 6 or so hours to forget about it.

I should mention that I have a 3 yr old miracle that was conceived 2 months shy of my first IVF cycle, so I just assumed that we could have another one either naturally or with IVF, only to find that this is not the case. I'm so gutted and struggling to get through the day without tears.
I was 31 when diagnosed with High FSH and Endo. I spent 9 years (OE IVFs and 2 DE cyles). I had m/c and numerous chemical prgs with both. After my last failed DE FET, I chose to pursue adoption. I now have 2 adopted girls who are bio siblings (adopted both at birth- now they are 3 and 18 mos.) There are many wonderful ladies on this board who have encountered these issues. The ladies have been my lifesaver (and I can't seem to leave!)



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Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

February 24th, 2012, 9:54 pm #4

I've noticed that there are a lot of women here with mainly age issues causing IF. I completely understand that this is a major issue and that you guys experience the same pain as someone in my position. I have no intention of upsetting anyone, but I'm wondering if there are any DE mum's out there who have IF issues caused by recurring endometriosis and scar tissue and are closer in age to me.

I'm struggling at the moment with the thought that I am now half a woman if at all, due to the fact that I can't have my own child at such a young age (34). If anyone can relate, please post. I would love to hear ways to deal with this. I'm fighting tears all day long and just hang out for bed time, when I get 6 or so hours to forget about it.

I should mention that I have a 3 yr old miracle that was conceived 2 months shy of my first IVF cycle, so I just assumed that we could have another one either naturally or with IVF, only to find that this is not the case. I'm so gutted and struggling to get through the day without tears.
I wasn't going to respond as I'm older, and way older, but you have got to stop that "half a woman" refrain in your head, OK? There are younger women here with severe gyn problems that cause them to need DE, and I mean women who have had them in their teens and twenties, and even a couple who don't need DE for IF at all; they are carriers of genetic disorders. You are not your reproductive organs -- you've got to get a grip. I'm not saying I think you will, but what if you needed a hysterectomy? Lots of women do. How will you survive menopause? If you think you're "half a woman" now, imagine how you'll feel then?

So, I'll exit right and let the younger women on the list counsel you, but sending you a {{Hug}} and hoping your perspective will adjust soon.

Take care,

Maggie (in VA)
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Joined: September 16th, 2005, 6:27 pm

February 24th, 2012, 9:59 pm #5

I've noticed that there are a lot of women here with mainly age issues causing IF. I completely understand that this is a major issue and that you guys experience the same pain as someone in my position. I have no intention of upsetting anyone, but I'm wondering if there are any DE mum's out there who have IF issues caused by recurring endometriosis and scar tissue and are closer in age to me.

I'm struggling at the moment with the thought that I am now half a woman if at all, due to the fact that I can't have my own child at such a young age (34). If anyone can relate, please post. I would love to hear ways to deal with this. I'm fighting tears all day long and just hang out for bed time, when I get 6 or so hours to forget about it.

I should mention that I have a 3 yr old miracle that was conceived 2 months shy of my first IVF cycle, so I just assumed that we could have another one either naturally or with IVF, only to find that this is not the case. I'm so gutted and struggling to get through the day without tears.
I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. Yes, there are many, many young women I have met over the years dealing with this. It is incredibly unfair to be diagnosed so young and to have friends all around you popping out babies like popcorn. I've been there. I was dx at 28 with POF and now also have adenmyosis and a bleeding disorder. I have an OE IVF DD who was very literally my golden egg. After that cycle I never had another egg (and very few prior). I also have a DS through DEIVF that is 2. Only you can work through the feelings that this tough journey brings. And I do think that we all SHOULD travel that painful path to get to a really good place before becoming parents in unexpected ways. You will arrive there in your own way. For now, all I can do is tell you about me. I have been in your place crying and barely able to function. I regret the lost hours I could have been enjoying dd as a 1 and 2 year old that I spent crying in front of the computer. I don't regret the time I spent working through any of my own hang ups b/c they are no longer with me. I never, never, ever have a sad day over my infertility anymore. We ended up with an incredible treasure of a little boy. I would not have it any other way with any other kids. I know it's impossible to imagine right now but you will come out the other side of this. There is no difference in parenting an OE or DE kid nor is there a difference for the kids. It's so much exactly the same it's silly. We are open and proud of our story which is also helpful, in my opinion, in working through any issues and embracing your path. Best wishes for the journey and I look forward to when it is your turn to cheer someone on in the same way in a few short years!
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Joined: November 11th, 2009, 5:59 pm

February 24th, 2012, 10:50 pm #6

I've noticed that there are a lot of women here with mainly age issues causing IF. I completely understand that this is a major issue and that you guys experience the same pain as someone in my position. I have no intention of upsetting anyone, but I'm wondering if there are any DE mum's out there who have IF issues caused by recurring endometriosis and scar tissue and are closer in age to me.

I'm struggling at the moment with the thought that I am now half a woman if at all, due to the fact that I can't have my own child at such a young age (34). If anyone can relate, please post. I would love to hear ways to deal with this. I'm fighting tears all day long and just hang out for bed time, when I get 6 or so hours to forget about it.

I should mention that I have a 3 yr old miracle that was conceived 2 months shy of my first IVF cycle, so I just assumed that we could have another one either naturally or with IVF, only to find that this is not the case. I'm so gutted and struggling to get through the day without tears.
I was dx with stage 4 endometriosis when I was 22 and had my DE babies when I was 33. There are a few of us in our 30's who post somewhat regularly. We all have different stories. For me personally being infertile has always been part of my story so I didnt' feel any less of a woman - it's just who I am. If I wasn't able to have these precious babies I'd feel very differently but I know without a doubt they are the exact little people that were supposed to come into my life and I wouldn't do it again with my own eggs given the chance.

Feel free to email me at ajs3531 at yahoo if you want to talk off the board.

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Joined: November 20th, 2006, 6:03 pm

February 24th, 2012, 11:34 pm #7

I've noticed that there are a lot of women here with mainly age issues causing IF. I completely understand that this is a major issue and that you guys experience the same pain as someone in my position. I have no intention of upsetting anyone, but I'm wondering if there are any DE mum's out there who have IF issues caused by recurring endometriosis and scar tissue and are closer in age to me.

I'm struggling at the moment with the thought that I am now half a woman if at all, due to the fact that I can't have my own child at such a young age (34). If anyone can relate, please post. I would love to hear ways to deal with this. I'm fighting tears all day long and just hang out for bed time, when I get 6 or so hours to forget about it.

I should mention that I have a 3 yr old miracle that was conceived 2 months shy of my first IVF cycle, so I just assumed that we could have another one either naturally or with IVF, only to find that this is not the case. I'm so gutted and struggling to get through the day without tears.
I had my first baby(ies) - DE boy/girl twins - when I was 35, and love them so much I went back for more, had my second daughter our third child when I was 39. And I long for just one more...

I hear you. While I do NOT think that one person's infertility is more painful than another's, I think it's safe to say it's a bit more of a shock when it happens at 30 vs. much later. I thought I was starting "in time" and yet already had high FSH and rotten eggs (among many other issues which revealed themselves over time, slowly and painfully!)

That said, I can say 100% that I would not turn back the clock and try oh, five years earlier, because that would mean I'd be trying with someone who would not have been nearly the husband and father that my DH is, and I would not have the EXACT kids I have now. Really, I mean it, I would NOT want to go back and have my genetic children. I'm tickled every time I look at my three and am so desperately in love with them I don't even know how to put it into words.

My advice would be to go ahead and grieve, acknowledge that it's NOT FAIR - it's just a crapshoot as to who gets to be fertile and who doesn't - and then move on and let the bitterness and anger go. It did not help me to hang onto those emotions at all, and I let go pretty fast. I was just happy that I would get to experience a pregnancy and nurse. Honestly that part was so much more important to me than the genetic link, and then I realized FAR more important of either of those things, once we had two DE failures - was just knowing that I would one day hold MY CHILD, however and whenever that had to happen. DH and I made a pledge to each other before we had our first child that WE WOULD NOT STOP until we had a child to love and nurture. And we didn't - three fresh DE cycles and a terrifying pg later, we had our twins. And it was worth every bit of the long, hard road to get here. I don't feel like a failure, I feel like I ROCK!!! I held on by my fingernails and got through every f'ing BFN, every mc (7 of them, every unpleasant vaginal u/s, every last IM shot through welts, two *sshole REs (until I found my wonderful one) and even occasional mystery asthma attacks from the meds, but every unpleasant step - it's all a DISTANT memory about which I could care less. Seriously, I sit here typing this trying to recount how horrible it was and it was, but the sadness is gone. I may still get jealous when fertile moms my age complain about how their birth control failed AGAIN and they can't believe they're having another (!!!), but that's only b/c their nest eggs are probably still intact along with the ones in their ovaries, and I really wish IF treatment had been free . Or at least covered by insurance!

My advice as someone who's been there done that would be to let yourself feel every bit of this loss, and then try to let go and do what it takes to be happy. I know that sounds trite, but since you have one child already, I don't need to tell you how wonderful it is - if your heart longs for another, just put one foot in front of the other until it happens. GL to you! Hugs,
Kenny

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Joined: March 21st, 2007, 7:05 pm

February 24th, 2012, 11:47 pm #8

I've noticed that there are a lot of women here with mainly age issues causing IF. I completely understand that this is a major issue and that you guys experience the same pain as someone in my position. I have no intention of upsetting anyone, but I'm wondering if there are any DE mum's out there who have IF issues caused by recurring endometriosis and scar tissue and are closer in age to me.

I'm struggling at the moment with the thought that I am now half a woman if at all, due to the fact that I can't have my own child at such a young age (34). If anyone can relate, please post. I would love to hear ways to deal with this. I'm fighting tears all day long and just hang out for bed time, when I get 6 or so hours to forget about it.

I should mention that I have a 3 yr old miracle that was conceived 2 months shy of my first IVF cycle, so I just assumed that we could have another one either naturally or with IVF, only to find that this is not the case. I'm so gutted and struggling to get through the day without tears.
that I would need to use donor eggs due to a genetic issue. Luckily, I had my DD with first fresh cycle and then twins on our third try.
~Jessi



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Joined: December 9th, 2008, 6:13 pm

February 25th, 2012, 12:01 am #9

I've noticed that there are a lot of women here with mainly age issues causing IF. I completely understand that this is a major issue and that you guys experience the same pain as someone in my position. I have no intention of upsetting anyone, but I'm wondering if there are any DE mum's out there who have IF issues caused by recurring endometriosis and scar tissue and are closer in age to me.

I'm struggling at the moment with the thought that I am now half a woman if at all, due to the fact that I can't have my own child at such a young age (34). If anyone can relate, please post. I would love to hear ways to deal with this. I'm fighting tears all day long and just hang out for bed time, when I get 6 or so hours to forget about it.

I should mention that I have a 3 yr old miracle that was conceived 2 months shy of my first IVF cycle, so I just assumed that we could have another one either naturally or with IVF, only to find that this is not the case. I'm so gutted and struggling to get through the day without tears.
I was dx at 29 after trying for 2 years. POF. It took us awhile to find success but now at 33 I couldn't be happier! Sure I still have periods of sadness knowing that there is NO chance of a miracle baby, but my DE DD just has to smile at me and it makes the years of heart ache melt away! And I take comfort in knowing that I haven't passed my POF onto her!

When we were in the waiting to cycle, xl cycles, failing cycles, I found I could shut it out at the gym! I know it sounds silly but it was my way of taking control over my body. I couldn't make my body have a baby but I could make it do a 25 mile bike ride! I had a lot of anger I had to get out! I really had to find an outlet to get out my aggression! To be honest with you it saved me! What you are feeling is normal. It's very hard to get over this loss.

All my best!

ks

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Joined: January 19th, 2007, 7:18 pm

February 25th, 2012, 2:31 am #10

I've noticed that there are a lot of women here with mainly age issues causing IF. I completely understand that this is a major issue and that you guys experience the same pain as someone in my position. I have no intention of upsetting anyone, but I'm wondering if there are any DE mum's out there who have IF issues caused by recurring endometriosis and scar tissue and are closer in age to me.

I'm struggling at the moment with the thought that I am now half a woman if at all, due to the fact that I can't have my own child at such a young age (34). If anyone can relate, please post. I would love to hear ways to deal with this. I'm fighting tears all day long and just hang out for bed time, when I get 6 or so hours to forget about it.

I should mention that I have a 3 yr old miracle that was conceived 2 months shy of my first IVF cycle, so I just assumed that we could have another one either naturally or with IVF, only to find that this is not the case. I'm so gutted and struggling to get through the day without tears.
I was 34 when I got my high fsh diagnosis. I was 35 when we decided to do DE, but 38 & 40 at delivery, due to some unexpected issues in getting pg.

You are in very good company, as many women are in their 30s, just as women in their 40s are also in good company.

It can be very hard to wrap your brain around. It was for me initially & I originally thought we would never do ART & then never DE. I'm so glad I changed my mind. My 2 boys are such blessings & the lights of our lives.

Welcome, Emily, & good luck to you! It's very hard at first, but if you deeply desire a 2nd child, I don't think you will have any regrets.



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