any moms of special needs children?

any moms of special needs children?

Joined: May 18th, 2015, 12:27 am

August 15th, 2015, 11:23 pm #1

I have a daughter age 6 with special needs (diagnosed with ADHD) and wanted to know if anyone else here has a child with special needs.
Do you find its difficult to explain to other parents why your child behaves differently?
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Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

August 16th, 2015, 4:13 am #2

One of my twins has neurobehavioral issues, though we don't have a diagnosis, yet. He has lots of sensory-seeking behavior and oppositional and defiant behavior. His pedi doesn't think he's on the AS, but I've come to regard that distinction as more relevant to medical billing specialists than helping him and managing his behavior. When we get him evaluated, I'm guessing he'll be diagnosed as ODD, perhaps ADHD, and I'm not sure it's a given that all specialists wouldn't consider him to be ASD.

If I'm in a situation where I feel the need to explain my boy's behavior, I just say he has neurobehavioral issues or sensory integration issues. It can be hard, because he often comes across as strange and annoying, and people tend to assume they'll somehow know if a child has behavioral or developmental issues from seeing kids with more visible problems. And there's a huge amount of misinformation and prejudice out there, so I tend to be brief and don't give the impression I'm opening up the door to a discussion on it. We have an informal e-mail group for members here who have special needs kids, if you're interested.

Take care,

Maggie (in VA)
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Joined: March 25th, 2008, 8:46 pm

August 16th, 2015, 8:18 pm #3

I have a daughter age 6 with special needs (diagnosed with ADHD) and wanted to know if anyone else here has a child with special needs.
Do you find its difficult to explain to other parents why your child behaves differently?
I am losing my job so the planned visit for assessment had to be cancelled since the cost of diagnostics would run around $500 (I've not met the deductible for our insurance yet). He's ADHDish and SPDish and EFDish. No huge glaring issues and some things like tenacity and frustration threshold seem to be improving somewhat with age. The social issues have continued and some of the sensory issues have improved and others are pretty manageable. It just can be really wearing at times and I am sure not easy for him either. I just tell people he has some issues likely related with microprematurity. It really has not been a huge issue explaining.
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Joined: June 2nd, 2006, 8:19 pm

August 16th, 2015, 9:54 pm #4

I have a daughter age 6 with special needs (diagnosed with ADHD) and wanted to know if anyone else here has a child with special needs.
Do you find its difficult to explain to other parents why your child behaves differently?
My daughter has been diagnosed ADHD, OCD, anxiety (bordering on severe at time), depression.

She had a 504 plan at school for several years, but now that they are entering 6th grade she needs more support than a 504 can give. I have started the ball rolling on having her evaluate for ED (emotionally distrubed),autism ( thinking maybe Aspbergers), bi-polar disorder and learning issues. Hopefully in the next month or so she will have the evaluations done, and get an IEP.
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Joined: May 18th, 2015, 12:27 am

August 16th, 2015, 10:39 pm #5

I have a daughter age 6 with special needs (diagnosed with ADHD) and wanted to know if anyone else here has a child with special needs.
Do you find its difficult to explain to other parents why your child behaves differently?
thanks for responding.

I do not know how to explain to other parents when my child has flare-ups or can't sit still. They seem to think that ADHD is not real and just an excuse for poor parenting. We have sometimes found ourselves getting ostracized. I have a situation now where she is sort of being excluded from girl scouts. Didn't realize this could happen, but it can. She was in a girl scout troop in kindergarten this past year; this year, one of the moms is forming a new troop and will leave my daughter out. Also, she is excluding one of the other girls as well, a girl that was my daughter's friend in scouts. I was never given a reason, but I heard months ago that she didn't like my daughter and this other kid, and I wasn't told why or what my child had done wrong. I accompanied my daughter to all events and didn't see any horrible behavior.

I was told by the council that my daughter isn't really being kicked out, because I can Juliette her. This means she can be an independent girl scout, attend events with me, and I can help her earn badges independently of a troop. But I don't feel this will work because obviously, my daughter will see her former troop members at these events, and ask why she is no longer included. So, I've decided for now to not have her in scouts at all this year, but it wasn't an easy decision.
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Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

August 17th, 2015, 12:04 pm #6

I am really wondering how much of this is your daughter and how much is this leader. Anyway, the reason you may get the sense that some adults believe "that ADHD is not real and just an excuse for poor parenting" is that that's exactly what some of them believe. Aggravating this is that things like that idiotic Psychology Today piece called something like "French Kids Don't Get ADHD" keeps floating around on Facebook like a turd in a swimming pool. Never mind the PT has published two rebuttals to the article. It reinforces people's preconceived notions and prejudices, so they suck it right up. France actually has notoriously regressive ideas around developmental and behavioral disorders (they were still treating autism with psychotherapy in 2012, and may still be for all I know).

I started a blog for parents of kids with oppositional and defiant behavior. I don't think anyone reads it, though, because I don't publicize it outside the support groups I use. I'm just not sure I can deal with the ignorance and bigotry I'm likely to encounter if it were more public. Here's an entry on parent blaming (and about half of ADHD kids are co-diagnosed with ODD) that is written to ODD, but a lot of it applies to ADHD, too.

https://childstorm.wordpress.com/2015/0 ... ettelheim/

Maggie (in VA)
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Joined: April 28th, 2003, 8:44 pm

August 17th, 2015, 2:48 pm #7

I have a daughter age 6 with special needs (diagnosed with ADHD) and wanted to know if anyone else here has a child with special needs.
Do you find its difficult to explain to other parents why your child behaves differently?
nt
Last edited by Maybelline on August 14th, 2016, 2:29 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: November 20th, 2006, 6:03 pm

August 17th, 2015, 5:42 pm #8

thanks for responding.

I do not know how to explain to other parents when my child has flare-ups or can't sit still. They seem to think that ADHD is not real and just an excuse for poor parenting. We have sometimes found ourselves getting ostracized. I have a situation now where she is sort of being excluded from girl scouts. Didn't realize this could happen, but it can. She was in a girl scout troop in kindergarten this past year; this year, one of the moms is forming a new troop and will leave my daughter out. Also, she is excluding one of the other girls as well, a girl that was my daughter's friend in scouts. I was never given a reason, but I heard months ago that she didn't like my daughter and this other kid, and I wasn't told why or what my child had done wrong. I accompanied my daughter to all events and didn't see any horrible behavior.

I was told by the council that my daughter isn't really being kicked out, because I can Juliette her. This means she can be an independent girl scout, attend events with me, and I can help her earn badges independently of a troop. But I don't feel this will work because obviously, my daughter will see her former troop members at these events, and ask why she is no longer included. So, I've decided for now to not have her in scouts at all this year, but it wasn't an easy decision.
I would call National about that. That is beyond disgusting. We had two girls with developmental issues in our troop when I lived in CA and although it was tougher for her to interact with the girls, it was important for her AND for them to have them in the troop. All moms insisted they play with her and play nicely - i.e. no exclusion, meanness, exercise patience and tolerance, invite her to all Bday parties the girls had, etc. I could tell her mom was surprised that we went out of our way to include her, even though her frustration tolerance and attention were very low (disruptive). Then that made me mad for them, that they were surprised to encounter kindness. Grrrr.

I honestly would call national and explain what happened. They can maybe point you to a different troop; even if it's not through her existing school, you may find a NICER bunch of girls (and moms) to grow up with. Grrrr! Did I already say that???

FWIW both of my kids have issues; DS will have an IEP going into second grade and DD has issues that haven't been formally diagnosed (ADD/ ODD, anger issues, VERY low frustration threshold, she is always tripping or running/walking into things - but she bottles it up and it all comes out at home, so although has not been very visible in school yet, a couple of girls have told her she is annoying. Grrr again. Will investigate in the next year or so if it starts to really hamper her ability to form friendships or to perform in school. In the meantime we are doing things like gymnastics for her balance and coordination, trying to work on safe outlets for her anger, etc). She is also gifted, in 97th %ile for language arts, etc, an avid reader. So with her it's a mixed bag.

Hang in there. It's not easy parenting a child who's even a little bit different. The difference between parenting my twins (who both have serious but differing issues) and parenting my 3rd who is SO EASY can't even be described. I love them all to death but wow, if they were all like DD2, I'd have ten LOL. ((Hugs)).
Kenny
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Joined: May 18th, 2015, 12:27 am

August 17th, 2015, 5:48 pm #9

I am really wondering how much of this is your daughter and how much is this leader. Anyway, the reason you may get the sense that some adults believe "that ADHD is not real and just an excuse for poor parenting" is that that's exactly what some of them believe. Aggravating this is that things like that idiotic Psychology Today piece called something like "French Kids Don't Get ADHD" keeps floating around on Facebook like a turd in a swimming pool. Never mind the PT has published two rebuttals to the article. It reinforces people's preconceived notions and prejudices, so they suck it right up. France actually has notoriously regressive ideas around developmental and behavioral disorders (they were still treating autism with psychotherapy in 2012, and may still be for all I know).

I started a blog for parents of kids with oppositional and defiant behavior. I don't think anyone reads it, though, because I don't publicize it outside the support groups I use. I'm just not sure I can deal with the ignorance and bigotry I'm likely to encounter if it were more public. Here's an entry on parent blaming (and about half of ADHD kids are co-diagnosed with ODD) that is written to ODD, but a lot of it applies to ADHD, too.

https://childstorm.wordpress.com/2015/0 ... ettelheim/

Maggie (in VA)
Was "French kids don't get ADHD" kind of like that book that was popular years ago called "French Women Don't get Fat". Ugh. There were lots of rebuttals to that one also (French women can and do gain weight). I cannot wait to read your blog (am posting this before I have had a chance to open that link), thanks for letting me know about it.

My friend's son was diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. It is a day-to-day struggle for her. She has enrolled him in martial arts though, which has helped him somewhat. Other than that, he is on all kinds of medications.

As for another troop my daughter could join - probably not. The one this mom has formed is the only one in our immediate area. I will try to see if she could join a troop in a different school district, if that's even a possibility. I've also asked about her joining a brownie troop which is a level higher than the daisy troop she is supposed to be in this year. I wish I didn't have to jump through these hoops. Some parents are truly evil. My child is not bad and she has never hurt another child. She doesn't bully, tease or anything like that, she simply isn't capable of it. She is just very hyperactive.

One of these parents had a daughter that jumped on my back during one of our troop meetings when we were all sitting in a circle on the floor. This kid weighs about 35-40 pounds, and jumped on my back, and I was about 3 months pregnant at the time - with twins, and had placenta previa. Which is dangerous and I am just glad I did not miscarry, but I had to tell the child to stop because her mom wouldn't. This is one of the same moms who is cliqueing up now against me and my daughter. It just goes to show that many parents don't look at what their own kids are doing wrong, they just want to point the finger at other parents.
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Joined: April 27th, 2007, 10:46 am

August 17th, 2015, 8:13 pm #10

I have a daughter age 6 with special needs (diagnosed with ADHD) and wanted to know if anyone else here has a child with special needs.
Do you find its difficult to explain to other parents why your child behaves differently?
We have two kids who are "special." Our son has been dx'ed as borderline ADHD and our daughter wants to be a boy (rejects girl clothes and toys, has boy's haircut and likes to be taken for a boy). Sometimes I tell other Moms, especially if I feel that we have something in common or they might offer useful advice or support. I'm especially worried about my daughter now and am considering putting her in therapy.

It is not difficult for me. I need all the help I can get.
Last edited by Obie9 on August 17th, 2015, 8:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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