Anxious something else is wrong , but no evidence

Anxious something else is wrong , but no evidence

Macrita
Macrita

June 27th, 2011, 2:58 pm #1

Hi, all. Had another wake up at 4:30 am fearing de won't work night. We plan on cycling for the first time ever starting late fall (no oe, since I was diagnosed with pof at age 36). I'll be doing out of town shared risk.

I can't shake the feeling that I have something else wrong...though my ultrasounds and hsg were normal last year and I have no signs of immune issues. Has anyone had this feeling? Is there anything I can do medically to help assuage this? I went to therapy a few times when first facing the pof diagnosis, but all they kept saying was don't count your chickens, cross that bridge, etc. Lo and behold, pof was right and the worst to date was true.

The hardest part was that when I was first dealing with infert, I woke up late at night fearing my eggs were bad. And now here I am.
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karma
karma

June 27th, 2011, 5:24 pm #2

Hi Macrita- I understand your fear as infertility comes as a shock to all of us, especially at your relatively young age.
I do not have as much experience as some of the well versed ladies on this board, but wanted to say that some of this process is a leap of faith.
Most of us would prefer to do some extensive, but fast research to rule out issues in advance of very costly procedures. On the other hand I find some clinics prefer to cycle first, ask questions later- naturally at the expense of the patient's resources.
I ended up approaching my GP who is also an endocrinologist to run several panels after a OE spontaneous pg ended in m/c. Unfortunately, nothing was conclusive and after that we went ahead with our first DE round.
I noticed you mentioned you were planning a shared risk cycle. My DH and I chose to do this too, as it felt like better bet and gave us some security. I have followed a few women on these boards through cycles and really noticed a lower amount of stress on some of the women who were involved in a guarantee or shared risk program (sorry if I seem like and advertisement at all...I am not). And when it came to our first round and initial BFN, while very sad, at least we felt we had 3 more shots and a guarantee at the end if we had to resort to Plan C, adoption for us.
My DH and I have since been through our second DE attempt and happily find ourselves at 9 wks pg. My second round, while I hope you will not have to get to round two, was easier to approach and I tried to be less tense about the whole process and feel that may have attributed to my success. I guess it was the leap of faith and if all else failed, I could try yet again.
I encourage you to have your RE or an endocrinologist run some tests. Try to get yourself in a calm place in your life. And because some of it is very much out of our control, when you do cycle- try to be as peaceful as possible.
Now I hope some women who have more experience on the medical ins and outs of cycling can give you some input on pre-cycle testing!!
Best to you!
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Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

June 27th, 2011, 6:18 pm #3

Hi, all. Had another wake up at 4:30 am fearing de won't work night. We plan on cycling for the first time ever starting late fall (no oe, since I was diagnosed with pof at age 36). I'll be doing out of town shared risk.

I can't shake the feeling that I have something else wrong...though my ultrasounds and hsg were normal last year and I have no signs of immune issues. Has anyone had this feeling? Is there anything I can do medically to help assuage this? I went to therapy a few times when first facing the pof diagnosis, but all they kept saying was don't count your chickens, cross that bridge, etc. Lo and behold, pof was right and the worst to date was true.

The hardest part was that when I was first dealing with infert, I woke up late at night fearing my eggs were bad. And now here I am.
I know one of the most difficult symptoms of perimenopause for me was anxiety. Are you on HRT now? My clinic put me on HRT to regulate my periods and/or lack thereof, and the anxiety abated dramatically. On one hand, it has always torqued me how clinics make money no matter what your results, so I hear what Karma says loud and clear, but on the hand, they may not have much to go on until you've had a cycle.

I can sense your apprehension as you've had this sense that something is wrong that has consistently proven right, and I respect that a lot: I had a friend whose doctors told her she didn't have breast cancer, but she couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, and she was right. But I also know what that hormonal anxiety is like, too. Another thought for you: as much of a disappointment as it is for you to have use DE, it's kind of a blessing knowing you need to use DE up front. So many couples come to DE tapped out from years of trying with meds, IUI's, and OE IVF.

Take care,

Maggie (in VA)
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Joined: December 8th, 2006, 6:35 am

June 27th, 2011, 8:30 pm #4

Hi, all. Had another wake up at 4:30 am fearing de won't work night. We plan on cycling for the first time ever starting late fall (no oe, since I was diagnosed with pof at age 36). I'll be doing out of town shared risk.

I can't shake the feeling that I have something else wrong...though my ultrasounds and hsg were normal last year and I have no signs of immune issues. Has anyone had this feeling? Is there anything I can do medically to help assuage this? I went to therapy a few times when first facing the pof diagnosis, but all they kept saying was don't count your chickens, cross that bridge, etc. Lo and behold, pof was right and the worst to date was true.

The hardest part was that when I was first dealing with infert, I woke up late at night fearing my eggs were bad. And now here I am.
I don't know your situation, but there is no reason for you to not do a good deep exploration to assuage your fears. I spent years doing ivf with oe, and when we went to donor (with a friend), it failed fresh and frozen...then, I found out I had a fibroid which needed to be removed and I had a clotting disorder which requires lovenox.

I have another friend who absolutely should have been able to succeed with oe, but no one ever checked her for pcos. She finally explored it at my suggestion, and lo and behold, at age 41, she was diagnosed with pcos...too late for oe, but she is now carrying twins with de.

With the money it will cost to do a fresh de cycle, absolutely check everything out. I would consider Sher. I am seeing Dr. Acacio in Orange County (I don't know where you are based) and he used to be with Sher. I wish I had seen him years ago --

I would say, follow your gut.
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Anon7
Anon7

June 27th, 2011, 11:19 pm #5

Hi, all. Had another wake up at 4:30 am fearing de won't work night. We plan on cycling for the first time ever starting late fall (no oe, since I was diagnosed with pof at age 36). I'll be doing out of town shared risk.

I can't shake the feeling that I have something else wrong...though my ultrasounds and hsg were normal last year and I have no signs of immune issues. Has anyone had this feeling? Is there anything I can do medically to help assuage this? I went to therapy a few times when first facing the pof diagnosis, but all they kept saying was don't count your chickens, cross that bridge, etc. Lo and behold, pof was right and the worst to date was true.

The hardest part was that when I was first dealing with infert, I woke up late at night fearing my eggs were bad. And now here I am.
your fears may or may not be right. I am a big believer in 'gut instinct', but it can be difficult to decipher what is gut instinct from fear. Being diagnosed with POF at 36 is quite tough I'm sure. To me, it's a little easier to swallow that I didn't even try until 43 due to personal situation. I expected this to be hard.

Have you had a hysteroscopy? The HSG does not show everything, and the hysteroscopy is a pretty simple procedure where they can go into the uterus and tube and check for things and make the repairs so to speak while in there.

I'm routing for you.
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Leigh888
Leigh888

June 28th, 2011, 12:12 pm #6

Hi, all. Had another wake up at 4:30 am fearing de won't work night. We plan on cycling for the first time ever starting late fall (no oe, since I was diagnosed with pof at age 36). I'll be doing out of town shared risk.

I can't shake the feeling that I have something else wrong...though my ultrasounds and hsg were normal last year and I have no signs of immune issues. Has anyone had this feeling? Is there anything I can do medically to help assuage this? I went to therapy a few times when first facing the pof diagnosis, but all they kept saying was don't count your chickens, cross that bridge, etc. Lo and behold, pof was right and the worst to date was true.

The hardest part was that when I was first dealing with infert, I woke up late at night fearing my eggs were bad. And now here I am.
I was sure that we were missing something. So sure that I insisted on using a guarantee program. I didn't want to lose any money when I knew that DE wasn't going to work either.

Adding to my anxiety was that all my ovarian test results were only borderline abnormal.

My first DE cycle was a c/p making me even more sure that we were missing something. I did insist on some extra testing at that point even though my RE thought that we just got a bad batch of eggs. I tested positive for a clotting issue so we added lovenox to my protocol for the next go.

Second DE cycle we had better embryos to transfer and it worked. I really think the better embryos is the reason for the success and not the lovenox.

So, in my case, it looks like my gut was wrong and it was just my own fears convincing me that it wouldn't work. Good luck to you!!
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