Another donor question - plz help

Another donor question - plz help

Joined: December 1st, 2010, 2:28 am

June 15th, 2011, 11:22 pm #1

.. my RE is just bumming me out now. Our first donor did not work out, but our agency found another donor for us. The girl is 26 and a 5 times donor - so this will be her last one. A summary of her records :
1. 20 eggs, 2 transfer, 2 frozen, BFP -m/c
2. 39 eggs, 2 transfer, 0 frozen, BFP - live birth
3. 23 eggs, 2 transfer, 0 frozen, BFP - dont know after that
4. 27 eggs, 2 transfer, 4 frozen, BFN
5. 15 eggs, 2 transfer, 6 frozen, BFP

Our RE says our chances of success are 50% or lesser with this donor. She would let us make the gamble. I am totally bummed out now - its a lot of money at risk for a less than 50% chances. Really not sure what to do.

Your thoughts ladies ? Very much appreciate your help.
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Piper
Piper

June 16th, 2011, 12:00 am #2

First off, I know how difficult this is- it seems like everything is wait, wait, wait- and nothing is ever simple. If these records are accurate, it is concerning that she makes a lot of eggs, yet very few make it to the freeze stage -- and the live birth record is less than stellar.

I think you need to find another donor.
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Joined: January 31st, 2011, 3:38 am

June 16th, 2011, 12:19 am #3

.. my RE is just bumming me out now. Our first donor did not work out, but our agency found another donor for us. The girl is 26 and a 5 times donor - so this will be her last one. A summary of her records :
1. 20 eggs, 2 transfer, 2 frozen, BFP -m/c
2. 39 eggs, 2 transfer, 0 frozen, BFP - live birth
3. 23 eggs, 2 transfer, 0 frozen, BFP - dont know after that
4. 27 eggs, 2 transfer, 4 frozen, BFN
5. 15 eggs, 2 transfer, 6 frozen, BFP

Our RE says our chances of success are 50% or lesser with this donor. She would let us make the gamble. I am totally bummed out now - its a lot of money at risk for a less than 50% chances. Really not sure what to do.

Your thoughts ladies ? Very much appreciate your help.
This isn't a good track record. You can do better. Our RE vetoed several donors. We paid him good money to do his best to get us pregnant and choosing the right donor is the first step. Hang in there, hun. I know it's hard. I know it this process feels like Groundhog Day. But you will get there, brick by brick. No other way.
Last edited by elseeG on June 16th, 2011, 10:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Anon7
Anon7

June 16th, 2011, 2:43 am #4

.. my RE is just bumming me out now. Our first donor did not work out, but our agency found another donor for us. The girl is 26 and a 5 times donor - so this will be her last one. A summary of her records :
1. 20 eggs, 2 transfer, 2 frozen, BFP -m/c
2. 39 eggs, 2 transfer, 0 frozen, BFP - live birth
3. 23 eggs, 2 transfer, 0 frozen, BFP - dont know after that
4. 27 eggs, 2 transfer, 4 frozen, BFN
5. 15 eggs, 2 transfer, 6 frozen, BFP

Our RE says our chances of success are 50% or lesser with this donor. She would let us make the gamble. I am totally bummed out now - its a lot of money at risk for a less than 50% chances. Really not sure what to do.

Your thoughts ladies ? Very much appreciate your help.
It's odd that the last cycle appears to be the best? But regardless, the others don't look good at all, so many eggs, and none frozen? And a m/c and BFN? Nope. Nope. I know you are frustrated and SO tired of being on hold. I hear you! BUT, you are right, and so is your RE. For the $$ you will be spending, you need to maximize your chances.

Very best of luck to you.
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Zaytune
Zaytune

June 16th, 2011, 2:31 pm #5

.. my RE is just bumming me out now. Our first donor did not work out, but our agency found another donor for us. The girl is 26 and a 5 times donor - so this will be her last one. A summary of her records :
1. 20 eggs, 2 transfer, 2 frozen, BFP -m/c
2. 39 eggs, 2 transfer, 0 frozen, BFP - live birth
3. 23 eggs, 2 transfer, 0 frozen, BFP - dont know after that
4. 27 eggs, 2 transfer, 4 frozen, BFN
5. 15 eggs, 2 transfer, 6 frozen, BFP

Our RE says our chances of success are 50% or lesser with this donor. She would let us make the gamble. I am totally bummed out now - its a lot of money at risk for a less than 50% chances. Really not sure what to do.

Your thoughts ladies ? Very much appreciate your help.
This may be somewhat surprising , but I would go with this donor . The reason is that East Indian donors are difficult to come by and again I have a feeling that east Indian donors in general perform different from other donors . Somewhat poor embryo quality/survival to freezing in general with east Indian donors . Atleast some of her cycles were positive , if you take a completely unproven donor , it is taking a chance . Getting a completely proven east Indian donor with everything else matching is difficult and may mean a long wait and more money spent etc .
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BlessedThistle
BlessedThistle

June 16th, 2011, 3:04 pm #6

I think that might decide it for me. Did they decide to do a lower stim protocol and finally get a good number to freeze?
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Joined: April 21st, 2006, 4:35 pm

June 16th, 2011, 5:02 pm #7

.. my RE is just bumming me out now. Our first donor did not work out, but our agency found another donor for us. The girl is 26 and a 5 times donor - so this will be her last one. A summary of her records :
1. 20 eggs, 2 transfer, 2 frozen, BFP -m/c
2. 39 eggs, 2 transfer, 0 frozen, BFP - live birth
3. 23 eggs, 2 transfer, 0 frozen, BFP - dont know after that
4. 27 eggs, 2 transfer, 4 frozen, BFN
5. 15 eggs, 2 transfer, 6 frozen, BFP

Our RE says our chances of success are 50% or lesser with this donor. She would let us make the gamble. I am totally bummed out now - its a lot of money at risk for a less than 50% chances. Really not sure what to do.

Your thoughts ladies ? Very much appreciate your help.
Would be the lack of frozen embryos. As far as the BFN and m/c - could you get more info from the RE on those cycles (ie, was there male factor, etc?) I donated 6 times but three of my donations were to the same couple who had issues other than just egg quality - my first two cycles with them would have produced horrible donor stats (either BFN or m/c with every fresh and frozen transfer.) However, the third cycle they used a GS and had immediate success. However, with all 6 cycles the fert rate was about 70 - 80% and most of those embryos made it to freeze. It can be hard to determine if a cycle failure is due to egg quality, sperm quality, lining quality or just chance, but the lack of frozen embryos for each cycle would make me concerned about egg quality. I agree with the poster who suggested you get more specific information about her last protocol. If it is hard to find this ethnicity in a donor, you may want to get more information before you start over completely.
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Anonymous
Anonymous

June 16th, 2011, 7:42 pm #8

Love to have your perspective as a long-time donor on these issues. I was so surprised (and delighted!) to read that you donated for one couple 3 times, we are embarking on that now. I thought we were the only IPs who asked our donor to donate 3 times! Nice to know we are not alone. We have such high regard for our wonderful donor that we could not even consider another. We consider ourselves extremely fortunate to have her back again, as I am sure your IPs feel similar gratitude for you.
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Joined: December 1st, 2010, 2:28 am

June 17th, 2011, 1:28 am #9

It's odd that the last cycle appears to be the best? But regardless, the others don't look good at all, so many eggs, and none frozen? And a m/c and BFN? Nope. Nope. I know you are frustrated and SO tired of being on hold. I hear you! BUT, you are right, and so is your RE. For the $$ you will be spending, you need to maximize your chances.

Very best of luck to you.
I cant even begin to tell you how hard it is to find a decent East Indian donor that takes somewhat after me or DH( we are no tell - even blood group is important). And I am really struggling with several odds at the moment...I am much older than my DH, a few months after my marriage, I hit an FSH of 58, tried in vain to cure myself for 3 years, was on high FSH board under a different name, tried SO MANY things - acu, chinese, ayurveda, no wheat, no dairy, no so many things, fasting, overeating, lots of secret crying in the parking lots ..then decided to move to DE with my sis in india, who has 2 kids. We talked to several places in India, we were all set, then right before our planned dates, her fsh came back at 15 (out of the blue), the RE refused, treated us like dogs - it was very humiliating, we dumped that place. I tried to bring my sis to US for IVF (my RE here agreed), to take a chance - her passport got lost by Indian government, it took 10 months - and now she cant come anymore. Between all this drama I began to look for an East Indian donor and finally decided to move to anonymous donor - and all this while no one in our entire family knows, they just "say" things. Finding an East indian was very hard, there was some or the other problem with everyone, and then we found HER. She did'nt work out, we found another one (who is the topic of discussion). Now we have one more news to deal with, my DH needs to go to India for 1 year in Nov. I will go with him - same family pressure will come back. I just dont want to cycle in india, after the bad experience before, and that we wont even get to see our donor's pic.I am also not ready to deal with all the pressure and family stuff that is in the offing - I am really hoping that I can find a donor here and more so, be fortunate to carry a baby ( oh pleeze dear god ).

Honestly, there is a fear in me, that all this is meant to be, that I need to learn to move on with my life and forget about this; this may sound dramatic, but everytime something like this happens, it rekindles that fear. Sorry just too bummed out.. but I really really appreciate you listening.

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Joined: December 1st, 2010, 2:28 am

June 17th, 2011, 1:34 am #10

This may be somewhat surprising , but I would go with this donor . The reason is that East Indian donors are difficult to come by and again I have a feeling that east Indian donors in general perform different from other donors . Somewhat poor embryo quality/survival to freezing in general with east Indian donors . Atleast some of her cycles were positive , if you take a completely unproven donor , it is taking a chance . Getting a completely proven east Indian donor with everything else matching is difficult and may mean a long wait and more money spent etc .
I have the same thoughts.. would I ever find a perfect donor ? I think not. I may need to settle with going with a donor without a pic in a few months, in a rude clinic in india - would I prefer that to this donor ? Those are the kind of trade-offs I am struggling with.. I know this is not a good donor, but I am not sure what will be better than this ever.

I am waiting for my RE to call me and discuss this candidly - hoping to have that discussion tomorrow. Thanks for your words. I saw your updates on the other post too - I was just now telling my DH that my friend zaytune is finally going to get started ... Hope everything works out for you - good luck.
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