After a nasty Easter weekend, I get sick with a terrible tummy bug! On the plus side, I lost any weight that I would have gained from the Easter eggs!
Then last night, DH announces that he doesn't want to go through with DE!!!!
He was so for it and all of a sudden he's changed his mind. As I think I've mentioned before, he is coming off anti depressants at the moment, so I'm hoping that it's just this affecting his judgement. Please god let it just be that!
Aaaaaaah! I hate this!
My DH pulled this on me a few times over the years. It is AWFUL! I'm assuming he was willing (reluctantly or otherwise) and has now pulled back, right?
It's 5 am here in Germany and I can't sleep but I need to try so I'm going to keep this short for now but we can talk more later, OK?
What I did: DH is a good man. I know that and I knew it then. He's a bit of a traditionalist who wants to provide for his wife as much as possible (not that he doesn't appreciate me working, etc but he feels he is the responsible one) but he has a stress-causing tendency to micromanage. So he was going under. He could not control this. We struggled. We tried.
And he (tried to) put his foot down. It was making him sick.
You say your husband has suffered from depression. Do you know if infertility was a large part of that? I know for my DH, watching me suffer was very hard. He was disappointed, but he felt he could go on and have a good enough life if I would just drop the ttcing. But I wouldn't.
Finally, I sat down with him and told him I needed to go on ahead with this one way or another. I told him HE was and could remain responsible for where we live, how we live, day to day decisions, vacations, etc, but this woman was going to be responsible for ttc. I would tell him in future only what he needed to know and would stop whining. (And, oh man, I know I was responsible for a lot of his suffering because I had spent years blowing off steam from ttc traumas. I would see how it would bring him down but I kept doing it.) So after that, I only told him what he needed to know. If we failed, it was not his failure.
One funny memory for me is one evening we were out and on the way home he asked 'Are we cycling? You didn't drink any wine.' and I asked him back 'Do you really want to know?'
Success and child mentioned below:
When our baby was born, from our 5th egg donor, after getting immune treatments and using donor sperm on half of the eggs ( we still don't know for sure, but we suspect she came from his sperm, because she has brown eyes, something neither donor had) he had a bit of post tramatic stress. He cried at least once a day for 6 months, thanking me, saying how strong I'd been and how proud he was of me. Tell your husband that if you don't do this, you will regret it for as long as you live, and if you do do this, he will be glad of it forever.
OK, not so short. Hugs to you. Good luck. And remember. Give him time. It may feel like it to you, but this doesn't have to be resolved tonight.