Again, very upset toward Dh/BIL (children ment'n)

Again, very upset toward Dh/BIL (children ment'n)

Bharani
Bharani

October 2nd, 2011, 3:57 am #1

Hello ladies,

Dh told me today just few hrs ago that his younger brother who has two children said to his aunt that so so( being dh) neglected our mom. He went to visit her yesterday with other men. My dh lives with his mom yet and does all the necessary thing mom and aunt need from grocery, taking them where they want to go and picking their med from pharmacy. He rarely comes to visit me, one of the reason we can't afford the expense him or I going back and forth alot. The BIL never helps in any way. When the aunt asked him why you don't help if you feel so so (meaning dh) neglected us. He responded "but I am raising two children." This pits me off. It is the second time that he has children that he is raising... My dh doesn for his mom more than for me and for himself. I thoughts it is ok while we are getting our goal. Because dh is first son for his mom. and he loves so much his mom and aunt. When he comes he won't stay more than 5 days. As I said he comes once in 3, or 4 months usually 4 months. It was like this since I got married.
Sorry, I just need help. Besides, no one knows our issues.
B
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Joined: September 26th, 2008, 9:06 pm

October 2nd, 2011, 6:24 am #2

I am so sorry you're having to put up with someone like that on top of your pain of fertility. I HATE people who constantly have to complain to infertiles about how HARD it is to live the wonderful life they have, raising their kids. (( )) Try to ignore him. He's an idiot.
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Joined: August 17th, 2005, 11:44 pm

October 2nd, 2011, 3:55 pm #3

Hello ladies,

Dh told me today just few hrs ago that his younger brother who has two children said to his aunt that so so( being dh) neglected our mom. He went to visit her yesterday with other men. My dh lives with his mom yet and does all the necessary thing mom and aunt need from grocery, taking them where they want to go and picking their med from pharmacy. He rarely comes to visit me, one of the reason we can't afford the expense him or I going back and forth alot. The BIL never helps in any way. When the aunt asked him why you don't help if you feel so so (meaning dh) neglected us. He responded "but I am raising two children." This pits me off. It is the second time that he has children that he is raising... My dh doesn for his mom more than for me and for himself. I thoughts it is ok while we are getting our goal. Because dh is first son for his mom. and he loves so much his mom and aunt. When he comes he won't stay more than 5 days. As I said he comes once in 3, or 4 months usually 4 months. It was like this since I got married.
Sorry, I just need help. Besides, no one knows our issues.
B
nt

Last edited by Kacee56 on October 2nd, 2011, 4:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Mrs. M
Mrs. M

October 2nd, 2011, 9:38 pm #4

Hello ladies,

Dh told me today just few hrs ago that his younger brother who has two children said to his aunt that so so( being dh) neglected our mom. He went to visit her yesterday with other men. My dh lives with his mom yet and does all the necessary thing mom and aunt need from grocery, taking them where they want to go and picking their med from pharmacy. He rarely comes to visit me, one of the reason we can't afford the expense him or I going back and forth alot. The BIL never helps in any way. When the aunt asked him why you don't help if you feel so so (meaning dh) neglected us. He responded "but I am raising two children." This pits me off. It is the second time that he has children that he is raising... My dh doesn for his mom more than for me and for himself. I thoughts it is ok while we are getting our goal. Because dh is first son for his mom. and he loves so much his mom and aunt. When he comes he won't stay more than 5 days. As I said he comes once in 3, or 4 months usually 4 months. It was like this since I got married.
Sorry, I just need help. Besides, no one knows our issues.
B
I can only imagine how difficult it must be to be going through this IF stuff with these issues too. I agree that you should ignore the stupid comment. some people are just clueless. ((hugs))
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Bharani
Bharani

October 2nd, 2011, 10:13 pm #5

nt
I don't want to lose my job. And if I take like a year or 2 years for leave of absence. Then we can't cover all the expenses since I don't get pay . And if he moves here, it will take time for him to get job ... So we thought if we work for our dream. Then decide the next move from there. But the road has become longer and longer.
Thx
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Bharani
Bharani

October 2nd, 2011, 10:16 pm #6

I can only imagine how difficult it must be to be going through this IF stuff with these issues too. I agree that you should ignore the stupid comment. some people are just clueless. ((hugs))
this type of comment touches your dignity. I don't know what to do what to say. I don't want divorce or to hold something in for them. But this type of comment make to lose any reasoning. I told dh to move from that house then to call me. Before that no communication. I really like to keep what I say. But this looks like impossible and time will tell me it's final destination.
Thx
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Bharani
Bharani

October 2nd, 2011, 10:18 pm #7

I am so sorry you're having to put up with someone like that on top of your pain of fertility. I HATE people who constantly have to complain to infertiles about how HARD it is to live the wonderful life they have, raising their kids. (( )) Try to ignore him. He's an idiot.
if he wants to help his mom. then do it. No need of giving excuses and blaming another person.
Thx
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Anon7
Anon7

October 3rd, 2011, 1:17 am #8

Hello ladies,

Dh told me today just few hrs ago that his younger brother who has two children said to his aunt that so so( being dh) neglected our mom. He went to visit her yesterday with other men. My dh lives with his mom yet and does all the necessary thing mom and aunt need from grocery, taking them where they want to go and picking their med from pharmacy. He rarely comes to visit me, one of the reason we can't afford the expense him or I going back and forth alot. The BIL never helps in any way. When the aunt asked him why you don't help if you feel so so (meaning dh) neglected us. He responded "but I am raising two children." This pits me off. It is the second time that he has children that he is raising... My dh doesn for his mom more than for me and for himself. I thoughts it is ok while we are getting our goal. Because dh is first son for his mom. and he loves so much his mom and aunt. When he comes he won't stay more than 5 days. As I said he comes once in 3, or 4 months usually 4 months. It was like this since I got married.
Sorry, I just need help. Besides, no one knows our issues.
B
Bharani,

You are in such a tough situation. I assume that your DH is on an ex-pat assignment making lots of extra $$ to bring back. OR that he needs some sort of sponsorship to work in the U.S.? I remember you said you met here. But that aside.

It is hurtful to hear people with kids make such stupid comments. I don't think your DH was trying to be hurtful, but the BIL is really taking advantage of the fact that you two don't have children. It's like he's got to constantly "one up" you all.

I'm so sorry. I know how tough this is and hope that you find your way to the family you want very, very soon. I haven't been on this board in a while.....do you have a next cycle or any next steps planned?

Good Luck to you.
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Bharani
Bharani

October 3rd, 2011, 2:40 am #9

Thanks but I didn't understand
" I assume that your DH is on an ex-pat assignment making lots of extra $$ to bring back. OR that he needs some sort of sponsorship to work in the U.S.? I remember you said you met here. But that aside. " My dh grew up in US. He went to his KJ in US so he doesn't have any documents or sponsorship issues for US. He has decent job in US. And that is one reason him and I want him to stay there if he leaves then he might not get what he want in where I am. And the same thing if I move to US. What bothers me is his brother giving excuses often that he has two children that he is raising. As if dh has any responsiblities on his back. The brother doesn't support in any form of financial/ looking after his mom and aunt.
Thanks for posting your thoughts.

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Anon7
Anon7

October 3rd, 2011, 3:06 am #10

I thought you were here in the U.S. and he was abroad. But, it doesn't really matter. I do understand exactly where you are coming from as far as his brother's comments and lack of support. That's what I meant to say - I'm sorry I wasn't clear.
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