Advise on Proven donor with mental illness in family

Advise on Proven donor with mental illness in family

Joined: February 15th, 2012, 8:33 pm

February 18th, 2012, 4:50 am #1

Hi

I have been thinking of going with the proven donor, but I am torn due to her having a paternal aunt with bipolar disease/alcoholism. Also another relative as alcoholism. I am more concerned with bipolar. I would love to hear your comments Choosing from two one is 27 proven (on going preg from prev cycle), day 3 #s all good and has paternal aunt with bipolar/alcoholism. Other is unproven, 22 years old, also has good day 3 numbers but no mental illness in family Who would you choose? Thanks for your advise I really like the unproven, but thought safer bet was proven, and than started to worry about paternal aunt bipolar. Internet states it is genetic and may skip generation. It isn't diagnosed till 30 years old.
Last edited by ArleneT on February 18th, 2012, 5:11 am, edited 1 time in total.
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demomone
demomone

February 18th, 2012, 5:09 am #2

It depends on ow you feel about the possibility of having a chid with either one of these disorders. Can you cope with it? Have you ever confronted anyone with those disorders? I would want to know what the chances are that your child may develop either disorder.

I have worked for years with both of those disorders. They can both be treated but one needs a strong family to help the patient get through rough times. I have met women who actually opt to adopt rather than pass the illness along (bipolar). What we do know is that it is genetic and I have seen several families with members having the illness. There have been many studies on this which you can easily access through pubmed.com

That said, my personal decision would be not to use a donor with a history of mental illness. I don't have the financial resources to help a child the way I would want to (private care) should they develop the illness.

I do think it is great that the donor was honest with her psych history. We chose a clinic that did very intensive psych screenings and we paid extra to have our donor retested.
Good luck..not easy to pick a donor.
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Joined: February 15th, 2012, 8:33 pm

February 18th, 2012, 5:16 am #3

I personally don't know anyone with bipolar. I am single doing this and I started to worry that would I always be looking for this in the child. Than would I worry that if it does develop, I may not be able to handle it due to me being old lady when it might appear. What do you think about all the noise on unprovens being a big risk. My other choice seems great, but unproven and 21-22 years old. I also read that young is great and young is not great. My clinic has awesome stats, so I believe they would know how to stim her.
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Anonymous
Anonymous

February 18th, 2012, 5:24 am #4

Everyone is an. Unproven donor the first time. Out of your two options, I would go for the unproven one. My donor was unoroven and I got lucky the first time. I would not risk a hereditary mental disorder.
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Joined: April 15th, 2011, 4:29 pm

February 18th, 2012, 5:26 am #5

Hi

I have been thinking of going with the proven donor, but I am torn due to her having a paternal aunt with bipolar disease/alcoholism. Also another relative as alcoholism. I am more concerned with bipolar. I would love to hear your comments Choosing from two one is 27 proven (on going preg from prev cycle), day 3 #s all good and has paternal aunt with bipolar/alcoholism. Other is unproven, 22 years old, also has good day 3 numbers but no mental illness in family Who would you choose? Thanks for your advise I really like the unproven, but thought safer bet was proven, and than started to worry about paternal aunt bipolar. Internet states it is genetic and may skip generation. It isn't diagnosed till 30 years old.
It sounds like you like her better too, you've just been scared by people telling you not to go with an unproven donor. Remember, every proven donor was unproven at some point.
I panicked about using an unproven donor, but her numbers were good and I felt that "connection". The clinic was also really happy about her numbers and was very pleased at how young she was (she was not a clinic donor, so it wasn't some unproven they were trying to push on me), so I went for it, and I couldn't be happier with my resulting little ones (and have 11 blasts in freezer, in case I decide later that the ones I have aren't enough).
Good luck in your decision.
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Joined: February 15th, 2012, 8:33 pm

February 18th, 2012, 5:37 am #6

Thank you so much. I am going to go with the unproven, and I do like her better. But just wanted to go the safer route, but when I started thinking of the mental illness I got very anxious and it didnt feel right. Very happy to hear of your success. You both are so wonderful and kind to help me with this. I really dont feel so alone, having this site to hear from those that really know
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Joined: August 6th, 2011, 6:43 am

February 18th, 2012, 5:38 am #7

Hi

I have been thinking of going with the proven donor, but I am torn due to her having a paternal aunt with bipolar disease/alcoholism. Also another relative as alcoholism. I am more concerned with bipolar. I would love to hear your comments Choosing from two one is 27 proven (on going preg from prev cycle), day 3 #s all good and has paternal aunt with bipolar/alcoholism. Other is unproven, 22 years old, also has good day 3 numbers but no mental illness in family Who would you choose? Thanks for your advise I really like the unproven, but thought safer bet was proven, and than started to worry about paternal aunt bipolar. Internet states it is genetic and may skip generation. It isn't diagnosed till 30 years old.
The unproven donor was your first choice. She is only 22, and my understanding is the egg quality is better when the donor is younger. As long as she is responsible and takes all her meds correctly. And you said she meets your criteria well.

I have a brother who is bi-polar with depression. My mom has dealt with depression/anxiety for years. And I have picked up the depression/anxiety gene myself. Depression/anxiety is part genetics and partially learned if you grew up with it. I wouldn't be concerned about the alcoholism. Most likely the aunt self medicates with alcohol.

I would be pretty reluctant to use a donor who's aunt is bi-polar having watched my brother deal with it. Or I would want to find out what the chances are your baby could pick up the illness. Does anyone else in the donor's family have any history of mental illness?

Are you paying for one cycle or a guaranteed plan? If you are paying for a guaranteed plan I would pick your unroven donor as your first choice. But other ladies that cycled many times will tell you to go with a proven donor. In which case maybe you should try to find a different proven donor. I think you kinda have to go with your gut feeling as to which donor you choose.

My donor was not proven but I knew she was the right one. Of all things I knew she was the right one because her ancestry matched mine. There were many other things about her too. I wish you luck in finding the donor that feels right for you.
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Ariadne
Ariadne

February 18th, 2012, 5:39 am #8

Hi

I have been thinking of going with the proven donor, but I am torn due to her having a paternal aunt with bipolar disease/alcoholism. Also another relative as alcoholism. I am more concerned with bipolar. I would love to hear your comments Choosing from two one is 27 proven (on going preg from prev cycle), day 3 #s all good and has paternal aunt with bipolar/alcoholism. Other is unproven, 22 years old, also has good day 3 numbers but no mental illness in family Who would you choose? Thanks for your advise I really like the unproven, but thought safer bet was proven, and than started to worry about paternal aunt bipolar. Internet states it is genetic and may skip generation. It isn't diagnosed till 30 years old.
Dh's grandmother was bipolar & his cousin is. I have not researched it & this is just anecdotal but it fits your "skips a generation" research. Dh's cousin was dx. in his early 20s, FWIW.

We were not so concerned that we opted for donor sperm, but OTOH, I would not go with a donor with a mental illness that. I don't dwell on it but I do hope our 2 children are not affected, it goes without saying.

My 1st DE cycle was a miserable failure with a proven donor & my two children are via an unproven donor, so unlike some, I don't put much extra stock in proven vs. unproven, esp. if you trust your clinic.
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Joined: September 30th, 2007, 7:22 pm

February 18th, 2012, 6:05 am #9

Hi

I have been thinking of going with the proven donor, but I am torn due to her having a paternal aunt with bipolar disease/alcoholism. Also another relative as alcoholism. I am more concerned with bipolar. I would love to hear your comments Choosing from two one is 27 proven (on going preg from prev cycle), day 3 #s all good and has paternal aunt with bipolar/alcoholism. Other is unproven, 22 years old, also has good day 3 numbers but no mental illness in family Who would you choose? Thanks for your advise I really like the unproven, but thought safer bet was proven, and than started to worry about paternal aunt bipolar. Internet states it is genetic and may skip generation. It isn't diagnosed till 30 years old.
I've had a total of 6 donors
5 of the 6 were proven (this includes one who didn't produce enough eggs for both recipients, so we got cut and never made it to transfer)

I got preg three times:
1 m/c (proven)
1 is now my 3 yr old DS (proven)
1 current pregnancy (unproven)
There was also a chemical pregnancy from another proven donor

All to illustrate that "proven" was not the magic bullet for me.

I would go with your younger, proven donor - good luck!!
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Joined: October 9th, 2008, 2:53 am

February 18th, 2012, 6:51 am #10

Hi

I have been thinking of going with the proven donor, but I am torn due to her having a paternal aunt with bipolar disease/alcoholism. Also another relative as alcoholism. I am more concerned with bipolar. I would love to hear your comments Choosing from two one is 27 proven (on going preg from prev cycle), day 3 #s all good and has paternal aunt with bipolar/alcoholism. Other is unproven, 22 years old, also has good day 3 numbers but no mental illness in family Who would you choose? Thanks for your advise I really like the unproven, but thought safer bet was proven, and than started to worry about paternal aunt bipolar. Internet states it is genetic and may skip generation. It isn't diagnosed till 30 years old.
Hi,
If it were me (remembering I am not you ok) I'd pass. I'd pass because both of these illnesses are part of the addictive illness family.
I had a friend with bi-polar and have an aunt with alcholism. They really suffer and so does their family. We have schizophrenia in our immediate family so I was glad to do donor to factor out that particular illness.
I will never ever have to worry about 'looking for it developing' in our child.
I know once you have your heart set on a particular donor it is so hard to change tack but think carefully. Once you made the decision to not take this donor then you would move on very quickly to another donor.
Think very carefully about it (I can see you are already doing this).
Please excuse my bluntness in this email. I write with a caring tone even though you can't 'hear' it, best to you, THK
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