Advise on Proven donor with mental illness in family

Anonymous
Anonymous

February 19th, 2012, 1:18 am #31

Hi

I have been thinking of going with the proven donor, but I am torn due to her having a paternal aunt with bipolar disease/alcoholism. Also another relative as alcoholism. I am more concerned with bipolar. I would love to hear your comments Choosing from two one is 27 proven (on going preg from prev cycle), day 3 #s all good and has paternal aunt with bipolar/alcoholism. Other is unproven, 22 years old, also has good day 3 numbers but no mental illness in family Who would you choose? Thanks for your advise I really like the unproven, but thought safer bet was proven, and than started to worry about paternal aunt bipolar. Internet states it is genetic and may skip generation. It isn't diagnosed till 30 years old.
I dated someone with bipolar I (big difference from bipolar II, where the type I are more likely to have major manic/psychotic issues.) I loved him dearly, he was handsome and creative and wonderful, but those episodes were horrible. Even with me trying to protect him, keep him on his meds, getting enough sleep, stable, etc.,, his behaviors would escalate and we'd end up with 7-10 days in a hospital and jobs/school, etc. in tatters. It was more than I felt I could cope with for the rest of my life, and it seemed like some of his sort of "crazy" beliefs were starting to creep into real life like he had special religious powers, etc. There was no way, given the choice, that I could bear going through that with my children.
Sorry to be so negative, but I agree with the others if going for DE trying to avoid things that might be issues.
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Joined: December 10th, 2008, 6:33 pm

February 19th, 2012, 2:27 am #32

I would prefer the unproven if the proven had any bipolar illness in her family.

This is one reason we did not proceed with another donor in July of this year - I saw family pictures and they haunted me; I sensed mental disorder in the family.

My sister is bipolar and my father was as well. There is nothing anyone can really do about bipolar illness (despite what people say), and their illness set our family up for incredible pain. To this day, my sister, who is nearly 50 is mean, angry, disruptive and uses everyone in our extended family for money. My father simply could not hold down a job and had a terrible temper at times he had no control of, which scarred us all (though I loved him dearly). Thank goodness, my sister no longer speaks to me (she won't tell anyone why, and I am now thankful she does not speak to me, as she traumatized me too much with her swings).

If you do have a child with bipolar disease, you may end up managing their troubles for the rest of your life, and worrying that they may be homeless or not taken care of after you die. This is the case with my mother. She is fighting advanced cancer and my sister's disease still took priority many times.

Using DE for me, this is the greatest hope of all, that there will be little chance of this occurring in our family.
with me it's alcoholism. And though they say they have not found a gene my family is proof there is something going on there. And I have had other medical doctors say they are sure of it.
So if my donor had close family with chemical dependency, I probably would have moved on.
I, too, feel that we have additional blessings that, though we don't know for sure, we are pretty certain clinical depression is also not in her family, and DH and I both have had our bad bouts with it.
You are being a good mommy before the fact by watching out for your little ones. do what you need to do honey.
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Adrah
Adrah

February 19th, 2012, 3:36 pm #33

Raindrops and Adra - auto spell errrr
LOL...n/t :-)
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Joined: October 9th, 2008, 2:53 am

February 20th, 2012, 4:00 am #34

HI

I dont know of anyone with these diseases first hand. I do know of a neighbor boy that developed schizoprenia in his early twenties. I use to babysit for him and he was a good kid just easily influenced. I know it is heartbreaking for his parents, his dad was adopted so it may have been from his side. I am afraid that I will always be looking for it in my child or worried that they might develop down the line and I may not be around to look after them. I am going with unproven and praying that God has a plan for me. She is from the donor clinic pool so I know they are strict on who they accept. Previous donors that cycled with them and were proven from the agency they did not want to use again. Thank you so much for the taking the time to respond. It really re-enforces that I am making the best selection.
HI Anon,
I"m a great advocate of going proven but when faced with such decisions (as yours) and having your choices I'd go unproven. Your unproven donor is also younger so that is a good thing too.
Its hard making all these decisions. But somehow you get used to it so that when another one comes along you just get quicker at it and move on quickly too.
We here have to deal with some amazing issues. I think this makes us pragmatic and definite. Just get your babe on board and things flow quickly from there (do they what take care, best, THK
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Joined: February 23rd, 2012, 7:57 am

February 24th, 2012, 8:53 pm #35

Hi

I have been thinking of going with the proven donor, but I am torn due to her having a paternal aunt with bipolar disease/alcoholism. Also another relative as alcoholism. I am more concerned with bipolar. I would love to hear your comments Choosing from two one is 27 proven (on going preg from prev cycle), day 3 #s all good and has paternal aunt with bipolar/alcoholism. Other is unproven, 22 years old, also has good day 3 numbers but no mental illness in family Who would you choose? Thanks for your advise I really like the unproven, but thought safer bet was proven, and than started to worry about paternal aunt bipolar. Internet states it is genetic and may skip generation. It isn't diagnosed till 30 years old.
My father was bipolar, technical diagnosis was manic depressive, paranoid schizophrenic. My sister has offered to be a donor and I accepted.

Obviously this was an easy choice for me, but even when I was a teenager and looking into the possibility of this being hereditary, I was told that the chance of this being inherited by me would only be increased by 50% of the normal level which is only a 4% chance anyway, making it 8%, so it's very low and that's a direct line from my dad to me!

Everyone in the world has a genetic history including mental illness. There is such a stigma which makes me so mad. My dad was a great guy and yes we had challenges, but so does everyone! Don't you want the best chance of success? If this donor gives you that, then take it!

I don't mean to offend at all as we are all going through a tough time, but no matter which donor we use, we get a genetic history and it's a complete gamble in any case. I say go with your gut, but don't consider mental illness to be a deal breaker, please!
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