Advice..Please...

Advice..Please...

Joined: February 14th, 2012, 7:22 pm

February 14th, 2012, 7:26 pm #1

Hi Ladies,
I used to post on the boards. Its been such a long time since then. I need to vent and I need advice. I am planning to use a known donor (my niece). I live in New Jersey where there is a mandate for employers to cover some form of infertility. I wish this would become a mandate all over the United States and everywhere else!!! Well ladies, I have been working at a hospital for 6 years while going to college full time. I am grateful to have a job; I know that this economy is rather difficult. But I am fed up. I am going through a lot of stress here. It has contributed to my anxiety issues and at times makes me physically sick. I feel trapped. I am holding on as much as I can for the sake of building a family and the fear that if I began to work somewhere else my insurance may be horrible. Ladies I feel so bad because I am blessed with this insurance, I wish that you all would have too. But I dont know how much more I can take. What would you gals do if you were in my situation? I am feeling so depressed, because I am torn. Having a family is one of the most important things to me at the same time I need to be healthy and take care of myself..
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minniet
minniet

February 14th, 2012, 9:20 pm #2

I have at various times, been stuck at jobs that are mentally draining. For now, you are right, you have a job with good benefits and you do not want to drop that. And I know nursing can be very tough.

Could you try some exercises on compartmentalizing? Also, I am using Dr. Thompson's active relaxation tapes daily to help with my major anxiety right now and it really does help. Maybe just listen to it for 30 minutes while you take your lunch break.

Mainly, try to see what most annoys you and put it in a box and do not allow yourself to ruminate on it. Begin making plans for your next life steps (including cycling) and whenever you start obsessing about what is making you anxious at work, think about proactive things you can do to get you toward your new life - planning out the cycle, exercise, deep breathing, etc.

It's not easy, I know.
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Joined: February 14th, 2012, 7:22 pm

February 14th, 2012, 11:17 pm #3

Thanks for the advice.. I like to listen to Joel Osteen. My honey purchased a book of his in CD form. Maybe I can bring them with me to work and listen to them. I am actually not a Nurse, I work in the Outpatient Call Center. I am in college to become an Occupational Therapist. I keep telling myself its for the cause, its for the cause.. My family building depends on it. I am going to look into the DR that you mentionen. My anxiety is soooooo bad it makes me physically sick..There is something scary that is supposed to happen, and I am absolutely dreading it. My hospital is to be bought out by another. When that happens, I may lose my benefits, and obtain there's which is so limited as to where I can go..I wish at times that my niece was 21. Here in NJ donors must be 21. She'll be 20 in August. We have a DR that states he is willing to work with us, but I don't feel like we are ready. We are in the middle of getting a new place, hectic school schedule..Im just so overwhelmed..
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Joined: December 8th, 2006, 6:35 am

February 15th, 2012, 12:30 am #4

Maybe you can come up with a project (train for a marathon or something) to focus you. I noticed my anxiety peaked when I had to stop working out due to a leg injury.

I am no insurance expert, but getting bought out by an entity takes a LONG time. Even if you are bought out tomorrow, there is a process they will have to go through of due diligence, merging, etc, not to mention group insurance open windows (which are usually this and next month)...once it locks for the year, it would be very strange for them to suddenly announce no one has the same insurance they just locked in. Even if they get bought, you are probably good on your insurance through the next window -- it would probably take a year to change. But yes, it depends on your open window. You may want to check on that -- ask when the enrollment window is.

Definitely look into some physical and mental conditioning for your anxiety, cause cycling just makes it all worse! I like Dr. Thompson because it is just music that floats in the background, you can even have it on while you work or cook, and it resets your brain waves in such a way that it induces calm. Maybe its hokum, but there is a good theory behind it and I find it relaxes me.

Good luck!
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Joined: July 4th, 2011, 3:21 am

February 15th, 2012, 12:50 am #5

Hi Ladies,
I used to post on the boards. Its been such a long time since then. I need to vent and I need advice. I am planning to use a known donor (my niece). I live in New Jersey where there is a mandate for employers to cover some form of infertility. I wish this would become a mandate all over the United States and everywhere else!!! Well ladies, I have been working at a hospital for 6 years while going to college full time. I am grateful to have a job; I know that this economy is rather difficult. But I am fed up. I am going through a lot of stress here. It has contributed to my anxiety issues and at times makes me physically sick. I feel trapped. I am holding on as much as I can for the sake of building a family and the fear that if I began to work somewhere else my insurance may be horrible. Ladies I feel so bad because I am blessed with this insurance, I wish that you all would have too. But I dont know how much more I can take. What would you gals do if you were in my situation? I am feeling so depressed, because I am torn. Having a family is one of the most important things to me at the same time I need to be healthy and take care of myself..
My benefits, however, rock. I am just going to grin and bear it until I see this baby making through one way or another, take my FMLA maternity leave (hopefully!)... then I'm outta here!! It helps me to realize that my job is totally not permanent...

((HUGS))
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Dee.S
Dee.S

February 15th, 2012, 2:13 am #6

Hi Ladies,
I used to post on the boards. Its been such a long time since then. I need to vent and I need advice. I am planning to use a known donor (my niece). I live in New Jersey where there is a mandate for employers to cover some form of infertility. I wish this would become a mandate all over the United States and everywhere else!!! Well ladies, I have been working at a hospital for 6 years while going to college full time. I am grateful to have a job; I know that this economy is rather difficult. But I am fed up. I am going through a lot of stress here. It has contributed to my anxiety issues and at times makes me physically sick. I feel trapped. I am holding on as much as I can for the sake of building a family and the fear that if I began to work somewhere else my insurance may be horrible. Ladies I feel so bad because I am blessed with this insurance, I wish that you all would have too. But I dont know how much more I can take. What would you gals do if you were in my situation? I am feeling so depressed, because I am torn. Having a family is one of the most important things to me at the same time I need to be healthy and take care of myself..
I decided to go to school like you. I will be a nurse in a matter of months. Its taken me 5 yrs and the last 3 was the worst ever at my job. However I did a few things to help me cope, one I do minimum job requirements, I have an FMLA case from my therapist (you do not need a doctor) it allows me to be out 4 times a month up to 5 days each time if need be. So I take a few days off every other week and no one knows why. I even got my therapist to put me down for maximum 6hrs a day of work, since we had mandatory overtime I did not want to work. So now I work 30hrs a week and take off when I need a break. This was my way of taking control of my emotions and anxiety, all the while enjoying their benefits and generous paycheck every Friday. I realized I was in control of how I felt and that if I was anxious or depressed I allowed myself to get that way. I began to look at my job and the bosses differently, now I laugh at the things that use to make me depressed, knowing that if anything starts getting to me too bad I can just call in sick the next day and get paid FMLA and job protection. FMLA protects your job and keeps you from being fired for FMLA approved sicknesses. However this means you have to do your job perfectly when you are there. Cause employers like mine try to get you for something else. However I leave myself notes to remind myself of everything I need to do each day so I don't forget anything. So go to a therapist mine is a licensed clinical social worker, get your fmla paperwork filled out, don't let that job keep you from your dreams you are blessed to have that job enjoy your blessings and don't let the devil steal them away by creating depression and anxiety in that situation, I refuse to go to those places mentally with my job anymore. They literlly hate me because they can't get to me mentally anymore. Its so much more fun now I have the upper hand!
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BBG
BBG

February 15th, 2012, 4:38 am #7

Hi Ladies,
I used to post on the boards. Its been such a long time since then. I need to vent and I need advice. I am planning to use a known donor (my niece). I live in New Jersey where there is a mandate for employers to cover some form of infertility. I wish this would become a mandate all over the United States and everywhere else!!! Well ladies, I have been working at a hospital for 6 years while going to college full time. I am grateful to have a job; I know that this economy is rather difficult. But I am fed up. I am going through a lot of stress here. It has contributed to my anxiety issues and at times makes me physically sick. I feel trapped. I am holding on as much as I can for the sake of building a family and the fear that if I began to work somewhere else my insurance may be horrible. Ladies I feel so bad because I am blessed with this insurance, I wish that you all would have too. But I dont know how much more I can take. What would you gals do if you were in my situation? I am feeling so depressed, because I am torn. Having a family is one of the most important things to me at the same time I need to be healthy and take care of myself..
I am not clear on what is causing your anxiety on the job, but, if you need to stay with this employer, can you simply transfer to another department?

If NJ has a mandate to offer infertility coverage, then wouldn't you get that coverage even if you left this job and found another, assuming you stayed in NJ?

Would you consider doing an IVF cycle in another state that does not have an age minimum for donors so that your niece could cycle now? You could freeze all the embryos for transfer later if you feel you are not ready to get pregnant right now. I know fresh transfer is better than frozen, but frozens do work and you have many factors to consider that could make waiting and using frozen embryos a wise decision.

If you did a cycle out of state, would your NJ insurance still cover the procedure, or do you have to see a clinic in NJ?

If you felt you just had to quit your job, do you have the option of COBRA, where you pay the premiums and maintain your same insurance? I am not sure what the laws are now but when I went on COBRA, it was available for 18 months after leaving a job.

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Joined: October 9th, 2008, 2:53 am

February 15th, 2012, 4:41 am #8

Hi Ladies,
I used to post on the boards. Its been such a long time since then. I need to vent and I need advice. I am planning to use a known donor (my niece). I live in New Jersey where there is a mandate for employers to cover some form of infertility. I wish this would become a mandate all over the United States and everywhere else!!! Well ladies, I have been working at a hospital for 6 years while going to college full time. I am grateful to have a job; I know that this economy is rather difficult. But I am fed up. I am going through a lot of stress here. It has contributed to my anxiety issues and at times makes me physically sick. I feel trapped. I am holding on as much as I can for the sake of building a family and the fear that if I began to work somewhere else my insurance may be horrible. Ladies I feel so bad because I am blessed with this insurance, I wish that you all would have too. But I dont know how much more I can take. What would you gals do if you were in my situation? I am feeling so depressed, because I am torn. Having a family is one of the most important things to me at the same time I need to be healthy and take care of myself..
Hi Cely,
I know what a bad job does to you. Its good you have written here. Go to work, do your job, the minute you are out the door turn the job off and out of your head. Compartmentalising it is an excellent idea.

Go to the gym if you don't already or start to swim. Make some 'you' time away from work that is all yours and relish this time like its absolute gold. Make this time yours so that sure have a bad day at a job you will leave when you can but feel good about yourself today in another context.

Think of your job as temporary in that the minute you can you will rid yoursel of it and move on to another one. Things never seem as bad if you don't think you are 'stuck' there forever.
Its a matter of timing, when the time comes you will leave this job and get one that suits you more.
Hey well done studying f-t for six years thats awesome!! Respect
Meanwhile, do your ttcing, get that going, have your babe and take it from there, think of the babe up ahead, take care and write us again and let us know how you are. You will be ok
take care, best, THK
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Joined: February 14th, 2012, 7:22 pm

February 16th, 2012, 4:19 am #9

Maybe you can come up with a project (train for a marathon or something) to focus you. I noticed my anxiety peaked when I had to stop working out due to a leg injury.

I am no insurance expert, but getting bought out by an entity takes a LONG time. Even if you are bought out tomorrow, there is a process they will have to go through of due diligence, merging, etc, not to mention group insurance open windows (which are usually this and next month)...once it locks for the year, it would be very strange for them to suddenly announce no one has the same insurance they just locked in. Even if they get bought, you are probably good on your insurance through the next window -- it would probably take a year to change. But yes, it depends on your open window. You may want to check on that -- ask when the enrollment window is.

Definitely look into some physical and mental conditioning for your anxiety, cause cycling just makes it all worse! I like Dr. Thompson because it is just music that floats in the background, you can even have it on while you work or cook, and it resets your brain waves in such a way that it induces calm. Maybe its hokum, but there is a good theory behind it and I find it relaxes me.

Good luck!
I am definitely going to look into that. I tend to get ahead of myself at times. I believe they are going to buy the hospital by July. This has been in discussion since last summer. All I can do is hope for the best. Our donor is my niece and we have to wait until she is 21. She offered to be our donor. We have a center willing to work with her at 20, but things are so hectic right now..Ughhh..I have to purchase that CD. Where can I find it? Thanks, Minniet..
Last edited by HopefulCely on February 16th, 2012, 4:19 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: February 14th, 2012, 7:22 pm

February 16th, 2012, 4:21 am #10

My benefits, however, rock. I am just going to grin and bear it until I see this baby making through one way or another, take my FMLA maternity leave (hopefully!)... then I'm outta here!! It helps me to realize that my job is totally not permanent...

((HUGS))
I keep telling myself, just deal with it..Its worth it..Its worth it. I have to remind myself everytime I get overwhelmed. Its for a cause..Im with you on that I would plan to leave afterwards as well...
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