Advice needed: Question for Gyn.....

Advice needed: Question for Gyn.....

Joined: April 6th, 2011, 10:12 pm

November 16th, 2011, 12:04 am #1

OK...so after lots of hanging around thinking/planning/praying...tomorrow I am scheduled for my yearly gyn. appt....However, this one is also for my gyn. exam to get records sent to my RE to start the DE process.
Been talking w/dh about whether or not to mention this to my gyn. I've had this gyn. for 20 years. When I was 38 (44 now) I offhandedly mentioned I might want to try to have a babe. She was not nice about it and frankly, it still hurts when I think about her negative reaction. This is a catholic hospital and I'm thinking they won't do it with DS.(which we have to do, due to dh vasectomy) I did contact their fertility office, but I didn't get a positive response....I think basically, all they do is IUI w/dh's sperm (I'm not 100% sure about that, but they sure don't seem like they want to)

So, here's my question/dilema....I'm thinking, just go tomorrow, get the exam, etc and zip my mouth shut...then get records sent to RE......then, but what if she won't be my ob/gyn because I used DS? DH says, "surely they wouldn't do that"....well, if that happens, I'll just go somewhere else
Problem is this: I would really like to talk to her about it, as I value her opinion...but what if she strongly disapproves....I just don't want to hear that negativity right now...but at least I would have asked her and could get her opinion. this is a woman that has known me for 20+ years, and I'd like to ask her stuf like, "In your opinion, am I healthy enough for a pregnancy?" and things like that.....

Then I think....what if I get pregnant, would I wish I just hadn't said anything to her about it?
How do you deal with this?? AND do you have to tell you ob/gyn you used DE?

Thanks so much for your advice

love you all

bg
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Joined: July 19th, 2010, 7:00 pm

November 16th, 2011, 12:17 am #2

i have had him for 6 years and i never mentioned DE nor did he ask! i dont think you need to tell her. can you just ask general questions and will you be comfortable with her if you are successful?! good luck tomorrow. sorry i am not that helpful. LMD
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Denise
Denise

November 16th, 2011, 12:18 am #3

OK...so after lots of hanging around thinking/planning/praying...tomorrow I am scheduled for my yearly gyn. appt....However, this one is also for my gyn. exam to get records sent to my RE to start the DE process.
Been talking w/dh about whether or not to mention this to my gyn. I've had this gyn. for 20 years. When I was 38 (44 now) I offhandedly mentioned I might want to try to have a babe. She was not nice about it and frankly, it still hurts when I think about her negative reaction. This is a catholic hospital and I'm thinking they won't do it with DS.(which we have to do, due to dh vasectomy) I did contact their fertility office, but I didn't get a positive response....I think basically, all they do is IUI w/dh's sperm (I'm not 100% sure about that, but they sure don't seem like they want to)

So, here's my question/dilema....I'm thinking, just go tomorrow, get the exam, etc and zip my mouth shut...then get records sent to RE......then, but what if she won't be my ob/gyn because I used DS? DH says, "surely they wouldn't do that"....well, if that happens, I'll just go somewhere else
Problem is this: I would really like to talk to her about it, as I value her opinion...but what if she strongly disapproves....I just don't want to hear that negativity right now...but at least I would have asked her and could get her opinion. this is a woman that has known me for 20+ years, and I'd like to ask her stuf like, "In your opinion, am I healthy enough for a pregnancy?" and things like that.....

Then I think....what if I get pregnant, would I wish I just hadn't said anything to her about it?
How do you deal with this?? AND do you have to tell you ob/gyn you used DE?

Thanks so much for your advice

love you all

bg
She is a professional not your gal-pal. She will treat you with respect and give you wonderful OB care. Good Luck!
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Joined: April 6th, 2011, 10:12 pm

November 16th, 2011, 1:13 am #4

i have had him for 6 years and i never mentioned DE nor did he ask! i dont think you need to tell her. can you just ask general questions and will you be comfortable with her if you are successful?! good luck tomorrow. sorry i am not that helpful. LMD
such great news on your bfp...

thanks for your response....dont know why I thought I needed to tell her...... really, I don't guess it matters does it?
your question is a good one that I need to consider and I hadn't really thought that far along....but I need to...thanks for asking, and you have been extrememly helpful.
Good luck with your little ones....so exciting
bunny
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Joined: April 6th, 2011, 10:12 pm

November 16th, 2011, 1:15 am #5

She is a professional not your gal-pal. She will treat you with respect and give you wonderful OB care. Good Luck!
thnx, Denise....and you are right.
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Joined: May 10th, 2011, 11:57 pm

November 16th, 2011, 4:22 am #6

OK...so after lots of hanging around thinking/planning/praying...tomorrow I am scheduled for my yearly gyn. appt....However, this one is also for my gyn. exam to get records sent to my RE to start the DE process.
Been talking w/dh about whether or not to mention this to my gyn. I've had this gyn. for 20 years. When I was 38 (44 now) I offhandedly mentioned I might want to try to have a babe. She was not nice about it and frankly, it still hurts when I think about her negative reaction. This is a catholic hospital and I'm thinking they won't do it with DS.(which we have to do, due to dh vasectomy) I did contact their fertility office, but I didn't get a positive response....I think basically, all they do is IUI w/dh's sperm (I'm not 100% sure about that, but they sure don't seem like they want to)

So, here's my question/dilema....I'm thinking, just go tomorrow, get the exam, etc and zip my mouth shut...then get records sent to RE......then, but what if she won't be my ob/gyn because I used DS? DH says, "surely they wouldn't do that"....well, if that happens, I'll just go somewhere else
Problem is this: I would really like to talk to her about it, as I value her opinion...but what if she strongly disapproves....I just don't want to hear that negativity right now...but at least I would have asked her and could get her opinion. this is a woman that has known me for 20+ years, and I'd like to ask her stuf like, "In your opinion, am I healthy enough for a pregnancy?" and things like that.....

Then I think....what if I get pregnant, would I wish I just hadn't said anything to her about it?
How do you deal with this?? AND do you have to tell you ob/gyn you used DE?

Thanks so much for your advice

love you all

bg
Was it your age, or were you specifically talking about DE then?

Personally, I'm not comfortable keeping secrets from my doctor, and one can run into complications if you don't mention DE and it's time for prenatal screenings and they use your age. (Lots of discussion on the pink board about this.) But I know that some people who are no-tell on the donor aspect are no-tell even to their OB.

Good luck, whatever you decide!
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Joined: February 6th, 2007, 1:08 am

November 16th, 2011, 8:43 am #7

OK...so after lots of hanging around thinking/planning/praying...tomorrow I am scheduled for my yearly gyn. appt....However, this one is also for my gyn. exam to get records sent to my RE to start the DE process.
Been talking w/dh about whether or not to mention this to my gyn. I've had this gyn. for 20 years. When I was 38 (44 now) I offhandedly mentioned I might want to try to have a babe. She was not nice about it and frankly, it still hurts when I think about her negative reaction. This is a catholic hospital and I'm thinking they won't do it with DS.(which we have to do, due to dh vasectomy) I did contact their fertility office, but I didn't get a positive response....I think basically, all they do is IUI w/dh's sperm (I'm not 100% sure about that, but they sure don't seem like they want to)

So, here's my question/dilema....I'm thinking, just go tomorrow, get the exam, etc and zip my mouth shut...then get records sent to RE......then, but what if she won't be my ob/gyn because I used DS? DH says, "surely they wouldn't do that"....well, if that happens, I'll just go somewhere else
Problem is this: I would really like to talk to her about it, as I value her opinion...but what if she strongly disapproves....I just don't want to hear that negativity right now...but at least I would have asked her and could get her opinion. this is a woman that has known me for 20+ years, and I'd like to ask her stuf like, "In your opinion, am I healthy enough for a pregnancy?" and things like that.....

Then I think....what if I get pregnant, would I wish I just hadn't said anything to her about it?
How do you deal with this?? AND do you have to tell you ob/gyn you used DE?

Thanks so much for your advice

love you all

bg
I don't think you have to tell anyone you don't want to tell that you used DE or DS, you can always say you did a frozen transfer from embryos from IVF years before - no one will know in my opinion.

2. You say you have to use DS because you dh had a vasectomy. Just wanted to say that there are options of TESE or MESE or both combined. I have a patient at the moment who is doing DE with MESE/TESE after a 17 year old vasectomy. TESE is taking sperm from the testicles which isn't normally mature and MESE is taking sperm from the tubes that is normally mature. If you combine both the success is a little higher. You only need the head of a sperm to fertilize an egg by the way.

If you doctor is not keen on you becoming pregnant I would go somewhere else and have my check up. I personally wouldn't feel compelled to give someone my business who wasn't helpful and supportive.

Good luck with whatever you decide.
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Joined: April 6th, 2011, 10:12 pm

November 16th, 2011, 11:38 am #8

Was it your age, or were you specifically talking about DE then?

Personally, I'm not comfortable keeping secrets from my doctor, and one can run into complications if you don't mention DE and it's time for prenatal screenings and they use your age. (Lots of discussion on the pink board about this.) But I know that some people who are no-tell on the donor aspect are no-tell even to their OB.

Good luck, whatever you decide!
thanks for responding....Hope all is good with you
well, I was 38 and she was concerned about my age (I know...blah) and I am in the camp with you about secrets...never a good thing
I have thought long and hard about it and I'm seriously thinking of just going somewhere else. I hadn't thought about the screening thing....that would be a problem too
Maybe I'm feeling this way for a reason....if I'm not comfortable then I probably just need to go somewhere else
thnks so much for your insight....its helped me sort out why i've been conflicted about this
Best to you!
bg
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Joined: April 6th, 2011, 10:12 pm

November 16th, 2011, 12:03 pm #9

I don't think you have to tell anyone you don't want to tell that you used DE or DS, you can always say you did a frozen transfer from embryos from IVF years before - no one will know in my opinion.

2. You say you have to use DS because you dh had a vasectomy. Just wanted to say that there are options of TESE or MESE or both combined. I have a patient at the moment who is doing DE with MESE/TESE after a 17 year old vasectomy. TESE is taking sperm from the testicles which isn't normally mature and MESE is taking sperm from the tubes that is normally mature. If you combine both the success is a little higher. You only need the head of a sperm to fertilize an egg by the way.

If you doctor is not keen on you becoming pregnant I would go somewhere else and have my check up. I personally wouldn't feel compelled to give someone my business who wasn't helpful and supportive.

Good luck with whatever you decide.
thanks for your insight...had never heard of the TESE or MESE...I will look into that for sure
best to you
bg
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Joined: August 21st, 2011, 7:59 pm

November 16th, 2011, 2:58 pm #10

OK...so after lots of hanging around thinking/planning/praying...tomorrow I am scheduled for my yearly gyn. appt....However, this one is also for my gyn. exam to get records sent to my RE to start the DE process.
Been talking w/dh about whether or not to mention this to my gyn. I've had this gyn. for 20 years. When I was 38 (44 now) I offhandedly mentioned I might want to try to have a babe. She was not nice about it and frankly, it still hurts when I think about her negative reaction. This is a catholic hospital and I'm thinking they won't do it with DS.(which we have to do, due to dh vasectomy) I did contact their fertility office, but I didn't get a positive response....I think basically, all they do is IUI w/dh's sperm (I'm not 100% sure about that, but they sure don't seem like they want to)

So, here's my question/dilema....I'm thinking, just go tomorrow, get the exam, etc and zip my mouth shut...then get records sent to RE......then, but what if she won't be my ob/gyn because I used DS? DH says, "surely they wouldn't do that"....well, if that happens, I'll just go somewhere else
Problem is this: I would really like to talk to her about it, as I value her opinion...but what if she strongly disapproves....I just don't want to hear that negativity right now...but at least I would have asked her and could get her opinion. this is a woman that has known me for 20+ years, and I'd like to ask her stuf like, "In your opinion, am I healthy enough for a pregnancy?" and things like that.....

Then I think....what if I get pregnant, would I wish I just hadn't said anything to her about it?
How do you deal with this?? AND do you have to tell you ob/gyn you used DE?

Thanks so much for your advice

love you all

bg
I would find an ob I was comfortable with and could be as open as I felt the need to be (I went with full disclosure about using DE and DS but I am single so I think easier to be more open).
I was initially uncomfortable about going to the ob I'd had for years and decided to swap for my first OB appointment after getting pregnant (had not told my old OB that I was trying to get pregnant as there was nothing in my records that my RE would benefit from seeing) and I am very happy with that decision as she instantly made me feel welcome and was caring and interested. BTW, if you don't want to reveal you are using DE you don't need to, just need to be aware they may categorize you as high risk for downs when you are probably not, then you could choose to do the follow up tests (as I am doing) or not.
Best of luck
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