42 and feeling insecure / inadequate beginning DE Protocol

42 and feeling insecure / inadequate beginning DE Protocol

Joined: May 24th, 2011, 2:23 pm

May 24th, 2011, 2:53 pm #1

Hi Ladies.
I'm new to the chat room and we're about to start our DE protocol. I've been through 3 IUI's, 2 IVF's and one natural pregnancy. They resulted in a heartbeat then a miscarriage/D&C, a second miscarriage, nothing happening on the third, fourth and fifth try and a miscarriage/D&C on the sixth. All over about 2 years.

Needless to say pregnancy for me means loss and I'm feeling petrified about our next protocol and VERY INADEQUATE... I don't want my fear and insecurities to negatively impact the (fingers crossed) possible pregnancy but I'm terrified of another miscarriage/ D&C.

Can anyone relate and if so how do you over come the angst and not just dismiss it and go through the motions of the protocol? I'm feeling so alone and isolated. I hope someone can share some insight. My husband is SOOO supportive but I need other women's insight that have had similar experiences.

Thanks for listening!

Sarcot7
Last edited by Sarcot7 on May 24th, 2011, 3:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: March 23rd, 2011, 7:51 pm

May 24th, 2011, 4:07 pm #2

Hello and welcome to the board . I am about to start my first DE as well . Do not have any experience with this , just wanted to say , we will likely be cycle buddies and will cheer you along . I have been coming to these boards for the past few weeks and this has been an amazing help . You can also post on the pink board where women have already had success and may have more input . Good luck .
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Joined: May 24th, 2011, 2:23 pm

May 24th, 2011, 4:48 pm #3

Thanks Zaytune! I look forward to being cycle buddies. I'll be your cheerleader and support too. Thanks for the information and keep us posted on your progress.

Sarcot7
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BabsA
BabsA

May 24th, 2011, 4:53 pm #4

Hi Ladies.
I'm new to the chat room and we're about to start our DE protocol. I've been through 3 IUI's, 2 IVF's and one natural pregnancy. They resulted in a heartbeat then a miscarriage/D&C, a second miscarriage, nothing happening on the third, fourth and fifth try and a miscarriage/D&C on the sixth. All over about 2 years.

Needless to say pregnancy for me means loss and I'm feeling petrified about our next protocol and VERY INADEQUATE... I don't want my fear and insecurities to negatively impact the (fingers crossed) possible pregnancy but I'm terrified of another miscarriage/ D&C.

Can anyone relate and if so how do you over come the angst and not just dismiss it and go through the motions of the protocol? I'm feeling so alone and isolated. I hope someone can share some insight. My husband is SOOO supportive but I need other women's insight that have had similar experiences.

Thanks for listening!

Sarcot7
Hello,

I didn't go through exactly your situation, but I did have some similarities. I became pg while using Clomid twice. First time, there was no heartbeat so I had a D&C (I was about 42 at the time). Second time, it was a chemical. Tried IVF with my own eggs, but had PGD on the embryos and all had chromosonal abnormalities so there was no transfer. Then briefly went down the adoption path, which didn't work out. At age 46, I tried DE for the first time and had a successful pregnancy. But I was so convinced that the cycle I was in wouldn't work, that I can remember sitting on our bed, holding some hand-me-down baby clothes I'd been given, and sobbing over the child I'd never have. I did a home pregnancy test just so I wouldn't have to get "the call" at work and break down in tears. To my utter disbelief, the HPT was positive. DE had worked.

Wishing you success, happiness and peace of mind.
BabsA
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Joined: May 24th, 2011, 2:23 pm

May 24th, 2011, 5:32 pm #5

I appreciate your candor. Loss is loss no matter how it comes into our lives. It does help me feel not so alone and I'm so pleased DE worked for you! Thank you for sharing.

Sarcot7
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Joined: July 10th, 2009, 8:18 pm

May 24th, 2011, 5:37 pm #6

Hi Ladies.
I'm new to the chat room and we're about to start our DE protocol. I've been through 3 IUI's, 2 IVF's and one natural pregnancy. They resulted in a heartbeat then a miscarriage/D&C, a second miscarriage, nothing happening on the third, fourth and fifth try and a miscarriage/D&C on the sixth. All over about 2 years.

Needless to say pregnancy for me means loss and I'm feeling petrified about our next protocol and VERY INADEQUATE... I don't want my fear and insecurities to negatively impact the (fingers crossed) possible pregnancy but I'm terrified of another miscarriage/ D&C.

Can anyone relate and if so how do you over come the angst and not just dismiss it and go through the motions of the protocol? I'm feeling so alone and isolated. I hope someone can share some insight. My husband is SOOO supportive but I need other women's insight that have had similar experiences.

Thanks for listening!

Sarcot7
Hi Sarah, welcome to the boards! You'll meet a lot of great women here who are all very supportive and very knowledgeable. Many here have suffered miscarriages and losses, so you are not alone. It's natural to feel a bit apprehensive after all that you've been through. DE can open a lot of doors though for those of us who never had successful pregnancies on our own and I hope that will be the case for you.

Because of your previous losses, I am wondering if you have ever been tested for any immune issues? While chromosomal issues can be the cause of loss, many of us have found out that we have various immune issues as well. You may want to get tested (simple blood test) just to rule those issues out.

Glad your DH is supportive. Best of luck to you on your upcoming cycle!
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LadyMagoo
LadyMagoo

May 24th, 2011, 5:59 pm #7

Hi Ladies.
I'm new to the chat room and we're about to start our DE protocol. I've been through 3 IUI's, 2 IVF's and one natural pregnancy. They resulted in a heartbeat then a miscarriage/D&C, a second miscarriage, nothing happening on the third, fourth and fifth try and a miscarriage/D&C on the sixth. All over about 2 years.

Needless to say pregnancy for me means loss and I'm feeling petrified about our next protocol and VERY INADEQUATE... I don't want my fear and insecurities to negatively impact the (fingers crossed) possible pregnancy but I'm terrified of another miscarriage/ D&C.

Can anyone relate and if so how do you over come the angst and not just dismiss it and go through the motions of the protocol? I'm feeling so alone and isolated. I hope someone can share some insight. My husband is SOOO supportive but I need other women's insight that have had similar experiences.

Thanks for listening!

Sarcot7
And given that I can relate, I'm sorry to hear what you've been through. I had a total of 3 natural conceptions after age 40 (followed by 3 m/cs), and 3 IVFs and 2 IUIs. I'm a couple of weeks away from my first DE cycle.

I too have associated pregnancy with loss and frankly, have been terrified by it. But a recent visit to an OB/GYN really reassured me. Because our donor is 28, the thought of a pregnancy that is more likely to be healthy, than not is actually a realistic one now. And, for the first time, I finally find myself thinking about pregnancy in a happy and hopeful way, rather than waiting for something to go wrong every step of the way.

Welcome - and best wished to you!
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Joined: February 6th, 2008, 8:16 pm

May 24th, 2011, 6:03 pm #8

Hi Ladies.
I'm new to the chat room and we're about to start our DE protocol. I've been through 3 IUI's, 2 IVF's and one natural pregnancy. They resulted in a heartbeat then a miscarriage/D&C, a second miscarriage, nothing happening on the third, fourth and fifth try and a miscarriage/D&C on the sixth. All over about 2 years.

Needless to say pregnancy for me means loss and I'm feeling petrified about our next protocol and VERY INADEQUATE... I don't want my fear and insecurities to negatively impact the (fingers crossed) possible pregnancy but I'm terrified of another miscarriage/ D&C.

Can anyone relate and if so how do you over come the angst and not just dismiss it and go through the motions of the protocol? I'm feeling so alone and isolated. I hope someone can share some insight. My husband is SOOO supportive but I need other women's insight that have had similar experiences.

Thanks for listening!

Sarcot7
Just take a breath and cut yourself some slack. I really don't think "being positive" makes a damn bit of difference. I know lots of women swear by the right mind set but I just don't buy it. Women get pregnant in horrible situations and some women do not get pregnant in ideal ones. For me it was all about chemistry, hormones, egg quality, timing and luck.


I was very VERY good at failure. I had 3 OE BFNs after IVFs from ages 39-41 and just felt like loss and failure were all I could do...then I did DE/DS, which was supposed to be my magic bullet. NOT. I had a BFN then an ectopic then finally, finally a BFP that turned into my DD who is running around outside in her footed jammies right now, playing with the neighbor's yard toys.I had her at 44 and am trying for another.


For me it helped to tell my RE out loud, that I am just not good at this getting pregnant and staying pregnant stuff. And she held my hand and looked me in the eye and said, that is ok. I am. Science helped me, not belief. I read every study, every evidence based argument for or against a certain protocol and test. That made me feel more confident that I was doing everything possible to get and stay pregnant. And then I just followed the protocol and my Dr.s instructions and waited. Usually I lost but sometimes I won.

Try to be as kind to yourself as you know how to be. Negative and stressful people should be kept to a minimum in your life. Keep your eye on the prize, which is the kid you will eventually have. I get very boring and single minded when TTC. Everything gets measured against the question: How does this get me closer to my goal? And if an action or a relationship or decision does NOT further my goal, I generally leave it alone.

You will find your way and there are some fabulous women on this board who will hold you up. We have been down this path, some of us and we are with you. You are not alone.

Let us know how you get on.
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cubb
cubb

May 24th, 2011, 6:36 pm #9

Hi Ladies.
I'm new to the chat room and we're about to start our DE protocol. I've been through 3 IUI's, 2 IVF's and one natural pregnancy. They resulted in a heartbeat then a miscarriage/D&C, a second miscarriage, nothing happening on the third, fourth and fifth try and a miscarriage/D&C on the sixth. All over about 2 years.

Needless to say pregnancy for me means loss and I'm feeling petrified about our next protocol and VERY INADEQUATE... I don't want my fear and insecurities to negatively impact the (fingers crossed) possible pregnancy but I'm terrified of another miscarriage/ D&C.

Can anyone relate and if so how do you over come the angst and not just dismiss it and go through the motions of the protocol? I'm feeling so alone and isolated. I hope someone can share some insight. My husband is SOOO supportive but I need other women's insight that have had similar experiences.

Thanks for listening!

Sarcot7
Welcome, and sorry you are going through this and feeling this way...I am with ya...only got more mileage(age) than you. How do I keep going? Sometimes I do not. I am completely isolated because no one in rl (that I know) has been or is going through what I have. I live in a devel where EVERY single home has a at least one kid...but I guess because of "my" situation they stopped involving me in activities...I guess I cannot blame them...are they going to invite me to an Easter Egg hunt or any other child based activity? Nope. Some have 2 or 3 kids so 99% of the time the time they do have avail is looking after or doing things with the kids. That is what I would do. When we first moved in we had everyone over our house...couple ppl asked us over, but then the questions started...aren't you two going to fill that house? When are you two going to have some kids? So...yeah I get the inadequate stuff BIG time. The pg I did get I lost too. I feel insecure, bitter, old, depressed etc etc etc, and that is just when I first wake up! I have some good moments, but they are few and far between. Could I live without kids? Yeah, I have been for years...by choice? no Ask yourself the same question.
So when you do have a little strength...do more searching, more posts to get replies & info. Make appts keep records. Do all you can. As pp's suggested keep your eye on the prize...and have a plan b, c, d, e, and f!
Good Luck...as down as I am if you need a shoulder I usually breeze through here at least once or twice a day. Hope your stay is short
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Joined: May 24th, 2011, 2:23 pm

May 24th, 2011, 7:17 pm #10

Cubb, I went back to therapy b/c my sadness just got too overwhelming. I highly recommend it. You're not alone. I'm in a townhouse development and was the first to get pregnant and lost it. Since then all my neighbors have conceived and delivered, so I too am "surrounded". They have play dates and talk about nothing but their kids...I'm not in the club so...

Talk to someone if you haven't already. My therapist gave me a book called Conquering Infertility by Dr. Alice Domar. Its helped me tremendously! You can order it on Amazon and get used ones for $2. I sent one to a friend in Seattle, Wa.

You're not alone either!

Sarcot7
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