McDonnell Douglas Aircraft Customer Survey (long, but hilarious)

Joined: July 29th, 2006, 1:18 am

July 2nd, 2018, 2:42 am #1

The following was allegedly posted -- very briefly -- on the McDonnell Douglas Website by an employee who obviously has a sense of humor. And for once the "IMPORTANT" message at the end is worth a read as well.

Customer Survey

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

1. Contact details
[_] Mr.
[_] Mrs.
[_] Ms.
[_] Miss
[_] Lt.
[_] Gen.
[_] Comrade
[_] Classified
[_] Other

First Name: .....................................................
Initial: ........
Last Name: ......................................................
Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)
Code Name: ......................................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ........... ...........

2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day):
19....... /....... /......

4. Serial Number:
...............................................

5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified

6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas aircraft you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one

7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / manoeuvrability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq

9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:
[_] Colour TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all that apply)
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveller's check

12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defence Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student

13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department
Military, Aerospace Division.

IMPORTANT: This e-mail is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this e-mail is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this e-mail, although the Yorkshire Terrier next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have received this e-mail in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites and place it in a warm oven for 40 minutes. Whisk briefly and let it stand for 2 hours before icing.
Michael McMurtrey
IPMS-USA #1746
IPMS-Canada #1426
CAHS #5646
Carrollton, TX

Proud IPMS-USA Low Number Thumper!
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Joined: October 24th, 2007, 10:03 pm

July 2nd, 2018, 3:52 am #2

Good One! Thank# for posting,
 McDONNELL Douglas, Mickey d’s fighters. Sigh, gone, (ref: Boeing)  but not forgotten.
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Joined: March 9th, 2012, 4:57 pm

July 2nd, 2018, 8:30 am #3

Groan... That sucker is over twenty years old (that VCR reference is a clear indicator), it first made the rounds in 1996. It actually never was on MDD's website (did they even have one back then?) and an MDD employee would have known which aircraft were actually MDD products and which were not.

Could you not at least have updated it?
Information not shared is information lost.
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Joined: July 29th, 2006, 1:18 am

July 2nd, 2018, 4:02 pm #4

Jens_O_Mehner wrote: Groan... That sucker is over twenty years old (that VCR reference is a clear indicator), it first made the rounds in 1996. It actually never was on MDD's website (did they even have one back then?) and an MDD employee would have known which aircraft were actually MDD products and which were not.

Could you not at least have updated it?
I posted it exactly as I found it, with the exception of correcting some spelling errors.
Michael McMurtrey
IPMS-USA #1746
IPMS-Canada #1426
CAHS #5646
Carrollton, TX

Proud IPMS-USA Low Number Thumper!
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Joined: April 23rd, 2017, 3:53 am

July 2nd, 2018, 5:14 pm #5

Still pretty darn funny!! The last choice on #7 always gets me!!
Nope, don't care. Why do you ask?
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Joined: December 31st, 2008, 5:04 am

July 3rd, 2018, 12:45 am #6

who cares how old it is..,,,still funny.   Thanks for posting,,,,,,,,,,,ernie
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