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11 SP, Jenni: 5,000,000
Total Rewards: 22 SP, Jenni: 10,000,000, 55 RP
--Comments to the Roleplayer--The first post is incredible. You set the mood for a serious and sophisticated RP.
You were generous in the combat sequences (flexible with Conjurer’s choices even when they weren’t feasible). A highly respectable sort of behavior although ideally it wouldn’t have to be used often. I’m uncertain on how to feel about so many of Mizaki’s actions being controlled by the narrator overall unless it was discussed elsewhere, but I am also inexperienced with missions. The fight in the underground storage area was excellent but on the trickier side to follow. There were many actions in each post, making them challenging to mentally track because they relied on an unpredictable response from Conjurer. Perhaps if one or two actions were to happen per post, it would be easier to comprehend. HOWEVER, all of your combat sequences were wonderfully descriptive and full of creativity. Something to aspire to in fact.
Also there were several instances where many of Mizaki’s actions were completely overlooked. (i.e. Posts 40 & 41) This was most likely to move the plot forward, but it was awkward to read and I began to feel badly for Conjurer after a while. Perhaps the plot might have gone forward with some adjustments to Conjurer’s choices instead?
At post 46 I began to suspect Arnold as the true culprit behind the illegal minerals dealing. Nicely done. Post 51 was where it began to feel like a G-Ranked Mission. Thank you. Clever use of Barbaros in post 73. I had assumed he had been left to die by Mizaki and began to write up IC comments about his family receiving compensation according to company policy. Post 77 was pure GOLD. I was especially impressed with the thrilling events being described in such a breath-taking way. It was the most exciting part of the entire thread for me as a reader. Your NPCs were all well used and distinct. Another reason this is an ideal read for those looking to improve as narrator.
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11 SP, Jenni: 5,000,000
Total Rewards: 25 SP, Jenni: 11,000,000, 63 RP
--Comments to the Roleplayer--Your enthusiasm is inspiring.
OVERALL this thread is exemplary in partner cooperation; working together and giving 100% effort to respect one another’s content and choices. Anyone who reads this will automatically gain better role playing skills not only as a participant of the story line, but as a writer looking to bring more substance to each and every post. As for the OOC comment in post 38, it IS great learning material, but due to the excellent teamwork and not the “mistakes”. Also, the story line isn’t nearly as important to me as whether or not it is a rewarding experience for the role players. You are not here to entertain me personally, but yourselves. In this, Minecraft is a huge success.
There was a significant amount of what felt like needless reinforcement of the narration. In many posts, you devoted several paragraphs to recounting what had already happened only with lengthier sentences. I honestly got a little lost on all of page 5 due to the strangely repetitive nature of each post. It is an admirable quality to honor your partner’s post content, but this thread was (at times) overwhelming and difficult to endure as a reader.
I really appreciated the focus on the truck driver’s death; a seemingly minor detail. It’s not often that role plays stop and take the time to acknowledge “small” things like this and I found it interesting and tastefully done. Also, it is admirable the amount of times you demonstrated familiarity with Markhill’s extensive area briefing as well as the details on Asylum’s various NPCs (even when they were mentioned only once). That’s good shit right there.