WWYD???? Too much information warning!

WWYD???? Too much information warning!

Joined: June 25th, 2004, 4:48 pm

August 14th, 2012, 5:01 am #1

So, even tho KM knows who this is by my login, I am waaay too embarassed to say with the question I'm about to ask!

Tonight, DH and I were 'relaxing' in our room after DD (9) and DS (5) were asleep (or so we thought). One thing led to another and we started messing around. Generally, we keep an ear out for the kids (and DS still has a monitor plugged in his room so we can hear him pretty easily) but we were pretty sure that they were both out cold and/or weren't listening as closely.

At a very inopportune time (not 'actual' sex but worse in some respects) DD barged in our room. I was faced away from the door and it took me a moment to react. She had a little smile on her face and immediately threw her face onto a pillow and said "I won't look, you can keep doing what you're doing". I was still dressed and popped up and said "No, let me walk you back into your room" (DH who wasn't dressed ducked)When I laid down with her, she said (with a little smile) "Something I heard scared me" I asked what but she said "I'm not talking". I quickly told her that Mommy and Daddy would never do anything to hurt each other. She said she was scared again and I asked her 'of what?' and she referenced a show that was on in our bedroom (which actually was a scary show). I told her it was scary but make believe. I also know she wanted me to sleep with her (a 'usual' issue that we have had with her). I waited until she fell asleep and left.

So, for morning time, I feel I should address this...or should I? DD is very quiet (doesn't ask a lot of questions, in part I believe due to an early speech issue and a still reticence to truly 'use her words' sometimes), so I don't want to 'wait for her to ask' as she likely won't, but then again I don't want to say too much...any ideas? I have been reading online a bit (talk about a mood kill;) and what I've read said to simply say "Mom and Dad need time alone for hugging and grown up stuff' and that it's okay.

Still, I worry I have scarred my little girl or encouraged 'promiscuos' behavior (yeah, I'm overreacting but still!)

Help!




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Joined: January 1st, 1970, 12:00 am

August 14th, 2012, 12:11 pm #2

A couple of my friends have told me about their parents being very "active" during hours when the family was awake. One was a couple who showered together before dinner every night, and another said his parents went to the bedroom for sex everyday when df got home. Neither seemed scarred by the knowledge, and friend #1 says she used to feel sorry for other families. Has dd had any education about reproduction? DS has rebuffed us, but I know he's getting something from his friends, and I think I know where. When he and dh were discussing 2 june bugs mating earlier this summer, he asked dh if dh and I had done it "behind" or "in a cup." (He has an ivf friend at cdc)




Keiki's Makuahine (Keiki's Mom) 51, dh 52
Keiki: b. 2002 after 3 months bedrest
Natural conception following ZIFT/chem. pg

Olivia: b. 1999 d. 1999
28-week preemie, ptl cause unknown
Natural conception after 1 mc

ttc since 1998
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Joined: January 27th, 2003, 11:09 pm

August 14th, 2012, 1:13 pm #3

So, even tho KM knows who this is by my login, I am waaay too embarassed to say with the question I'm about to ask!

Tonight, DH and I were 'relaxing' in our room after DD (9) and DS (5) were asleep (or so we thought). One thing led to another and we started messing around. Generally, we keep an ear out for the kids (and DS still has a monitor plugged in his room so we can hear him pretty easily) but we were pretty sure that they were both out cold and/or weren't listening as closely.

At a very inopportune time (not 'actual' sex but worse in some respects) DD barged in our room. I was faced away from the door and it took me a moment to react. She had a little smile on her face and immediately threw her face onto a pillow and said "I won't look, you can keep doing what you're doing". I was still dressed and popped up and said "No, let me walk you back into your room" (DH who wasn't dressed ducked)When I laid down with her, she said (with a little smile) "Something I heard scared me" I asked what but she said "I'm not talking". I quickly told her that Mommy and Daddy would never do anything to hurt each other. She said she was scared again and I asked her 'of what?' and she referenced a show that was on in our bedroom (which actually was a scary show). I told her it was scary but make believe. I also know she wanted me to sleep with her (a 'usual' issue that we have had with her). I waited until she fell asleep and left.

So, for morning time, I feel I should address this...or should I? DD is very quiet (doesn't ask a lot of questions, in part I believe due to an early speech issue and a still reticence to truly 'use her words' sometimes), so I don't want to 'wait for her to ask' as she likely won't, but then again I don't want to say too much...any ideas? I have been reading online a bit (talk about a mood kill;) and what I've read said to simply say "Mom and Dad need time alone for hugging and grown up stuff' and that it's okay.

Still, I worry I have scarred my little girl or encouraged 'promiscuos' behavior (yeah, I'm overreacting but still!)

Help!



I've tried replying a couple of times, and I'm just not sure! I think I'd not bring it up again, and trust that if it's truly bothering her, she will bring it up to you. I would think at age nine, she gets that you were doing something sexual (or at least, private activities involving private parts). I don't think it will scar her or give her ideas about promiscuity. If she's a little bit scared or weirded out by it, that's okay for now, too. In a few days, if you want to bring up the subject of sex in a neutral kind of way, that's cool, but I wouldn't reference "the incident" unless she brings it up!

That's what I would do. And I'd get a lock for the door.

xoxooxoxox
MM
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Joined: January 27th, 2003, 11:09 pm

August 14th, 2012, 1:23 pm #4

A couple of my friends have told me about their parents being very "active" during hours when the family was awake. One was a couple who showered together before dinner every night, and another said his parents went to the bedroom for sex everyday when df got home. Neither seemed scarred by the knowledge, and friend #1 says she used to feel sorry for other families. Has dd had any education about reproduction? DS has rebuffed us, but I know he's getting something from his friends, and I think I know where. When he and dh were discussing 2 june bugs mating earlier this summer, he asked dh if dh and I had done it "behind" or "in a cup." (He has an ivf friend at cdc)




Keiki's Makuahine (Keiki's Mom) 51, dh 52
Keiki: b. 2002 after 3 months bedrest
Natural conception following ZIFT/chem. pg

Olivia: b. 1999 d. 1999
28-week preemie, ptl cause unknown
Natural conception after 1 mc

ttc since 1998
"behind or in a cup"? LOL
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Joined: August 21st, 2002, 8:07 pm

August 14th, 2012, 1:27 pm #5

So, even tho KM knows who this is by my login, I am waaay too embarassed to say with the question I'm about to ask!

Tonight, DH and I were 'relaxing' in our room after DD (9) and DS (5) were asleep (or so we thought). One thing led to another and we started messing around. Generally, we keep an ear out for the kids (and DS still has a monitor plugged in his room so we can hear him pretty easily) but we were pretty sure that they were both out cold and/or weren't listening as closely.

At a very inopportune time (not 'actual' sex but worse in some respects) DD barged in our room. I was faced away from the door and it took me a moment to react. She had a little smile on her face and immediately threw her face onto a pillow and said "I won't look, you can keep doing what you're doing". I was still dressed and popped up and said "No, let me walk you back into your room" (DH who wasn't dressed ducked)When I laid down with her, she said (with a little smile) "Something I heard scared me" I asked what but she said "I'm not talking". I quickly told her that Mommy and Daddy would never do anything to hurt each other. She said she was scared again and I asked her 'of what?' and she referenced a show that was on in our bedroom (which actually was a scary show). I told her it was scary but make believe. I also know she wanted me to sleep with her (a 'usual' issue that we have had with her). I waited until she fell asleep and left.

So, for morning time, I feel I should address this...or should I? DD is very quiet (doesn't ask a lot of questions, in part I believe due to an early speech issue and a still reticence to truly 'use her words' sometimes), so I don't want to 'wait for her to ask' as she likely won't, but then again I don't want to say too much...any ideas? I have been reading online a bit (talk about a mood kill;) and what I've read said to simply say "Mom and Dad need time alone for hugging and grown up stuff' and that it's okay.

Still, I worry I have scarred my little girl or encouraged 'promiscuos' behavior (yeah, I'm overreacting but still!)

Help!



Chances are she will not bring it up...or maybe she will have questions...and you can preface each answer with "When people get married...." or "When Mommies and Daddies get mushy with each other..." to help assure yourself that you are steering her away from promiscuity. Your worst case scenario is that it pops out in a group setting - which happened to friends of mine. Their son was getting his skates tied in the locker room, sandwiched in like sardines with the other kids and parents, and he took the opportunity to announce that his mommy and daddy had handcuffs in their bedroom nightstand...and the quick thinking father quipped that it was from his security guard stint. Ha ha! He never worked as a security guard.

You really touched on one of my biggest fears - as DS still sleeps in a loft offshoot of our master bedroom...we can't get him to move across the house to his real bedroom. Yeah...um...he's ten! Having said that he once did catch us when he was five - thankfully we were fully covered with the blankets with Mom in the driver's seat. He proclaimed that it looked like fun and he wanted a horsey ride too! Oh dear! DH tried to explain that we were "wrestling"...yeah...I think that might have been pretty well the last time we touched each other...LMAO! (((kidding))) We are just very careful to send him to the basement to play his video games and keep jingle bells on the door handles in case he decides to ambush us.



[size=300]EllenA[/size]

dx'd high fsh at age 30
ttc 6 years
5 failed clomid cycles
2 failed IVF cycles
#3 IVF/ICSI worked out fine
FET 2 years later didn't work out
Proud mom of an amazing miracle boy.
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Joined: December 6th, 2011, 5:57 am

August 14th, 2012, 4:28 pm #6

So, even tho KM knows who this is by my login, I am waaay too embarassed to say with the question I'm about to ask!

Tonight, DH and I were 'relaxing' in our room after DD (9) and DS (5) were asleep (or so we thought). One thing led to another and we started messing around. Generally, we keep an ear out for the kids (and DS still has a monitor plugged in his room so we can hear him pretty easily) but we were pretty sure that they were both out cold and/or weren't listening as closely.

At a very inopportune time (not 'actual' sex but worse in some respects) DD barged in our room. I was faced away from the door and it took me a moment to react. She had a little smile on her face and immediately threw her face onto a pillow and said "I won't look, you can keep doing what you're doing". I was still dressed and popped up and said "No, let me walk you back into your room" (DH who wasn't dressed ducked)When I laid down with her, she said (with a little smile) "Something I heard scared me" I asked what but she said "I'm not talking". I quickly told her that Mommy and Daddy would never do anything to hurt each other. She said she was scared again and I asked her 'of what?' and she referenced a show that was on in our bedroom (which actually was a scary show). I told her it was scary but make believe. I also know she wanted me to sleep with her (a 'usual' issue that we have had with her). I waited until she fell asleep and left.

So, for morning time, I feel I should address this...or should I? DD is very quiet (doesn't ask a lot of questions, in part I believe due to an early speech issue and a still reticence to truly 'use her words' sometimes), so I don't want to 'wait for her to ask' as she likely won't, but then again I don't want to say too much...any ideas? I have been reading online a bit (talk about a mood kill;) and what I've read said to simply say "Mom and Dad need time alone for hugging and grown up stuff' and that it's okay.

Still, I worry I have scarred my little girl or encouraged 'promiscuos' behavior (yeah, I'm overreacting but still!)

Help!



by this age DD might have been unintentionally exposed to a similar scene elsewhere (TV or internet), and is now making an awkward connection.
She must have been really embarassed with the situation.
Since this had happened, it cannot be ignored.
Maybe this is the time for teaching about puberty (Some girls, get to puberty at her age), boys (if she's seen the difference) and who is supposed to have intimate relations.
This is part of parenting that could be assisted with profesional guidance.

I apologize for expressing myself that bold, but it is a big issue in my eyes.

BTW, I have to be thankful that I was over 35 when I accidentally heard my parents making love! LOL

Adee
Last edited by Adeedu on August 14th, 2012, 4:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Adee
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Joined: June 25th, 2004, 4:48 pm

August 14th, 2012, 4:29 pm #7

Chances are she will not bring it up...or maybe she will have questions...and you can preface each answer with "When people get married...." or "When Mommies and Daddies get mushy with each other..." to help assure yourself that you are steering her away from promiscuity. Your worst case scenario is that it pops out in a group setting - which happened to friends of mine. Their son was getting his skates tied in the locker room, sandwiched in like sardines with the other kids and parents, and he took the opportunity to announce that his mommy and daddy had handcuffs in their bedroom nightstand...and the quick thinking father quipped that it was from his security guard stint. Ha ha! He never worked as a security guard.

You really touched on one of my biggest fears - as DS still sleeps in a loft offshoot of our master bedroom...we can't get him to move across the house to his real bedroom. Yeah...um...he's ten! Having said that he once did catch us when he was five - thankfully we were fully covered with the blankets with Mom in the driver's seat. He proclaimed that it looked like fun and he wanted a horsey ride too! Oh dear! DH tried to explain that we were "wrestling"...yeah...I think that might have been pretty well the last time we touched each other...LMAO! (((kidding))) We are just very careful to send him to the basement to play his video games and keep jingle bells on the door handles in case he decides to ambush us.



[size=300]EllenA[/size]

dx'd high fsh at age 30
ttc 6 years
5 failed clomid cycles
2 failed IVF cycles
#3 IVF/ICSI worked out fine
FET 2 years later didn't work out
Proud mom of an amazing miracle boy.
Thanks Ladies!

I'm a little mellower this morning (caused by a lack of sleep I'm sure!)I mentioned something to DD this morning (before I read the responses!!) and she kind of ignored me. We have had the reproduction discussion a bit as she is ahead of herself in the development area and will likely begin menstruation earlier (hopefully not until 11'ish) as the Ped. Endocrionologist confirmed. KM, I also tried to do a 'real life' lesson when we mated our hamsters this past spring...um, the lesson fell flat and we ended up with 5 extra hamsters and a mommy hamster who wanted to eat her young (which made me feel like a darn good parent btw:)

Ellen, I LOVE the security guard story and the jingle bells idea!!! MM, we live in a turn of the century (LAST century that is!) home where the doors are all wood with lovely, albeit, crystal'ish doorknobs that do not 'take' to locks unless it's the bolt type doors. We also have a jack and jill bathroom, so more than one way to access us!! We have locked ourselves in the basement before (which does have a lock) but, um, not so much fun!






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Joined: April 16th, 2004, 9:20 pm

August 14th, 2012, 6:03 pm #8

by this age DD might have been unintentionally exposed to a similar scene elsewhere (TV or internet), and is now making an awkward connection.
She must have been really embarassed with the situation.
Since this had happened, it cannot be ignored.
Maybe this is the time for teaching about puberty (Some girls, get to puberty at her age), boys (if she's seen the difference) and who is supposed to have intimate relations.
This is part of parenting that could be assisted with profesional guidance.

I apologize for expressing myself that bold, but it is a big issue in my eyes.

BTW, I have to be thankful that I was over 35 when I accidentally heard my parents making love! LOL

Adee
Interesting discussion I'm following with a keen eye. My kids are 8.5 years old and they are c l u e l e s s about sex and anything in this department. I have a friend whose daughter is a couple of months younger and she bought her DD a book by American Girl this summer, "The Care and Keeping of You". It is a sweet book and it talks about everything including growing breasts, period, sex. It's for girls. I think DD is not ready and it would seriously gross her out. DS is even less ready, he is less mature. Also, it's so hard for me to catch a private moment with them. Would I talk to them together - separately since they are boy-girl twins - what do you all think?

Just this week-end I talked to a mom from DD's skating, her DD just turned 10, she has a 12-year-old brother who told her the whole story. Both kids are grossed out!

Would you just sit down and have the talk, or first give them a book, which DS would certainly devour, DD would probably be interested too and then talk. Talk about boy and girl?

As far as your situation goes Bisco, I think you handled it admirably well. I think I would not just be silent about it but make it into a meaningful conversation. Not easy for sure!!

Last edited by SabinaCA on August 14th, 2012, 6:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: June 20th, 2006, 2:07 am

August 14th, 2012, 6:03 pm #9

So, even tho KM knows who this is by my login, I am waaay too embarassed to say with the question I'm about to ask!

Tonight, DH and I were 'relaxing' in our room after DD (9) and DS (5) were asleep (or so we thought). One thing led to another and we started messing around. Generally, we keep an ear out for the kids (and DS still has a monitor plugged in his room so we can hear him pretty easily) but we were pretty sure that they were both out cold and/or weren't listening as closely.

At a very inopportune time (not 'actual' sex but worse in some respects) DD barged in our room. I was faced away from the door and it took me a moment to react. She had a little smile on her face and immediately threw her face onto a pillow and said "I won't look, you can keep doing what you're doing". I was still dressed and popped up and said "No, let me walk you back into your room" (DH who wasn't dressed ducked)When I laid down with her, she said (with a little smile) "Something I heard scared me" I asked what but she said "I'm not talking". I quickly told her that Mommy and Daddy would never do anything to hurt each other. She said she was scared again and I asked her 'of what?' and she referenced a show that was on in our bedroom (which actually was a scary show). I told her it was scary but make believe. I also know she wanted me to sleep with her (a 'usual' issue that we have had with her). I waited until she fell asleep and left.

So, for morning time, I feel I should address this...or should I? DD is very quiet (doesn't ask a lot of questions, in part I believe due to an early speech issue and a still reticence to truly 'use her words' sometimes), so I don't want to 'wait for her to ask' as she likely won't, but then again I don't want to say too much...any ideas? I have been reading online a bit (talk about a mood kill;) and what I've read said to simply say "Mom and Dad need time alone for hugging and grown up stuff' and that it's okay.

Still, I worry I have scarred my little girl or encouraged 'promiscuos' behavior (yeah, I'm overreacting but still!)

Help!



I was always worried that they'd walk in during the most compromising moments

so no real advice from me but I did want to put a lock on our door.

The advice I've heard is if they have a question, the first thing you say is: what do you think the answer is? then you get a better picture of where they were headed with the question and what they know or their misinformation. Because kids will always draw their own conclusions.


I remember when DS was really young, getting his head around death and asked: where do people go when they die. so I launched into this whole philosophical explanation. by the end, he said, oh that's cool but where do they go?? you know, the bodies. LOL I had to laugh. Only then did I learn that trick about asking them what they think before giving an answer.


I too would follow her lead but you said she's reticent to talk so you can open the conversation with: honey, do you have any questions you'd like to ask me? You can ask me anything even if you feel it's embarrassing or silly; I'm your mom and will never think this way about you.
She may not say anything that moment but will think on what you said.

DS is at an age (9 too) where he'd rather I fast forward when a couple is kissing on screen, he covers his eyes and asks to know when it's done. but I know he peeks--we watched Terminator and at the sex scene, he hid his eyes as I flicked forward. then later he made reference to it so I knew he peeked. ahhh our kids. I just hope I handle all that better than my mother did (she didn't tell me anything. and she had my big sister tell me about periods only when they both suspected I had got it. Meanwhile I got my education from my girlfriends).

xoxo
Julie




me:43, DH 44
FSH 26
DS: born by c-sec Apr15'03, 9lbs5oz 41wks gest. (after 4 years of ttc, starting in 1998)
DD born by c-sec Oct 13 2007, 8lbs13oz 39wk gest. (after just under 3 years of ttc)
~~DS was conceived naturally the cycle following a cancelled DE IVF, using my good friend's eggs. She was on the verge of hyperstimming.
~~DD's nat conception I attribute to using OPKs like a crazy nut, eating grapefruit daily and using preseed. also 5 cycles of TCM ending 2 cycles before that lucky cycle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Joined: April 16th, 2004, 9:20 pm

August 14th, 2012, 6:08 pm #10

he says ewww when two people kiss and covers his eyes.
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