Very upset. Opinions needed (ranting/venting). Very, very long.

Very upset. Opinions needed (ranting/venting). Very, very long.

Joined: February 22nd, 2006, 4:05 am

May 1st, 2012, 2:36 am #1

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Last edited by ZakiaZ on May 6th, 2012, 3:47 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: February 10th, 2009, 9:24 pm

May 1st, 2012, 3:48 am #2

Is the owner of the bldg the owner of the daycare? If so, shame on them! This would upset me because you are already paying high fees for daycare, and then to be brought to the center under the guise of a party for Week of the Child which is really a fundraiser for a charity? I think they should have been more honest about the purposes of the event, more organized in their delivery, and less pressure to bid for the art.

Since you love the teachers and want to stay on good terms there, I would either send your DH if he is not as upset as you, or wait until you calm down to go and address the matter of the art bid. I would gently remind the owner that, with your DH unemployed, you are basically working to pay the daycare at this point, and it will take food out of your childrens mouths to purchase your own child's art. I would add that while you wished you couldve purchased it, you hope that the highest bidder will enjoy it.

I would not fall prey to this kind of deceitful ploy by outbidding this person who is obviously trying to emotionally extort you for more money.

And another thoughtwouldnt this art be your intellectual property since it was produced by your children? Arent you really the owner anyway? I am not a lawyer, but this doesnt even seem right now that I think about it.

BTW, I am extremely envious that your 4 y/o still naps! My 3.5 doesnt nap!! My 5 y/o could seriously use a nap every day, but he wont nap either.

Pink



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wcl
Joined: September 19th, 2006, 11:17 am

May 1st, 2012, 11:26 am #3

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Z, when you first mentioned the art on little easels, I was sure these were meant to be secret gifts for the parents from the children! Now THAT would have been lovely and appropriate. But this "extortion" is completely outrageous, and I am horrified they would do that after "inviting" you to what you thought was a party, making you a captive audience.

I agree with Pink--let yourself simmer down, then write a pointed letter to the owners expressing how shocked you were about this, and suggesting that they never do it again and why. Do you know the other parents? My DD says she doesn't know many others at daycare due to the differing days and hours of drop-offs and pick-ups. But if you know a few, maybe you could find out how they felt about it, and encourage them to write notes, as well. If the owners get several letters, maybe they will get the message.

A bake sale would have been a better way for them to raise money. They could have put a price on those cupcakes! (But ONLY if the invitation made that clear.)

wcl
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Joined: January 1st, 1970, 12:00 am

May 1st, 2012, 11:43 am #4

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I completely agree with you, Z, and the fact that the owner started the bid is a dead give-away that she/he was padding the profits. Know what? If they had presented a painting to me later, I would have taken it and said, you'll get $10. Possession is 9/10 of the law!

Wow. Pity these daycares don't answer to a board of directors. Or do they?

I have to warn you: it could get worse when the boys go to school. Our public school's PTO has fundraisers about every other week, and some of them are expensive junk. DS has become disillusioned by the cheap, flimsy prizes. I'm not buying the school pic anymore. Both times I ordered last fall, I received damaged pix. I managed to cobble together the number of undamaged pix that I ordered, but wtf should I have to do that? They're not very good, anyway, and it's hella hard to contact someone to complain. (The school gets a cut from the corp. that does the kids pix.) I'll pay to have his pix taken by a good photog we know, instead.

And what hideous planning! These ppl work with little kids? Our cdc doesn't do an auction. The school holds their auction at a posh location after-hours and serves great food and drinks.

(((hugs))) wow, you are so stressed, mama bear, and I don't blame you at all!




Keiki's Makuahine (Keiki's Mom) 51, dh 52
Keiki: b. 2002 after 3 months bedrest
Natural conception following ZIFT/chem. pg

Olivia: b. 1999 d. 1999
28-week preemie, ptl cause unknown
Natural conception after 1 mc

ttc since 1998
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Joined: March 12th, 2008, 1:22 pm

May 1st, 2012, 1:07 pm #5

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...I can't imagine what they were thinking, and I can't think of what would anger me more: 1. the fact that they would try to emotionally manipulate me in front of my kids to extort money from me (little slips of paper under the paintings, someone else bidding on my kid's artwork, etc., etc.,) 2. the fact that they would hold this 'special' event DURING my kids' nap times (this, from a daycare provider who supposedly knows children!), or 3. the fact said 'special event' would entail keeping kids in an inadequate play area and that they would display treats, like cupcakes, and withhold them from the children for so long.

I would be livid as well (not to mention enraged and offended), and I think you are completely justified in every single one of your points. I'm absolutely dumbfounded at what appears to be a toxic combination of greed, stupidity, poor judgment, thoughtlessness and inconsideration. Stick to your guns about not buying your kids' artwork (unless it's at a price you are comfortable with) -- don't buy the jacked-up rate of $20+ (that would make me practically insane with anger--you are right, someone else bidding on my kid's artwork? Puh-lease).

I'm also with you on the charities. Years ago, when I was in my 20s and working at a local TV station, I remember the exact same United Way m.o. (employees got slips asking if they wanted to contribute OR request a deduction from their paycheck. Uh, you forgot option 3: NEITHER -- and I, too, just pitched the paper. I'm sure you well know that the United Way CEO makes a huge salary -- more in one year than I would probably make in five or 10! But this is your rant...)

I don't have any good advice, except to say that I'd write or talk to the daycare and start off by saying all the great things you said here: they are like a family for your boys, etc., and then I would say that's why it makes their recent action doubly surprising, upsetting, disappointing, etc. -- if they'd asked for a donation or let you know in advance, it would be one thing, etc., etc. I think the others have already addressed this well, so I won't belabor it -- just mostly wanted to let you know that I agree with you 100% on everything you expressed, and I hope you're able to find resolution that doesn't make you feel compromised or extorted, because I know that great daycare providers are not easy to find.

Hugs,
Kat.
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Joined: May 3rd, 2005, 4:45 pm

May 1st, 2012, 1:37 pm #6

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They have auctions here all the time where they auction kids work. Maybe they just thought everyone was aware of that? I kid you not, one woman I work with just spent $1350 on a chair her daughter made, she was bidding with a surgeon who really wanted it.

Honestly, I think it's great for the kids self esteem to have their art work bid on my other people besides their parents and it's not that much money. I had boxes of the kids art work and I'm sure you'll get much more. Look at it as a way to grow your child. They might not understand the auction now, but in the future they (hopefully) will get a kick out of it!

I do remember being overwhelmed with all the kindergarten fundraisers when my kids first started school (they're first graders now) and I had a similar reaction to it that you did. Try and look at it from another perspective. Also, it's hard to seamlessly pull off a big event, and maybe they are not good event planners. If they are good daycare providers, I would overlook this.
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Joined: August 21st, 2006, 3:29 pm

May 1st, 2012, 2:08 pm #7

KFran,

Really? B/c I think I live near where you do. Thanks for the heads-up; I'm with Z on the (in)appropriateness of what she describes though I will say I think components of it would be OK if they were clearly advertised (i.e. I would be OK with it if it were openly announced what was going on). The private preschool we are attending (which is the first large such institution we've been part of -- others we've used have been tiny, like, 4 kids) has had a few charitable collections but mostly in the "drop off food for the food bank" vein. To be honest I find even that a bit irritating (not their doing it, which is fine, but there was some effort to make it a competition between the classrooms which annoys me because we do give, but not boxed food and not at the preschool -- I can't have been the only one who felt this way b/c the school (which has been small but is growing) then had a parents group form which, among other things, was looking at how the school selected charities and organized support for them.

Are your kids (KFran's) in public school or private? I know we'll deal with fundraisers, but I'm hoping (we'll have DS in public school) not like what Zakiaz describes.

Best wishes,
Alex
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Joined: January 27th, 2003, 11:09 pm

May 1st, 2012, 2:08 pm #8

Edited




I agree that it was an ambush. I'm absolutely certain you are not the only parent who felt this way, and you really ought to let them know how you feel (once you've simmered down, of course).

big hugs to you!
xoxox
MM
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Joined: March 4th, 2006, 3:00 am

May 1st, 2012, 3:57 pm #9

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I don't like all the fundraising that schools get involved in. Here, the kids are always selling overpriced cookie dough, wrapping paper, or coupon books that I never use. Having an auction for your preschool child's artwork is nuts. They aren't even old enough to understand what is going on. It would be different, and far more acceptable if it were High School kids and their work was being shown in a mall or shopping center (the schools here do stuff like that on occasion, but everyone understands the concept of an auction.)
Honestly, if they want to teach kids to be charitable, they should start by doing service projects appropriate to age. Picking up trash at a park or taking hats to a homeless shelter is a much better option IMO. Then you KNOW for sure what your donated time/money has gone. Even a food drive for the local food bank would be a better option.
I'm with you too on the United Way extortion. Back when I was working outside the home, a had a job where they handed out those donation papers in big meetings we were required to attend. I always felt like it was so unfair for HR to know who donated and how much. I prefer to donate anonymously.
I think I would have just walked out with the artwork and said "Donations are optional things and I won't be paying for my kids picture."

I'm seething with you.

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Joined: February 20th, 2006, 11:35 pm

May 1st, 2012, 5:34 pm #10

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Wow, I've never heard of such a thing -- not advertising a fundraiser as such. I'd be annoyed too, not just at the poor organization (not having real food for kids and scheduling something during their naptime? -- was this on the weekend or during the week?) but at not being forewarned about the auction. And if my child made something I really loved and someone else outbid me on it, I'd be livid!

And what might the kids think if someone else besides their parents bid on something? I recall in high school my art teacher's wife wanted to buy a watercolor I made. And I had a really tough time parting with it. I can only imagine it might be tougher for a little one who was really proud of his work. And what if there were divorced parents each trying to bid -- ouch!

You'll have strength in numbers if you find out if other parents felt the same way you did, and perhaps sending a polite but firm note signed by all who were upset at the arrangements would be effective in letting the management know they scr#wed up big time.

We're dealing with big fundraiser right now at DS's daycare/preschool, but it's all above board: they have an annual fair on a Saturday and they advertise for months ahead of time. I'm sure it'll be fun but I'm starting to get a bit tired of being asked to donate/provide/spend: each class had to put together a basket of things to donate, so I gave $ for a gift certificate; then they want cakes for a cake walk and food for a bake sale. They want you to buy tickets for games and rides and tickets for the raffles. And if that's not enough next week is teacher appreciation week so we have to give more for that. Well, we don't have to, but you hear about it every day so the pressure is on.

I think you shouldn't feel bad about not giving any more money than you can afford (if at all).

Hope you're feeling somewhat better today.

Big hugs,

xoxox
Lillian
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