Uugggggghhhhhhh! In-laws! Can't win for losing! (ranting)

Uugggggghhhhhhh! In-laws! Can't win for losing! (ranting)

Joined: January 1st, 1970, 12:00 am

July 22nd, 2012, 12:20 pm #1

We thought it would save money, wear & tear, and time to start our vacation immediately after visiting dh's family instead of flying home and then flying back out.

(steam rising from my head now)

Maybe I should re-think the vacation plans I was starting for next summer, b/c that one also was going to follow a visit to ILs.

She's so rigid. She insists on keeping all the shades down in the daytime to keep the house cool. I don't know her house as well as she does and I can't see in the dark, so I have to turn on lights. Burning lights heats up the house, too. Duh! Can't she just keep the AC lower for the one week of the year that we're visiting, instead of living like mushrooms?

There is very little for ds to do at the house and mil interferes when we try to plan activities for ds. She complains that if she buys him toys or games, he outgrows them. But they complain if we take him out for activities, too. And we invited one of his three only same-age cousins to go out. IL's resent his spending time with his cousins, too. Poor kid is growing up without siblings and has only 3 cousins close in age. All live across the country. One he sees only once every 2-3 years. Geez. And this is not the inevitable result of older parenting, b/c he only has 6 cousins born in the 80s, all also very far away. The two families just didn't have a lot of kids.

DM's meal planning is so aggravating. First of all, I don't expect her to cook so much for us, and it's not very good food, so why not let us help more? She's such a control freak about this, though. What we eat, when we eat. And even though ds is only 10 and is used to eating at regular times (i.e., he doesn't eat dinner at 9 pm!), mil serves late and protests and fusses when I try to give ds something earlier. Or she'll have nothing planned at all, but she won't warn us or have appropriate food for ds available, and then she'll go on about how she only eats 2x day. Fine. DS can't do that, and he won't eat her nasty left-overs.

But last night when I served the blueberry pie that I bought for the family, she admitted she had just eaten a banana.

!!! She can spoil a planned meal or dessert by snacking, but not my 10yo ds????

I think I'm most frustrated b/c my in-laws are aware that I'm having a great deal of back pain. They're aware we're about to go west for vacation. They're aware that our means are limited and this is a big deal for us.

They still expect me to contribute to household chores and do the things I can't do: lifting and bending.

And dh won't say anything to them. He's 53yo and he's still scared of them.

My only choice until we leave Tuesday is to hide in the back during meal prep and clean-up.

Today we're going to a museum. Both mil and fil need to use wheelchairs in that environment and dh, ds and I agree that they're not likely to do this. They complain and moan about the pain, but there is nothing to do at the house, so we either sit here and do nothing and suffer boredom, or we go out. Poor ds.

They're not very bright ppl, and they're very touchy, so they can't see how illogical their reasoning is.

I think next year, we'll limit the visit to 3 days. I'm sorry ds isn't getting more time with them, but they won't go 2 hours out of their way to visit us when they drive south to their winter home.




Keiki's Makuahine (Keiki's Mom) 51, dh 52
Keiki: b. 2002 after 3 months bedrest
Natural conception following ZIFT/chem. pg

Olivia: b. 1999 d. 1999
28-week preemie, ptl cause unknown
Natural conception after 1 mc

ttc since 1998
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Joined: September 4th, 2004, 1:08 am

July 22nd, 2012, 1:43 pm #2

Oh good grief, poor you and DS!! How long are you scheduled to stay there for? Can you shorten it? She is very stuck in her ways and there is no changing it. If DH doesn't speak up to her, then you may have to, at least for Ds's sake. Eating at 9pm? Sorry too late for a 10 y/o, tell her he can't wait and just feed him, who cares if she has a hissy fit. It is too bad you can't get some day trips free of them, you already need a break, an you plan on something that may not interest them and they would prefer to stay home? You can get through this and definitely change you plans accordingly for next year, maybe just DH can visit them? Hang in there KM!
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Joined: January 19th, 2007, 7:18 pm

July 22nd, 2012, 2:56 pm #3

We thought it would save money, wear & tear, and time to start our vacation immediately after visiting dh's family instead of flying home and then flying back out.

(steam rising from my head now)

Maybe I should re-think the vacation plans I was starting for next summer, b/c that one also was going to follow a visit to ILs.

She's so rigid. She insists on keeping all the shades down in the daytime to keep the house cool. I don't know her house as well as she does and I can't see in the dark, so I have to turn on lights. Burning lights heats up the house, too. Duh! Can't she just keep the AC lower for the one week of the year that we're visiting, instead of living like mushrooms?

There is very little for ds to do at the house and mil interferes when we try to plan activities for ds. She complains that if she buys him toys or games, he outgrows them. But they complain if we take him out for activities, too. And we invited one of his three only same-age cousins to go out. IL's resent his spending time with his cousins, too. Poor kid is growing up without siblings and has only 3 cousins close in age. All live across the country. One he sees only once every 2-3 years. Geez. And this is not the inevitable result of older parenting, b/c he only has 6 cousins born in the 80s, all also very far away. The two families just didn't have a lot of kids.

DM's meal planning is so aggravating. First of all, I don't expect her to cook so much for us, and it's not very good food, so why not let us help more? She's such a control freak about this, though. What we eat, when we eat. And even though ds is only 10 and is used to eating at regular times (i.e., he doesn't eat dinner at 9 pm!), mil serves late and protests and fusses when I try to give ds something earlier. Or she'll have nothing planned at all, but she won't warn us or have appropriate food for ds available, and then she'll go on about how she only eats 2x day. Fine. DS can't do that, and he won't eat her nasty left-overs.

But last night when I served the blueberry pie that I bought for the family, she admitted she had just eaten a banana.

!!! She can spoil a planned meal or dessert by snacking, but not my 10yo ds????

I think I'm most frustrated b/c my in-laws are aware that I'm having a great deal of back pain. They're aware we're about to go west for vacation. They're aware that our means are limited and this is a big deal for us.

They still expect me to contribute to household chores and do the things I can't do: lifting and bending.

And dh won't say anything to them. He's 53yo and he's still scared of them.

My only choice until we leave Tuesday is to hide in the back during meal prep and clean-up.

Today we're going to a museum. Both mil and fil need to use wheelchairs in that environment and dh, ds and I agree that they're not likely to do this. They complain and moan about the pain, but there is nothing to do at the house, so we either sit here and do nothing and suffer boredom, or we go out. Poor ds.

They're not very bright ppl, and they're very touchy, so they can't see how illogical their reasoning is.

I think next year, we'll limit the visit to 3 days. I'm sorry ds isn't getting more time with them, but they won't go 2 hours out of their way to visit us when they drive south to their winter home.




Keiki's Makuahine (Keiki's Mom) 51, dh 52
Keiki: b. 2002 after 3 months bedrest
Natural conception following ZIFT/chem. pg

Olivia: b. 1999 d. 1999
28-week preemie, ptl cause unknown
Natural conception after 1 mc

ttc since 1998
What an utter nightmare, KM. I'm so sorry!



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Joined: February 10th, 2009, 9:24 pm

July 22nd, 2012, 3:08 pm #4

We thought it would save money, wear & tear, and time to start our vacation immediately after visiting dh's family instead of flying home and then flying back out.

(steam rising from my head now)

Maybe I should re-think the vacation plans I was starting for next summer, b/c that one also was going to follow a visit to ILs.

She's so rigid. She insists on keeping all the shades down in the daytime to keep the house cool. I don't know her house as well as she does and I can't see in the dark, so I have to turn on lights. Burning lights heats up the house, too. Duh! Can't she just keep the AC lower for the one week of the year that we're visiting, instead of living like mushrooms?

There is very little for ds to do at the house and mil interferes when we try to plan activities for ds. She complains that if she buys him toys or games, he outgrows them. But they complain if we take him out for activities, too. And we invited one of his three only same-age cousins to go out. IL's resent his spending time with his cousins, too. Poor kid is growing up without siblings and has only 3 cousins close in age. All live across the country. One he sees only once every 2-3 years. Geez. And this is not the inevitable result of older parenting, b/c he only has 6 cousins born in the 80s, all also very far away. The two families just didn't have a lot of kids.

DM's meal planning is so aggravating. First of all, I don't expect her to cook so much for us, and it's not very good food, so why not let us help more? She's such a control freak about this, though. What we eat, when we eat. And even though ds is only 10 and is used to eating at regular times (i.e., he doesn't eat dinner at 9 pm!), mil serves late and protests and fusses when I try to give ds something earlier. Or she'll have nothing planned at all, but she won't warn us or have appropriate food for ds available, and then she'll go on about how she only eats 2x day. Fine. DS can't do that, and he won't eat her nasty left-overs.

But last night when I served the blueberry pie that I bought for the family, she admitted she had just eaten a banana.

!!! She can spoil a planned meal or dessert by snacking, but not my 10yo ds????

I think I'm most frustrated b/c my in-laws are aware that I'm having a great deal of back pain. They're aware we're about to go west for vacation. They're aware that our means are limited and this is a big deal for us.

They still expect me to contribute to household chores and do the things I can't do: lifting and bending.

And dh won't say anything to them. He's 53yo and he's still scared of them.

My only choice until we leave Tuesday is to hide in the back during meal prep and clean-up.

Today we're going to a museum. Both mil and fil need to use wheelchairs in that environment and dh, ds and I agree that they're not likely to do this. They complain and moan about the pain, but there is nothing to do at the house, so we either sit here and do nothing and suffer boredom, or we go out. Poor ds.

They're not very bright ppl, and they're very touchy, so they can't see how illogical their reasoning is.

I think next year, we'll limit the visit to 3 days. I'm sorry ds isn't getting more time with them, but they won't go 2 hours out of their way to visit us when they drive south to their winter home.




Keiki's Makuahine (Keiki's Mom) 51, dh 52
Keiki: b. 2002 after 3 months bedrest
Natural conception following ZIFT/chem. pg

Olivia: b. 1999 d. 1999
28-week preemie, ptl cause unknown
Natural conception after 1 mc

ttc since 1998
This sounds awful. When Im with some of mine, the only way I get through it is to remind myself that we are only there for a limited time (in the scope of things) and that I will miss them (?) when theyre gone. I have given up trying to be nice and just survive the visit.

In the meantime, I would be brutally honest. You have significant back issues and your doctor has said you cant do the cleaning and lifting, and you need some A/C. I know that I turn into a royal grouch when I am too hot lately!!

I would feed your DS at his usual hour and just shrug my shouldersI Its your child, and no one can tell you how to take care of him.

I assume your DH wont intercede on your behalf? Mine never will.....its like hes afraid of his family.

Hang in there, KM...you have a nice trip to look forward to next!

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Joined: July 7th, 2009, 1:19 pm

July 22nd, 2012, 3:52 pm #5

We thought it would save money, wear & tear, and time to start our vacation immediately after visiting dh's family instead of flying home and then flying back out.

(steam rising from my head now)

Maybe I should re-think the vacation plans I was starting for next summer, b/c that one also was going to follow a visit to ILs.

She's so rigid. She insists on keeping all the shades down in the daytime to keep the house cool. I don't know her house as well as she does and I can't see in the dark, so I have to turn on lights. Burning lights heats up the house, too. Duh! Can't she just keep the AC lower for the one week of the year that we're visiting, instead of living like mushrooms?

There is very little for ds to do at the house and mil interferes when we try to plan activities for ds. She complains that if she buys him toys or games, he outgrows them. But they complain if we take him out for activities, too. And we invited one of his three only same-age cousins to go out. IL's resent his spending time with his cousins, too. Poor kid is growing up without siblings and has only 3 cousins close in age. All live across the country. One he sees only once every 2-3 years. Geez. And this is not the inevitable result of older parenting, b/c he only has 6 cousins born in the 80s, all also very far away. The two families just didn't have a lot of kids.

DM's meal planning is so aggravating. First of all, I don't expect her to cook so much for us, and it's not very good food, so why not let us help more? She's such a control freak about this, though. What we eat, when we eat. And even though ds is only 10 and is used to eating at regular times (i.e., he doesn't eat dinner at 9 pm!), mil serves late and protests and fusses when I try to give ds something earlier. Or she'll have nothing planned at all, but she won't warn us or have appropriate food for ds available, and then she'll go on about how she only eats 2x day. Fine. DS can't do that, and he won't eat her nasty left-overs.

But last night when I served the blueberry pie that I bought for the family, she admitted she had just eaten a banana.

!!! She can spoil a planned meal or dessert by snacking, but not my 10yo ds????

I think I'm most frustrated b/c my in-laws are aware that I'm having a great deal of back pain. They're aware we're about to go west for vacation. They're aware that our means are limited and this is a big deal for us.

They still expect me to contribute to household chores and do the things I can't do: lifting and bending.

And dh won't say anything to them. He's 53yo and he's still scared of them.

My only choice until we leave Tuesday is to hide in the back during meal prep and clean-up.

Today we're going to a museum. Both mil and fil need to use wheelchairs in that environment and dh, ds and I agree that they're not likely to do this. They complain and moan about the pain, but there is nothing to do at the house, so we either sit here and do nothing and suffer boredom, or we go out. Poor ds.

They're not very bright ppl, and they're very touchy, so they can't see how illogical their reasoning is.

I think next year, we'll limit the visit to 3 days. I'm sorry ds isn't getting more time with them, but they won't go 2 hours out of their way to visit us when they drive south to their winter home.




Keiki's Makuahine (Keiki's Mom) 51, dh 52
Keiki: b. 2002 after 3 months bedrest
Natural conception following ZIFT/chem. pg

Olivia: b. 1999 d. 1999
28-week preemie, ptl cause unknown
Natural conception after 1 mc

ttc since 1998
a few things come to mind... can you buy a fan or 2? They are not that $$ and will help circulate the air. They even sell small battery operated ones that hang on neck like a necklace - or clip onto a book, iPad or pillow - the kids had them at camp. Very clever. They may have them at local walgreen, CVS - pharmacy...

Can you ask in the morning or the night before inquire what "the" plans" are for the day? including the meals? Maybe you could say you needed to go to the store what could you pick up? DS wanted to eat something particular?? OR maybe DH could chime in with you. Not sure if you are pitching in $$ for the meals or she already has them planned?


Not sure if you have a car or are using their car, but maybe you could at least take DS out to eat at least 1x a day. Lots of places have kids eat free, IHop does (I think starting at 4 PM) you can google places and sometimes if you buy 1 meal the kids is free. Might be an idea. Does he eat cereal, or could you make him a smoothie? That would be healthy fast and easy. If there is a smoothie place I order DD's w/o sugar and I replace with yogurt and she loves it.

If you are there much longer and really can't take it maybe consider a cheapie hotel that at least has a pool. Some places even have kids activities included in the rate this time of year.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

GL...
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wcl
Joined: September 19th, 2006, 11:17 am

July 22nd, 2012, 3:55 pm #6

We thought it would save money, wear & tear, and time to start our vacation immediately after visiting dh's family instead of flying home and then flying back out.

(steam rising from my head now)

Maybe I should re-think the vacation plans I was starting for next summer, b/c that one also was going to follow a visit to ILs.

She's so rigid. She insists on keeping all the shades down in the daytime to keep the house cool. I don't know her house as well as she does and I can't see in the dark, so I have to turn on lights. Burning lights heats up the house, too. Duh! Can't she just keep the AC lower for the one week of the year that we're visiting, instead of living like mushrooms?

There is very little for ds to do at the house and mil interferes when we try to plan activities for ds. She complains that if she buys him toys or games, he outgrows them. But they complain if we take him out for activities, too. And we invited one of his three only same-age cousins to go out. IL's resent his spending time with his cousins, too. Poor kid is growing up without siblings and has only 3 cousins close in age. All live across the country. One he sees only once every 2-3 years. Geez. And this is not the inevitable result of older parenting, b/c he only has 6 cousins born in the 80s, all also very far away. The two families just didn't have a lot of kids.

DM's meal planning is so aggravating. First of all, I don't expect her to cook so much for us, and it's not very good food, so why not let us help more? She's such a control freak about this, though. What we eat, when we eat. And even though ds is only 10 and is used to eating at regular times (i.e., he doesn't eat dinner at 9 pm!), mil serves late and protests and fusses when I try to give ds something earlier. Or she'll have nothing planned at all, but she won't warn us or have appropriate food for ds available, and then she'll go on about how she only eats 2x day. Fine. DS can't do that, and he won't eat her nasty left-overs.

But last night when I served the blueberry pie that I bought for the family, she admitted she had just eaten a banana.

!!! She can spoil a planned meal or dessert by snacking, but not my 10yo ds????

I think I'm most frustrated b/c my in-laws are aware that I'm having a great deal of back pain. They're aware we're about to go west for vacation. They're aware that our means are limited and this is a big deal for us.

They still expect me to contribute to household chores and do the things I can't do: lifting and bending.

And dh won't say anything to them. He's 53yo and he's still scared of them.

My only choice until we leave Tuesday is to hide in the back during meal prep and clean-up.

Today we're going to a museum. Both mil and fil need to use wheelchairs in that environment and dh, ds and I agree that they're not likely to do this. They complain and moan about the pain, but there is nothing to do at the house, so we either sit here and do nothing and suffer boredom, or we go out. Poor ds.

They're not very bright ppl, and they're very touchy, so they can't see how illogical their reasoning is.

I think next year, we'll limit the visit to 3 days. I'm sorry ds isn't getting more time with them, but they won't go 2 hours out of their way to visit us when they drive south to their winter home.




Keiki's Makuahine (Keiki's Mom) 51, dh 52
Keiki: b. 2002 after 3 months bedrest
Natural conception following ZIFT/chem. pg

Olivia: b. 1999 d. 1999
28-week preemie, ptl cause unknown
Natural conception after 1 mc

ttc since 1998
Poor you! Even my MIL tries to make us as comfortable as she can when we're there--and at 88, her routine is pretty much set in stone. Since you're kinda stuck there now, please at least speak up about the A/C. That sounds unbearable. And yes, do tell her your DS can't eat so late at night. Better yet, get DH to say something. I wouldn't let my husband get away with not being an intermediary in this situation. You will resent him, I'm afraid--and it wouldn't hurt to tell him that, either! Say something to him. You're an extremely tactful person. I'm sure you can do it in a way that won't cause an argument--like "Honey, this heat is really getting to me. Could you please say something to your Mom--or turn up the A/C yourself?" And so on.

wcl
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Joined: January 27th, 2003, 11:09 pm

July 22nd, 2012, 4:35 pm #7

We thought it would save money, wear & tear, and time to start our vacation immediately after visiting dh's family instead of flying home and then flying back out.

(steam rising from my head now)

Maybe I should re-think the vacation plans I was starting for next summer, b/c that one also was going to follow a visit to ILs.

She's so rigid. She insists on keeping all the shades down in the daytime to keep the house cool. I don't know her house as well as she does and I can't see in the dark, so I have to turn on lights. Burning lights heats up the house, too. Duh! Can't she just keep the AC lower for the one week of the year that we're visiting, instead of living like mushrooms?

There is very little for ds to do at the house and mil interferes when we try to plan activities for ds. She complains that if she buys him toys or games, he outgrows them. But they complain if we take him out for activities, too. And we invited one of his three only same-age cousins to go out. IL's resent his spending time with his cousins, too. Poor kid is growing up without siblings and has only 3 cousins close in age. All live across the country. One he sees only once every 2-3 years. Geez. And this is not the inevitable result of older parenting, b/c he only has 6 cousins born in the 80s, all also very far away. The two families just didn't have a lot of kids.

DM's meal planning is so aggravating. First of all, I don't expect her to cook so much for us, and it's not very good food, so why not let us help more? She's such a control freak about this, though. What we eat, when we eat. And even though ds is only 10 and is used to eating at regular times (i.e., he doesn't eat dinner at 9 pm!), mil serves late and protests and fusses when I try to give ds something earlier. Or she'll have nothing planned at all, but she won't warn us or have appropriate food for ds available, and then she'll go on about how she only eats 2x day. Fine. DS can't do that, and he won't eat her nasty left-overs.

But last night when I served the blueberry pie that I bought for the family, she admitted she had just eaten a banana.

!!! She can spoil a planned meal or dessert by snacking, but not my 10yo ds????

I think I'm most frustrated b/c my in-laws are aware that I'm having a great deal of back pain. They're aware we're about to go west for vacation. They're aware that our means are limited and this is a big deal for us.

They still expect me to contribute to household chores and do the things I can't do: lifting and bending.

And dh won't say anything to them. He's 53yo and he's still scared of them.

My only choice until we leave Tuesday is to hide in the back during meal prep and clean-up.

Today we're going to a museum. Both mil and fil need to use wheelchairs in that environment and dh, ds and I agree that they're not likely to do this. They complain and moan about the pain, but there is nothing to do at the house, so we either sit here and do nothing and suffer boredom, or we go out. Poor ds.

They're not very bright ppl, and they're very touchy, so they can't see how illogical their reasoning is.

I think next year, we'll limit the visit to 3 days. I'm sorry ds isn't getting more time with them, but they won't go 2 hours out of their way to visit us when they drive south to their winter home.




Keiki's Makuahine (Keiki's Mom) 51, dh 52
Keiki: b. 2002 after 3 months bedrest
Natural conception following ZIFT/chem. pg

Olivia: b. 1999 d. 1999
28-week preemie, ptl cause unknown
Natural conception after 1 mc

ttc since 1998
You are spending your vacation time on them! So ungrateful and in inhospitable! grrrrr

I'm with the others, do what you have to do to make sure your and DS's needs are met. As for the rest of it, a friend of mine always does this thing...she rubs her teeth really hard and smiles huge and fakey and tells me, "Be a duck!" (as in, let it roll off your back). sigh

And yes, remember this and plan a bit differently for next year!

Hang in there, KM!

xoxoxoxoox
MM



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Joined: January 1st, 1970, 12:00 am

July 23rd, 2012, 12:18 am #8

Oh good grief, poor you and DS!! How long are you scheduled to stay there for? Can you shorten it? She is very stuck in her ways and there is no changing it. If DH doesn't speak up to her, then you may have to, at least for Ds's sake. Eating at 9pm? Sorry too late for a 10 y/o, tell her he can't wait and just feed him, who cares if she has a hissy fit. It is too bad you can't get some day trips free of them, you already need a break, an you plan on something that may not interest them and they would prefer to stay home? You can get through this and definitely change you plans accordingly for next year, maybe just DH can visit them? Hang in there KM!
I'm afraid we can't leave early since our flights are booked and we're going to see friends in UT. But next year they only get us for 3 days! I think we'll also consider driving up instead of flying. It's 700 miles each way, so it would take 2 days up and 2 back without killing ourselves. We'll plan the routes so that we get to do fun stuff.

In the past when we've planned outings without them, they got mad, so I can't win for losing. If we stay here, poor ds is bored. If we go out with IL's, they moan. If we go out without them, they get mad.

Today I rode with dh's aunt to the museum and she seemed to know before I even explained what the conflicts were. She suggested that next time we just plan to do board games and crafts. (DS hates crafts, and dgm and dgf are kind of over crafts, but I'll start thinking about something.)

I do want ds to have some time with his grandparents, esp. since he's likely not to have them as long as many kids do, and in general, our family is so small. Before he was born, believe me, dh did have to visit on his own.




Keiki's Makuahine (Keiki's Mom) 51, dh 52
Keiki: b. 2002 after 3 months bedrest
Natural conception following ZIFT/chem. pg

Olivia: b. 1999 d. 1999
28-week preemie, ptl cause unknown
Natural conception after 1 mc

ttc since 1998
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Joined: January 1st, 1970, 12:00 am

July 23rd, 2012, 12:18 am #9

What an utter nightmare, KM. I'm so sorry!



I think it's time to shorten the visits.




Keiki's Makuahine (Keiki's Mom) 51, dh 52
Keiki: b. 2002 after 3 months bedrest
Natural conception following ZIFT/chem. pg

Olivia: b. 1999 d. 1999
28-week preemie, ptl cause unknown
Natural conception after 1 mc

ttc since 1998
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Joined: January 1st, 1970, 12:00 am

July 23rd, 2012, 12:23 am #10

This sounds awful. When Im with some of mine, the only way I get through it is to remind myself that we are only there for a limited time (in the scope of things) and that I will miss them (?) when theyre gone. I have given up trying to be nice and just survive the visit.

In the meantime, I would be brutally honest. You have significant back issues and your doctor has said you cant do the cleaning and lifting, and you need some A/C. I know that I turn into a royal grouch when I am too hot lately!!

I would feed your DS at his usual hour and just shrug my shouldersI Its your child, and no one can tell you how to take care of him.

I assume your DH wont intercede on your behalf? Mine never will.....its like hes afraid of his family.

Hang in there, KM...you have a nice trip to look forward to next!

Pink
I used to call them "outlaws" too and had quit for a few years. I know you have outlaws, too!

DH did finally say something to his dm about my back, but she still doesn't understand that even lifting a heavy bowl is more than I can handle. She brushed him off and said she doesn't ask me for help, but she handed me a heavy bowl full of fruit last night to xfer to tupperware. Yes, even that hurts my back. It's that bad.

I guess I feel that if I'm honest, it will rake up many old, festering conflicts from years past. So I'm just going to avoid being in the room when there is work going on.

I wasn't clear about the AC/light problem. The house is cool enough (this year), but it's too dark, or she goes around turning out lights and closing shades. Just. turn. up. the. AC. if necessary!

Thanks for sharing.




Keiki's Makuahine (Keiki's Mom) 51, dh 52
Keiki: b. 2002 after 3 months bedrest
Natural conception following ZIFT/chem. pg

Olivia: b. 1999 d. 1999
28-week preemie, ptl cause unknown
Natural conception after 1 mc

ttc since 1998
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