Tough being old

Tough being old

Joined: December 6th, 2011, 5:57 am

June 18th, 2012, 9:34 pm #1

My mom locks my dad in the house when she goes out to shop. Doctors or club!
She won't let me have a key or leave someone with him
She accuses me for not being there whenever she feels like it .
I informed my DB of the situation .
I can't find the strength to call the authorities - it will just make things worst.
When I try to explain her how wrong this is - she dismisses it saying that she knows best and that I should not interfere
This evening she went to the club. My dad called my DS to tell him that he's alone and not feeling well.
DS was in the middle of an exam out of town and couldn't help.
I didn't know about it until 23:30 and by then, I didn't want to call and disturb the if they are asleep.

I hope that there aren't too many spelling mistakes here.
I texted all this from my smartphone w/o my eye glasses.

Sorry for this vent

Adee
Adee
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Joined: December 2nd, 2005, 3:49 pm

June 19th, 2012, 1:30 am #2

You need to do something. Like call adult protective services if your mom won't budge. What if there's a fire and he can't escape? What if someone invades the house through an open window and he can't escape? It's a dangerous situation. I had to move my mom against her will because of fear she would harm others (leave the stove on, etc). It is very hard, but necessary. I'm sorry you're in this terrible position!
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Joined: September 22nd, 2009, 7:19 pm

June 19th, 2012, 1:59 am #3

My mom locks my dad in the house when she goes out to shop. Doctors or club!
She won't let me have a key or leave someone with him
She accuses me for not being there whenever she feels like it .
I informed my DB of the situation .
I can't find the strength to call the authorities - it will just make things worst.
When I try to explain her how wrong this is - she dismisses it saying that she knows best and that I should not interfere
This evening she went to the club. My dad called my DS to tell him that he's alone and not feeling well.
DS was in the middle of an exam out of town and couldn't help.
I didn't know about it until 23:30 and by then, I didn't want to call and disturb the if they are asleep.

I hope that there aren't too many spelling mistakes here.
I texted all this from my smartphone w/o my eye glasses.

Sorry for this vent

Adee
So sorry. I feel for you. My situation is a bit different - my dad is on his own as my mom died years and years ago. He's 80 and quite depressed and has very poor short term memory. It's so hard to deal with aging parents, and even more so when also dealing with little ones at home.

I have no advice, just {{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}.
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Joined: February 22nd, 2006, 4:05 am

June 19th, 2012, 2:38 am #4

My mom locks my dad in the house when she goes out to shop. Doctors or club!
She won't let me have a key or leave someone with him
She accuses me for not being there whenever she feels like it .
I informed my DB of the situation .
I can't find the strength to call the authorities - it will just make things worst.
When I try to explain her how wrong this is - she dismisses it saying that she knows best and that I should not interfere
This evening she went to the club. My dad called my DS to tell him that he's alone and not feeling well.
DS was in the middle of an exam out of town and couldn't help.
I didn't know about it until 23:30 and by then, I didn't want to call and disturb the if they are asleep.

I hope that there aren't too many spelling mistakes here.
I texted all this from my smartphone w/o my eye glasses.

Sorry for this vent

Adee
Adee...pls find the strength to call the authorities. I know of two cases where someone died all alone and it could have have been completely avoided. Both cases felt that it wasn't necessary to make an issue out of things. No time to get into details.

If your dad called your ds then things must have been pretty bad for him to over-rule your mothers authority. Locking him in the house is horrid, even if she thinks it's for his own good. Heaven help him if there is a fire or other reason for him to get out in a hurry.

Maybe he does want someone to step in but doesn't know how to ask. How does she treat him when she's at home? When she's at the club having a good time, he must be in absolute misery. How awful. Pls find the strength to help him. I know how hard it can be but it will be worse if something terrible happened that you had the ability to help prevent. THis is one time when it's worth your mom getting mad at you. For the love of your dad and possibly your mom's happiness, pls step in.

I'm glad you shared this on here and I hope I can convince you that this is one time when it's perfectly ok to interfere.

Z.

p.s. I don't want to make this your issue or put the burdon on your back. I certainly don't mean to put you on a guilt trip abou tit. I hope you understand. My heart breaks to just imagine what he is going through and if you can help him, I urge you to.
Last edited by ZakiaZ on June 19th, 2012, 2:40 am, edited 1 time in total.
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wcl
Joined: September 19th, 2006, 11:17 am

June 19th, 2012, 11:00 am #5

My mom locks my dad in the house when she goes out to shop. Doctors or club!
She won't let me have a key or leave someone with him
She accuses me for not being there whenever she feels like it .
I informed my DB of the situation .
I can't find the strength to call the authorities - it will just make things worst.
When I try to explain her how wrong this is - she dismisses it saying that she knows best and that I should not interfere
This evening she went to the club. My dad called my DS to tell him that he's alone and not feeling well.
DS was in the middle of an exam out of town and couldn't help.
I didn't know about it until 23:30 and by then, I didn't want to call and disturb the if they are asleep.

I hope that there aren't too many spelling mistakes here.
I texted all this from my smartphone w/o my eye glasses.

Sorry for this vent

Adee
Adee, am I correct in thinking you live in Israel? If so, do they have some kind of equivalent to the Adult Protective Services (APS) organization that we have in the USA? Is there some other social organization that provides information and services for elderly people that you could consult (like our Department for the Aging, for example)? If you express your concerns, they will likely be able to advise you about a plan of action.

Or, could you possibly call your parents' doctor and ask for his help? Maybe he could suggest how to handle this. Would you be able to tell your mother that if she doesn't agree to some changes, someone else will need to step in, because what she's doing is dangerous for your Dad? What do your DB and DS think?

You absolutely need to do something about this, unfortunately. I'm sorry you have this burden. I've got something similar going on, myself.

wcl
Last edited by wcl on June 19th, 2012, 11:01 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: September 4th, 2004, 1:08 am

June 19th, 2012, 11:22 am #6

My mom locks my dad in the house when she goes out to shop. Doctors or club!
She won't let me have a key or leave someone with him
She accuses me for not being there whenever she feels like it .
I informed my DB of the situation .
I can't find the strength to call the authorities - it will just make things worst.
When I try to explain her how wrong this is - she dismisses it saying that she knows best and that I should not interfere
This evening she went to the club. My dad called my DS to tell him that he's alone and not feeling well.
DS was in the middle of an exam out of town and couldn't help.
I didn't know about it until 23:30 and by then, I didn't want to call and disturb the if they are asleep.

I hope that there aren't too many spelling mistakes here.
I texted all this from my smartphone w/o my eye glasses.

Sorry for this vent

Adee
This is a tough and sad situation for you. But elder abuse is very prevalent, not positive that this is the case, but it may be. Someone needs to advocate for your Dad and it may have to be you. Does your mom have a cell phone for him to reach her?
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Joined: February 10th, 2009, 9:24 pm

June 20th, 2012, 2:19 am #7

My mom locks my dad in the house when she goes out to shop. Doctors or club!
She won't let me have a key or leave someone with him
She accuses me for not being there whenever she feels like it .
I informed my DB of the situation .
I can't find the strength to call the authorities - it will just make things worst.
When I try to explain her how wrong this is - she dismisses it saying that she knows best and that I should not interfere
This evening she went to the club. My dad called my DS to tell him that he's alone and not feeling well.
DS was in the middle of an exam out of town and couldn't help.
I didn't know about it until 23:30 and by then, I didn't want to call and disturb the if they are asleep.

I hope that there aren't too many spelling mistakes here.
I texted all this from my smartphone w/o my eye glasses.

Sorry for this vent

Adee
Can you perhaps bring in other family members to mediate this situation? This sounds downright dangerous for your father.

Im sorry that you are having to deal with this.

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Joined: January 1st, 1970, 12:00 am

June 25th, 2012, 3:03 pm #8

My mom locks my dad in the house when she goes out to shop. Doctors or club!
She won't let me have a key or leave someone with him
She accuses me for not being there whenever she feels like it .
I informed my DB of the situation .
I can't find the strength to call the authorities - it will just make things worst.
When I try to explain her how wrong this is - she dismisses it saying that she knows best and that I should not interfere
This evening she went to the club. My dad called my DS to tell him that he's alone and not feeling well.
DS was in the middle of an exam out of town and couldn't help.
I didn't know about it until 23:30 and by then, I didn't want to call and disturb the if they are asleep.

I hope that there aren't too many spelling mistakes here.
I texted all this from my smartphone w/o my eye glasses.

Sorry for this vent

Adee
We've had to arrange and provide care for many elderly relatives. Can't she hire someone or trade like services with someone else for short periods? Is there elder respite care or elder daycare in her community?




Keiki's Makuahine (Keiki's Mom) 51, dh 52
Keiki: b. 2002 after 3 months bedrest
Natural conception following ZIFT/chem. pg

Olivia: b. 1999 d. 1999
28-week preemie, ptl cause unknown
Natural conception after 1 mc

ttc since 1998
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