Starting 3-year-old in preschool, looking for feedback (looooong, sorry!)

Starting 3-year-old in preschool, looking for feedback (looooong, sorry!)

Joined: August 28th, 2007, 1:04 pm

August 6th, 2012, 8:04 pm #1

This post is expanding upon my discussion with Pink Dandelion (in my post with my 8-mo-old's photos below) regarding my three-year-old's readiness for preschool.

Z just turned three last week. I work from home, and I pay my sister to watch all three kids while I work in my home office upstairs. I'm very accessible in my office, and I will at times take breaks to play with the kids or nurse A. During the school year, my 9-year-old is in school full-time. In the summers, he's in a PT extended-year-program.

My sister is great with the kids and they love her. The problem is that I feel that the kids are sheltered. Z doesn't have any friends, and there are no kids in the neighborhood his age. (I find that so odd because when I was growing up there were tons of kids all ages, but I guess that's just how it was.) She and I take them to the park when we can, but Z seems very shy and reluctant to approach kids his age. When they approach him he hides behind us.

I recently enrolled Z in karate and he's extremely shy and awkward in the setting. He's starting to participate more but only if I'm out on the floor with him. (I feel quite goofy being the only parent, but whatever, if it makes him feel better, I'm OK with it.) Even when he does participate, he'll do inappropriate things like yell and dance in place out of excitement, I guess.

He's also been extremely naughty lately, hitting his older and younger brothers and my DH and me, throwing things, having tantrums when he doesn't get his way, refusing to eat, I could go on and on. It's exhausting. He also gets up extremely early (like 6 a.m.) and has a hard time going to sleep at night.

Sorry for the book. I'm just trying to paint a picture of Z. I feel like he's bored with our situation, and needs to be around kids his age who are typically developing. His role model is his 9-y-o special needs brother, who is for the most part nonverbal. I catch him acting like him throughout the day, talking in the same manner (he kind of babbles), and often mimicking his unbalanced gait. He's not making fun of him, but I think he thinks that's the norm.

A preschool in my area has an opening for a Tues/Thurs program 3 hrs. twice a week. My older DS went there as an infant in their daycare program and I loved them. But he couldn't fight off infection after infection and landed in the hospital more often than than he was in school, so we had to pull him. Thus the arrangement with my sister.

We went and visited them today. I nearly cried when the staff who cared for my 9 y-o came out and gave me a big hug and wanted to hear all about how he's doing. They're wonderful. Z hid from them, but showed interest in the classroom (now empty due to summer). Also their preschool playground is awesome.

I think it would be good for him. I thought I was doing the right thing. But my mom came to visit this weekend and she thinks Z is too young, that he'd benefit from another six months at home. I'm also (admittedly probably irrationally) sooo afraid that he'll get illness after illness like his brother did, and we'll all end up sick again, especially the baby. I mean, I know that happens, and it will whenever he goes to school, but I'm afraid after what we went through. Is that nuts? Also, he's going to throw an absolute fit when I leave him there. He's never been without me or my sister before. I can't even imagine how this will go. The teachers tell me it's normal for this group of kids. The program is set up specifically for kids who haven't been away from their parents and will have extreme separation anxiety. They have three teachers in the small (15 kids) classroom because of it.

Ugh, so much to think about. I know they're only this young once, and I should be cherishing my time with Z before he really starts his school career. But my gut is telling me it's at a cost to Z because he's not socializing.

What do you guys think? Am I making the right decision by sending him???

Thanks, if you've read through this novel of mine.

Hugs,
Meg
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cy2
Joined: February 16th, 2006, 6:45 pm

August 6th, 2012, 9:24 pm #2

If it doesn't work out, can you bring him back home? It sounds like a great place and the teachers sound terrific.

If you give him another 6 months at home, it may help his immune system and he'll probably be a bit more mature.

Either way, I think you'll end up in the same place a couple years from now.

Personally, I'd try it now because there is a chance that preschool would be exactly what he needs.

Sounds exciting. I remember those days. We sent DS to a parent participation nursery school and we had a blast. Three year olds are such a riot! (plus they're cute and funny too!)

Last edited by cy2 on August 6th, 2012, 9:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: December 27th, 2010, 10:25 pm

August 6th, 2012, 10:29 pm #3

This post is expanding upon my discussion with Pink Dandelion (in my post with my 8-mo-old's photos below) regarding my three-year-old's readiness for preschool.

Z just turned three last week. I work from home, and I pay my sister to watch all three kids while I work in my home office upstairs. I'm very accessible in my office, and I will at times take breaks to play with the kids or nurse A. During the school year, my 9-year-old is in school full-time. In the summers, he's in a PT extended-year-program.

My sister is great with the kids and they love her. The problem is that I feel that the kids are sheltered. Z doesn't have any friends, and there are no kids in the neighborhood his age. (I find that so odd because when I was growing up there were tons of kids all ages, but I guess that's just how it was.) She and I take them to the park when we can, but Z seems very shy and reluctant to approach kids his age. When they approach him he hides behind us.

I recently enrolled Z in karate and he's extremely shy and awkward in the setting. He's starting to participate more but only if I'm out on the floor with him. (I feel quite goofy being the only parent, but whatever, if it makes him feel better, I'm OK with it.) Even when he does participate, he'll do inappropriate things like yell and dance in place out of excitement, I guess.

He's also been extremely naughty lately, hitting his older and younger brothers and my DH and me, throwing things, having tantrums when he doesn't get his way, refusing to eat, I could go on and on. It's exhausting. He also gets up extremely early (like 6 a.m.) and has a hard time going to sleep at night.

Sorry for the book. I'm just trying to paint a picture of Z. I feel like he's bored with our situation, and needs to be around kids his age who are typically developing. His role model is his 9-y-o special needs brother, who is for the most part nonverbal. I catch him acting like him throughout the day, talking in the same manner (he kind of babbles), and often mimicking his unbalanced gait. He's not making fun of him, but I think he thinks that's the norm.

A preschool in my area has an opening for a Tues/Thurs program 3 hrs. twice a week. My older DS went there as an infant in their daycare program and I loved them. But he couldn't fight off infection after infection and landed in the hospital more often than than he was in school, so we had to pull him. Thus the arrangement with my sister.

We went and visited them today. I nearly cried when the staff who cared for my 9 y-o came out and gave me a big hug and wanted to hear all about how he's doing. They're wonderful. Z hid from them, but showed interest in the classroom (now empty due to summer). Also their preschool playground is awesome.

I think it would be good for him. I thought I was doing the right thing. But my mom came to visit this weekend and she thinks Z is too young, that he'd benefit from another six months at home. I'm also (admittedly probably irrationally) sooo afraid that he'll get illness after illness like his brother did, and we'll all end up sick again, especially the baby. I mean, I know that happens, and it will whenever he goes to school, but I'm afraid after what we went through. Is that nuts? Also, he's going to throw an absolute fit when I leave him there. He's never been without me or my sister before. I can't even imagine how this will go. The teachers tell me it's normal for this group of kids. The program is set up specifically for kids who haven't been away from their parents and will have extreme separation anxiety. They have three teachers in the small (15 kids) classroom because of it.

Ugh, so much to think about. I know they're only this young once, and I should be cherishing my time with Z before he really starts his school career. But my gut is telling me it's at a cost to Z because he's not socializing.

What do you guys think? Am I making the right decision by sending him???

Thanks, if you've read through this novel of mine.

Hugs,
Meg
I have many of the same issues - not completely the same - but similar issues, nonetheless, with DD and I plan to enroll her in preschool.

I saw your post about the pictures and meant to post. We've been working on potty training DD for about three or four weeks. She will do very well two days and then have a day (like today) where she'll completely forget that she's supposed to use the potty. Sometimes I wonder if we're making any progress at all... sigh

DD is very much an introvert and loves her alone time. We spent time with the cousins (one her age and the other 3 years older) over the weekend. We had separate hotel rooms. There were a few times when she would abruptly leave the group to go into the other room to play alone. It was frustrating at times because that meant either DH or I had to be in the room with her and not with everyone else.

DD has some speech issues. The speech therapist has decided that her brain is functioning too fast for her speech to develop - so she makes noises / mumbles because she knows she cannot pronounce everything clearly (a perfectionist??).

Frankly - I am surprised that she has some of these issues because she has been in day care since she was about six weeks old. However, I have always wondered if day care wasn't challenging enough for her. She often comes off as developmentally delayed but it takes a few minutes with her to know that she's extremely bright - just has a different way of expressing herself. (My sister and I were having this conversation earlier today....)

Anyway - I am thinking that preschool will be a much structured (and challenging) environment for her - compared to day care (nothing wrong with day care - but "been there done that" kind of thing). If issues come up later, we'll deal with them as they come. At least we can say - "we tried this..."

Sometimes - with education / learning - there's a window of opportunity where you need to jump through... better to jump through when the window is open...

Not sure if this is much help...

And btw - beautiful pictures!
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Joined: February 5th, 2009, 2:45 am

August 7th, 2012, 1:22 am #4

This post is expanding upon my discussion with Pink Dandelion (in my post with my 8-mo-old's photos below) regarding my three-year-old's readiness for preschool.

Z just turned three last week. I work from home, and I pay my sister to watch all three kids while I work in my home office upstairs. I'm very accessible in my office, and I will at times take breaks to play with the kids or nurse A. During the school year, my 9-year-old is in school full-time. In the summers, he's in a PT extended-year-program.

My sister is great with the kids and they love her. The problem is that I feel that the kids are sheltered. Z doesn't have any friends, and there are no kids in the neighborhood his age. (I find that so odd because when I was growing up there were tons of kids all ages, but I guess that's just how it was.) She and I take them to the park when we can, but Z seems very shy and reluctant to approach kids his age. When they approach him he hides behind us.

I recently enrolled Z in karate and he's extremely shy and awkward in the setting. He's starting to participate more but only if I'm out on the floor with him. (I feel quite goofy being the only parent, but whatever, if it makes him feel better, I'm OK with it.) Even when he does participate, he'll do inappropriate things like yell and dance in place out of excitement, I guess.

He's also been extremely naughty lately, hitting his older and younger brothers and my DH and me, throwing things, having tantrums when he doesn't get his way, refusing to eat, I could go on and on. It's exhausting. He also gets up extremely early (like 6 a.m.) and has a hard time going to sleep at night.

Sorry for the book. I'm just trying to paint a picture of Z. I feel like he's bored with our situation, and needs to be around kids his age who are typically developing. His role model is his 9-y-o special needs brother, who is for the most part nonverbal. I catch him acting like him throughout the day, talking in the same manner (he kind of babbles), and often mimicking his unbalanced gait. He's not making fun of him, but I think he thinks that's the norm.

A preschool in my area has an opening for a Tues/Thurs program 3 hrs. twice a week. My older DS went there as an infant in their daycare program and I loved them. But he couldn't fight off infection after infection and landed in the hospital more often than than he was in school, so we had to pull him. Thus the arrangement with my sister.

We went and visited them today. I nearly cried when the staff who cared for my 9 y-o came out and gave me a big hug and wanted to hear all about how he's doing. They're wonderful. Z hid from them, but showed interest in the classroom (now empty due to summer). Also their preschool playground is awesome.

I think it would be good for him. I thought I was doing the right thing. But my mom came to visit this weekend and she thinks Z is too young, that he'd benefit from another six months at home. I'm also (admittedly probably irrationally) sooo afraid that he'll get illness after illness like his brother did, and we'll all end up sick again, especially the baby. I mean, I know that happens, and it will whenever he goes to school, but I'm afraid after what we went through. Is that nuts? Also, he's going to throw an absolute fit when I leave him there. He's never been without me or my sister before. I can't even imagine how this will go. The teachers tell me it's normal for this group of kids. The program is set up specifically for kids who haven't been away from their parents and will have extreme separation anxiety. They have three teachers in the small (15 kids) classroom because of it.

Ugh, so much to think about. I know they're only this young once, and I should be cherishing my time with Z before he really starts his school career. But my gut is telling me it's at a cost to Z because he's not socializing.

What do you guys think? Am I making the right decision by sending him???

Thanks, if you've read through this novel of mine.

Hugs,
Meg
It's only 6 hours a week, and the break might be good for everyone. Depending on the class - and it sounds like your preschool plans very well - your DS could pick up less than desirable traits, although for a 3s class, it's less likely to have biting and hitting especially with 3 teachers. 3 teachers is fantastic! I would try him and if it doesn't work out see if you can take a rain check until next year. But, I'd go into it planning for it to work out, as it seems you are, and it almost definitely will after the initial separation.

RE: sickness, I moved to a new school district when my older DD started kindergarten and my younger DD was just 3 months. I guess being in a new place meant being exposed to new germs for my older DD, and both kids got sick regularly, but after treating my older DD like a bubble girl, I was shocked at how quickly my younger DD recovered from being sick and there were no serious issues. It almost seems like being exposed at a younger age has helped my younger DD, who started preschool at 21 months and hasn't had any major illnesses, at least like my older DD did when she went to preschool. So, this might help your younger DS even if you and your DH don't get off so easily.
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Joined: September 4th, 2004, 1:08 am

August 7th, 2012, 1:43 am #5

This post is expanding upon my discussion with Pink Dandelion (in my post with my 8-mo-old's photos below) regarding my three-year-old's readiness for preschool.

Z just turned three last week. I work from home, and I pay my sister to watch all three kids while I work in my home office upstairs. I'm very accessible in my office, and I will at times take breaks to play with the kids or nurse A. During the school year, my 9-year-old is in school full-time. In the summers, he's in a PT extended-year-program.

My sister is great with the kids and they love her. The problem is that I feel that the kids are sheltered. Z doesn't have any friends, and there are no kids in the neighborhood his age. (I find that so odd because when I was growing up there were tons of kids all ages, but I guess that's just how it was.) She and I take them to the park when we can, but Z seems very shy and reluctant to approach kids his age. When they approach him he hides behind us.

I recently enrolled Z in karate and he's extremely shy and awkward in the setting. He's starting to participate more but only if I'm out on the floor with him. (I feel quite goofy being the only parent, but whatever, if it makes him feel better, I'm OK with it.) Even when he does participate, he'll do inappropriate things like yell and dance in place out of excitement, I guess.

He's also been extremely naughty lately, hitting his older and younger brothers and my DH and me, throwing things, having tantrums when he doesn't get his way, refusing to eat, I could go on and on. It's exhausting. He also gets up extremely early (like 6 a.m.) and has a hard time going to sleep at night.

Sorry for the book. I'm just trying to paint a picture of Z. I feel like he's bored with our situation, and needs to be around kids his age who are typically developing. His role model is his 9-y-o special needs brother, who is for the most part nonverbal. I catch him acting like him throughout the day, talking in the same manner (he kind of babbles), and often mimicking his unbalanced gait. He's not making fun of him, but I think he thinks that's the norm.

A preschool in my area has an opening for a Tues/Thurs program 3 hrs. twice a week. My older DS went there as an infant in their daycare program and I loved them. But he couldn't fight off infection after infection and landed in the hospital more often than than he was in school, so we had to pull him. Thus the arrangement with my sister.

We went and visited them today. I nearly cried when the staff who cared for my 9 y-o came out and gave me a big hug and wanted to hear all about how he's doing. They're wonderful. Z hid from them, but showed interest in the classroom (now empty due to summer). Also their preschool playground is awesome.

I think it would be good for him. I thought I was doing the right thing. But my mom came to visit this weekend and she thinks Z is too young, that he'd benefit from another six months at home. I'm also (admittedly probably irrationally) sooo afraid that he'll get illness after illness like his brother did, and we'll all end up sick again, especially the baby. I mean, I know that happens, and it will whenever he goes to school, but I'm afraid after what we went through. Is that nuts? Also, he's going to throw an absolute fit when I leave him there. He's never been without me or my sister before. I can't even imagine how this will go. The teachers tell me it's normal for this group of kids. The program is set up specifically for kids who haven't been away from their parents and will have extreme separation anxiety. They have three teachers in the small (15 kids) classroom because of it.

Ugh, so much to think about. I know they're only this young once, and I should be cherishing my time with Z before he really starts his school career. But my gut is telling me it's at a cost to Z because he's not socializing.

What do you guys think? Am I making the right decision by sending him???

Thanks, if you've read through this novel of mine.

Hugs,
Meg
From reading your post, you definitely feel like it would benefit Z socially to go, I would send him. Since the teachers know you, have a candid conversation with them that if he does start getting sick often and/or the separation anxiety isn't improving then you will need to pull him out. Make sure you have it in writing so that if you do pull him there isn't any financial repercussions.
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Joined: February 22nd, 2006, 4:05 am

August 7th, 2012, 2:36 am #6

This post is expanding upon my discussion with Pink Dandelion (in my post with my 8-mo-old's photos below) regarding my three-year-old's readiness for preschool.

Z just turned three last week. I work from home, and I pay my sister to watch all three kids while I work in my home office upstairs. I'm very accessible in my office, and I will at times take breaks to play with the kids or nurse A. During the school year, my 9-year-old is in school full-time. In the summers, he's in a PT extended-year-program.

My sister is great with the kids and they love her. The problem is that I feel that the kids are sheltered. Z doesn't have any friends, and there are no kids in the neighborhood his age. (I find that so odd because when I was growing up there were tons of kids all ages, but I guess that's just how it was.) She and I take them to the park when we can, but Z seems very shy and reluctant to approach kids his age. When they approach him he hides behind us.

I recently enrolled Z in karate and he's extremely shy and awkward in the setting. He's starting to participate more but only if I'm out on the floor with him. (I feel quite goofy being the only parent, but whatever, if it makes him feel better, I'm OK with it.) Even when he does participate, he'll do inappropriate things like yell and dance in place out of excitement, I guess.

He's also been extremely naughty lately, hitting his older and younger brothers and my DH and me, throwing things, having tantrums when he doesn't get his way, refusing to eat, I could go on and on. It's exhausting. He also gets up extremely early (like 6 a.m.) and has a hard time going to sleep at night.

Sorry for the book. I'm just trying to paint a picture of Z. I feel like he's bored with our situation, and needs to be around kids his age who are typically developing. His role model is his 9-y-o special needs brother, who is for the most part nonverbal. I catch him acting like him throughout the day, talking in the same manner (he kind of babbles), and often mimicking his unbalanced gait. He's not making fun of him, but I think he thinks that's the norm.

A preschool in my area has an opening for a Tues/Thurs program 3 hrs. twice a week. My older DS went there as an infant in their daycare program and I loved them. But he couldn't fight off infection after infection and landed in the hospital more often than than he was in school, so we had to pull him. Thus the arrangement with my sister.

We went and visited them today. I nearly cried when the staff who cared for my 9 y-o came out and gave me a big hug and wanted to hear all about how he's doing. They're wonderful. Z hid from them, but showed interest in the classroom (now empty due to summer). Also their preschool playground is awesome.

I think it would be good for him. I thought I was doing the right thing. But my mom came to visit this weekend and she thinks Z is too young, that he'd benefit from another six months at home. I'm also (admittedly probably irrationally) sooo afraid that he'll get illness after illness like his brother did, and we'll all end up sick again, especially the baby. I mean, I know that happens, and it will whenever he goes to school, but I'm afraid after what we went through. Is that nuts? Also, he's going to throw an absolute fit when I leave him there. He's never been without me or my sister before. I can't even imagine how this will go. The teachers tell me it's normal for this group of kids. The program is set up specifically for kids who haven't been away from their parents and will have extreme separation anxiety. They have three teachers in the small (15 kids) classroom because of it.

Ugh, so much to think about. I know they're only this young once, and I should be cherishing my time with Z before he really starts his school career. But my gut is telling me it's at a cost to Z because he's not socializing.

What do you guys think? Am I making the right decision by sending him???

Thanks, if you've read through this novel of mine.

Hugs,
Meg
I haven't read the other posts because I am exhausted and really need to get to bed but I wanted to respond to this. Here's my story with my ds #1.

He was the type of baby who would burst into the most heart wrenching bawling if a stranger oogled over him. He was very, VERY sensitive and behaved much like your ds did. Hid behind me, didn't like mixing with other kids at the playground and wasn't well socialised in most settings.

I realised that this was because he WAS sheltered. He wasn't really a shy kid in the comfort of his home, but then again, that was at home.

I decided that he needed to get out and mix with other people because when I returned to work, he would have to be without me for a while. This makes a difference in Canada because we have a whole year minimum, for mat leave vs other places where it's just a few weeks, so baby has a long time to get used to being the one and only.

When we started ds out at daycare we went with him and stayed for a few mins. and gradually extended that to and hr, then two hrs, etc. Eventually he was there for the whole day and it was a short day because dh and I worked out our schedules so that I took him kinda late and dh picked him up early.

He bawled and bawled for at least 3 mths at that daycare. The teachers said that they didn't need to look at the clock because at 4:30 p.m. ds would be standing at the door and bawling his eyes out for us to come and pick him up. It was heart wrenching.

Eventually he settled in but any changes (teachers, rooms, hrs) and he would be thrust back into his state of insecurity and bawling.

Moved him to a new location for the daycare (same owners and some familiar teachers and children) and it started all over again. He is only almost 3 yrs later, just starting to settle in.

However, he has made many friends and is very, very social in almost any setting. He is so social that sometimes I think that he's bothering people. He still runs to me if anyone makes him feel uncomfortable but I can now stand back and let him play with other kids at the various playgrounds and know that he can hold his own.

His little brother jumped right into daycare and even though he had his crying moments and he still does, he is much more social than his brother and didn't take as long to get settled, given that he knew that his brother was one room away.

The lesson from this is that it depends on the kid and kids will settle in their own time and on their own terms. I really think that your ds needs to get out and start to socialize. How does he do with birthday parties? Does he go to those? Outside of family members? I think that he will have a rough time at first but if you can stick with it, he will eventually become comfortable and really enjoy making friends and having playdates and going to the park and playing with other kids etc.

I think you should follow your instinct and enrol him in preschool for a couple of reasons.

1. The numbers are smaller in a preschool class, children are more friendly and probably there will be a few who like him, are still a bit shy.

2. The earlier you start him in preschool, the less of a hard time he will have making friends. It's very normal to see a 3 yr old crying for mommy and daddy. Once the kid gets a bit older, they tend to be made fun of by their peers.

There are a few more reasons as well but I'm out of time.

Pls follow your gut on this one but if you're looking for support for your decision to send him to preschool, you've got it from me. From my experience it was the best thing for ds #1. When I look at him and see how independent he is and how "popular" for want of a more appropriate word, he is (the girls love playing him but I think it's because of his long hair, lol), and how well he holds his own with the boys, I feel fortunate that he was able to overcome his shyness and come out of his shell and your ds will too, but you should encourage him sooner rather than later (6 mths is a long time when you're only 3) and give him tons of support.

The hitting out I am thinking is age specific and my boys have been through, or are going through the behaviour that you described. The illnesses, well, you know, you gotta go through that. Maybe he will get over the infections faster than his brother did. I know my ds #2 was a lot better at handling the illnesses than ds #1. Each child is different.

I think it's cute that he dances out of excitement (maybe inappropriate, but still cute

Given that his older brother is not very verbal, I think that it is critical that you expose him to other kids and situations so that he will have the opportunity to communicate with his peers on a level that is normal for his age, kwim?

This is a touch decision and I hope you can do what is best for your ds and what makes you comfortable.

Hugs,
Z.
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Joined: August 28th, 2007, 1:04 pm

August 7th, 2012, 2:38 am #7

If it doesn't work out, can you bring him back home? It sounds like a great place and the teachers sound terrific.

If you give him another 6 months at home, it may help his immune system and he'll probably be a bit more mature.

Either way, I think you'll end up in the same place a couple years from now.

Personally, I'd try it now because there is a chance that preschool would be exactly what he needs.

Sounds exciting. I remember those days. We sent DS to a parent participation nursery school and we had a blast. Three year olds are such a riot! (plus they're cute and funny too!)
I also think that I'm delaying the inevitable if I wait it out. I know, there really is no easy answer, is there? He CAN be so much fun and he is adorable (if I do say so myself, lol), so I do try to enjoy him amidst all the chaos.

Thanks so much for chiming in, cy. I really appreciate it!

Hugs,
Meg
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Joined: August 21st, 2002, 8:07 pm

August 7th, 2012, 2:39 am #8

This post is expanding upon my discussion with Pink Dandelion (in my post with my 8-mo-old's photos below) regarding my three-year-old's readiness for preschool.

Z just turned three last week. I work from home, and I pay my sister to watch all three kids while I work in my home office upstairs. I'm very accessible in my office, and I will at times take breaks to play with the kids or nurse A. During the school year, my 9-year-old is in school full-time. In the summers, he's in a PT extended-year-program.

My sister is great with the kids and they love her. The problem is that I feel that the kids are sheltered. Z doesn't have any friends, and there are no kids in the neighborhood his age. (I find that so odd because when I was growing up there were tons of kids all ages, but I guess that's just how it was.) She and I take them to the park when we can, but Z seems very shy and reluctant to approach kids his age. When they approach him he hides behind us.

I recently enrolled Z in karate and he's extremely shy and awkward in the setting. He's starting to participate more but only if I'm out on the floor with him. (I feel quite goofy being the only parent, but whatever, if it makes him feel better, I'm OK with it.) Even when he does participate, he'll do inappropriate things like yell and dance in place out of excitement, I guess.

He's also been extremely naughty lately, hitting his older and younger brothers and my DH and me, throwing things, having tantrums when he doesn't get his way, refusing to eat, I could go on and on. It's exhausting. He also gets up extremely early (like 6 a.m.) and has a hard time going to sleep at night.

Sorry for the book. I'm just trying to paint a picture of Z. I feel like he's bored with our situation, and needs to be around kids his age who are typically developing. His role model is his 9-y-o special needs brother, who is for the most part nonverbal. I catch him acting like him throughout the day, talking in the same manner (he kind of babbles), and often mimicking his unbalanced gait. He's not making fun of him, but I think he thinks that's the norm.

A preschool in my area has an opening for a Tues/Thurs program 3 hrs. twice a week. My older DS went there as an infant in their daycare program and I loved them. But he couldn't fight off infection after infection and landed in the hospital more often than than he was in school, so we had to pull him. Thus the arrangement with my sister.

We went and visited them today. I nearly cried when the staff who cared for my 9 y-o came out and gave me a big hug and wanted to hear all about how he's doing. They're wonderful. Z hid from them, but showed interest in the classroom (now empty due to summer). Also their preschool playground is awesome.

I think it would be good for him. I thought I was doing the right thing. But my mom came to visit this weekend and she thinks Z is too young, that he'd benefit from another six months at home. I'm also (admittedly probably irrationally) sooo afraid that he'll get illness after illness like his brother did, and we'll all end up sick again, especially the baby. I mean, I know that happens, and it will whenever he goes to school, but I'm afraid after what we went through. Is that nuts? Also, he's going to throw an absolute fit when I leave him there. He's never been without me or my sister before. I can't even imagine how this will go. The teachers tell me it's normal for this group of kids. The program is set up specifically for kids who haven't been away from their parents and will have extreme separation anxiety. They have three teachers in the small (15 kids) classroom because of it.

Ugh, so much to think about. I know they're only this young once, and I should be cherishing my time with Z before he really starts his school career. But my gut is telling me it's at a cost to Z because he's not socializing.

What do you guys think? Am I making the right decision by sending him???

Thanks, if you've read through this novel of mine.

Hugs,
Meg
DS was 3.5 when we started him in preschool - I wanted him to be potty trained and I needed for him to be talking before I released him into the big world. He went for half days. I am trying to think back and we did a lot of community based activities at that age:

Kindermusik
Gymnastics
Mighty Movers Dance (This was actually the City Ballet group)
Mommy and Me swimming aerobics
Lots of trips to zoo and museums
Playground tours around the city using maps - he would tell me the ones he wanted to visit.

All of his activities were social and they were intended to get him to boost self awareness of body and space...he has been very athletic and we were trying to prompt him to have great reflexes - the social aspect was the ancillary benefit of what we were trying to expose him to.

You know your son - better than anyone else - if you see him shying away when social opportunities present, you might want to wait a bit longer - say until he has had some social successes with you being a part of the events so you can effectively assess his progress and evolution while giving him the encouragement and support he needs.





[size=300]EllenA[/size]

dx'd high fsh at age 30
ttc 6 years
5 failed clomid cycles
2 failed IVF cycles
#3 IVF/ICSI worked out fine
FET 2 years later didn't work out
Proud mom of an amazing miracle boy.
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Joined: February 22nd, 2006, 4:05 am

August 7th, 2012, 2:40 am #9

I have many of the same issues - not completely the same - but similar issues, nonetheless, with DD and I plan to enroll her in preschool.

I saw your post about the pictures and meant to post. We've been working on potty training DD for about three or four weeks. She will do very well two days and then have a day (like today) where she'll completely forget that she's supposed to use the potty. Sometimes I wonder if we're making any progress at all... sigh

DD is very much an introvert and loves her alone time. We spent time with the cousins (one her age and the other 3 years older) over the weekend. We had separate hotel rooms. There were a few times when she would abruptly leave the group to go into the other room to play alone. It was frustrating at times because that meant either DH or I had to be in the room with her and not with everyone else.

DD has some speech issues. The speech therapist has decided that her brain is functioning too fast for her speech to develop - so she makes noises / mumbles because she knows she cannot pronounce everything clearly (a perfectionist??).

Frankly - I am surprised that she has some of these issues because she has been in day care since she was about six weeks old. However, I have always wondered if day care wasn't challenging enough for her. She often comes off as developmentally delayed but it takes a few minutes with her to know that she's extremely bright - just has a different way of expressing herself. (My sister and I were having this conversation earlier today....)

Anyway - I am thinking that preschool will be a much structured (and challenging) environment for her - compared to day care (nothing wrong with day care - but "been there done that" kind of thing). If issues come up later, we'll deal with them as they come. At least we can say - "we tried this..."

Sometimes - with education / learning - there's a window of opportunity where you need to jump through... better to jump through when the window is open...

Not sure if this is much help...

And btw - beautiful pictures!
does your dd do music or art or any kind of physical activity (gymnastics, soccer, etc.?)

I've found that kids like yours really excel with these activities and they provide an outlet for them to express themselves, which in turn helps them in the classroom.

Yes, I have tutored quite a few children who should have been in classes that actually met their needs but for what ever reason, they weren't.

Very frustrating for the kids and very difficult for the parents.

Z.
Last edited by ZakiaZ on August 7th, 2012, 4:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: September 29th, 2010, 9:51 pm

August 7th, 2012, 2:41 am #10

This post is expanding upon my discussion with Pink Dandelion (in my post with my 8-mo-old's photos below) regarding my three-year-old's readiness for preschool.

Z just turned three last week. I work from home, and I pay my sister to watch all three kids while I work in my home office upstairs. I'm very accessible in my office, and I will at times take breaks to play with the kids or nurse A. During the school year, my 9-year-old is in school full-time. In the summers, he's in a PT extended-year-program.

My sister is great with the kids and they love her. The problem is that I feel that the kids are sheltered. Z doesn't have any friends, and there are no kids in the neighborhood his age. (I find that so odd because when I was growing up there were tons of kids all ages, but I guess that's just how it was.) She and I take them to the park when we can, but Z seems very shy and reluctant to approach kids his age. When they approach him he hides behind us.

I recently enrolled Z in karate and he's extremely shy and awkward in the setting. He's starting to participate more but only if I'm out on the floor with him. (I feel quite goofy being the only parent, but whatever, if it makes him feel better, I'm OK with it.) Even when he does participate, he'll do inappropriate things like yell and dance in place out of excitement, I guess.

He's also been extremely naughty lately, hitting his older and younger brothers and my DH and me, throwing things, having tantrums when he doesn't get his way, refusing to eat, I could go on and on. It's exhausting. He also gets up extremely early (like 6 a.m.) and has a hard time going to sleep at night.

Sorry for the book. I'm just trying to paint a picture of Z. I feel like he's bored with our situation, and needs to be around kids his age who are typically developing. His role model is his 9-y-o special needs brother, who is for the most part nonverbal. I catch him acting like him throughout the day, talking in the same manner (he kind of babbles), and often mimicking his unbalanced gait. He's not making fun of him, but I think he thinks that's the norm.

A preschool in my area has an opening for a Tues/Thurs program 3 hrs. twice a week. My older DS went there as an infant in their daycare program and I loved them. But he couldn't fight off infection after infection and landed in the hospital more often than than he was in school, so we had to pull him. Thus the arrangement with my sister.

We went and visited them today. I nearly cried when the staff who cared for my 9 y-o came out and gave me a big hug and wanted to hear all about how he's doing. They're wonderful. Z hid from them, but showed interest in the classroom (now empty due to summer). Also their preschool playground is awesome.

I think it would be good for him. I thought I was doing the right thing. But my mom came to visit this weekend and she thinks Z is too young, that he'd benefit from another six months at home. I'm also (admittedly probably irrationally) sooo afraid that he'll get illness after illness like his brother did, and we'll all end up sick again, especially the baby. I mean, I know that happens, and it will whenever he goes to school, but I'm afraid after what we went through. Is that nuts? Also, he's going to throw an absolute fit when I leave him there. He's never been without me or my sister before. I can't even imagine how this will go. The teachers tell me it's normal for this group of kids. The program is set up specifically for kids who haven't been away from their parents and will have extreme separation anxiety. They have three teachers in the small (15 kids) classroom because of it.

Ugh, so much to think about. I know they're only this young once, and I should be cherishing my time with Z before he really starts his school career. But my gut is telling me it's at a cost to Z because he's not socializing.

What do you guys think? Am I making the right decision by sending him???

Thanks, if you've read through this novel of mine.

Hugs,
Meg
I personally don't think 3 is too young for a 6 hr/week program. I think there will be an inital extinction burst when you attempt to go but it sounds like your kiddo would benefit with an additional couple of months of socialization before he goes to Kindergarten at 5.

If you are worried about the illness expect it to happen but ever since we've started the vitamin D/probiotics my DD and I have not really been sick for 2 years. She goes to all day preschool 5 days a week and I work in school districts. We just have really strong immune systems!
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