Not good news on Mom

Not good news on Mom

Joined: September 4th, 2004, 1:08 am

December 11th, 2011, 1:52 am #1

I seriously feel like i have been crying for 3 weeks straight, it is so exhausting. This whole thing with my mom has been so crazy. The severe pain started it all and not able to drink or eat. She lands up with aspiration pneumonia and septic and then started to have kidney failure from a reaction to one of the antibiotics, so off to ICU. She starts to do better and I had a great evening with her last night, first time in weeks that she was alert and talking a little, she talked to my kids over speaker phone, it was so cute. They just love her so much. So they did a chest x ray to check her pneumonia and find free air in her abdomen by accident so she had a cat scan to check for perforation and they did a chest one too and now they think her pneumonia is actually a mass and is being biopsied. OMG, I just can't believe the road she is on. I am so scared for her because there is no way she can handle chemo or surgery but she may choose to want to do it, it is going to be a no win situation. And to top it off I am still very upset with my in laws and am going to really resent them for taking away Thanksgiving from me and my family which may possibly be my mom's last, how will I ever forgive them?
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Joined: February 10th, 2009, 9:24 pm

December 11th, 2011, 3:29 am #2

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I will hope and pray that it is not a mass when they do the actual biopsy. I can only imagine how youre feeling; my mom had very scary surgery complications in September, and I am still shaken from it. It sure makes you feel like a grownup in a big hurry, doesnt it?

All I can say is that you are doing all the right things with your mom. Talking, holding her hand, letting her talk with your kids as she feels up to it, just being there and being in the present. Im sure that your very presence is helping her to come around and feel better, regardless of what is at the root of her medical problems.

As for what your inlaws pulled at THanksgiving, they will have to live with that. You had every right to be upset. I am sorry they ruined your favorite holiday. Maybe this year Christmas (or Hanukkah, Im not sure which you celebrate) will be your special holiday with your mom rather than Thanksgiving. I think Id try and focus on that more than what has already happened.

Your mom will be in my prayers, and you as well. Sending you big cyber hugs.

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Joined: January 1st, 1970, 12:00 am

December 11th, 2011, 11:45 am #3

I seriously feel like i have been crying for 3 weeks straight, it is so exhausting. This whole thing with my mom has been so crazy. The severe pain started it all and not able to drink or eat. She lands up with aspiration pneumonia and septic and then started to have kidney failure from a reaction to one of the antibiotics, so off to ICU. She starts to do better and I had a great evening with her last night, first time in weeks that she was alert and talking a little, she talked to my kids over speaker phone, it was so cute. They just love her so much. So they did a chest x ray to check her pneumonia and find free air in her abdomen by accident so she had a cat scan to check for perforation and they did a chest one too and now they think her pneumonia is actually a mass and is being biopsied. OMG, I just can't believe the road she is on. I am so scared for her because there is no way she can handle chemo or surgery but she may choose to want to do it, it is going to be a no win situation. And to top it off I am still very upset with my in laws and am going to really resent them for taking away Thanksgiving from me and my family which may possibly be my mom's last, how will I ever forgive them?
I'm so sorry. Your mom is SO fortunate to have you for her dd and not someone like me, who can't understand what's going on and help her make decisions. I see that this is a really tough decision if she has a mass, and knowing as much as you do is adding to your stress. I wonder if you need to talk to someone else who is skilled with guiding ppl through these decisions? Does she have a faith leader she trusts? Or perhaps when she gets a dx, there is some pt advocacy/support group who can send someone to talk to her?

Is a small, catered Thanksgiving do-over with just her side of the family possible? I'm so, so sorry about your Thanksgiving being ruined. I totally understand how angry you are with your in-laws. I'd be through the roof, myself.

Note to the rest of us, with more holidays this month: if someone in the family is seriously ill, one of the first messages that has to get out to the rest of the family -- through a trusted person involved, not necessarily the busiest and most worried person -- make it absolutely clear to everyone that this is important to DM/DF/Dwhoever and no personal peeves will be tolerated!

In fact, Gail, do you think you need one of your sisters to do this for you now? What are your family's Christmas plans? Your IL's and any other poorly-behaved relatives must not be allowed to spoil Christmas, too, and you shouldn't have to be the etiquette police right now.

(((more hugs))) because you deserve and need them.




Keiki's Makuahine (Keiki's Mom) 51, dh 52
Keiki: b. 2002 after 3 months bedrest
Natural conception following ZIFT/chem. pg

Olivia: b. 1999 d. 1999
28-week preemie, ptl cause unknown
Natural conception after 1 mc

ttc since 1998
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Joined: September 26th, 2008, 9:06 pm

December 11th, 2011, 2:41 pm #4

I seriously feel like i have been crying for 3 weeks straight, it is so exhausting. This whole thing with my mom has been so crazy. The severe pain started it all and not able to drink or eat. She lands up with aspiration pneumonia and septic and then started to have kidney failure from a reaction to one of the antibiotics, so off to ICU. She starts to do better and I had a great evening with her last night, first time in weeks that she was alert and talking a little, she talked to my kids over speaker phone, it was so cute. They just love her so much. So they did a chest x ray to check her pneumonia and find free air in her abdomen by accident so she had a cat scan to check for perforation and they did a chest one too and now they think her pneumonia is actually a mass and is being biopsied. OMG, I just can't believe the road she is on. I am so scared for her because there is no way she can handle chemo or surgery but she may choose to want to do it, it is going to be a no win situation. And to top it off I am still very upset with my in laws and am going to really resent them for taking away Thanksgiving from me and my family which may possibly be my mom's last, how will I ever forgive them?
I don't have any advice, but I know how scarey this is. I hope things take a good turn.
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Joined: January 27th, 2003, 11:09 pm

December 11th, 2011, 3:10 pm #5

I seriously feel like i have been crying for 3 weeks straight, it is so exhausting. This whole thing with my mom has been so crazy. The severe pain started it all and not able to drink or eat. She lands up with aspiration pneumonia and septic and then started to have kidney failure from a reaction to one of the antibiotics, so off to ICU. She starts to do better and I had a great evening with her last night, first time in weeks that she was alert and talking a little, she talked to my kids over speaker phone, it was so cute. They just love her so much. So they did a chest x ray to check her pneumonia and find free air in her abdomen by accident so she had a cat scan to check for perforation and they did a chest one too and now they think her pneumonia is actually a mass and is being biopsied. OMG, I just can't believe the road she is on. I am so scared for her because there is no way she can handle chemo or surgery but she may choose to want to do it, it is going to be a no win situation. And to top it off I am still very upset with my in laws and am going to really resent them for taking away Thanksgiving from me and my family which may possibly be my mom's last, how will I ever forgive them?
I am so sorry to hear this. What difficult decisions ahead for you all, and right in the midst of the holidays...so hard on everyone. Try not to give the in-law situation another thought for now. It is best for your mind not to go there, I think. Forgiveness will come, but it's not a priority now, and you need your energy.

Much love,
xoxoxo M
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Joined: November 4th, 2006, 7:32 pm

December 11th, 2011, 3:26 pm #6

I seriously feel like i have been crying for 3 weeks straight, it is so exhausting. This whole thing with my mom has been so crazy. The severe pain started it all and not able to drink or eat. She lands up with aspiration pneumonia and septic and then started to have kidney failure from a reaction to one of the antibiotics, so off to ICU. She starts to do better and I had a great evening with her last night, first time in weeks that she was alert and talking a little, she talked to my kids over speaker phone, it was so cute. They just love her so much. So they did a chest x ray to check her pneumonia and find free air in her abdomen by accident so she had a cat scan to check for perforation and they did a chest one too and now they think her pneumonia is actually a mass and is being biopsied. OMG, I just can't believe the road she is on. I am so scared for her because there is no way she can handle chemo or surgery but she may choose to want to do it, it is going to be a no win situation. And to top it off I am still very upset with my in laws and am going to really resent them for taking away Thanksgiving from me and my family which may possibly be my mom's last, how will I ever forgive them?
Lots of hugs and I hope she gets better. She will get better. Try to have faith and you have our support.
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Joined: June 20th, 2006, 2:07 am

December 11th, 2011, 4:29 pm #7

I seriously feel like i have been crying for 3 weeks straight, it is so exhausting. This whole thing with my mom has been so crazy. The severe pain started it all and not able to drink or eat. She lands up with aspiration pneumonia and septic and then started to have kidney failure from a reaction to one of the antibiotics, so off to ICU. She starts to do better and I had a great evening with her last night, first time in weeks that she was alert and talking a little, she talked to my kids over speaker phone, it was so cute. They just love her so much. So they did a chest x ray to check her pneumonia and find free air in her abdomen by accident so she had a cat scan to check for perforation and they did a chest one too and now they think her pneumonia is actually a mass and is being biopsied. OMG, I just can't believe the road she is on. I am so scared for her because there is no way she can handle chemo or surgery but she may choose to want to do it, it is going to be a no win situation. And to top it off I am still very upset with my in laws and am going to really resent them for taking away Thanksgiving from me and my family which may possibly be my mom's last, how will I ever forgive them?
I am so sorry about your mom. You are such a good daughter and doing all that you can do.

Your in-laws. They were so insensitive and childish. Focus on this and try to see it as their problem and that you did absolutely nothing wrong and don't expect anything from them from now on. Don't let them know how deeply this hurt you, it will only give them power.

hugs and love,
Julie
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Joined: February 16th, 2006, 1:10 am

December 11th, 2011, 8:05 pm #8

I seriously feel like i have been crying for 3 weeks straight, it is so exhausting. This whole thing with my mom has been so crazy. The severe pain started it all and not able to drink or eat. She lands up with aspiration pneumonia and septic and then started to have kidney failure from a reaction to one of the antibiotics, so off to ICU. She starts to do better and I had a great evening with her last night, first time in weeks that she was alert and talking a little, she talked to my kids over speaker phone, it was so cute. They just love her so much. So they did a chest x ray to check her pneumonia and find free air in her abdomen by accident so she had a cat scan to check for perforation and they did a chest one too and now they think her pneumonia is actually a mass and is being biopsied. OMG, I just can't believe the road she is on. I am so scared for her because there is no way she can handle chemo or surgery but she may choose to want to do it, it is going to be a no win situation. And to top it off I am still very upset with my in laws and am going to really resent them for taking away Thanksgiving from me and my family which may possibly be my mom's last, how will I ever forgive them?
Just to drop a quick note...

Sorry about DM and hoping for the best. Please put what happened with your MIL out of your mind for now and out of the current issues. I read your post and she was really awful. I'm so very, very sorry she has caused you such pain and there is no excuse for her nonsense. She sounds like a typical narcissist with the typical enabling husband, so there is probably no reason to try to understand her motives... everything has to be about her...nuff said. Your energy doesn't need to go to her now and it won't help you be strong for your family.

Big, big hugs to you and lots of prayers that your will get better news on dm's health.




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Joined: June 24th, 2005, 12:12 am

December 11th, 2011, 8:44 pm #9

I seriously feel like i have been crying for 3 weeks straight, it is so exhausting. This whole thing with my mom has been so crazy. The severe pain started it all and not able to drink or eat. She lands up with aspiration pneumonia and septic and then started to have kidney failure from a reaction to one of the antibiotics, so off to ICU. She starts to do better and I had a great evening with her last night, first time in weeks that she was alert and talking a little, she talked to my kids over speaker phone, it was so cute. They just love her so much. So they did a chest x ray to check her pneumonia and find free air in her abdomen by accident so she had a cat scan to check for perforation and they did a chest one too and now they think her pneumonia is actually a mass and is being biopsied. OMG, I just can't believe the road she is on. I am so scared for her because there is no way she can handle chemo or surgery but she may choose to want to do it, it is going to be a no win situation. And to top it off I am still very upset with my in laws and am going to really resent them for taking away Thanksgiving from me and my family which may possibly be my mom's last, how will I ever forgive them?
I am so so sorry that your mom is going through this, and you along with her (though I am also so glad for her that she has you and your family there for her). Bodies can do amazing things. Don't give up hope and try to honor the process. I will be thinking about your mom and sending prayers for healing.

I know it is so hard and what your in-laws did was weird and wacky and incredibly biting and caustic, especially given how I remember your prior history and relationship with them...I agree with the previous posters who said to try and put this out of your mind for now. It is not an urgent situation, and your time and energy now is with your mother. I also agree with the previous poster who said forgiveness will come, if you want it to. In times like this, I always remember the stories of Rwanda, S. Africa, and even families here who have suffered injustices much worse than any I have and forgave. And, now, they live in outward and, more importantly for themselves, inward peace. Your mom's life and your memories of each other are made up of a lifetime of Thanksgivings and other small and large, special and mundane events. That is love and family and life--the cumulative effect that comes from a lifetime together. When the time is right and your energy shifts, you will find the road to forgiveness if that is the one you choose for yourself. In the meantime, embrace your family and your mom and give yourself the hugs and love you would give to your dearest friend if she were in the same situation.

(((hugs)))



me:smc (single mom by choice)
FSH: 16
Dd: Conceived when I was 42 after 2 years ttc. Conceived on 6th IVF cycle after 2 bfn's and 3 m/cs.

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me:smc (single mom by choice)
FSH: 16
Dd: Conceived when I was 42 after 2 years ttc. Conceived on 6th IVF cycle after 2 bfn's and 3 m/cs.

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Joined: September 4th, 2004, 1:08 am

December 12th, 2011, 12:26 am #10

Pulmonologist came by today and spoke to us, two of my four sisters were also there. He said the mass looks very suspicious but of course will not know anything for sure until he biopsies it which is hopefully happening tomorrow. My mom is now very alert and knows what is happening. She told my sister she doesn't want chemo or treatment and just wants to live for christmas, breaks my heart. I will let you all know what happens. Thank you again for all the support, love you all.
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