Need advice on my 6 y/o

Need advice on my 6 y/o

Joined: September 4th, 2004, 1:08 am

May 14th, 2012, 12:50 pm #1

I was just talking to DH and asked him if everyone has so many issues with their children, or do we just have bad luck? This time it is my 6 y/o. My 6 y/o has problems with controlling his impulses.....I know sounds so familiar. But he is different. Let me explain. This child is so loving, caring, and just such a pleasure to hang with, he has a wicked sense of humor and is so friendly, I just love him to pieces. He is soooo different from Noah in his personality. He is independent and so confident, he could be the life of a party. But he gets himself into so much trouble. He lacks natural limits on safety and is a wanderer. At 2 he wandered into out back woods when I ran into the house to grab the phone, the police came with dog sniffing dogs and he was found in the woods 4 houses down, which is very far from our house. He still talks about how the police man let him run the lights when he was driven home...good grief. He has been such a stressor for me, whenever we are out in public I have to keep my eyes on him at all times, he will disappear within seconds. He also steals in the house, he will go into the others kids rooms and steal toys and hide them, he steals money from my DHs change jar, and he also takes medications. About 6 mths ago he was vomiting and I just thought he was sick but it turned out that he took the allergy medication and drank it, they were sample sizes and I found them hidden all over the house. We started being very diligent again with locking the bathroom closet, we put a key lock on there a while back but it is quite inconvenient having it locked so we slacked off for a while. Well I found a pill in the toilet and he lied up and down blaming others and then finally after the threat that no one gets movies or dessert until some admits it, he then admitted to it. He went into our room while we were sleeping and took the key. He said he had a headache and needed medicine. It landed up being adult sudafed and thankfully he spit it out. This child scares me. I feel like we explain constantly to him that he can hurt himself and possibly even die if he takes too much, but it doesn't make any difference. I am calling the social worker at school, these people must just shake their heads when they hear it is me, what the heck is wrong with me and my family?????? In the meantime DH found a combination lock doorknob to put on our bedroom and that bathroom closet, he plans on picking them up today. We need a lock box for Noahs meds in the kitchen. My DH was looking at pistol lock boxes that have a combination lock, I don't feel like keys are safe around here. Anyone know of any other options for that? Thanks ladies, I hope I give back half of how much you all help me, I am thankful to have this board to turn to.
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Joined: January 1st, 1970, 12:00 am

May 14th, 2012, 1:45 pm #2

I'd be very worried about a child who voluntarily takes meds. Are these the kind that make you drowsy/woozy? And who hid them? Did he hide them? Gail, I'd get medical help asap.




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Last edited by goldiescholar on May 14th, 2012, 11:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: April 16th, 2004, 9:20 pm

May 14th, 2012, 4:25 pm #3

I was just talking to DH and asked him if everyone has so many issues with their children, or do we just have bad luck? This time it is my 6 y/o. My 6 y/o has problems with controlling his impulses.....I know sounds so familiar. But he is different. Let me explain. This child is so loving, caring, and just such a pleasure to hang with, he has a wicked sense of humor and is so friendly, I just love him to pieces. He is soooo different from Noah in his personality. He is independent and so confident, he could be the life of a party. But he gets himself into so much trouble. He lacks natural limits on safety and is a wanderer. At 2 he wandered into out back woods when I ran into the house to grab the phone, the police came with dog sniffing dogs and he was found in the woods 4 houses down, which is very far from our house. He still talks about how the police man let him run the lights when he was driven home...good grief. He has been such a stressor for me, whenever we are out in public I have to keep my eyes on him at all times, he will disappear within seconds. He also steals in the house, he will go into the others kids rooms and steal toys and hide them, he steals money from my DHs change jar, and he also takes medications. About 6 mths ago he was vomiting and I just thought he was sick but it turned out that he took the allergy medication and drank it, they were sample sizes and I found them hidden all over the house. We started being very diligent again with locking the bathroom closet, we put a key lock on there a while back but it is quite inconvenient having it locked so we slacked off for a while. Well I found a pill in the toilet and he lied up and down blaming others and then finally after the threat that no one gets movies or dessert until some admits it, he then admitted to it. He went into our room while we were sleeping and took the key. He said he had a headache and needed medicine. It landed up being adult sudafed and thankfully he spit it out. This child scares me. I feel like we explain constantly to him that he can hurt himself and possibly even die if he takes too much, but it doesn't make any difference. I am calling the social worker at school, these people must just shake their heads when they hear it is me, what the heck is wrong with me and my family?????? In the meantime DH found a combination lock doorknob to put on our bedroom and that bathroom closet, he plans on picking them up today. We need a lock box for Noahs meds in the kitchen. My DH was looking at pistol lock boxes that have a combination lock, I don't feel like keys are safe around here. Anyone know of any other options for that? Thanks ladies, I hope I give back half of how much you all help me, I am thankful to have this board to turn to.
as saying he's abusing medication as from these couple of instances it's hard to say if it would be that or if he is just asserting independence or making a point that he is his own ruler. My DS is a bit this way in as that he defies authority whenever he can. Little things or bigger things as well. He often doesn't hear things because he doesn't listen or if he catches them, he will still opt to do what he believes in, even if it defies all logic. - Since the issue with the meds is so serious though, I would get him assessed as well though. I really have no experience, but it appears uncommon and I would want to learn more. In the meantime the lockbox seems like a good solution. I would figure it out though, because combined with the stealing, considering that pharmacies have things in plain view on shelves. I'm wondering if he is "jealous" of Noah, because he is the one who is getting the meds? He is only 6 and it's hard to know what goes on in a 6-year-olds mind...

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cy2
Joined: February 16th, 2006, 6:45 pm

May 14th, 2012, 8:34 pm #4

I was just talking to DH and asked him if everyone has so many issues with their children, or do we just have bad luck? This time it is my 6 y/o. My 6 y/o has problems with controlling his impulses.....I know sounds so familiar. But he is different. Let me explain. This child is so loving, caring, and just such a pleasure to hang with, he has a wicked sense of humor and is so friendly, I just love him to pieces. He is soooo different from Noah in his personality. He is independent and so confident, he could be the life of a party. But he gets himself into so much trouble. He lacks natural limits on safety and is a wanderer. At 2 he wandered into out back woods when I ran into the house to grab the phone, the police came with dog sniffing dogs and he was found in the woods 4 houses down, which is very far from our house. He still talks about how the police man let him run the lights when he was driven home...good grief. He has been such a stressor for me, whenever we are out in public I have to keep my eyes on him at all times, he will disappear within seconds. He also steals in the house, he will go into the others kids rooms and steal toys and hide them, he steals money from my DHs change jar, and he also takes medications. About 6 mths ago he was vomiting and I just thought he was sick but it turned out that he took the allergy medication and drank it, they were sample sizes and I found them hidden all over the house. We started being very diligent again with locking the bathroom closet, we put a key lock on there a while back but it is quite inconvenient having it locked so we slacked off for a while. Well I found a pill in the toilet and he lied up and down blaming others and then finally after the threat that no one gets movies or dessert until some admits it, he then admitted to it. He went into our room while we were sleeping and took the key. He said he had a headache and needed medicine. It landed up being adult sudafed and thankfully he spit it out. This child scares me. I feel like we explain constantly to him that he can hurt himself and possibly even die if he takes too much, but it doesn't make any difference. I am calling the social worker at school, these people must just shake their heads when they hear it is me, what the heck is wrong with me and my family?????? In the meantime DH found a combination lock doorknob to put on our bedroom and that bathroom closet, he plans on picking them up today. We need a lock box for Noahs meds in the kitchen. My DH was looking at pistol lock boxes that have a combination lock, I don't feel like keys are safe around here. Anyone know of any other options for that? Thanks ladies, I hope I give back half of how much you all help me, I am thankful to have this board to turn to.
He definitely walks to his own beat, seemingly without regard to social conventions or even his own safety.

Not sure what to say, except I'd definitely have him evaluated by a competent psychologist and also look into some family evaluation. Not that I think you personally need to be evaluated, but I feel there may be some effect of having an older same sex sibling who receives a seemingly disproportionate share of the attention in the household.

For example, in my cousin's situation, their older son is a gifted athelete and serious about his sports. DS 2 maybe more coordinated, but doesn't have any real serious desire to play sports like DS 1. Most of the focus is on DS 1 because he is busy going to practice and games and flying to the mainland for tournaments, etc. DS 2 sort of gets lost in the shuffle and I think that accentuates some of his odd antics. In a way, it may be an unconscious way of trying to "even things out" and get his fair share of attention.

My cousin's husband is an ex-Olympic athelete who has a son from a prior marriage who is a current Olympic star. My cousin's DS 1 has potential to be a big deal. He's already moved from one athletic powerhouse private school to another, more exclusive school (yes, the same one that Barack Obama attended).

Unfortunately DS 2 is still in public school. Doesn't seem to have any real passionate interests (he's only 11, but that's so different than DS 1 and his sports) or close friends, so he does things to amuse himself. He's much better now, but when he was small he had some doozies.

When he was about 3 I think he methodically destroyed most of their home while his father was home taking a nap. He emptied out most of the fridge (eggs everywhere, condiment artwork, etc.); emptied out the medicine cabinet (toiletry and tampon mayhem, "potions", and stuff (like perfume and hair products) poured out down the toilet, etc.); bandaids stuck everywhere; etc. etc.

When he was about 4 he dumped a bowl of popcorn on our neighbor's rug and walked all over it. When he was 7 to 8, my neighbor mentioned that after his visits (my cousin's family and neighbors are friends) she discovered that odd little knick knacks were missing. I think I posted about this around 3 years ago.

When he was 6 or 7 and his Dad was napping (Dad shouldn't have napped in that family!), he decided to join his Mom and DS 1 at DS 1's practice. Dad woke up and thought that my cousin took DS 2 with her to practice. Instead DS 2 was found by a stranger walking alone on the side of a divided highway-like 4 lane roadway! The stranger stopped DS 2 and asked him where he was going. Since DS 2 seemed to know, the stranger gave DS 2 his card and then proceeded to follow DS 2 until he arrived at the park. I guess in his mind, the practice wasn't too far away and he could walk. (It was only 6-8 minutes by car. . .)

Anyway, to make a long story short, my cousin's DS 2 is definitely different, personality-wise, but I think the role between the 2 brothers and the inordinate amount of attention that DS 1 gets in that family might be one of the driving factors behind DS 2's behavior.

With all the turmoil regarding your older son, could DS 2 be acting out (maybe even unconsciously) to try to divert some of that attention/energy toward himself?

Hang in there, but I'd definitely get at least one professional opinion to see if there are other potential issues to investigate. The taking medication without supervision is really scary.

Good luck!
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Joined: February 10th, 2009, 9:24 pm

May 15th, 2012, 12:52 am #5

I was just talking to DH and asked him if everyone has so many issues with their children, or do we just have bad luck? This time it is my 6 y/o. My 6 y/o has problems with controlling his impulses.....I know sounds so familiar. But he is different. Let me explain. This child is so loving, caring, and just such a pleasure to hang with, he has a wicked sense of humor and is so friendly, I just love him to pieces. He is soooo different from Noah in his personality. He is independent and so confident, he could be the life of a party. But he gets himself into so much trouble. He lacks natural limits on safety and is a wanderer. At 2 he wandered into out back woods when I ran into the house to grab the phone, the police came with dog sniffing dogs and he was found in the woods 4 houses down, which is very far from our house. He still talks about how the police man let him run the lights when he was driven home...good grief. He has been such a stressor for me, whenever we are out in public I have to keep my eyes on him at all times, he will disappear within seconds. He also steals in the house, he will go into the others kids rooms and steal toys and hide them, he steals money from my DHs change jar, and he also takes medications. About 6 mths ago he was vomiting and I just thought he was sick but it turned out that he took the allergy medication and drank it, they were sample sizes and I found them hidden all over the house. We started being very diligent again with locking the bathroom closet, we put a key lock on there a while back but it is quite inconvenient having it locked so we slacked off for a while. Well I found a pill in the toilet and he lied up and down blaming others and then finally after the threat that no one gets movies or dessert until some admits it, he then admitted to it. He went into our room while we were sleeping and took the key. He said he had a headache and needed medicine. It landed up being adult sudafed and thankfully he spit it out. This child scares me. I feel like we explain constantly to him that he can hurt himself and possibly even die if he takes too much, but it doesn't make any difference. I am calling the social worker at school, these people must just shake their heads when they hear it is me, what the heck is wrong with me and my family?????? In the meantime DH found a combination lock doorknob to put on our bedroom and that bathroom closet, he plans on picking them up today. We need a lock box for Noahs meds in the kitchen. My DH was looking at pistol lock boxes that have a combination lock, I don't feel like keys are safe around here. Anyone know of any other options for that? Thanks ladies, I hope I give back half of how much you all help me, I am thankful to have this board to turn to.
Lock up the pills and get some professional advice. The medication stealing would really frighten me. Do you think its attention -seeking since his older brother gets medication? How do you discipline these sorts of actions? I dont even know what I would do!!

My son drank some infant motrin on his own at age 4 (lesson to me: I didnt know he could open child proof caps!) Thankfully there were no consequences from the ingestion, but it did frighten me. He seems to understand since then that this is a big no-no. I agree that its a pain to lock up pills, but I am really careful now with any sort of medication since that happened.

What about getting one of those combination lock fireproof safes that they sell at Walmart, etc.? At least you know he couldnt get a hold of the key, unless he somehow gets the combination. Someone recently mentioned medicine lock boxes to me, but I havent seen any and dont know any more details.

Im curious about that combination door knob lock. Your son couldnt lock you in your own bedroom with that, could he? I would imagine the combination is on the exterior of the door?

Pink

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Joined: September 4th, 2004, 1:08 am

May 15th, 2012, 1:23 am #6

The combination would be on the outside of the door so I would think I could just let myself out if the door gets closed and locked while I am inside, but I will ask DH cause I am not sure about that. I found a medbox online called Lockmed, it has three different sizes and a combination lock on it, it says they are sold at target and stop and shop, need to see if I can find it. I seems to be exactly what I am looking for.
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Joined: June 24th, 2005, 12:12 am

May 15th, 2012, 1:55 pm #7

they have these here. i don't know if they are sturdy enough to keep him out if he's determined to get in.

i hadn't thought about the reaction to his brother that others have written about. maybe they're onto something. but no miracle ideas about how to rectify it. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. it's so much on your plate and not easy. (((hugs)))



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Joined: February 20th, 2006, 11:35 pm

May 16th, 2012, 2:08 am #8

I was just talking to DH and asked him if everyone has so many issues with their children, or do we just have bad luck? This time it is my 6 y/o. My 6 y/o has problems with controlling his impulses.....I know sounds so familiar. But he is different. Let me explain. This child is so loving, caring, and just such a pleasure to hang with, he has a wicked sense of humor and is so friendly, I just love him to pieces. He is soooo different from Noah in his personality. He is independent and so confident, he could be the life of a party. But he gets himself into so much trouble. He lacks natural limits on safety and is a wanderer. At 2 he wandered into out back woods when I ran into the house to grab the phone, the police came with dog sniffing dogs and he was found in the woods 4 houses down, which is very far from our house. He still talks about how the police man let him run the lights when he was driven home...good grief. He has been such a stressor for me, whenever we are out in public I have to keep my eyes on him at all times, he will disappear within seconds. He also steals in the house, he will go into the others kids rooms and steal toys and hide them, he steals money from my DHs change jar, and he also takes medications. About 6 mths ago he was vomiting and I just thought he was sick but it turned out that he took the allergy medication and drank it, they were sample sizes and I found them hidden all over the house. We started being very diligent again with locking the bathroom closet, we put a key lock on there a while back but it is quite inconvenient having it locked so we slacked off for a while. Well I found a pill in the toilet and he lied up and down blaming others and then finally after the threat that no one gets movies or dessert until some admits it, he then admitted to it. He went into our room while we were sleeping and took the key. He said he had a headache and needed medicine. It landed up being adult sudafed and thankfully he spit it out. This child scares me. I feel like we explain constantly to him that he can hurt himself and possibly even die if he takes too much, but it doesn't make any difference. I am calling the social worker at school, these people must just shake their heads when they hear it is me, what the heck is wrong with me and my family?????? In the meantime DH found a combination lock doorknob to put on our bedroom and that bathroom closet, he plans on picking them up today. We need a lock box for Noahs meds in the kitchen. My DH was looking at pistol lock boxes that have a combination lock, I don't feel like keys are safe around here. Anyone know of any other options for that? Thanks ladies, I hope I give back half of how much you all help me, I am thankful to have this board to turn to.
If your 6 year old sees Noah taking medication daily and feels jealous and wants some for himself. I know my 4 year old was curious about his 8 year old brother's pills and seemed to want to take some too and for a while we really had to keep it out of the way. He hasn't gone so far as to try one (this is one instance I guess where the ultra-pickiness comes in handy -- neither of them will put things in their mouth that they don't know what it is unless they know it's candy) -- but I could see there was some temptation there. Does Noah soak up most of the attention at home because of his issues? Perhaps your little one is looking to bring some of that attention to himself?

You know we have a similar dynamic at our house. My 8 year old is the one who has always been the challenge; his ADHD and oppositional defiance and anxiety can really make life difficult and exhausting on a daily basis. My 4 year old is just a doll and has such a cute, funny personality. But he is also sneaky in a way that his older DB is not, and he is also pushing his boundaries like never before, including going out front when he hasn't asked and without telling us. I do think some of it is asserting himself in a family with a very strong personality (his older brother).

At 6 perhaps your DS would benefit from a talk with a doctor about the dangers of taking medication not his own. That is very scary. I'm so sorry for all the stress you are dealing with -- I know too well what that's like.

And if it makes you feel any better, I had lunch today with a friend of mine who also has 2 boys who are quite a handful. We were commiserating on the challenges of raising such strong, non-compliant, impulsive personalities. So you are not alone!

Many hugs.

xoxo
Lillian
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Joined: December 29th, 2006, 10:07 am

May 16th, 2012, 6:34 am #9

I was just talking to DH and asked him if everyone has so many issues with their children, or do we just have bad luck? This time it is my 6 y/o. My 6 y/o has problems with controlling his impulses.....I know sounds so familiar. But he is different. Let me explain. This child is so loving, caring, and just such a pleasure to hang with, he has a wicked sense of humor and is so friendly, I just love him to pieces. He is soooo different from Noah in his personality. He is independent and so confident, he could be the life of a party. But he gets himself into so much trouble. He lacks natural limits on safety and is a wanderer. At 2 he wandered into out back woods when I ran into the house to grab the phone, the police came with dog sniffing dogs and he was found in the woods 4 houses down, which is very far from our house. He still talks about how the police man let him run the lights when he was driven home...good grief. He has been such a stressor for me, whenever we are out in public I have to keep my eyes on him at all times, he will disappear within seconds. He also steals in the house, he will go into the others kids rooms and steal toys and hide them, he steals money from my DHs change jar, and he also takes medications. About 6 mths ago he was vomiting and I just thought he was sick but it turned out that he took the allergy medication and drank it, they were sample sizes and I found them hidden all over the house. We started being very diligent again with locking the bathroom closet, we put a key lock on there a while back but it is quite inconvenient having it locked so we slacked off for a while. Well I found a pill in the toilet and he lied up and down blaming others and then finally after the threat that no one gets movies or dessert until some admits it, he then admitted to it. He went into our room while we were sleeping and took the key. He said he had a headache and needed medicine. It landed up being adult sudafed and thankfully he spit it out. This child scares me. I feel like we explain constantly to him that he can hurt himself and possibly even die if he takes too much, but it doesn't make any difference. I am calling the social worker at school, these people must just shake their heads when they hear it is me, what the heck is wrong with me and my family?????? In the meantime DH found a combination lock doorknob to put on our bedroom and that bathroom closet, he plans on picking them up today. We need a lock box for Noahs meds in the kitchen. My DH was looking at pistol lock boxes that have a combination lock, I don't feel like keys are safe around here. Anyone know of any other options for that? Thanks ladies, I hope I give back half of how much you all help me, I am thankful to have this board to turn to.
taking medicine despite warning not to - he is very much his own man. And does not seem to have a sense of danger or suffer from fear. So yes, I would do my best to try and lock things away when you cannot trust them

My eldest is 4 and he keeps unlocking my back door even though I try to hide the keys - he always seem to find them. I don't mind too much because my back garden is fenced in but it is remembering to check the back door is locked before going out. So although I tell him not to do it or to tell me - he still keeps doing it.

Currently my bathroom is permanently locked but that is because my toddler keeps turning on the tap and flooding my bathroom out.
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Joined: August 21st, 2006, 3:29 pm

May 16th, 2012, 4:14 pm #10

I was just talking to DH and asked him if everyone has so many issues with their children, or do we just have bad luck? This time it is my 6 y/o. My 6 y/o has problems with controlling his impulses.....I know sounds so familiar. But he is different. Let me explain. This child is so loving, caring, and just such a pleasure to hang with, he has a wicked sense of humor and is so friendly, I just love him to pieces. He is soooo different from Noah in his personality. He is independent and so confident, he could be the life of a party. But he gets himself into so much trouble. He lacks natural limits on safety and is a wanderer. At 2 he wandered into out back woods when I ran into the house to grab the phone, the police came with dog sniffing dogs and he was found in the woods 4 houses down, which is very far from our house. He still talks about how the police man let him run the lights when he was driven home...good grief. He has been such a stressor for me, whenever we are out in public I have to keep my eyes on him at all times, he will disappear within seconds. He also steals in the house, he will go into the others kids rooms and steal toys and hide them, he steals money from my DHs change jar, and he also takes medications. About 6 mths ago he was vomiting and I just thought he was sick but it turned out that he took the allergy medication and drank it, they were sample sizes and I found them hidden all over the house. We started being very diligent again with locking the bathroom closet, we put a key lock on there a while back but it is quite inconvenient having it locked so we slacked off for a while. Well I found a pill in the toilet and he lied up and down blaming others and then finally after the threat that no one gets movies or dessert until some admits it, he then admitted to it. He went into our room while we were sleeping and took the key. He said he had a headache and needed medicine. It landed up being adult sudafed and thankfully he spit it out. This child scares me. I feel like we explain constantly to him that he can hurt himself and possibly even die if he takes too much, but it doesn't make any difference. I am calling the social worker at school, these people must just shake their heads when they hear it is me, what the heck is wrong with me and my family?????? In the meantime DH found a combination lock doorknob to put on our bedroom and that bathroom closet, he plans on picking them up today. We need a lock box for Noahs meds in the kitchen. My DH was looking at pistol lock boxes that have a combination lock, I don't feel like keys are safe around here. Anyone know of any other options for that? Thanks ladies, I hope I give back half of how much you all help me, I am thankful to have this board to turn to.
GailCT,

Count me among those who see this as most likely a wanting-attention / "equal treatment" problem rather than anything else. I know that when I was little my brother had a lot of health problems, and apparently one day I left the shopping mall with my mom (and probably my little brother too) and my mother discovered (because they all fell out of my pocket) that I had shoplifted like 800 (I'm exaggerating, but a lot) colorful buttons of various sizes from the sewing section. So. (She made me take them back and apologize and fortunately apparently -- though I have no memory of any of this -- the saleswoman reacted entirely appropriately, i.e. "Oh, dear, no, that's right, you shouldn't have done that, thank you for apologizing and now please go put them all back") and didn't do anything stupid.

Anyway, I totally forget details but I do think after that my mom found some way to make me more the center of attention for a small part of her week/day even as she negotiated my brother's various illnesses (fortunately he has grown up to be healthy, and I have also grown up to be sane and functional and not, in fact, a kleptomaniac, but he did have various health problems as a small kid that were of course hard for everyone in the family). Also, obviously, that behavior didn't in any way reflect on my character or whatever, it was just one of those things small kids do under stress, as is hopefully true for your son.

So, no particular words of wisdom here -- I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, and obviously you have legitimate and real health/safety concerns about your DS's misbehaviors that my mom wasn't negotiating with my particular misbehaviors but mostly I just wanted to say I don't think that "big picture" this sort of thing is unusual (after all, a key point here is that your DS doesn't understand how dangerous what he's doing could be) and I hope you'll be able to find practical solutions and that you'll keep us updated.

Best wishes,
Alex
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