My son was sent home from day camp today

My son was sent home from day camp today

Joined: February 10th, 2009, 9:24 pm

June 15th, 2012, 9:18 pm #1

My 5.5 year son sent me to tears today. I got called to pick him up from day camp for pushing that was unprovoked. They find that he is extremely sweet and respectful towards adults, but in the middle of playing a game or walking somewhere in the camp, he will turn around and push someone. We had been having this problem at the daycare in the last coupe of months, but I had attributed some of his behavior to the extremely grouchy teacher in that daycare class. He had not had any bad behavior last week (the first week of camp) but started with the pushing this week.

We had had a long talk with him last night that if he continued to push, he would not be able to stay at camp, with the message repeated before we left this morning.

My son refuses to eat breakfast except for drinkable yogurt. I mentioned to the director and head counselor that perhaps he was hungry when these pushing episodes take place. Apparently they dont sit down for a snack, and the kids swim for an hour first thing in the morning. The director of the day camp said to me Maybe its nutritional, but maybe he has a disability of some sort. That made me feel even worse. The director then admitted that he as a child had issues related to sugar sensitivity, so i think he is relating to me with his own childhood experiences.

When I brought him home, there was alot of crying on my sons part because he didnt want to leave the camp trying to get him into the car. He kicked the back of the seat and screamed most of the way home while I kept quiet.

When we got home, my mom was over and fed him lunch and he ate a whole sandwich and 2 bananas. He had just had lunch at the camp. So maybe it was hunger? Or maybe he does have a disability?

I am just sick over this whole thing. I feel like a total failure as a parent, and I have no control over my son. I am deathly afraid that he will get kicked out of kindergarten in the fall for the same reasons. Like all parents, I just want my child to have fun and behave himself and enjoy friendships with his peers.

I have been fighting back tears all afternoon.

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Joined: September 4th, 2004, 1:08 am

June 16th, 2012, 1:07 am #2

I am so sorry hon you are going through this, it is such an awful feeling when you feel you have no control. Honestly though, they aren't better prepared to deal with this? I wouldn't worry about kindergarten, those teachers are quite used to issues such as this, c'mon it isn't that uncommon. Plus there are social workers and school psychologists to help if needed. And it was completely out of line for that counselor to say maybe he has a disability, my head would have started to spin. Did they understand why he pushed in the first place? Is it true aggression or just his way of dealing with frustration? How is his speech, can he express himself? The fact that he was hungry is entirely possible. Hopefully him having to leave was consequence enough for him and he won't do it again. If he does then trying to figure out why he is pushing and giving him some other suggestions as to how to handle his impulses or to try to control himself. But maybe advice from me isn't exactly the best to listen to with all the issues I have. But my youngest DS is being worked up for ADHD, sometimes it makes you feel better when there is a reason and something to work with, ya know. I know it is easier said than done but try not to be so hard on yourself and I pray tomorrow is a better day.
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Joined: September 22nd, 2009, 7:19 pm

June 16th, 2012, 2:18 am #3

My 5.5 year son sent me to tears today. I got called to pick him up from day camp for pushing that was unprovoked. They find that he is extremely sweet and respectful towards adults, but in the middle of playing a game or walking somewhere in the camp, he will turn around and push someone. We had been having this problem at the daycare in the last coupe of months, but I had attributed some of his behavior to the extremely grouchy teacher in that daycare class. He had not had any bad behavior last week (the first week of camp) but started with the pushing this week.

We had had a long talk with him last night that if he continued to push, he would not be able to stay at camp, with the message repeated before we left this morning.

My son refuses to eat breakfast except for drinkable yogurt. I mentioned to the director and head counselor that perhaps he was hungry when these pushing episodes take place. Apparently they dont sit down for a snack, and the kids swim for an hour first thing in the morning. The director of the day camp said to me Maybe its nutritional, but maybe he has a disability of some sort. That made me feel even worse. The director then admitted that he as a child had issues related to sugar sensitivity, so i think he is relating to me with his own childhood experiences.

When I brought him home, there was alot of crying on my sons part because he didnt want to leave the camp trying to get him into the car. He kicked the back of the seat and screamed most of the way home while I kept quiet.

When we got home, my mom was over and fed him lunch and he ate a whole sandwich and 2 bananas. He had just had lunch at the camp. So maybe it was hunger? Or maybe he does have a disability?

I am just sick over this whole thing. I feel like a total failure as a parent, and I have no control over my son. I am deathly afraid that he will get kicked out of kindergarten in the fall for the same reasons. Like all parents, I just want my child to have fun and behave himself and enjoy friendships with his peers.

I have been fighting back tears all afternoon.

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But it seems like quite a stretch to think pushing behavior in a 5 yo indicates a disability. Hunger and frustration seem to be a more likely issue. Please don't beat yourself up over this. Hugs.
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Joined: June 26th, 2006, 5:42 am

June 16th, 2012, 5:57 am #4

My 5.5 year son sent me to tears today. I got called to pick him up from day camp for pushing that was unprovoked. They find that he is extremely sweet and respectful towards adults, but in the middle of playing a game or walking somewhere in the camp, he will turn around and push someone. We had been having this problem at the daycare in the last coupe of months, but I had attributed some of his behavior to the extremely grouchy teacher in that daycare class. He had not had any bad behavior last week (the first week of camp) but started with the pushing this week.

We had had a long talk with him last night that if he continued to push, he would not be able to stay at camp, with the message repeated before we left this morning.

My son refuses to eat breakfast except for drinkable yogurt. I mentioned to the director and head counselor that perhaps he was hungry when these pushing episodes take place. Apparently they dont sit down for a snack, and the kids swim for an hour first thing in the morning. The director of the day camp said to me Maybe its nutritional, but maybe he has a disability of some sort. That made me feel even worse. The director then admitted that he as a child had issues related to sugar sensitivity, so i think he is relating to me with his own childhood experiences.

When I brought him home, there was alot of crying on my sons part because he didnt want to leave the camp trying to get him into the car. He kicked the back of the seat and screamed most of the way home while I kept quiet.

When we got home, my mom was over and fed him lunch and he ate a whole sandwich and 2 bananas. He had just had lunch at the camp. So maybe it was hunger? Or maybe he does have a disability?

I am just sick over this whole thing. I feel like a total failure as a parent, and I have no control over my son. I am deathly afraid that he will get kicked out of kindergarten in the fall for the same reasons. Like all parents, I just want my child to have fun and behave himself and enjoy friendships with his peers.

I have been fighting back tears all afternoon.

Pink
I am sorry for how this evolved. He must have felt miserable. And you too. So sad when camp is supposed to be fun.

This may have nothing to do with your ds but it is another possible explanation and one that might make you feel better. My ds, now 10, used to do this sort of thing when he was younger. It never made any sense to me why he would do things like that when in groups of kids. It turned out that when we had him evaluated by OT he rated very high in tactile defensiveness. That is, the touch of others bothers him tremendously. Just like some have very acute hearing, he has an acute sense of touch. So the normal jostling of kids in line at camp, for example, he would experience as harsh, unwanted, and provocative touch. Thus, he would retaliate by pushing, or hitting, or whatever. THis also tracked with finding the tags/labels in clothes to be unbearable. The ot had us do this routine of brushing his skin with a soft plastic brush, several times a day for months. I guess it worked to desensitize him to touch. It actually did seem to make things easier for him. Just this week though, I noticed how much it bothers him for me to put sunscreen on his neck. So this hasn't gone away entirely.

What I described may not fit your ds at all but I agree with you that there is something going on rather than he is a mean kid.

good luck,
Malka

ds born 11.20.09 from single embie
highest fsh 75
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Joined: February 10th, 2009, 9:24 pm

June 16th, 2012, 5:59 am #5

I am so sorry hon you are going through this, it is such an awful feeling when you feel you have no control. Honestly though, they aren't better prepared to deal with this? I wouldn't worry about kindergarten, those teachers are quite used to issues such as this, c'mon it isn't that uncommon. Plus there are social workers and school psychologists to help if needed. And it was completely out of line for that counselor to say maybe he has a disability, my head would have started to spin. Did they understand why he pushed in the first place? Is it true aggression or just his way of dealing with frustration? How is his speech, can he express himself? The fact that he was hungry is entirely possible. Hopefully him having to leave was consequence enough for him and he won't do it again. If he does then trying to figure out why he is pushing and giving him some other suggestions as to how to handle his impulses or to try to control himself. But maybe advice from me isn't exactly the best to listen to with all the issues I have. But my youngest DS is being worked up for ADHD, sometimes it makes you feel better when there is a reason and something to work with, ya know. I know it is easier said than done but try not to be so hard on yourself and I pray tomorrow is a better day.
I know youve had your hands full lately at your house, too, so thank you for taking the time to make me feel better.

The camp counselor is excellent. She observed these behaviors for 3 days to make sure he wasnt being provoked, and he isnt. She feels he is just impulsive. The question is what to do about it.

I feel the camp directors comment about possible disability was inappropriate. I dont know what his background includes, but I doubt he is a child psychologist running a summer camp.

I am hoping and praying that having him come home today will put a stop to these actions next week.

To top it off, I found out today that my son has been assigned to afternoon kindergarten. Ill have to drop him at before school program about 7 AM, and school will start at 12:15. This is a recipe for disaster for my son. He is going to be tired and not be productive at all in the afternoon, and will probably be a behavioral problem if this week is any inidication.

Going to bed now. I really appreciate the support Gail.

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Joined: February 10th, 2009, 9:24 pm

June 16th, 2012, 6:01 am #6

But it seems like quite a stretch to think pushing behavior in a 5 yo indicates a disability. Hunger and frustration seem to be a more likely issue. Please don't beat yourself up over this. Hugs.
It is so difficult not to worry, especially with kindergarten starting in August. I am going to try and work on the hunger part and see how it goes next week at camp.

Im exhausted tonight! What a day!!

Thank you for your words of support.

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Joined: February 10th, 2009, 9:24 pm

June 16th, 2012, 6:03 am #7

I am sorry for how this evolved. He must have felt miserable. And you too. So sad when camp is supposed to be fun.

This may have nothing to do with your ds but it is another possible explanation and one that might make you feel better. My ds, now 10, used to do this sort of thing when he was younger. It never made any sense to me why he would do things like that when in groups of kids. It turned out that when we had him evaluated by OT he rated very high in tactile defensiveness. That is, the touch of others bothers him tremendously. Just like some have very acute hearing, he has an acute sense of touch. So the normal jostling of kids in line at camp, for example, he would experience as harsh, unwanted, and provocative touch. Thus, he would retaliate by pushing, or hitting, or whatever. THis also tracked with finding the tags/labels in clothes to be unbearable. The ot had us do this routine of brushing his skin with a soft plastic brush, several times a day for months. I guess it worked to desensitize him to touch. It actually did seem to make things easier for him. Just this week though, I noticed how much it bothers him for me to put sunscreen on his neck. So this hasn't gone away entirely.

What I described may not fit your ds at all but I agree with you that there is something going on rather than he is a mean kid.

good luck,
Malka

ds born 11.20.09 from single embie
highest fsh 75
They observed my son pushing when they were walking in a line, and while they were playing a game. I dont know if anyone was touching him, but they were in close proximity. I havent noticed any of the sensitive skin issues at home (though his brother sure has some of that) but you have given me something to think about.

What kind of soft brush do you use?

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wcl
Joined: September 19th, 2006, 11:17 am

June 16th, 2012, 10:38 am #8

My 5.5 year son sent me to tears today. I got called to pick him up from day camp for pushing that was unprovoked. They find that he is extremely sweet and respectful towards adults, but in the middle of playing a game or walking somewhere in the camp, he will turn around and push someone. We had been having this problem at the daycare in the last coupe of months, but I had attributed some of his behavior to the extremely grouchy teacher in that daycare class. He had not had any bad behavior last week (the first week of camp) but started with the pushing this week.

We had had a long talk with him last night that if he continued to push, he would not be able to stay at camp, with the message repeated before we left this morning.

My son refuses to eat breakfast except for drinkable yogurt. I mentioned to the director and head counselor that perhaps he was hungry when these pushing episodes take place. Apparently they dont sit down for a snack, and the kids swim for an hour first thing in the morning. The director of the day camp said to me Maybe its nutritional, but maybe he has a disability of some sort. That made me feel even worse. The director then admitted that he as a child had issues related to sugar sensitivity, so i think he is relating to me with his own childhood experiences.

When I brought him home, there was alot of crying on my sons part because he didnt want to leave the camp trying to get him into the car. He kicked the back of the seat and screamed most of the way home while I kept quiet.

When we got home, my mom was over and fed him lunch and he ate a whole sandwich and 2 bananas. He had just had lunch at the camp. So maybe it was hunger? Or maybe he does have a disability?

I am just sick over this whole thing. I feel like a total failure as a parent, and I have no control over my son. I am deathly afraid that he will get kicked out of kindergarten in the fall for the same reasons. Like all parents, I just want my child to have fun and behave himself and enjoy friendships with his peers.

I have been fighting back tears all afternoon.

Pink
Good thoughts from other posters. What did your DS say when you asked (which I'm sure you did) why he thinks he's been pushing other kids?

I can see you are very concerned about the kindergarten setup for next year, too. Could you talk this over with the school? Could they change him at this point? Just in case they won't, I want you to know that I was worried too when I heard that my DG's kindergarten is an all-day program. He was still taking a long afternoon nap most days at age 4. How could he possibly manage a full day of school? Over the summer, my DD gradually eased him out of napping. To my surprise and relief, he has done fine in kindergarten, although in the beginning, he often fell asleep on the schoolbus coming home!

Just want you to know that we sometimes underestimate our kids. They are surprisingly adaptable. Your DS hopefully will find kindergarten so interesting that he will thrive there, even if his schedule is very different from what it is now. Believe it or not, the "recipe for disaster" that you anticipate may turn into a piece of cake! But I'd still ask the school if they can change him, just in case they're willing. Be armed with all the reasons you feel are important.

wcl
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Joined: September 4th, 2004, 1:08 am

June 16th, 2012, 12:01 pm #9

I know youve had your hands full lately at your house, too, so thank you for taking the time to make me feel better.

The camp counselor is excellent. She observed these behaviors for 3 days to make sure he wasnt being provoked, and he isnt. She feels he is just impulsive. The question is what to do about it.

I feel the camp directors comment about possible disability was inappropriate. I dont know what his background includes, but I doubt he is a child psychologist running a summer camp.

I am hoping and praying that having him come home today will put a stop to these actions next week.

To top it off, I found out today that my son has been assigned to afternoon kindergarten. Ill have to drop him at before school program about 7 AM, and school will start at 12:15. This is a recipe for disaster for my son. He is going to be tired and not be productive at all in the afternoon, and will probably be a behavioral problem if this week is any inidication.

Going to bed now. I really appreciate the support Gail.

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In our school district they will sometimes change kids to the AM kindergarten if there is space, you just have to be quick to ask. You may want to try to get it changed because you are right, that will be a bad situation.
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Joined: June 20th, 2006, 2:07 am

June 16th, 2012, 2:57 pm #10

My 5.5 year son sent me to tears today. I got called to pick him up from day camp for pushing that was unprovoked. They find that he is extremely sweet and respectful towards adults, but in the middle of playing a game or walking somewhere in the camp, he will turn around and push someone. We had been having this problem at the daycare in the last coupe of months, but I had attributed some of his behavior to the extremely grouchy teacher in that daycare class. He had not had any bad behavior last week (the first week of camp) but started with the pushing this week.

We had had a long talk with him last night that if he continued to push, he would not be able to stay at camp, with the message repeated before we left this morning.

My son refuses to eat breakfast except for drinkable yogurt. I mentioned to the director and head counselor that perhaps he was hungry when these pushing episodes take place. Apparently they dont sit down for a snack, and the kids swim for an hour first thing in the morning. The director of the day camp said to me Maybe its nutritional, but maybe he has a disability of some sort. That made me feel even worse. The director then admitted that he as a child had issues related to sugar sensitivity, so i think he is relating to me with his own childhood experiences.

When I brought him home, there was alot of crying on my sons part because he didnt want to leave the camp trying to get him into the car. He kicked the back of the seat and screamed most of the way home while I kept quiet.

When we got home, my mom was over and fed him lunch and he ate a whole sandwich and 2 bananas. He had just had lunch at the camp. So maybe it was hunger? Or maybe he does have a disability?

I am just sick over this whole thing. I feel like a total failure as a parent, and I have no control over my son. I am deathly afraid that he will get kicked out of kindergarten in the fall for the same reasons. Like all parents, I just want my child to have fun and behave himself and enjoy friendships with his peers.

I have been fighting back tears all afternoon.

Pink
you are a good mom. kids have their own personalities and when you described how he kicked the back of your seat etc, it made me think, this is how he deals with his embarrassment. Some go quiet, some go yelly because it's a hard thing to live with the idea you did something wrong.

Heck, maybe he's in a growth spurt.

If he's so picky for breaky (or simply has to be awake for an hour to even start feeling hungry--that happens), maybe have a spot in your kitchen where you stock it with ok foods he can freely go eat at any time, that are relatively healthy and let him at it. This doesn't have to be a permanent solution but one for this summer, say and see how he goes. So it ruins some dinners because he just spent the afternoon munching on his snack cupboard but this won't be an everyday occurrence and when he doesn't want to come to sit at the dinner table, say, ok fine but we'd like your company, you don't have to eat but I'd like to hear about your day and I'd like to tell you about mine.

--this works half the time in my house.
I stock--not religiously--the fridge with yoghurt and there are granola bars at their reach and still they ask me if it's ok to have one. personalities dictate so much.

For me, as a mom, I try to let some of this stress go (don't ask me how successful I am) and as A result, my girlfriend thinks my girl "rules the roost" and I have to walk away when it's suggested. grrr (but then I remind myself that my GF is in constant pain and it's the pain-inducing-crabbiness talking) she often insists my dd says please and thank you while dd is talking TO ME!
ok, back to you.

rememebr all that talk about the terrible twos? what a laugh. in my house, the 2s were a breeze. It's the 3s 4s and 5s are sooo challenging. (ok, ds is 9 and I could keep adding the numbers but it's demoralizing)


I think your ds was maybe dealing with difficult personalities--in relation to him? who knows, you couldn't witness and the camp people won't examine, I am sure, since they probably have tons of kids, right? and heck, maybe he spent the morning with the sun cooking his noodle??
all these things a mom would see and know about their kid but workers....

and then there's the whole learning how to deal with different personalities that our kids need to go through. It's hard but I guess we all went through it and still do (aren't these bbs an example of that?? lol)

good luck my friend and don't let this incident make you feel like you did something wrong as a parent. You love your kids and you are a good mom.
xo
Julie


me:43, DH 44
FSH 26
DS: born by c-sec Apr15'03, 9lbs5oz 41wks gest. (after 4 years of ttc, starting in 1998)
DD born by c-sec Oct 13 2007, 8lbs13oz 39wk gest. (after just under 3 years of ttc)
~~DS was conceived naturally the cycle following a cancelled DE IVF, using my good friend's eggs. She was on the verge of hyperstimming.
~~DD's nat conception I attribute to using OPKs like a crazy nut, eating grapefruit daily and using preseed. also 5 cycles of TCM ending 2 cycles before that lucky cycle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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