My mom passed away this morning

My mom passed away this morning

Joined: December 2nd, 2005, 3:49 pm

June 5th, 2012, 4:09 am #1

Dearest friends: Thank you so much for your prayers and words of comfort. Truly, it means the world to me. I went to the hospital alone on Saturday night and prayed with/for my mom. I sobbed. I held one hand on her heart and felt its frail beat while resting my head against her's and whispering into her ear. I asked for forgiveness for ways I had hurt her. I forgave her for ways in which she hurt me. I told her how much I was going to miss her...just her presence. It was very painful, but very needed and I'm so glad I had that time alone with her. By Sunday she was basically in a coma. We decided to move her back to her board and care home for hospice. The hospice nurse was amazing. She gave DD a stuffed puppy and some permanent markers so she could write a note to my mom and we tucked that puppy into her arms. Hospice also placed the most beautiful quilt on her (which is our's to keep), made by hospital volunteers. I was very impressed with how Kaiser handled this, truly.

I went to see her Sunday night and the priest from the parish of the school where I work came over to do the annointing of the sick. He was interested in knowing about my mom's life and her background. We looked through her very old, much loved prayer book (all in Italian). He looked at pictures of her with me. At the end he gave me the warmest hug ever (he isn't really a warm and fuzzy guy, so this was very meaningful). Although I converted to Judaism a number of years ago, it was a huge comfort for me and I immediately felt like I could let go of my mom after she was annointed. After he left I took out some lotion and massaged her hands and smoothed lotion on her face. Her skin felt unbelievably soft and there was not a wrinkle on her face.

We thought she would live several more days, but alas, about an hour after I left this morning she died. The caregiver called me and I was happy to know that both she and her husband were there with my mom for her last breath. She said, "I couldn't believe it. Two tears ran down your mom's face and then she took her last breath. I started to cry". I am sad that it wasn't me there with my mom, but maybe she waited until I was gone. I have heard from hospice folks that that often happens. I'm just glad she wasn't alone in darkness like my father was. DH, DD and I went to the home after that. DD actually wanted to see her grandma and was not at all afraid to see a dead body. Anyway, we are having her cremated so the funeral home came to get her and I couldn't believe how lovingly and beautifully they covered her body with a gorgeous embroidered blanket, and haloed her head with the sheet. It was so respectful and touching. The caregiver's DD who is 13 told me, "The other day my friends asked me which of the ladies I would most NOT want to die and I said your mom. She was my favorite."

Really, as far as death goes, I feel pretty lucky. She didn't suffer long and I had many chances to be with her and talk to her and talk to other people. I am bringing my father's ashes up from the Bay Area and will place them together in the Catholic cemetery here, which is in a spectacularly beautiful spot. We are having a Mass on Friday, then we will be "sitting shiva" as a Jewish family and taking that time to mourn the loss.

I think it's auspicious somehow that tonight is a full moon, and a lunar eclipse as well. A time of death, and renewal/rebirth.
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Joined: August 21st, 2006, 3:29 pm

June 5th, 2012, 4:23 am #2

Renata,

I'm so sad to see this ... but also relieved to know that your mom's last days were as you have described them and that you were able to be with her during this process (albeit not right at the end but it sounds as you say like she was at peace and perhaps waited for your departure, for hers). Also that, difficult as it must have been, that there seems to have been a fairly clear path at the end in terms of decisions you had to make, and that hospice was available. Thank you for updating us and I will continue to hold your family in my prayers. Although I know your relationship with your mom wasn't always perfect I am glad you and she were able to be together and also that she was able to know your children and you as a mom and not "just" as a daughter.

Best wishes,
Alex
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Joined: February 10th, 2009, 9:24 pm

June 5th, 2012, 4:51 am #3

Dearest friends: Thank you so much for your prayers and words of comfort. Truly, it means the world to me. I went to the hospital alone on Saturday night and prayed with/for my mom. I sobbed. I held one hand on her heart and felt its frail beat while resting my head against her's and whispering into her ear. I asked for forgiveness for ways I had hurt her. I forgave her for ways in which she hurt me. I told her how much I was going to miss her...just her presence. It was very painful, but very needed and I'm so glad I had that time alone with her. By Sunday she was basically in a coma. We decided to move her back to her board and care home for hospice. The hospice nurse was amazing. She gave DD a stuffed puppy and some permanent markers so she could write a note to my mom and we tucked that puppy into her arms. Hospice also placed the most beautiful quilt on her (which is our's to keep), made by hospital volunteers. I was very impressed with how Kaiser handled this, truly.

I went to see her Sunday night and the priest from the parish of the school where I work came over to do the annointing of the sick. He was interested in knowing about my mom's life and her background. We looked through her very old, much loved prayer book (all in Italian). He looked at pictures of her with me. At the end he gave me the warmest hug ever (he isn't really a warm and fuzzy guy, so this was very meaningful). Although I converted to Judaism a number of years ago, it was a huge comfort for me and I immediately felt like I could let go of my mom after she was annointed. After he left I took out some lotion and massaged her hands and smoothed lotion on her face. Her skin felt unbelievably soft and there was not a wrinkle on her face.

We thought she would live several more days, but alas, about an hour after I left this morning she died. The caregiver called me and I was happy to know that both she and her husband were there with my mom for her last breath. She said, "I couldn't believe it. Two tears ran down your mom's face and then she took her last breath. I started to cry". I am sad that it wasn't me there with my mom, but maybe she waited until I was gone. I have heard from hospice folks that that often happens. I'm just glad she wasn't alone in darkness like my father was. DH, DD and I went to the home after that. DD actually wanted to see her grandma and was not at all afraid to see a dead body. Anyway, we are having her cremated so the funeral home came to get her and I couldn't believe how lovingly and beautifully they covered her body with a gorgeous embroidered blanket, and haloed her head with the sheet. It was so respectful and touching. The caregiver's DD who is 13 told me, "The other day my friends asked me which of the ladies I would most NOT want to die and I said your mom. She was my favorite."

Really, as far as death goes, I feel pretty lucky. She didn't suffer long and I had many chances to be with her and talk to her and talk to other people. I am bringing my father's ashes up from the Bay Area and will place them together in the Catholic cemetery here, which is in a spectacularly beautiful spot. We are having a Mass on Friday, then we will be "sitting shiva" as a Jewish family and taking that time to mourn the loss.

I think it's auspicious somehow that tonight is a full moon, and a lunar eclipse as well. A time of death, and renewal/rebirth.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

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Joined: February 26th, 2008, 10:54 pm

June 5th, 2012, 8:12 am #4

Dearest friends: Thank you so much for your prayers and words of comfort. Truly, it means the world to me. I went to the hospital alone on Saturday night and prayed with/for my mom. I sobbed. I held one hand on her heart and felt its frail beat while resting my head against her's and whispering into her ear. I asked for forgiveness for ways I had hurt her. I forgave her for ways in which she hurt me. I told her how much I was going to miss her...just her presence. It was very painful, but very needed and I'm so glad I had that time alone with her. By Sunday she was basically in a coma. We decided to move her back to her board and care home for hospice. The hospice nurse was amazing. She gave DD a stuffed puppy and some permanent markers so she could write a note to my mom and we tucked that puppy into her arms. Hospice also placed the most beautiful quilt on her (which is our's to keep), made by hospital volunteers. I was very impressed with how Kaiser handled this, truly.

I went to see her Sunday night and the priest from the parish of the school where I work came over to do the annointing of the sick. He was interested in knowing about my mom's life and her background. We looked through her very old, much loved prayer book (all in Italian). He looked at pictures of her with me. At the end he gave me the warmest hug ever (he isn't really a warm and fuzzy guy, so this was very meaningful). Although I converted to Judaism a number of years ago, it was a huge comfort for me and I immediately felt like I could let go of my mom after she was annointed. After he left I took out some lotion and massaged her hands and smoothed lotion on her face. Her skin felt unbelievably soft and there was not a wrinkle on her face.

We thought she would live several more days, but alas, about an hour after I left this morning she died. The caregiver called me and I was happy to know that both she and her husband were there with my mom for her last breath. She said, "I couldn't believe it. Two tears ran down your mom's face and then she took her last breath. I started to cry". I am sad that it wasn't me there with my mom, but maybe she waited until I was gone. I have heard from hospice folks that that often happens. I'm just glad she wasn't alone in darkness like my father was. DH, DD and I went to the home after that. DD actually wanted to see her grandma and was not at all afraid to see a dead body. Anyway, we are having her cremated so the funeral home came to get her and I couldn't believe how lovingly and beautifully they covered her body with a gorgeous embroidered blanket, and haloed her head with the sheet. It was so respectful and touching. The caregiver's DD who is 13 told me, "The other day my friends asked me which of the ladies I would most NOT want to die and I said your mom. She was my favorite."

Really, as far as death goes, I feel pretty lucky. She didn't suffer long and I had many chances to be with her and talk to her and talk to other people. I am bringing my father's ashes up from the Bay Area and will place them together in the Catholic cemetery here, which is in a spectacularly beautiful spot. We are having a Mass on Friday, then we will be "sitting shiva" as a Jewish family and taking that time to mourn the loss.

I think it's auspicious somehow that tonight is a full moon, and a lunar eclipse as well. A time of death, and renewal/rebirth.
It sounds like she has passed so peacefully and you got to spend such precious time with her before that. Still, I am very sorry for your loss. I have not been on the board lately, but wanted to check before going to bed...
May she rest in peace. Hugs to you and your family.
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cy2
Joined: February 16th, 2006, 6:45 pm

June 5th, 2012, 8:56 am #5

Dearest friends: Thank you so much for your prayers and words of comfort. Truly, it means the world to me. I went to the hospital alone on Saturday night and prayed with/for my mom. I sobbed. I held one hand on her heart and felt its frail beat while resting my head against her's and whispering into her ear. I asked for forgiveness for ways I had hurt her. I forgave her for ways in which she hurt me. I told her how much I was going to miss her...just her presence. It was very painful, but very needed and I'm so glad I had that time alone with her. By Sunday she was basically in a coma. We decided to move her back to her board and care home for hospice. The hospice nurse was amazing. She gave DD a stuffed puppy and some permanent markers so she could write a note to my mom and we tucked that puppy into her arms. Hospice also placed the most beautiful quilt on her (which is our's to keep), made by hospital volunteers. I was very impressed with how Kaiser handled this, truly.

I went to see her Sunday night and the priest from the parish of the school where I work came over to do the annointing of the sick. He was interested in knowing about my mom's life and her background. We looked through her very old, much loved prayer book (all in Italian). He looked at pictures of her with me. At the end he gave me the warmest hug ever (he isn't really a warm and fuzzy guy, so this was very meaningful). Although I converted to Judaism a number of years ago, it was a huge comfort for me and I immediately felt like I could let go of my mom after she was annointed. After he left I took out some lotion and massaged her hands and smoothed lotion on her face. Her skin felt unbelievably soft and there was not a wrinkle on her face.

We thought she would live several more days, but alas, about an hour after I left this morning she died. The caregiver called me and I was happy to know that both she and her husband were there with my mom for her last breath. She said, "I couldn't believe it. Two tears ran down your mom's face and then she took her last breath. I started to cry". I am sad that it wasn't me there with my mom, but maybe she waited until I was gone. I have heard from hospice folks that that often happens. I'm just glad she wasn't alone in darkness like my father was. DH, DD and I went to the home after that. DD actually wanted to see her grandma and was not at all afraid to see a dead body. Anyway, we are having her cremated so the funeral home came to get her and I couldn't believe how lovingly and beautifully they covered her body with a gorgeous embroidered blanket, and haloed her head with the sheet. It was so respectful and touching. The caregiver's DD who is 13 told me, "The other day my friends asked me which of the ladies I would most NOT want to die and I said your mom. She was my favorite."

Really, as far as death goes, I feel pretty lucky. She didn't suffer long and I had many chances to be with her and talk to her and talk to other people. I am bringing my father's ashes up from the Bay Area and will place them together in the Catholic cemetery here, which is in a spectacularly beautiful spot. We are having a Mass on Friday, then we will be "sitting shiva" as a Jewish family and taking that time to mourn the loss.

I think it's auspicious somehow that tonight is a full moon, and a lunar eclipse as well. A time of death, and renewal/rebirth.
I'm so touched by your experience and the way you describe her final days. You are a gem of a daughter and person. Your Mom must have been so comforted to have you and DD around.

I am inspired by your bravery and unselfish kindness. I'm sure your Mom is smiling down at you and so proud.

Thank you for sharing your experience and letting us know.

Hugs,
cy
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wcl
Joined: September 19th, 2006, 11:17 am

June 5th, 2012, 10:43 am #6

Dearest friends: Thank you so much for your prayers and words of comfort. Truly, it means the world to me. I went to the hospital alone on Saturday night and prayed with/for my mom. I sobbed. I held one hand on her heart and felt its frail beat while resting my head against her's and whispering into her ear. I asked for forgiveness for ways I had hurt her. I forgave her for ways in which she hurt me. I told her how much I was going to miss her...just her presence. It was very painful, but very needed and I'm so glad I had that time alone with her. By Sunday she was basically in a coma. We decided to move her back to her board and care home for hospice. The hospice nurse was amazing. She gave DD a stuffed puppy and some permanent markers so she could write a note to my mom and we tucked that puppy into her arms. Hospice also placed the most beautiful quilt on her (which is our's to keep), made by hospital volunteers. I was very impressed with how Kaiser handled this, truly.

I went to see her Sunday night and the priest from the parish of the school where I work came over to do the annointing of the sick. He was interested in knowing about my mom's life and her background. We looked through her very old, much loved prayer book (all in Italian). He looked at pictures of her with me. At the end he gave me the warmest hug ever (he isn't really a warm and fuzzy guy, so this was very meaningful). Although I converted to Judaism a number of years ago, it was a huge comfort for me and I immediately felt like I could let go of my mom after she was annointed. After he left I took out some lotion and massaged her hands and smoothed lotion on her face. Her skin felt unbelievably soft and there was not a wrinkle on her face.

We thought she would live several more days, but alas, about an hour after I left this morning she died. The caregiver called me and I was happy to know that both she and her husband were there with my mom for her last breath. She said, "I couldn't believe it. Two tears ran down your mom's face and then she took her last breath. I started to cry". I am sad that it wasn't me there with my mom, but maybe she waited until I was gone. I have heard from hospice folks that that often happens. I'm just glad she wasn't alone in darkness like my father was. DH, DD and I went to the home after that. DD actually wanted to see her grandma and was not at all afraid to see a dead body. Anyway, we are having her cremated so the funeral home came to get her and I couldn't believe how lovingly and beautifully they covered her body with a gorgeous embroidered blanket, and haloed her head with the sheet. It was so respectful and touching. The caregiver's DD who is 13 told me, "The other day my friends asked me which of the ladies I would most NOT want to die and I said your mom. She was my favorite."

Really, as far as death goes, I feel pretty lucky. She didn't suffer long and I had many chances to be with her and talk to her and talk to other people. I am bringing my father's ashes up from the Bay Area and will place them together in the Catholic cemetery here, which is in a spectacularly beautiful spot. We are having a Mass on Friday, then we will be "sitting shiva" as a Jewish family and taking that time to mourn the loss.

I think it's auspicious somehow that tonight is a full moon, and a lunar eclipse as well. A time of death, and renewal/rebirth.
Renata, that is how I would wish to leave this world, with peace and love--a satisfying ending to a life's story. You are a good daughter.

wcl
Last edited by wcl on June 5th, 2012, 10:44 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: January 1st, 1970, 12:00 am

June 5th, 2012, 10:58 am #7

Dearest friends: Thank you so much for your prayers and words of comfort. Truly, it means the world to me. I went to the hospital alone on Saturday night and prayed with/for my mom. I sobbed. I held one hand on her heart and felt its frail beat while resting my head against her's and whispering into her ear. I asked for forgiveness for ways I had hurt her. I forgave her for ways in which she hurt me. I told her how much I was going to miss her...just her presence. It was very painful, but very needed and I'm so glad I had that time alone with her. By Sunday she was basically in a coma. We decided to move her back to her board and care home for hospice. The hospice nurse was amazing. She gave DD a stuffed puppy and some permanent markers so she could write a note to my mom and we tucked that puppy into her arms. Hospice also placed the most beautiful quilt on her (which is our's to keep), made by hospital volunteers. I was very impressed with how Kaiser handled this, truly.

I went to see her Sunday night and the priest from the parish of the school where I work came over to do the annointing of the sick. He was interested in knowing about my mom's life and her background. We looked through her very old, much loved prayer book (all in Italian). He looked at pictures of her with me. At the end he gave me the warmest hug ever (he isn't really a warm and fuzzy guy, so this was very meaningful). Although I converted to Judaism a number of years ago, it was a huge comfort for me and I immediately felt like I could let go of my mom after she was annointed. After he left I took out some lotion and massaged her hands and smoothed lotion on her face. Her skin felt unbelievably soft and there was not a wrinkle on her face.

We thought she would live several more days, but alas, about an hour after I left this morning she died. The caregiver called me and I was happy to know that both she and her husband were there with my mom for her last breath. She said, "I couldn't believe it. Two tears ran down your mom's face and then she took her last breath. I started to cry". I am sad that it wasn't me there with my mom, but maybe she waited until I was gone. I have heard from hospice folks that that often happens. I'm just glad she wasn't alone in darkness like my father was. DH, DD and I went to the home after that. DD actually wanted to see her grandma and was not at all afraid to see a dead body. Anyway, we are having her cremated so the funeral home came to get her and I couldn't believe how lovingly and beautifully they covered her body with a gorgeous embroidered blanket, and haloed her head with the sheet. It was so respectful and touching. The caregiver's DD who is 13 told me, "The other day my friends asked me which of the ladies I would most NOT want to die and I said your mom. She was my favorite."

Really, as far as death goes, I feel pretty lucky. She didn't suffer long and I had many chances to be with her and talk to her and talk to other people. I am bringing my father's ashes up from the Bay Area and will place them together in the Catholic cemetery here, which is in a spectacularly beautiful spot. We are having a Mass on Friday, then we will be "sitting shiva" as a Jewish family and taking that time to mourn the loss.

I think it's auspicious somehow that tonight is a full moon, and a lunar eclipse as well. A time of death, and renewal/rebirth.
Passing over doesn't get much better than that for someone living in a care facility. I'm so glad you shared this with us, because I, too, need to know. I'm so, so happy that your dm was treated so well at Kaiser and by her caregiver, and what a sweet young teen to share this with you. It's not what we expect from teens, so such a gift. You and your dm are very blessed to have that priest, that caregiver, that hospital. Thank you again for sharing these very intimate moments and feelings with us. I'm very moved and grateful and I'm holding you in my heart.




Keiki's Makuahine (Keiki's Mom) 51, dh 52
Keiki: b. 2002 after 3 months bedrest
Natural conception following ZIFT/chem. pg

Olivia: b. 1999 d. 1999
28-week preemie, ptl cause unknown
Natural conception after 1 mc

ttc since 1998
Last edited by goldiescholar on June 5th, 2012, 11:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: December 24th, 2004, 3:57 am

June 5th, 2012, 11:13 am #8

Dearest friends: Thank you so much for your prayers and words of comfort. Truly, it means the world to me. I went to the hospital alone on Saturday night and prayed with/for my mom. I sobbed. I held one hand on her heart and felt its frail beat while resting my head against her's and whispering into her ear. I asked for forgiveness for ways I had hurt her. I forgave her for ways in which she hurt me. I told her how much I was going to miss her...just her presence. It was very painful, but very needed and I'm so glad I had that time alone with her. By Sunday she was basically in a coma. We decided to move her back to her board and care home for hospice. The hospice nurse was amazing. She gave DD a stuffed puppy and some permanent markers so she could write a note to my mom and we tucked that puppy into her arms. Hospice also placed the most beautiful quilt on her (which is our's to keep), made by hospital volunteers. I was very impressed with how Kaiser handled this, truly.

I went to see her Sunday night and the priest from the parish of the school where I work came over to do the annointing of the sick. He was interested in knowing about my mom's life and her background. We looked through her very old, much loved prayer book (all in Italian). He looked at pictures of her with me. At the end he gave me the warmest hug ever (he isn't really a warm and fuzzy guy, so this was very meaningful). Although I converted to Judaism a number of years ago, it was a huge comfort for me and I immediately felt like I could let go of my mom after she was annointed. After he left I took out some lotion and massaged her hands and smoothed lotion on her face. Her skin felt unbelievably soft and there was not a wrinkle on her face.

We thought she would live several more days, but alas, about an hour after I left this morning she died. The caregiver called me and I was happy to know that both she and her husband were there with my mom for her last breath. She said, "I couldn't believe it. Two tears ran down your mom's face and then she took her last breath. I started to cry". I am sad that it wasn't me there with my mom, but maybe she waited until I was gone. I have heard from hospice folks that that often happens. I'm just glad she wasn't alone in darkness like my father was. DH, DD and I went to the home after that. DD actually wanted to see her grandma and was not at all afraid to see a dead body. Anyway, we are having her cremated so the funeral home came to get her and I couldn't believe how lovingly and beautifully they covered her body with a gorgeous embroidered blanket, and haloed her head with the sheet. It was so respectful and touching. The caregiver's DD who is 13 told me, "The other day my friends asked me which of the ladies I would most NOT want to die and I said your mom. She was my favorite."

Really, as far as death goes, I feel pretty lucky. She didn't suffer long and I had many chances to be with her and talk to her and talk to other people. I am bringing my father's ashes up from the Bay Area and will place them together in the Catholic cemetery here, which is in a spectacularly beautiful spot. We are having a Mass on Friday, then we will be "sitting shiva" as a Jewish family and taking that time to mourn the loss.

I think it's auspicious somehow that tonight is a full moon, and a lunar eclipse as well. A time of death, and renewal/rebirth.
Oh, I am just sad for you.

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers during your time of grief.
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Joined: September 22nd, 2009, 7:19 pm

June 5th, 2012, 11:51 am #9

Dearest friends: Thank you so much for your prayers and words of comfort. Truly, it means the world to me. I went to the hospital alone on Saturday night and prayed with/for my mom. I sobbed. I held one hand on her heart and felt its frail beat while resting my head against her's and whispering into her ear. I asked for forgiveness for ways I had hurt her. I forgave her for ways in which she hurt me. I told her how much I was going to miss her...just her presence. It was very painful, but very needed and I'm so glad I had that time alone with her. By Sunday she was basically in a coma. We decided to move her back to her board and care home for hospice. The hospice nurse was amazing. She gave DD a stuffed puppy and some permanent markers so she could write a note to my mom and we tucked that puppy into her arms. Hospice also placed the most beautiful quilt on her (which is our's to keep), made by hospital volunteers. I was very impressed with how Kaiser handled this, truly.

I went to see her Sunday night and the priest from the parish of the school where I work came over to do the annointing of the sick. He was interested in knowing about my mom's life and her background. We looked through her very old, much loved prayer book (all in Italian). He looked at pictures of her with me. At the end he gave me the warmest hug ever (he isn't really a warm and fuzzy guy, so this was very meaningful). Although I converted to Judaism a number of years ago, it was a huge comfort for me and I immediately felt like I could let go of my mom after she was annointed. After he left I took out some lotion and massaged her hands and smoothed lotion on her face. Her skin felt unbelievably soft and there was not a wrinkle on her face.

We thought she would live several more days, but alas, about an hour after I left this morning she died. The caregiver called me and I was happy to know that both she and her husband were there with my mom for her last breath. She said, "I couldn't believe it. Two tears ran down your mom's face and then she took her last breath. I started to cry". I am sad that it wasn't me there with my mom, but maybe she waited until I was gone. I have heard from hospice folks that that often happens. I'm just glad she wasn't alone in darkness like my father was. DH, DD and I went to the home after that. DD actually wanted to see her grandma and was not at all afraid to see a dead body. Anyway, we are having her cremated so the funeral home came to get her and I couldn't believe how lovingly and beautifully they covered her body with a gorgeous embroidered blanket, and haloed her head with the sheet. It was so respectful and touching. The caregiver's DD who is 13 told me, "The other day my friends asked me which of the ladies I would most NOT want to die and I said your mom. She was my favorite."

Really, as far as death goes, I feel pretty lucky. She didn't suffer long and I had many chances to be with her and talk to her and talk to other people. I am bringing my father's ashes up from the Bay Area and will place them together in the Catholic cemetery here, which is in a spectacularly beautiful spot. We are having a Mass on Friday, then we will be "sitting shiva" as a Jewish family and taking that time to mourn the loss.

I think it's auspicious somehow that tonight is a full moon, and a lunar eclipse as well. A time of death, and renewal/rebirth.
Hugs to you and your family.
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Joined: March 31st, 2007, 2:29 am

June 5th, 2012, 12:20 pm #10

Dearest friends: Thank you so much for your prayers and words of comfort. Truly, it means the world to me. I went to the hospital alone on Saturday night and prayed with/for my mom. I sobbed. I held one hand on her heart and felt its frail beat while resting my head against her's and whispering into her ear. I asked for forgiveness for ways I had hurt her. I forgave her for ways in which she hurt me. I told her how much I was going to miss her...just her presence. It was very painful, but very needed and I'm so glad I had that time alone with her. By Sunday she was basically in a coma. We decided to move her back to her board and care home for hospice. The hospice nurse was amazing. She gave DD a stuffed puppy and some permanent markers so she could write a note to my mom and we tucked that puppy into her arms. Hospice also placed the most beautiful quilt on her (which is our's to keep), made by hospital volunteers. I was very impressed with how Kaiser handled this, truly.

I went to see her Sunday night and the priest from the parish of the school where I work came over to do the annointing of the sick. He was interested in knowing about my mom's life and her background. We looked through her very old, much loved prayer book (all in Italian). He looked at pictures of her with me. At the end he gave me the warmest hug ever (he isn't really a warm and fuzzy guy, so this was very meaningful). Although I converted to Judaism a number of years ago, it was a huge comfort for me and I immediately felt like I could let go of my mom after she was annointed. After he left I took out some lotion and massaged her hands and smoothed lotion on her face. Her skin felt unbelievably soft and there was not a wrinkle on her face.

We thought she would live several more days, but alas, about an hour after I left this morning she died. The caregiver called me and I was happy to know that both she and her husband were there with my mom for her last breath. She said, "I couldn't believe it. Two tears ran down your mom's face and then she took her last breath. I started to cry". I am sad that it wasn't me there with my mom, but maybe she waited until I was gone. I have heard from hospice folks that that often happens. I'm just glad she wasn't alone in darkness like my father was. DH, DD and I went to the home after that. DD actually wanted to see her grandma and was not at all afraid to see a dead body. Anyway, we are having her cremated so the funeral home came to get her and I couldn't believe how lovingly and beautifully they covered her body with a gorgeous embroidered blanket, and haloed her head with the sheet. It was so respectful and touching. The caregiver's DD who is 13 told me, "The other day my friends asked me which of the ladies I would most NOT want to die and I said your mom. She was my favorite."

Really, as far as death goes, I feel pretty lucky. She didn't suffer long and I had many chances to be with her and talk to her and talk to other people. I am bringing my father's ashes up from the Bay Area and will place them together in the Catholic cemetery here, which is in a spectacularly beautiful spot. We are having a Mass on Friday, then we will be "sitting shiva" as a Jewish family and taking that time to mourn the loss.

I think it's auspicious somehow that tonight is a full moon, and a lunar eclipse as well. A time of death, and renewal/rebirth.
It sounded very peaceful the way she passed. Take Care and it sounds like you have found some peace.

Expected planned delivery on 11/13/2008 -3 weeks early.
42-recent FSH 12.4 at private md.
Natural Cycle w/ proges. support BFP 02/08 at 42.4
Natural cycle-BFN
M/C Sept.07-natural p/g waiting for IVF Ins. says fertile must wait 6months to reapply for IVF!
June 07-IUI low stim good responder-BFN
May 07-IUI low stim-BFN
April 07- FSH -11.3 & 11.5 E2-44
March 07- all fertility testing no issues. Husband has no issues.
10/06-Delivered stillborn DS at 40weeks a day after my 41st birthday. Cord Accident. Natural conception at 40.
01/2006 -natural conception at 40
10/2005 -M/c at 7weeks
09/2005 - natural conception
08/2005 - start trying for #2
12-2004 - c/s delivery of ds at 39.2
04/2004 - natural conception at 38
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