lawyer questions and a wee update on me

lawyer questions and a wee update on me

Joined: June 20th, 2006, 2:07 am

April 11th, 2012, 1:14 pm #1

Hi everybody.

Sorry to be so MIA but I do come to read the posts and you are all in my thoughts.

I am going to contact a lawyer about how this separation from my husband will mean to me, to my assets, to our assets.

Any questions I should be asking?

Our financial life isn't very complicated BUT my name is on the title of my father's house (to facilitate things when the time comes, when my father passes away) so now I am all worried that "d"H can claim half of the house as a marital asset. --he has said he won't touch the house but I need to know from a legal stand point because legal stuff doesn't take into account emotional stuff. besides, what if "d"H takes up with a woman who knows that the house can be split and SHE wants half and talks him into this. (at this point my imagination is covering everything--I really don't think hubby will do this to us, to me)

He hasn't actually left or actively started looking for a place to stay but is determined to leave. I think I made it clear enough to him that I don;t want him to leave and now it's up to him to decide; which he has. I am rather sad about htis but 7 collective years of infertility has taught me how to gather up my courage and look ahead at some plan. Besides, I am wonderfully blessed to have wonderful friends in my life. It's times like these that one really realizes these things, isn't it??

The kids don't know yet. We'll tell them closer to when he leaves the house. We see the couples therapist on Friday for some guidance in that or a referral to someone who can guide us and the children in this.

Our two kids are so happy, so confident and I really dread the day when this will be shaken a bit but I know they are strong and they know for sure, for damn sure, that their parents love them and really, that is what matters the most.
hubby and I are friendly to each other, it's hard for us both because I don't want him to leave and I feel he doesn't want to either but to find happiness he needs to. He has said plainly "he loves me but not enough" and looking back (isn't hindsight 20/20??) he is right. I see that now. But there are ups and downs in marriages, which is why the vows say for better or for worse (with worse not being "out of bread so we have to eat cereal for breaky" lol) but if the depth of love isn't there...


I was going to ask the lawyer about the title of the house and the joint accounts I have with my father. My name is on these things to help my father but if it means hubby can claim half.... I will see if my sister's name can be put on them or another sibling.
Or is this the kind of thing that can be agreed upon between spouses so I won't have to change anything?? Or do these things only become untouchable once a divorce is final?

Not knowing anything about lawyers, can any lawyer help or should it be a specialized lawyer?

Thanks you guys.
xo
Julie


me:43, DH 44
FSH 26
DS: born by c-sec Apr15'03, 9lbs5oz 41wks gest. (after 4 years of ttc, starting in 1998)
DD born by c-sec Oct 13 2007, 8lbs13oz 39wk gest. (after just under 3 years of ttc)
~~DS was conceived naturally the cycle following a cancelled DE IVF, using my good friend's eggs. She was on the verge of hyperstimming.
~~DD's nat conception I attribute to using OPKs like a crazy nut, eating grapefruit daily and using preseed. also 5 cycles of TCM ending 2 cycles before that lucky cycle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Joined: August 21st, 2006, 3:29 pm

April 11th, 2012, 2:27 pm #2

Juliemam,

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this but hope that whatever unfolds it will lead to a better situation for each and every one of you (well, give or take your H, I am honestly not so concerned about him, but then again, as the father to your children I wish him stability and peace, too).

I don't know much about lawyers and know that laws vary state to state. I guess given your basic situation I might be inclined to ask a lawyer I was considering whether they do or have or would work in a "mediation" context rather than a traditional US legal context; I know that lots of (moderately) peaceful divorces can seem to be better administered through mediation. Beyond that I'm afraid I'm not much help. I do know that in our state, if one spouse inherits and that inheritance is kept separate from other assets, it remains in the control of just the inheriting spouse and not the joint spouses, even if they remain married. So you may not need to worry about the house situation, but obviously you should check because it may be different where you live.

I'll be thinking of you and know you'll manage whatever comes next with strength and aplomb.

Best wishes,
Alex
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Joined: November 4th, 2006, 7:32 pm

April 11th, 2012, 3:15 pm #3

Hi everybody.

Sorry to be so MIA but I do come to read the posts and you are all in my thoughts.

I am going to contact a lawyer about how this separation from my husband will mean to me, to my assets, to our assets.

Any questions I should be asking?

Our financial life isn't very complicated BUT my name is on the title of my father's house (to facilitate things when the time comes, when my father passes away) so now I am all worried that "d"H can claim half of the house as a marital asset. --he has said he won't touch the house but I need to know from a legal stand point because legal stuff doesn't take into account emotional stuff. besides, what if "d"H takes up with a woman who knows that the house can be split and SHE wants half and talks him into this. (at this point my imagination is covering everything--I really don't think hubby will do this to us, to me)

He hasn't actually left or actively started looking for a place to stay but is determined to leave. I think I made it clear enough to him that I don;t want him to leave and now it's up to him to decide; which he has. I am rather sad about htis but 7 collective years of infertility has taught me how to gather up my courage and look ahead at some plan. Besides, I am wonderfully blessed to have wonderful friends in my life. It's times like these that one really realizes these things, isn't it??

The kids don't know yet. We'll tell them closer to when he leaves the house. We see the couples therapist on Friday for some guidance in that or a referral to someone who can guide us and the children in this.

Our two kids are so happy, so confident and I really dread the day when this will be shaken a bit but I know they are strong and they know for sure, for damn sure, that their parents love them and really, that is what matters the most.
hubby and I are friendly to each other, it's hard for us both because I don't want him to leave and I feel he doesn't want to either but to find happiness he needs to. He has said plainly "he loves me but not enough" and looking back (isn't hindsight 20/20??) he is right. I see that now. But there are ups and downs in marriages, which is why the vows say for better or for worse (with worse not being "out of bread so we have to eat cereal for breaky" lol) but if the depth of love isn't there...


I was going to ask the lawyer about the title of the house and the joint accounts I have with my father. My name is on these things to help my father but if it means hubby can claim half.... I will see if my sister's name can be put on them or another sibling.
Or is this the kind of thing that can be agreed upon between spouses so I won't have to change anything?? Or do these things only become untouchable once a divorce is final?

Not knowing anything about lawyers, can any lawyer help or should it be a specialized lawyer?

Thanks you guys.
xo
Julie


me:43, DH 44
FSH 26
DS: born by c-sec Apr15'03, 9lbs5oz 41wks gest. (after 4 years of ttc, starting in 1998)
DD born by c-sec Oct 13 2007, 8lbs13oz 39wk gest. (after just under 3 years of ttc)
~~DS was conceived naturally the cycle following a cancelled DE IVF, using my good friend's eggs. She was on the verge of hyperstimming.
~~DD's nat conception I attribute to using OPKs like a crazy nut, eating grapefruit daily and using preseed. also 5 cycles of TCM ending 2 cycles before that lucky cycle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
it is separate because it is not a marital asset. Again, you can always do a quit claim deed and add your sister's name to the title and take yours off temporarily.

Any account that has your name and dad do not belong to him since he did not put any money there.

I do not blame you. It is better to make plans so as not to be taken unaware.


Figure if he is leaving the house and if you stay with the kids, who will pay the mortgage and stuff. I will have you in my thoughts.

Please consult an attorney and square things off. Better safe then sorry. Especially when emotions get in the way.
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Joined: February 16th, 2006, 1:10 am

April 11th, 2012, 3:27 pm #4

Hi everybody.

Sorry to be so MIA but I do come to read the posts and you are all in my thoughts.

I am going to contact a lawyer about how this separation from my husband will mean to me, to my assets, to our assets.

Any questions I should be asking?

Our financial life isn't very complicated BUT my name is on the title of my father's house (to facilitate things when the time comes, when my father passes away) so now I am all worried that "d"H can claim half of the house as a marital asset. --he has said he won't touch the house but I need to know from a legal stand point because legal stuff doesn't take into account emotional stuff. besides, what if "d"H takes up with a woman who knows that the house can be split and SHE wants half and talks him into this. (at this point my imagination is covering everything--I really don't think hubby will do this to us, to me)

He hasn't actually left or actively started looking for a place to stay but is determined to leave. I think I made it clear enough to him that I don;t want him to leave and now it's up to him to decide; which he has. I am rather sad about htis but 7 collective years of infertility has taught me how to gather up my courage and look ahead at some plan. Besides, I am wonderfully blessed to have wonderful friends in my life. It's times like these that one really realizes these things, isn't it??

The kids don't know yet. We'll tell them closer to when he leaves the house. We see the couples therapist on Friday for some guidance in that or a referral to someone who can guide us and the children in this.

Our two kids are so happy, so confident and I really dread the day when this will be shaken a bit but I know they are strong and they know for sure, for damn sure, that their parents love them and really, that is what matters the most.
hubby and I are friendly to each other, it's hard for us both because I don't want him to leave and I feel he doesn't want to either but to find happiness he needs to. He has said plainly "he loves me but not enough" and looking back (isn't hindsight 20/20??) he is right. I see that now. But there are ups and downs in marriages, which is why the vows say for better or for worse (with worse not being "out of bread so we have to eat cereal for breaky" lol) but if the depth of love isn't there...


I was going to ask the lawyer about the title of the house and the joint accounts I have with my father. My name is on these things to help my father but if it means hubby can claim half.... I will see if my sister's name can be put on them or another sibling.
Or is this the kind of thing that can be agreed upon between spouses so I won't have to change anything?? Or do these things only become untouchable once a divorce is final?

Not knowing anything about lawyers, can any lawyer help or should it be a specialized lawyer?

Thanks you guys.
xo
Julie


me:43, DH 44
FSH 26
DS: born by c-sec Apr15'03, 9lbs5oz 41wks gest. (after 4 years of ttc, starting in 1998)
DD born by c-sec Oct 13 2007, 8lbs13oz 39wk gest. (after just under 3 years of ttc)
~~DS was conceived naturally the cycle following a cancelled DE IVF, using my good friend's eggs. She was on the verge of hyperstimming.
~~DD's nat conception I attribute to using OPKs like a crazy nut, eating grapefruit daily and using preseed. also 5 cycles of TCM ending 2 cycles before that lucky cycle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
but soooo glad to hear from you and to know that you are taking steps for yourself... keep giving yourself the power you deserve. HUGS!




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Joined: November 18th, 2009, 5:41 pm

April 11th, 2012, 3:53 pm #5

Hi everybody.

Sorry to be so MIA but I do come to read the posts and you are all in my thoughts.

I am going to contact a lawyer about how this separation from my husband will mean to me, to my assets, to our assets.

Any questions I should be asking?

Our financial life isn't very complicated BUT my name is on the title of my father's house (to facilitate things when the time comes, when my father passes away) so now I am all worried that "d"H can claim half of the house as a marital asset. --he has said he won't touch the house but I need to know from a legal stand point because legal stuff doesn't take into account emotional stuff. besides, what if "d"H takes up with a woman who knows that the house can be split and SHE wants half and talks him into this. (at this point my imagination is covering everything--I really don't think hubby will do this to us, to me)

He hasn't actually left or actively started looking for a place to stay but is determined to leave. I think I made it clear enough to him that I don;t want him to leave and now it's up to him to decide; which he has. I am rather sad about htis but 7 collective years of infertility has taught me how to gather up my courage and look ahead at some plan. Besides, I am wonderfully blessed to have wonderful friends in my life. It's times like these that one really realizes these things, isn't it??

The kids don't know yet. We'll tell them closer to when he leaves the house. We see the couples therapist on Friday for some guidance in that or a referral to someone who can guide us and the children in this.

Our two kids are so happy, so confident and I really dread the day when this will be shaken a bit but I know they are strong and they know for sure, for damn sure, that their parents love them and really, that is what matters the most.
hubby and I are friendly to each other, it's hard for us both because I don't want him to leave and I feel he doesn't want to either but to find happiness he needs to. He has said plainly "he loves me but not enough" and looking back (isn't hindsight 20/20??) he is right. I see that now. But there are ups and downs in marriages, which is why the vows say for better or for worse (with worse not being "out of bread so we have to eat cereal for breaky" lol) but if the depth of love isn't there...


I was going to ask the lawyer about the title of the house and the joint accounts I have with my father. My name is on these things to help my father but if it means hubby can claim half.... I will see if my sister's name can be put on them or another sibling.
Or is this the kind of thing that can be agreed upon between spouses so I won't have to change anything?? Or do these things only become untouchable once a divorce is final?

Not knowing anything about lawyers, can any lawyer help or should it be a specialized lawyer?

Thanks you guys.
xo
Julie


me:43, DH 44
FSH 26
DS: born by c-sec Apr15'03, 9lbs5oz 41wks gest. (after 4 years of ttc, starting in 1998)
DD born by c-sec Oct 13 2007, 8lbs13oz 39wk gest. (after just under 3 years of ttc)
~~DS was conceived naturally the cycle following a cancelled DE IVF, using my good friend's eggs. She was on the verge of hyperstimming.
~~DD's nat conception I attribute to using OPKs like a crazy nut, eating grapefruit daily and using preseed. also 5 cycles of TCM ending 2 cycles before that lucky cycle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hi JM,

First of all, this is the first I am seeing this news and I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. I know how much it hurts to have your heart broken and I hope you can feel the support we are all sending you. When I had my heart broken years ago, the toughest part was losing my best friend. I am glad to hear that you have a solid support system. Please know that you have a lot of fans on these boards that you don't even know about. You are always so calm, gentle and fair and you seem like a wonderful person.

As far as the assets go, as the daughter of an attorney I would say consult with a divorce attorney now to ask them about these things and to see if they would be the right attorney for you if you do go through with a divorce. They should not charge you for the initial consultation. You may need to meet with a few different people to find the right fit for you. Ask around to friends and any local moms' groups or school groups to see if there's anyone that several people recommend. It's important that you get the right attorney - you need to feel confident that they are totally on top of your case and they will be a big source of support for you as you go through a difficult time. You are right to be concerned about the potential for your husband to change his mind about requesting a share of the house and you really should get it in writing.

I don't often post on this board but seeing your post definitely struck a chord. I hope you are getting lots of hugs from your kiddos. Please post again to let us know how you are doing.

Warmly,
sarah
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Joined: February 10th, 2009, 9:24 pm

April 11th, 2012, 5:29 pm #6

Hi everybody.

Sorry to be so MIA but I do come to read the posts and you are all in my thoughts.

I am going to contact a lawyer about how this separation from my husband will mean to me, to my assets, to our assets.

Any questions I should be asking?

Our financial life isn't very complicated BUT my name is on the title of my father's house (to facilitate things when the time comes, when my father passes away) so now I am all worried that "d"H can claim half of the house as a marital asset. --he has said he won't touch the house but I need to know from a legal stand point because legal stuff doesn't take into account emotional stuff. besides, what if "d"H takes up with a woman who knows that the house can be split and SHE wants half and talks him into this. (at this point my imagination is covering everything--I really don't think hubby will do this to us, to me)

He hasn't actually left or actively started looking for a place to stay but is determined to leave. I think I made it clear enough to him that I don;t want him to leave and now it's up to him to decide; which he has. I am rather sad about htis but 7 collective years of infertility has taught me how to gather up my courage and look ahead at some plan. Besides, I am wonderfully blessed to have wonderful friends in my life. It's times like these that one really realizes these things, isn't it??

The kids don't know yet. We'll tell them closer to when he leaves the house. We see the couples therapist on Friday for some guidance in that or a referral to someone who can guide us and the children in this.

Our two kids are so happy, so confident and I really dread the day when this will be shaken a bit but I know they are strong and they know for sure, for damn sure, that their parents love them and really, that is what matters the most.
hubby and I are friendly to each other, it's hard for us both because I don't want him to leave and I feel he doesn't want to either but to find happiness he needs to. He has said plainly "he loves me but not enough" and looking back (isn't hindsight 20/20??) he is right. I see that now. But there are ups and downs in marriages, which is why the vows say for better or for worse (with worse not being "out of bread so we have to eat cereal for breaky" lol) but if the depth of love isn't there...


I was going to ask the lawyer about the title of the house and the joint accounts I have with my father. My name is on these things to help my father but if it means hubby can claim half.... I will see if my sister's name can be put on them or another sibling.
Or is this the kind of thing that can be agreed upon between spouses so I won't have to change anything?? Or do these things only become untouchable once a divorce is final?

Not knowing anything about lawyers, can any lawyer help or should it be a specialized lawyer?

Thanks you guys.
xo
Julie


me:43, DH 44
FSH 26
DS: born by c-sec Apr15'03, 9lbs5oz 41wks gest. (after 4 years of ttc, starting in 1998)
DD born by c-sec Oct 13 2007, 8lbs13oz 39wk gest. (after just under 3 years of ttc)
~~DS was conceived naturally the cycle following a cancelled DE IVF, using my good friend's eggs. She was on the verge of hyperstimming.
~~DD's nat conception I attribute to using OPKs like a crazy nut, eating grapefruit daily and using preseed. also 5 cycles of TCM ending 2 cycles before that lucky cycle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am sorry that it has come to this, but you are very wise to start thinking ahead about the "what ifs". I have no idea of the law in your area, but I think it would be wise to seek the advice of a divorce attorney, or even more than one divorce attorney. They shouldn't charge for the first consultation (and also if you are the "first" to that particular attorney, your husband can't go be represented by that one) I would ask around for names. Even if you have used a real estate attorney or tax attorney, you could call and ask for a name.

This truly stinks, but you sound like you have a great backing of family and friends to help you get through. And all of us as well!!

Hang in there, and stay strong!

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Joined: January 19th, 2007, 7:18 pm

April 11th, 2012, 6:46 pm #7

Hi everybody.

Sorry to be so MIA but I do come to read the posts and you are all in my thoughts.

I am going to contact a lawyer about how this separation from my husband will mean to me, to my assets, to our assets.

Any questions I should be asking?

Our financial life isn't very complicated BUT my name is on the title of my father's house (to facilitate things when the time comes, when my father passes away) so now I am all worried that "d"H can claim half of the house as a marital asset. --he has said he won't touch the house but I need to know from a legal stand point because legal stuff doesn't take into account emotional stuff. besides, what if "d"H takes up with a woman who knows that the house can be split and SHE wants half and talks him into this. (at this point my imagination is covering everything--I really don't think hubby will do this to us, to me)

He hasn't actually left or actively started looking for a place to stay but is determined to leave. I think I made it clear enough to him that I don;t want him to leave and now it's up to him to decide; which he has. I am rather sad about htis but 7 collective years of infertility has taught me how to gather up my courage and look ahead at some plan. Besides, I am wonderfully blessed to have wonderful friends in my life. It's times like these that one really realizes these things, isn't it??

The kids don't know yet. We'll tell them closer to when he leaves the house. We see the couples therapist on Friday for some guidance in that or a referral to someone who can guide us and the children in this.

Our two kids are so happy, so confident and I really dread the day when this will be shaken a bit but I know they are strong and they know for sure, for damn sure, that their parents love them and really, that is what matters the most.
hubby and I are friendly to each other, it's hard for us both because I don't want him to leave and I feel he doesn't want to either but to find happiness he needs to. He has said plainly "he loves me but not enough" and looking back (isn't hindsight 20/20??) he is right. I see that now. But there are ups and downs in marriages, which is why the vows say for better or for worse (with worse not being "out of bread so we have to eat cereal for breaky" lol) but if the depth of love isn't there...


I was going to ask the lawyer about the title of the house and the joint accounts I have with my father. My name is on these things to help my father but if it means hubby can claim half.... I will see if my sister's name can be put on them or another sibling.
Or is this the kind of thing that can be agreed upon between spouses so I won't have to change anything?? Or do these things only become untouchable once a divorce is final?

Not knowing anything about lawyers, can any lawyer help or should it be a specialized lawyer?

Thanks you guys.
xo
Julie


me:43, DH 44
FSH 26
DS: born by c-sec Apr15'03, 9lbs5oz 41wks gest. (after 4 years of ttc, starting in 1998)
DD born by c-sec Oct 13 2007, 8lbs13oz 39wk gest. (after just under 3 years of ttc)
~~DS was conceived naturally the cycle following a cancelled DE IVF, using my good friend's eggs. She was on the verge of hyperstimming.
~~DD's nat conception I attribute to using OPKs like a crazy nut, eating grapefruit daily and using preseed. also 5 cycles of TCM ending 2 cycles before that lucky cycle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm deeply sorry you're going through this.

As others have posted, please do see an attorney. I know very little about family law, but even less b/c you are not in the US. Based on a quick google search, it appears the specialists in your country are referred to just as they are here for that area of law: family law. Good luck. Divorces can be amicable & they can be handled through mediation, etc., but you will want & need to be advised by an attorney, at least initially, IMHO. Wishing you the best!



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Joined: December 2nd, 2005, 3:49 pm

April 11th, 2012, 7:03 pm #8

Hi everybody.

Sorry to be so MIA but I do come to read the posts and you are all in my thoughts.

I am going to contact a lawyer about how this separation from my husband will mean to me, to my assets, to our assets.

Any questions I should be asking?

Our financial life isn't very complicated BUT my name is on the title of my father's house (to facilitate things when the time comes, when my father passes away) so now I am all worried that "d"H can claim half of the house as a marital asset. --he has said he won't touch the house but I need to know from a legal stand point because legal stuff doesn't take into account emotional stuff. besides, what if "d"H takes up with a woman who knows that the house can be split and SHE wants half and talks him into this. (at this point my imagination is covering everything--I really don't think hubby will do this to us, to me)

He hasn't actually left or actively started looking for a place to stay but is determined to leave. I think I made it clear enough to him that I don;t want him to leave and now it's up to him to decide; which he has. I am rather sad about htis but 7 collective years of infertility has taught me how to gather up my courage and look ahead at some plan. Besides, I am wonderfully blessed to have wonderful friends in my life. It's times like these that one really realizes these things, isn't it??

The kids don't know yet. We'll tell them closer to when he leaves the house. We see the couples therapist on Friday for some guidance in that or a referral to someone who can guide us and the children in this.

Our two kids are so happy, so confident and I really dread the day when this will be shaken a bit but I know they are strong and they know for sure, for damn sure, that their parents love them and really, that is what matters the most.
hubby and I are friendly to each other, it's hard for us both because I don't want him to leave and I feel he doesn't want to either but to find happiness he needs to. He has said plainly "he loves me but not enough" and looking back (isn't hindsight 20/20??) he is right. I see that now. But there are ups and downs in marriages, which is why the vows say for better or for worse (with worse not being "out of bread so we have to eat cereal for breaky" lol) but if the depth of love isn't there...


I was going to ask the lawyer about the title of the house and the joint accounts I have with my father. My name is on these things to help my father but if it means hubby can claim half.... I will see if my sister's name can be put on them or another sibling.
Or is this the kind of thing that can be agreed upon between spouses so I won't have to change anything?? Or do these things only become untouchable once a divorce is final?

Not knowing anything about lawyers, can any lawyer help or should it be a specialized lawyer?

Thanks you guys.
xo
Julie


me:43, DH 44
FSH 26
DS: born by c-sec Apr15'03, 9lbs5oz 41wks gest. (after 4 years of ttc, starting in 1998)
DD born by c-sec Oct 13 2007, 8lbs13oz 39wk gest. (after just under 3 years of ttc)
~~DS was conceived naturally the cycle following a cancelled DE IVF, using my good friend's eggs. She was on the verge of hyperstimming.
~~DD's nat conception I attribute to using OPKs like a crazy nut, eating grapefruit daily and using preseed. also 5 cycles of TCM ending 2 cycles before that lucky cycle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Get some referrals from reliable sources as they are not all created equal. You can also call the bar association in your state and do a phone consult with someone to start (for a very reasonable fee). Every state has its own rules and regulations about community property, prior assets, etc. Be prepared to disclose absolutely everything. I am sorry you are going through this but I know you'll be fine. It is so hard when the desire to split isn't mutual...
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Joined: February 20th, 2006, 11:35 pm

April 11th, 2012, 7:25 pm #9

Hi everybody.

Sorry to be so MIA but I do come to read the posts and you are all in my thoughts.

I am going to contact a lawyer about how this separation from my husband will mean to me, to my assets, to our assets.

Any questions I should be asking?

Our financial life isn't very complicated BUT my name is on the title of my father's house (to facilitate things when the time comes, when my father passes away) so now I am all worried that "d"H can claim half of the house as a marital asset. --he has said he won't touch the house but I need to know from a legal stand point because legal stuff doesn't take into account emotional stuff. besides, what if "d"H takes up with a woman who knows that the house can be split and SHE wants half and talks him into this. (at this point my imagination is covering everything--I really don't think hubby will do this to us, to me)

He hasn't actually left or actively started looking for a place to stay but is determined to leave. I think I made it clear enough to him that I don;t want him to leave and now it's up to him to decide; which he has. I am rather sad about htis but 7 collective years of infertility has taught me how to gather up my courage and look ahead at some plan. Besides, I am wonderfully blessed to have wonderful friends in my life. It's times like these that one really realizes these things, isn't it??

The kids don't know yet. We'll tell them closer to when he leaves the house. We see the couples therapist on Friday for some guidance in that or a referral to someone who can guide us and the children in this.

Our two kids are so happy, so confident and I really dread the day when this will be shaken a bit but I know they are strong and they know for sure, for damn sure, that their parents love them and really, that is what matters the most.
hubby and I are friendly to each other, it's hard for us both because I don't want him to leave and I feel he doesn't want to either but to find happiness he needs to. He has said plainly "he loves me but not enough" and looking back (isn't hindsight 20/20??) he is right. I see that now. But there are ups and downs in marriages, which is why the vows say for better or for worse (with worse not being "out of bread so we have to eat cereal for breaky" lol) but if the depth of love isn't there...


I was going to ask the lawyer about the title of the house and the joint accounts I have with my father. My name is on these things to help my father but if it means hubby can claim half.... I will see if my sister's name can be put on them or another sibling.
Or is this the kind of thing that can be agreed upon between spouses so I won't have to change anything?? Or do these things only become untouchable once a divorce is final?

Not knowing anything about lawyers, can any lawyer help or should it be a specialized lawyer?

Thanks you guys.
xo
Julie


me:43, DH 44
FSH 26
DS: born by c-sec Apr15'03, 9lbs5oz 41wks gest. (after 4 years of ttc, starting in 1998)
DD born by c-sec Oct 13 2007, 8lbs13oz 39wk gest. (after just under 3 years of ttc)
~~DS was conceived naturally the cycle following a cancelled DE IVF, using my good friend's eggs. She was on the verge of hyperstimming.
~~DD's nat conception I attribute to using OPKs like a crazy nut, eating grapefruit daily and using preseed. also 5 cycles of TCM ending 2 cycles before that lucky cycle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hey JM, check your e-mail.

sending you love and strength.

xoxoxoxox
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cy2
Joined: February 16th, 2006, 6:45 pm

April 11th, 2012, 9:26 pm #10

Hi everybody.

Sorry to be so MIA but I do come to read the posts and you are all in my thoughts.

I am going to contact a lawyer about how this separation from my husband will mean to me, to my assets, to our assets.

Any questions I should be asking?

Our financial life isn't very complicated BUT my name is on the title of my father's house (to facilitate things when the time comes, when my father passes away) so now I am all worried that "d"H can claim half of the house as a marital asset. --he has said he won't touch the house but I need to know from a legal stand point because legal stuff doesn't take into account emotional stuff. besides, what if "d"H takes up with a woman who knows that the house can be split and SHE wants half and talks him into this. (at this point my imagination is covering everything--I really don't think hubby will do this to us, to me)

He hasn't actually left or actively started looking for a place to stay but is determined to leave. I think I made it clear enough to him that I don;t want him to leave and now it's up to him to decide; which he has. I am rather sad about htis but 7 collective years of infertility has taught me how to gather up my courage and look ahead at some plan. Besides, I am wonderfully blessed to have wonderful friends in my life. It's times like these that one really realizes these things, isn't it??

The kids don't know yet. We'll tell them closer to when he leaves the house. We see the couples therapist on Friday for some guidance in that or a referral to someone who can guide us and the children in this.

Our two kids are so happy, so confident and I really dread the day when this will be shaken a bit but I know they are strong and they know for sure, for damn sure, that their parents love them and really, that is what matters the most.
hubby and I are friendly to each other, it's hard for us both because I don't want him to leave and I feel he doesn't want to either but to find happiness he needs to. He has said plainly "he loves me but not enough" and looking back (isn't hindsight 20/20??) he is right. I see that now. But there are ups and downs in marriages, which is why the vows say for better or for worse (with worse not being "out of bread so we have to eat cereal for breaky" lol) but if the depth of love isn't there...


I was going to ask the lawyer about the title of the house and the joint accounts I have with my father. My name is on these things to help my father but if it means hubby can claim half.... I will see if my sister's name can be put on them or another sibling.
Or is this the kind of thing that can be agreed upon between spouses so I won't have to change anything?? Or do these things only become untouchable once a divorce is final?

Not knowing anything about lawyers, can any lawyer help or should it be a specialized lawyer?

Thanks you guys.
xo
Julie


me:43, DH 44
FSH 26
DS: born by c-sec Apr15'03, 9lbs5oz 41wks gest. (after 4 years of ttc, starting in 1998)
DD born by c-sec Oct 13 2007, 8lbs13oz 39wk gest. (after just under 3 years of ttc)
~~DS was conceived naturally the cycle following a cancelled DE IVF, using my good friend's eggs. She was on the verge of hyperstimming.
~~DD's nat conception I attribute to using OPKs like a crazy nut, eating grapefruit daily and using preseed. also 5 cycles of TCM ending 2 cycles before that lucky cycle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I can't imagine how hard things are for you right now. If anyone can do this gracefully, it's you. Please try to take care of yourself and allow little indulgences when you can afford it.

I'd definitely talk to a good divorce attorney about your father's accounts. You need to document that you were serving in a title holding capacity only. Not sure about your state, but we have fraudulent conveyance laws that prevent people from successfully transferring assets out of their names once they are aware of creditor claims. For example, if a neurosurgeon transfers all his assets into his wife and children's names right before a malpractice suit is filed, the assets would probably be put back in his estate.

I know that for estate tax purposes, title holding in order to avoid probate is not considered "real" ownership and the title holder has to show that she made a contribution to the purchase price of an asset to claim it as her property.

Things differ from state to state, and I was told at least here in HI, divorce law is created largely from the litigated cases, and not through hearings at the legislature. One good program we have here is called Kids First and it's a court mandated program for divorcing couples with children. They all (parents and children) have to attend sessions, some together and others segregated between parents and children. They have some videos and psychologists and social workers who work with the family members in order to hopefully minimize the problems for the children.

Hang in there and be tough for your children and for you. At this point, I think you should focus on getting whatever financial gains you can. Your husband is breaking up the family and he should pay for his selfishness. This is not meant to say that your settlement should be punitive to him for the sake of being mean. It's because you sacrificed so much for him and your family during your marriage. You need to have resources to be able to raise your children and have a decent life after he's gone.

Good luck! You can do this!

cy
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