Juliemam, just checking in

Juliemam, just checking in

Joined: February 10th, 2009, 9:24 pm

July 23rd, 2012, 2:34 am #1

Hope you are getting all the support you need. I have been thinking of you.

Pink
Quote
Like
Share

Joined: February 22nd, 2006, 4:05 am

July 23rd, 2012, 2:51 am #2

Me too. How are you doing hun?
Quote
Like
Share

Joined: June 20th, 2006, 2:07 am

July 23rd, 2012, 3:25 am #3

Hope you are getting all the support you need. I have been thinking of you.

Pink
very little time to say a quick thanks and that I am doing remarkably well. I guess I went through this all 3 months ago and this time I am just up to hear with this crap. LOL

He's been here every day since Thursday when we told the kids, yet he's sleeping elsewhere. I think it's confusing for the kids. So today I had to ask him if he's still planning on getting an apartment or is he coming back because he's sending mixed messages to all of us.
Yes, he still plans to leave our marriage so I told him that he must think of the kids, it's confusing for them, they think he's coming back.

So until he gets his own place, he can take them out and for a while he can come spend the weekends here while I go stay with friends. (mini vacations for me! woo hoo! lol. just kidding, it'll be rather hard for me to be away from the kids but I'll manage. when I left him with them for 5 days to stay with friends, last time he pulled this, it was physically painful for me to be away from my two, I cried so much and ate very little)

ok, gotta run, believe it or not, the boy is still awake and it's almost 11:30! who cares, it's the summer. lol. just kidding. Time ran away from me tonight. He's watching Spiderman, I need to turn it off.
So little time for my computer fix!


Julie
ps thanks for all the lovely replies on the thread below, I intend to respond but it's hard to get my laptop away from DS who plays Minecraft all the time (I am waiting until he gets his fill-not sure that will happen BUT he did choose to play with his lego today when he got home from a playdate)




me:43, DH 44
FSH 26
DS: born by c-sec Apr15'03, 9lbs5oz 41wks gest. (after 4 years of ttc, starting in 1998)
DD born by c-sec Oct 13 2007, 8lbs13oz 39wk gest. (after just under 3 years of ttc)
~~DS was conceived naturally the cycle following a cancelled DE IVF, using my good friend's eggs. She was on the verge of hyperstimming.
~~DD's nat conception I attribute to using OPKs like a crazy nut, eating grapefruit daily and using preseed. also 5 cycles of TCM ending 2 cycles before that lucky cycle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quote
Like
Share

Joined: September 4th, 2004, 1:08 am

July 23rd, 2012, 2:35 pm #4

I have to tell you that your DH is irritating me. My sense is that he is bothered by how well you are handling this and doesn't want to leave. Glad you spoke up to him cause it has to be confusing the kids, and you too I would think. But is also sounds like you have taken control of when he can be around and when he can't, love that, you need some control in your life right now and he needs to realize he can't have it all. Keep hanging in there JM!
Quote
Like
Share

Joined: June 20th, 2006, 2:07 am

July 23rd, 2012, 11:53 pm #5

he did this 3mos ago when he declared he had to go and stayed and stayed and just couldn't leave, he said it was too painful to go. BUT despite that, he couldn't put the effort or didn't have it in him to show me the love and reassurance needed to make this work.

I am actually looking forward to a new romance (which I will wait a while to get into, don't worry. Being separate isn't a desirable status for my prospective date (unless, of course he too is a father who is newly separated and we both need a friendly relationship to get us through things) and where I live, we can't get a divorce until a year has gone by unless the cheating spouse signs an affidavit to his actions requiring a speedy divorce.
I'm not in a rush but he may be if SHE enters into his life again. (puke, gag. hope she does and wipe that fantasy out of his head)

thanks for thinking of me.


jm
Quote
Like
Share

Joined: February 22nd, 2006, 4:05 am

July 24th, 2012, 2:44 am #6

"he said it was too painful to go"

Hold me back JM, just hold me back girl, before I make a Jerry Springer moment out of him.

WTF AGAIN!!!

"we can't get a divorce until a year has gone by unless the cheating spouse signs an affidavit to his actions requiring a speedy divorce."

This is like back home where if you are a witness to a crime and are called to testify, you have to physically touch the person and swear that they are the person you saw comitting the crime. Like, really? I wonder how many people ever came forward to testify. Talk about justice "BC".

Shiver me whiskers (said like Kwazii from the octonauts). I'm liking the last part of your post. Seems like I have to work on a trip out to your parts of town. I can't wait to hear more about this.

http://www.octonauts.com/octonauts.html

Z.
Last edited by ZakiaZ on July 24th, 2012, 3:17 am, edited 1 time in total.
Quote
Like
Share

Joined: January 27th, 2003, 11:09 pm

July 24th, 2012, 12:14 pm #7

he did this 3mos ago when he declared he had to go and stayed and stayed and just couldn't leave, he said it was too painful to go. BUT despite that, he couldn't put the effort or didn't have it in him to show me the love and reassurance needed to make this work.

I am actually looking forward to a new romance (which I will wait a while to get into, don't worry. Being separate isn't a desirable status for my prospective date (unless, of course he too is a father who is newly separated and we both need a friendly relationship to get us through things) and where I live, we can't get a divorce until a year has gone by unless the cheating spouse signs an affidavit to his actions requiring a speedy divorce.
I'm not in a rush but he may be if SHE enters into his life again. (puke, gag. hope she does and wipe that fantasy out of his head)

thanks for thinking of me.


jm
you'll get to experience a first kiss again (and other firsts). That is certainly something to look forward to.

xoxoox
MM
Quote
Like
Share

Joined: February 10th, 2009, 9:24 pm

July 24th, 2012, 8:46 pm #8

he did this 3mos ago when he declared he had to go and stayed and stayed and just couldn't leave, he said it was too painful to go. BUT despite that, he couldn't put the effort or didn't have it in him to show me the love and reassurance needed to make this work.

I am actually looking forward to a new romance (which I will wait a while to get into, don't worry. Being separate isn't a desirable status for my prospective date (unless, of course he too is a father who is newly separated and we both need a friendly relationship to get us through things) and where I live, we can't get a divorce until a year has gone by unless the cheating spouse signs an affidavit to his actions requiring a speedy divorce.
I'm not in a rush but he may be if SHE enters into his life again. (puke, gag. hope she does and wipe that fantasy out of his head)

thanks for thinking of me.


jm
JM,

I recall an episode of Supernanny where the husband had moved out but still came over every day after work until the kids went to bed. It was very hard on the wife and kids, and he too stated he had no intention of returning to the house as a husband. Supernanny made a big point of telling him that since he didnt want to be the husband, this was not good in terms of allowing the kids to accept the inevitable, and she worked with him to get his new living qtrs ready for the kids to visit/sleep over.

Where I live, there is an 18 month waiting period to divorce, unless you state specific reasons (adultery is one I think that qualifies not having to wait the 18 months. If you just plain dont get along, then you get to wait 18 months) I just realized, does anyone use the term adultery anymore (besides me) ?

Pink
Quote
Like
Share

Joined: June 20th, 2006, 2:07 am

July 24th, 2012, 11:28 pm #9

Hope you are getting all the support you need. I have been thinking of you.

Pink
okay, kids, I saw the lawyer today and he gave me the details we need to draw up a separation agreement.

He gave me advice like: have the kids go to his place only every two weekends and once a week he has them over for dinner (like Wednesday), this way, if I get a full time job, I get to have fun with the kids on a weekend and it's not just work work work for me with the kids.
Makes sense and a friend pointed this out to me (was it here?? I get such wonderful advice from everybody everywhere)

The lawyer's reason was that because the kids are still young, it would be better for them, their stability, to sleep most nights in their own beds. That one week on/off doesn't work as well at this young age and that when they are older, they can decide (we can decide together) if the arrangement changes.

he did explain how child support and spousal support works in regards to his income and how child support changes as soon as he has them more than 40% of the time. (as in not having to pay as much--makes sense. support payments aren't supposed to be punitive)

H and I want to remain friendly, especially for the children's sake. I don't hate him, I am disappointed in him and super mad at that woman who was the trigger to breaking our home (yeah, we were both unhappy but had he just waited 6mos, we'd be on the road to a happier marriage but she really did muddle things up for him. He really does feel they had something special. Well, you know what I think on THAT and I do hope they take up again just so he can fully realize how much of a fool he was and is. meanwhile, I'll have a new honey. or not. It won't make or break me)

You guys are going to come over and shake some sense into me; he was over again today, to work on his computer in his office downstairs and to have a bite to eat (!!) it's like he's in denial of what separation means. The kids, of course are pleased to see him. I took advantage and asked that he drive me to the lawyer.
The lawyer said that as soon as that separation agreement is signed, then he doesn't have the right to come and go as he pleases (I never said a word to him on this so it must be fairly common), that if he asks to come in (and he must ask) that I have the right to say, uh, no way buddy. Not sure I'd refuse him entry--we just aren't having THAT kind of breakup but it is confusing for the kids. He is so selfcentered. gah!

Pink, you are too right about that supernanny situation! It must happen much more than I thought. It's like they want the family BUt want the fun exciting romance on the side (which is why they cheat, why they leave but can't leave. Arrested adolescents the lot of them)
and yeah, I use the term adultery. It's so biblical. LOL even though I was brought up Catholic, that word STILL makes me think of the Charleston Heston's Ten Commandments. One of my favourite Jesus movies (as I call them) I love every part, where he's plucked from the reeds (how, as a very young girl, I wished to find a baby that way!) and the rivalry between brothers, the angel of death ...ahhh the whole thing is so epic! (as my ds would say) The special effects were awesome for that time too; when the red sea splits yet the sand is dry! lol


thank you so much for being there for me, everybody.
xoxo
hugs
jm



me:43, DH 44
FSH 26
DS: born by c-sec Apr15'03, 9lbs5oz 41wks gest. (after 4 years of ttc, starting in 1998)
DD born by c-sec Oct 13 2007, 8lbs13oz 39wk gest. (after just under 3 years of ttc)
~~DS was conceived naturally the cycle following a cancelled DE IVF, using my good friend's eggs. She was on the verge of hyperstimming.
~~DD's nat conception I attribute to using OPKs like a crazy nut, eating grapefruit daily and using preseed. also 5 cycles of TCM ending 2 cycles before that lucky cycle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quote
Like
Share

Joined: June 20th, 2006, 2:07 am

July 24th, 2012, 11:59 pm #10

you'll get to experience a first kiss again (and other firsts). That is certainly something to look forward to.

xoxoox
MM



me:43, DH 44
FSH 26
DS: born by c-sec Apr15'03, 9lbs5oz 41wks gest. (after 4 years of ttc, starting in 1998)
DD born by c-sec Oct 13 2007, 8lbs13oz 39wk gest. (after just under 3 years of ttc)
~~DS was conceived naturally the cycle following a cancelled DE IVF, using my good friend's eggs. She was on the verge of hyperstimming.
~~DD's nat conception I attribute to using OPKs like a crazy nut, eating grapefruit daily and using preseed. also 5 cycles of TCM ending 2 cycles before that lucky cycle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quote
Like
Share