DD's 1st day of school yesterday and another "worst mom ever" moment with DS... (long)

DD's 1st day of school yesterday and another "worst mom ever" moment with DS... (long)

Joined: November 14th, 2005, 10:59 pm

January 12th, 2012, 4:32 am #1

Hi All,

Well, on a happy note, DD's first day of school was yesterday and she was so excited that she never even looked back to say goodbye (and I am still trying to get over it!). There were 15 kids and 5 teachers... Not always 5 every day, just tues and thurs, but usually 3... They were all so nice and it was all so positive and happy that I felt very good about leaving her there. I thought DS might freak b/c he was saying he wanted to go to school too but when we got there he realized that I would be leaving Talia there and he was happy not to go to school for now.

But on the other hand, DS is driving me crazy! Example:

I get home from work today, walk in teh door and he asks to take a bath. I say yes, we can take a bath after dinner. Well from then on he was asking to take a bath every 2 seconds for the next 30 minutes, all through dinner; told him bath after dinner, then he said he was all done, so you know what happens next? Yup, he says OK bath now... And I explain that we all have to finish eating but he continues to nag nag nag... Finally I tell him to leave b/c I don;t want to hear anymore what he has to say. Yup, I said that to my DS who I worked so hard to get! And that was not my shining moment by any means.

The nagging continues as I get stuff done (b/c I have to scoop the ashes in the wood stove so we can all be warm) then he is following me asking the same darn thing... take a bath, take a bath, take a bath.... SO I take Sock monkey and put him on the fridge, not stopping so I get po' bear. Still not stopping so I finally say that is it! No bath for you! SO then the tantrum starts, I give DD a bath and he won't stop, so (and here comes my shining moment) I grab him, give him 5 hard spanks and make him sit on the couch, which he doesn't stay and is screaming louder than ever (of course). SO after feeling like a terrible mom, I put him in his jammies and put him to bed with only one of his lovies. He fell asleep in minutes. Sigh. SO that's me, I feel terrible.

So everyday it is just like that; asks for something or to do something and I say yes (or no depending on what it is) and he won't stop asking and asking and asking... He is going to be 4 in 2 months; he is very smart. He understands when it means when I say after dinner, or later, etc. He just WILL NOT SHUT UP. I do not know what to do about it. nothing works.

I am going to try and track down a counselor to help me with parenting tools, but for now, what to do? Tantrums are replaced with this now. Oh and after he realizes there is a consequence he comes and says sorry mommie and then when I say good, tomorrow we can do better and maybe you can do X then; then he has the tantrum, like sorry was just to finally get what he wanted.

Help!!!
Last edited by cataholic on January 12th, 2012, 4:33 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: March 31st, 2006, 12:09 am

January 12th, 2012, 4:48 am #2

I went through the exact phase with my Twin boy. You sound just like me. I would cry at night because he would exhaust me mentally. You are not a bad Mommy. I don't agree with beating a child but spanking really is neccesary in some situations.

I remember whacking my little boy once when he was nagging and nagging over the same thing and decided to bite Camilla to take his frustration. I gave him 3 whacks and sent him into his room to bed. Minutes later I went in and he was sleeping. I think I was more hurt then he was. It's been getting better now.

Big cyber hug for you. Don't be to hard on yourself

Carmina
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Joined: November 14th, 2005, 10:59 pm

January 12th, 2012, 5:09 am #3

I have never heard of anyone who has a nagging chld like I do before. It's nice to know I am not alone. Not even distraction works with him...

Thanks for the support. I hate spanking him; I know it is for me to help with the frustration and doesn't help at all with the problem. Sigh.....
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wcl
Joined: September 19th, 2006, 11:17 am

January 12th, 2012, 9:21 am #4

Hi All,

Well, on a happy note, DD's first day of school was yesterday and she was so excited that she never even looked back to say goodbye (and I am still trying to get over it!). There were 15 kids and 5 teachers... Not always 5 every day, just tues and thurs, but usually 3... They were all so nice and it was all so positive and happy that I felt very good about leaving her there. I thought DS might freak b/c he was saying he wanted to go to school too but when we got there he realized that I would be leaving Talia there and he was happy not to go to school for now.

But on the other hand, DS is driving me crazy! Example:

I get home from work today, walk in teh door and he asks to take a bath. I say yes, we can take a bath after dinner. Well from then on he was asking to take a bath every 2 seconds for the next 30 minutes, all through dinner; told him bath after dinner, then he said he was all done, so you know what happens next? Yup, he says OK bath now... And I explain that we all have to finish eating but he continues to nag nag nag... Finally I tell him to leave b/c I don;t want to hear anymore what he has to say. Yup, I said that to my DS who I worked so hard to get! And that was not my shining moment by any means.

The nagging continues as I get stuff done (b/c I have to scoop the ashes in the wood stove so we can all be warm) then he is following me asking the same darn thing... take a bath, take a bath, take a bath.... SO I take Sock monkey and put him on the fridge, not stopping so I get po' bear. Still not stopping so I finally say that is it! No bath for you! SO then the tantrum starts, I give DD a bath and he won't stop, so (and here comes my shining moment) I grab him, give him 5 hard spanks and make him sit on the couch, which he doesn't stay and is screaming louder than ever (of course). SO after feeling like a terrible mom, I put him in his jammies and put him to bed with only one of his lovies. He fell asleep in minutes. Sigh. SO that's me, I feel terrible.

So everyday it is just like that; asks for something or to do something and I say yes (or no depending on what it is) and he won't stop asking and asking and asking... He is going to be 4 in 2 months; he is very smart. He understands when it means when I say after dinner, or later, etc. He just WILL NOT SHUT UP. I do not know what to do about it. nothing works.

I am going to try and track down a counselor to help me with parenting tools, but for now, what to do? Tantrums are replaced with this now. Oh and after he realizes there is a consequence he comes and says sorry mommie and then when I say good, tomorrow we can do better and maybe you can do X then; then he has the tantrum, like sorry was just to finally get what he wanted.

Help!!!
It's so important to all of us to be perfect parents(grandparent, in my case) all the time, especially because of the fertility history. But that's not possible because we are human. And truthfully, your DS needs to know that. He needs to know he's being irritating to you, and you have your limits. How else is he going to learn to limit his own behavior? And how else is he going to understand that it's okay if he's not perfect, too??

wcl
Last edited by wcl on January 12th, 2012, 9:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: January 1st, 1970, 12:00 am

January 12th, 2012, 11:22 am #5

Hi All,

Well, on a happy note, DD's first day of school was yesterday and she was so excited that she never even looked back to say goodbye (and I am still trying to get over it!). There were 15 kids and 5 teachers... Not always 5 every day, just tues and thurs, but usually 3... They were all so nice and it was all so positive and happy that I felt very good about leaving her there. I thought DS might freak b/c he was saying he wanted to go to school too but when we got there he realized that I would be leaving Talia there and he was happy not to go to school for now.

But on the other hand, DS is driving me crazy! Example:

I get home from work today, walk in teh door and he asks to take a bath. I say yes, we can take a bath after dinner. Well from then on he was asking to take a bath every 2 seconds for the next 30 minutes, all through dinner; told him bath after dinner, then he said he was all done, so you know what happens next? Yup, he says OK bath now... And I explain that we all have to finish eating but he continues to nag nag nag... Finally I tell him to leave b/c I don;t want to hear anymore what he has to say. Yup, I said that to my DS who I worked so hard to get! And that was not my shining moment by any means.

The nagging continues as I get stuff done (b/c I have to scoop the ashes in the wood stove so we can all be warm) then he is following me asking the same darn thing... take a bath, take a bath, take a bath.... SO I take Sock monkey and put him on the fridge, not stopping so I get po' bear. Still not stopping so I finally say that is it! No bath for you! SO then the tantrum starts, I give DD a bath and he won't stop, so (and here comes my shining moment) I grab him, give him 5 hard spanks and make him sit on the couch, which he doesn't stay and is screaming louder than ever (of course). SO after feeling like a terrible mom, I put him in his jammies and put him to bed with only one of his lovies. He fell asleep in minutes. Sigh. SO that's me, I feel terrible.

So everyday it is just like that; asks for something or to do something and I say yes (or no depending on what it is) and he won't stop asking and asking and asking... He is going to be 4 in 2 months; he is very smart. He understands when it means when I say after dinner, or later, etc. He just WILL NOT SHUT UP. I do not know what to do about it. nothing works.

I am going to try and track down a counselor to help me with parenting tools, but for now, what to do? Tantrums are replaced with this now. Oh and after he realizes there is a consequence he comes and says sorry mommie and then when I say good, tomorrow we can do better and maybe you can do X then; then he has the tantrum, like sorry was just to finally get what he wanted.

Help!!!
and I do understand how it gets to you! DS is 9.5 and sometimes he'll do something sort of cute, and then obnoxiously repeat it a dozen times. He's old enough now to understand when we tell him that once is cute, and more is not.

Have you learned the basic responses of Love & Logic? You're in L&L territory now. They're based in CO somewhere so there might be webinars and classes you could attend. When we went, they were held in churches and there was childcare, so it was very convenient.

Here's how I would handle this, L&L style:

DS: Want bath!

DM: Yes. When everyone finishes dinner and chores, you can have a bath.

DS: Want bath now!

DM: Children who nag get no bath. (Or, children who nag have to wait for bath.)

DS: No, want bath now!

DM: Oh dear, my energy is all gone now. Someone is nagging me. I'm afraid you'll have to go to your room while I empty the ashes, give dd a bath, and rest. What a bummer.

(sends kid to room)

W, I think the key to not reaching your breaking point is probably not subjecting yourself to the whining. Send him to his room. Since this is a pattern, you can also think of other distractions and conditions before you are too emotional. Do you want him to feed kitties first? What can he do? Can he pick up his toys? He needs to be busy or out of the room during that arsenic hour.




Keiki's Makuahine (Keiki's Mom) 51, dh 52
Keiki: b. 2002 after 3 months bedrest
Natural conception following ZIFT/chem. pg

Olivia: b. 1999 d. 1999
28-week preemie, ptl cause unknown
Natural conception after 1 mc

ttc since 1998
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Joined: November 8th, 2005, 3:01 pm

January 12th, 2012, 1:28 pm #6

Hi All,

Well, on a happy note, DD's first day of school was yesterday and she was so excited that she never even looked back to say goodbye (and I am still trying to get over it!). There were 15 kids and 5 teachers... Not always 5 every day, just tues and thurs, but usually 3... They were all so nice and it was all so positive and happy that I felt very good about leaving her there. I thought DS might freak b/c he was saying he wanted to go to school too but when we got there he realized that I would be leaving Talia there and he was happy not to go to school for now.

But on the other hand, DS is driving me crazy! Example:

I get home from work today, walk in teh door and he asks to take a bath. I say yes, we can take a bath after dinner. Well from then on he was asking to take a bath every 2 seconds for the next 30 minutes, all through dinner; told him bath after dinner, then he said he was all done, so you know what happens next? Yup, he says OK bath now... And I explain that we all have to finish eating but he continues to nag nag nag... Finally I tell him to leave b/c I don;t want to hear anymore what he has to say. Yup, I said that to my DS who I worked so hard to get! And that was not my shining moment by any means.

The nagging continues as I get stuff done (b/c I have to scoop the ashes in the wood stove so we can all be warm) then he is following me asking the same darn thing... take a bath, take a bath, take a bath.... SO I take Sock monkey and put him on the fridge, not stopping so I get po' bear. Still not stopping so I finally say that is it! No bath for you! SO then the tantrum starts, I give DD a bath and he won't stop, so (and here comes my shining moment) I grab him, give him 5 hard spanks and make him sit on the couch, which he doesn't stay and is screaming louder than ever (of course). SO after feeling like a terrible mom, I put him in his jammies and put him to bed with only one of his lovies. He fell asleep in minutes. Sigh. SO that's me, I feel terrible.

So everyday it is just like that; asks for something or to do something and I say yes (or no depending on what it is) and he won't stop asking and asking and asking... He is going to be 4 in 2 months; he is very smart. He understands when it means when I say after dinner, or later, etc. He just WILL NOT SHUT UP. I do not know what to do about it. nothing works.

I am going to try and track down a counselor to help me with parenting tools, but for now, what to do? Tantrums are replaced with this now. Oh and after he realizes there is a consequence he comes and says sorry mommie and then when I say good, tomorrow we can do better and maybe you can do X then; then he has the tantrum, like sorry was just to finally get what he wanted.

Help!!!
... don't be hard on yourself, we have all been there and felt guilty about some aspect of parenting. It's a spiral of angst when they don't just shut the **** up (read that blog below). DS is also loud with it .... on and on and on and on .... there is no escape even if you leave the area.

Sometimes I think they should see you mad, why not ! I know that we're supposed to be in control but sometimes the frustration level cannot be reeled in .... I know that my voice is raised waaayy too much, but sometimes I want to be loud too !

I like KMs comments, not sure I could be that rational BUT if you can start that dialogue before you get too frustrated then it helps. When DS asks me something and I KNOW that he's just going to go on and on about it, I set the boundary immediately. So perhaps, when DS asks for a bath say sure, after dinner. If you keep asking me for a bath before we have had dinner, then you will not have one, understand ? Now lets do blah blah blah ...

Hey I'm sure I have the worse parent moment award anyway

Be gentle on yourself
Love V
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Joined: March 12th, 2008, 1:22 pm

January 12th, 2012, 1:37 pm #7

Hi All,

Well, on a happy note, DD's first day of school was yesterday and she was so excited that she never even looked back to say goodbye (and I am still trying to get over it!). There were 15 kids and 5 teachers... Not always 5 every day, just tues and thurs, but usually 3... They were all so nice and it was all so positive and happy that I felt very good about leaving her there. I thought DS might freak b/c he was saying he wanted to go to school too but when we got there he realized that I would be leaving Talia there and he was happy not to go to school for now.

But on the other hand, DS is driving me crazy! Example:

I get home from work today, walk in teh door and he asks to take a bath. I say yes, we can take a bath after dinner. Well from then on he was asking to take a bath every 2 seconds for the next 30 minutes, all through dinner; told him bath after dinner, then he said he was all done, so you know what happens next? Yup, he says OK bath now... And I explain that we all have to finish eating but he continues to nag nag nag... Finally I tell him to leave b/c I don;t want to hear anymore what he has to say. Yup, I said that to my DS who I worked so hard to get! And that was not my shining moment by any means.

The nagging continues as I get stuff done (b/c I have to scoop the ashes in the wood stove so we can all be warm) then he is following me asking the same darn thing... take a bath, take a bath, take a bath.... SO I take Sock monkey and put him on the fridge, not stopping so I get po' bear. Still not stopping so I finally say that is it! No bath for you! SO then the tantrum starts, I give DD a bath and he won't stop, so (and here comes my shining moment) I grab him, give him 5 hard spanks and make him sit on the couch, which he doesn't stay and is screaming louder than ever (of course). SO after feeling like a terrible mom, I put him in his jammies and put him to bed with only one of his lovies. He fell asleep in minutes. Sigh. SO that's me, I feel terrible.

So everyday it is just like that; asks for something or to do something and I say yes (or no depending on what it is) and he won't stop asking and asking and asking... He is going to be 4 in 2 months; he is very smart. He understands when it means when I say after dinner, or later, etc. He just WILL NOT SHUT UP. I do not know what to do about it. nothing works.

I am going to try and track down a counselor to help me with parenting tools, but for now, what to do? Tantrums are replaced with this now. Oh and after he realizes there is a consequence he comes and says sorry mommie and then when I say good, tomorrow we can do better and maybe you can do X then; then he has the tantrum, like sorry was just to finally get what he wanted.

Help!!!
...so you're in good company, eh?

I can't add to anything the others have already said so perfectly and eloquently, so I'll just reinforce that you're not alone in having those 'shining moments' (LOL) and say that I think you are an extremely loving, aware, conscious, conscientious and devoted parent -- don't let those atypical moments/behaviors drag you down. We've all been there (we're human, as wcl reminds us, pointing out the added layer of guilt b/c of fertility history -- I can DEFINITELY relate to that-- any aberrant behavior on my part is immediately followed up with the mental self-flagellation of, "and this is how you treat the child you wanted so desperately and worked so hard to have?").

I love KM's advice and think it's tops. I hope you can manage it. I don't have a nagger/chatterer like you do, but DD does chatter a lot -- and even THAT sends me over the edge sometimes (and she's not even nagging). So, frankly, I commend you for holding on to your sanity as well as you have, given DS's nagging abilities and the fact that you have two children, a full-time job, a wood stove to fire up, etc., etc. -- none of which I have, so I really have no excuse.

OH, and I am THRILLED that Talia loves school so much!!! What a joy!!

xoxox,
k.
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Joined: February 22nd, 2006, 4:05 am

January 12th, 2012, 3:42 pm #8

Hi All,

Well, on a happy note, DD's first day of school was yesterday and she was so excited that she never even looked back to say goodbye (and I am still trying to get over it!). There were 15 kids and 5 teachers... Not always 5 every day, just tues and thurs, but usually 3... They were all so nice and it was all so positive and happy that I felt very good about leaving her there. I thought DS might freak b/c he was saying he wanted to go to school too but when we got there he realized that I would be leaving Talia there and he was happy not to go to school for now.

But on the other hand, DS is driving me crazy! Example:

I get home from work today, walk in teh door and he asks to take a bath. I say yes, we can take a bath after dinner. Well from then on he was asking to take a bath every 2 seconds for the next 30 minutes, all through dinner; told him bath after dinner, then he said he was all done, so you know what happens next? Yup, he says OK bath now... And I explain that we all have to finish eating but he continues to nag nag nag... Finally I tell him to leave b/c I don;t want to hear anymore what he has to say. Yup, I said that to my DS who I worked so hard to get! And that was not my shining moment by any means.

The nagging continues as I get stuff done (b/c I have to scoop the ashes in the wood stove so we can all be warm) then he is following me asking the same darn thing... take a bath, take a bath, take a bath.... SO I take Sock monkey and put him on the fridge, not stopping so I get po' bear. Still not stopping so I finally say that is it! No bath for you! SO then the tantrum starts, I give DD a bath and he won't stop, so (and here comes my shining moment) I grab him, give him 5 hard spanks and make him sit on the couch, which he doesn't stay and is screaming louder than ever (of course). SO after feeling like a terrible mom, I put him in his jammies and put him to bed with only one of his lovies. He fell asleep in minutes. Sigh. SO that's me, I feel terrible.

So everyday it is just like that; asks for something or to do something and I say yes (or no depending on what it is) and he won't stop asking and asking and asking... He is going to be 4 in 2 months; he is very smart. He understands when it means when I say after dinner, or later, etc. He just WILL NOT SHUT UP. I do not know what to do about it. nothing works.

I am going to try and track down a counselor to help me with parenting tools, but for now, what to do? Tantrums are replaced with this now. Oh and after he realizes there is a consequence he comes and says sorry mommie and then when I say good, tomorrow we can do better and maybe you can do X then; then he has the tantrum, like sorry was just to finally get what he wanted.

Help!!!
Your dd is precious.

I think you were really tired. I get like that now that I'm at work and I can see me doing the same thing. Two words WINE and COFFEE. See link below from Ellen:

http://crappypictures.typepad.com/crapp ... -wine.html

Honestly, baths are BIG for me and it's harder to get give them than not so if it was me I'd have taken the opportunity to get it over with but different strokes for different folks.

All the same, it's tough and I feel for you. My almost 4 yr old is also testing us a LOT these days OTOH, he has become a lot more accepting of me as his mother (he is finally getting over the jealousy of his little brother) and he is actually being a really sweet big brother, except for when he's kicking and pushing. Other than that, both boys are starting to play scareily rough.

Hugs to you,
You're doing a great job and quite frankly I don't think you need parenting help, at least not yet.

Cheers,
Z.
Last edited by ZakiaZ on January 12th, 2012, 3:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: January 19th, 2007, 7:18 pm

January 12th, 2012, 3:49 pm #9

Hi All,

Well, on a happy note, DD's first day of school was yesterday and she was so excited that she never even looked back to say goodbye (and I am still trying to get over it!). There were 15 kids and 5 teachers... Not always 5 every day, just tues and thurs, but usually 3... They were all so nice and it was all so positive and happy that I felt very good about leaving her there. I thought DS might freak b/c he was saying he wanted to go to school too but when we got there he realized that I would be leaving Talia there and he was happy not to go to school for now.

But on the other hand, DS is driving me crazy! Example:

I get home from work today, walk in teh door and he asks to take a bath. I say yes, we can take a bath after dinner. Well from then on he was asking to take a bath every 2 seconds for the next 30 minutes, all through dinner; told him bath after dinner, then he said he was all done, so you know what happens next? Yup, he says OK bath now... And I explain that we all have to finish eating but he continues to nag nag nag... Finally I tell him to leave b/c I don;t want to hear anymore what he has to say. Yup, I said that to my DS who I worked so hard to get! And that was not my shining moment by any means.

The nagging continues as I get stuff done (b/c I have to scoop the ashes in the wood stove so we can all be warm) then he is following me asking the same darn thing... take a bath, take a bath, take a bath.... SO I take Sock monkey and put him on the fridge, not stopping so I get po' bear. Still not stopping so I finally say that is it! No bath for you! SO then the tantrum starts, I give DD a bath and he won't stop, so (and here comes my shining moment) I grab him, give him 5 hard spanks and make him sit on the couch, which he doesn't stay and is screaming louder than ever (of course). SO after feeling like a terrible mom, I put him in his jammies and put him to bed with only one of his lovies. He fell asleep in minutes. Sigh. SO that's me, I feel terrible.

So everyday it is just like that; asks for something or to do something and I say yes (or no depending on what it is) and he won't stop asking and asking and asking... He is going to be 4 in 2 months; he is very smart. He understands when it means when I say after dinner, or later, etc. He just WILL NOT SHUT UP. I do not know what to do about it. nothing works.

I am going to try and track down a counselor to help me with parenting tools, but for now, what to do? Tantrums are replaced with this now. Oh and after he realizes there is a consequence he comes and says sorry mommie and then when I say good, tomorrow we can do better and maybe you can do X then; then he has the tantrum, like sorry was just to finally get what he wanted.

Help!!!
If that's your worst mom moment, you're doing just fine.

I can't add much to what was already posted, but I wanted to echo wcl & KM in part. There is nothing wrong with sending your son the message that whining or nagging is unpleasant & you're not interested in listening to it. It's a valuable lesson b/c the world doesn't find whiny, nagging people to be too cute or fun.

I think sending a child from the table to his room under the circumstances you did is fine. We're working on manners with ds #1 (we've got a long way to go still!) & one of things we're working on is that everyone needs to finish. If he can't contain himself or is otherwise being unpleasant & ruining it for everyone, he can go play in his room. He can't leave the table & do anything else, though. So it's his room or he behaves.

I realize this is easier said than done b/c your son doesn't respond to some of tactics mine does, but I think the overall position of I'm sick of listening to your nagging & it's not going to work is fine & healthy. So don't beat yourself up over sending him from the table.

What does work for him? If there is anything that works in particular with his personality, you could plot in advance & have your plan ready. Just stick with it.

Here's something we did with ds #1 recently. I don't know if it would work for you or not, but I'll throw it out there. He had a lot of Halloween candy left in his candy box, which we control. He kept climbing on & over the baby gate despite repeated warnings not to. We wanted to put a stop to it for two reasons. One, he kept knocking it over & two, we don't want ds #2 to get any ideas about climbing over, as we still need the gate for him.

Finally, dh lost his temper & said that if he did it one more time, his candy was going in the garbage. I quickly changed that to a piece of candy. I think he lost 2 pieces over a couple of days & that took care of that. He just need some "motivation" to remember. Not everyone can keep candy sitting around or chooses to have candy sitting around, so substitute something else that can either be discarded or temporarily taken away if need be.



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Joined: February 10th, 2009, 9:24 pm

January 12th, 2012, 6:46 pm #10

Hi All,

Well, on a happy note, DD's first day of school was yesterday and she was so excited that she never even looked back to say goodbye (and I am still trying to get over it!). There were 15 kids and 5 teachers... Not always 5 every day, just tues and thurs, but usually 3... They were all so nice and it was all so positive and happy that I felt very good about leaving her there. I thought DS might freak b/c he was saying he wanted to go to school too but when we got there he realized that I would be leaving Talia there and he was happy not to go to school for now.

But on the other hand, DS is driving me crazy! Example:

I get home from work today, walk in teh door and he asks to take a bath. I say yes, we can take a bath after dinner. Well from then on he was asking to take a bath every 2 seconds for the next 30 minutes, all through dinner; told him bath after dinner, then he said he was all done, so you know what happens next? Yup, he says OK bath now... And I explain that we all have to finish eating but he continues to nag nag nag... Finally I tell him to leave b/c I don;t want to hear anymore what he has to say. Yup, I said that to my DS who I worked so hard to get! And that was not my shining moment by any means.

The nagging continues as I get stuff done (b/c I have to scoop the ashes in the wood stove so we can all be warm) then he is following me asking the same darn thing... take a bath, take a bath, take a bath.... SO I take Sock monkey and put him on the fridge, not stopping so I get po' bear. Still not stopping so I finally say that is it! No bath for you! SO then the tantrum starts, I give DD a bath and he won't stop, so (and here comes my shining moment) I grab him, give him 5 hard spanks and make him sit on the couch, which he doesn't stay and is screaming louder than ever (of course). SO after feeling like a terrible mom, I put him in his jammies and put him to bed with only one of his lovies. He fell asleep in minutes. Sigh. SO that's me, I feel terrible.

So everyday it is just like that; asks for something or to do something and I say yes (or no depending on what it is) and he won't stop asking and asking and asking... He is going to be 4 in 2 months; he is very smart. He understands when it means when I say after dinner, or later, etc. He just WILL NOT SHUT UP. I do not know what to do about it. nothing works.

I am going to try and track down a counselor to help me with parenting tools, but for now, what to do? Tantrums are replaced with this now. Oh and after he realizes there is a consequence he comes and says sorry mommie and then when I say good, tomorrow we can do better and maybe you can do X then; then he has the tantrum, like sorry was just to finally get what he wanted.

Help!!!
Willa;

First off, try not to be so hard on yourself. It is so trying to be a parent, let alone a parent who also works outside of the home. My boys are difficult when they first get home from daycare; they are STARVING!! I have learned to have food already on the table when they arrive.

Nagging can be so wearing. Love and Logic says that when your kid starts to nag, go brain dead. After answering first eating, then bath once or twice (keeping the wording very simpledont give reasons, youre the parent-- you dont need reasons and it gives kids weapons for arguing and tantruming if you give reasons). After a couple of responses to your child, stop answering your kid....just mm hmm or silencethis is what Love and Logic calls going brain dead". They will be stop because they are not getting a response from you. I have had to resort to this recently with my 5 y/o and it really does work.

If he persists? Then Love and Logic says Uh oh, looks like you need a little quiet time in your room in your calmest, not at all irritated voice, just matter of fact, and take him there (even if kicking and screaming) When he gets to his room, he gets the option of staying in his room with the door open, or if he wont stay in you have the option to shut the door and hold it shut until he settles.

Love and Logic stresses not appearing at all annoyed by your kids (great play acting is required!!) When kids see that youre annoyed, they behave worse because it makes them feel that they are really bad. If you remain calm, they realize that youre in charge

Not easy, Willa......I think I have holes in my tongue and I know I have aggravated my TMJ problem from clenching my teeth so much from not blowing my top with my boys some days.

Love and Logic has a great DVD called Parenting the preschool years if you are interested. I think I purchased it on the Love and Logic website. As I recall, your DS has always been strong willed, and so is my 3 y/o!! They are so sweet yet so head strong, arent they?

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