I hate that I love you

Ma-kun
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Ma-kun
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Joined: Oct 9 2010, 01:19 AM

Jul 1 2012, 10:10 PM #1

The blonde sighed as he rubbed the tip of his fingers. He hated getting his finger prints taken. It would at least take 2 days before the inks would fully be washed off. The first thing he’d o when they were back in the hotel would be to at least scrub his hands a good 20 times to avoid getting any of the ink on his precious guitar.

So after the entire catastrophe in the city the blonde and his…..friend? were now out on bail. Apparently Seguchi-san had caught ear of their arrest and after a phone call had gotten the two musicians to be released from the prison. Though Ma was convinced there would most certainly be consequence he was just happy for now that they were allowed out. Not that the blonde guitarist had any issues with his inmates during their brief stay in the slammer. No the opposite had rather been the case. Ma-kun had been able to get along just fine with his inmates, talking playing card games and all together having not the least issue to socialize. Matsuki was far more concerned with his vocalist. Of course Ma had been able to convince their inmates to leave the feisty singer alone (which to be honest had been quite a challenge as the bitchy singer didn’t quiet have the habit of making himself popular amongst people when he was pissed). But Matsuki was far more concerned about the aftermath amongst the two of them after their little adventure. It really was rather frustrating, even for a lay back and good natured guy like Ma. The day had started so well! Taki had been delighted by all of the attention he had gotten yet somewhere along the way something had gone wrong.

In all honesty Matsuki felt like shit. Though neither of them two had planned to get into a fight with those narrow minded idiots in town he felt guilty for it. If he hadn’t coward out on Tatchi after the earring thing the vocalist wouldn’t have gotten so upset and they wouldn’t have (mind you accidently) run into the trouble. Fact of the matter was that Tatchi had admitted to loving him the previous morning and he had failed to sufficiently return said emotion due to his fear and ego. Ma-kun hadn’t changed his mind on the part where he thought Taki had crossed the line by tampering with his earring the fight had gone way out of proportion. But Ma-kun was still mad at Taki. Mad because he never knew when no meant no, mad because he had gone behind his back to get the 10 in the band, mad because he behaved like such a bitch and wouldn’t admit when he had crossed the line.

But most of all Matsuki was mad because Taki had been right. Matsuki loved the bitch more than anything and quite frankly it terrified him.

The thought of commitment still, even after 10 years, scared the crap out of Ma. Though he couldn’t give a good explicit reason, the fact that he loved Taki Aizaiwa like no other was terrifying to him.

Yet…he couldn’t imagine life without the vocalist.

So here he was. Sitting on the police office bench, waiting for the singer to be done with his prints and join his side. Because no matter how angry Taki had managed to make him, there was no way in hell he’d never leave the singer in that place.

(Well there! I'm back in action! B) I'm sorry for the crappy post Tatchi, I hope this will do for a start though. )
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Taki Aizawa
Forum Lord
Taki Aizawa
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Joined: Nov 24 2005, 02:49 AM

Jul 4 2012, 10:20 PM #2

As soon as Taki had heard that he and Ma were being released, his stomach did a little flip flop. Being released meant a lot of things. For one, it meant that Taki could put his current little slice of paradise surroundings filled with hookers, thugs, druggies and a single toilet to share between them behind him for their luxe suite back at the Bellagio. It also meant that somehow they'd made bail. And by somehow, Taki didn't for a second think Ken-chan, who was probably knee deep into the shrimp salad back at the Bellagio buffet, was behind it. No, the little flip flop in Taki's stomach had more to do with the fact that deep down, his worst fear had probably been realized. The one thing he'd been thankful for during the whole altercation was that he and Ma were in the U.S. and not under the crystal ball of Tohma's all-seeing gaze. That they were being released in record time, Taki had no doubt, meant that Tohma had upgraded his crystal ball to the international plan.

Shit! No doubt we're going to hear all about this sooner rather than later, Taki thought to himself. ASK already had one foot in the door of an ass kicking after the way they'd jump started the tour without permission and flown across the entire world with a company jet to Vegas. The scandalous promotional posters were another toe on that foot to a good ass kicking. And now that he and Ma had inadvertently gotten caught up in a religious war over sexuality and had accidentally become the rebel poster boys for Gay Pride, Taki was sure that Tohma would have the foot that kicked them swing waaay back and then come in deep!

Taki almost asked the guard to stay. At least there in jail he wouldn't have to deal with any what he was sure Tohma had waiting for them once they set foot outside.

And, in jail at least, he wouldn't have to deal with Ma.

As the guard opened the cell door and led Mr. Japanese Big Dick out, Taki followed along behind him quietly--quietly watching the back of Ma's retreating form which was soon led away from him to do final release paperwork.

Ma.

Taki sat on his own at a desk in another room separated from Ma, while waiting to be released. He sat there thinking about all that had happened that day. All that had transpired between them. All that it meant for him and Ma in the future.

Was there a future for them? Earlier when Taki had so-called broken up with Ma, he'd only been half serious. After all, they'd been there before more times than he could count in their ten-year relationship. And they'd always gotten through it and eventually back together.

Taki thought about it.

But should they?

They got back together in the end and had some mind blowing sex to go along with it, but sooner or later, they'd end up in some kind of wicked argument and be right back at square one all over again.

And this time, it's totally my fault, Taki thought sadly. Though he'd never admit it out loud or show any hint of it on his face, Taki knew deep down that this rupture in their relationship was completely and totally, 100 percent his fault.

He had told Ma he loved him.

Rule number one BROKEN!

All his life he'd lived by that damn rule and the minute, nay, the very SECOND he had broken it, all hell had broken loose with it. Since high school, Ma had wormed his way into Taki's heart and Taki, like a fool had let him, knowing good and well that what he needed and what Ma needed were two different things. In high school, Ma had needed help with his homework. Taki had needed a friend. Now, Ma needed constant validation that he was still worth what his dick told him he was worth. And Taki needed...

What do I REALLY need? Taki asked himself.

As he filled out the paperwork to get himself released, he thought about it and thought about it hard. And as he did, all he could hear was Ma's voice echoing in his head.

"Did you honestly expected that you could just drop such a bomb on me and that I’d react with a smile and fall down on my knee to ask you on a date and burst out in a movie love confession? Keep your feet to the ground Aizawa. You know better then that!”

"You are rude, mean, abusive, jealous and arrogant all the damn time you little pest! Plenty other people want me make no mistake! I’m with you because I want to not because I can’t get better because I definitely can get so much better then you. I could get people who aren’t over dramatic and loud abusive assholes."

"I could get lovers that have all the good things you miss and lack all the bad things you have or at least to maybe a tenth of it or such. Meaning I could actually have someone that would appreciate me and recognize me for what I am instead always only bitching about me."

Taki finished the paperwork, collected his personal items, which were handed to him in a large envelope, then slowly walked toward where Ma was sitting, waiting for him.

As he walked, all of the fights they'd had over the past ten years, all the drama, and all the women Ma insisted he never be without swirled around inside his head.

Taki stopped in front of Ma and looked him as if he were looking at him for the first time ever.

Ma was still hot as ever. Even with his hair mussed and his clothes dirty, torn and streaked with dried blood, Taki had never wanted him more.

And that was the problem. WANT was not NEED. Taki wanted the Ma from high school. The one that listened to him. The one that didn't pity him for all his terrible home life. The one that would have his mother leave him food to take home. The one who would softly trace the scars on his back while kissing away all his tears.

But that's not what Taki NEEDED. Taki didn't NEED anyone. He didn't NEED anyone to hold him. He didn't NEED anyone to save him. And most of all, he didn't NEED to love anyone. Loving someone was way more trouble than it was worth as he'd just found out. What he NEEDED was to figure out how he was going to keep ASK together and get Tohma back on track after all the trouble they'd caused.

What he DIDN'T need was another problem.

"Happy fucking anniversary asshole..."

Slowly, Taki reached up and undid the earring band that bore Ma's full name on it. The one that he'd proudly worn just hours earlier. He looked at it glinting in the palm of his hand.

Then he dropped his arm and with it, let the band slide out of his palm and hit the ground by Ma's foot.

"You don't have to run anymore."

Without another word or a backward glance, Taki walked outside, hailed a cab, and without waiting for Ma, rode back to the Bellagio, already planning to pack his things and move into another suite.

Taki rode in total silence broken only by the occasional tear that fell from Taki's eyes.

He never noticed them.


Predilection for pain.
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Ma-kun
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Ma-kun
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Joined: Oct 9 2010, 01:19 AM

Jul 27 2012, 10:44 PM #3

Many thoughts had been swirling through Matsuki’s mind as he waited for the other man. Going from ‘oh crap, we’re screwed, Seguchi’s gonna kick our ass!’ to questions about what to say when Taki would join him. Or even wondering about whether or not the fight had really gotten noticed at a and if this was now making ASK the faces for the gay community? Ken-chan wouldn’t be amused by that if Taki and Ma had ruined his any chance with show girls. Nor was Ma really sure if he felt comfortable at all with such a part. Sure he was bi, and even though he may prefer women in the end it didn’t matter all that much with who he lay.

Though then again that really was a lie in the end wasn’t it? Truth be told no matter what claims Ma-kun threw around light heartedly, the blonde had never considered himself gay, or even bisexual for that matter. So Ma may have expieremented a bit in highschool, but he had quickly figured out that men really were not his deal. Taki Aizaiwa was the only exception. No man (or even woman for that matter) could hold the play boys attention for a long time. Men would bore him after a night, women would do just the same but last a little longer. Only the bitchy short musician could keep the blondes attention.

Ma didn’t understand it. He didn’t understand how he had gone from being one of Japans biggest players to being totally whipped. Because yes that was what he was. Matsuki was completely whipped by Aizaiwa. No matter how many times he may make a ‘little slip’ or have a ‘little adventure’, he could never stay away from the hothead. No matter how bumpy their relationship was, no matter the abuse and harsh words Taki would throw at him or the stupidities he’d do. Matsuki would forgive him any and everything in the end. He would let it flow over him, maybe in worst case scenario get upset like now but afterwards it’d be right back where he belonged, by his singers side.

Because really it was as simple as that. They didn’t need earrings with numbers and names, rings or love poetry to proof that Taki was Ma’s and Ma was Taki’s. They had gone through so much together, through so much bad and goods. They had a history together. They understood each other without the need of cliché speeches of love. In the end in this rotten world each other was the best thing they had. Ma knew this, he appreciated it but maybe he too often just assumed it to be a known fact that never needed confirmation.

Maybe that was what kept going wrong between them. They didn’t have enough ‘out there’ communication . Just because Taki sucked at showing any type of human emotion didn’t mean that he didn’t need some confirmation and proof on occasion himself. Maybe if they both just tried a bit harder to babble less but actually really talk that they could fix their constant returning bump on the road.

When the singer stood before him the blonde looked up in silence, waiting for the singer to start the conversation off. Starting to ponder whether maybe he should just start and apologies as the singer stayed quiet so long.

Though by the time he had started to brainstorm on what to say Taki had been the one to take actions first. Crap!

Ma watched in silence as Taki threw away his earring

”You don't have to run anymore."

That was not good….

Also once more it was proven that Aizaiwa Taki was an impulsive little hot head.

Ma stayed seated as Taki walked out. He didn’t even move when Taki disappeared with a cab outside. He just sat on the bench in silence as the minutes passed.

Did Taki just actually dump him in a serious fashion?

Like for real?

This was nothing like their usual break ups that involved them argueing, catching up on eachother, fighting some more and amazing make-up sex.

No this was nothing like those at all. There was no yelling, no accusing, no Taki…

When the passing time finally caught up on the silent blonde and he finally snapped out of his thoughts, he bend down, picking up the earring. Next he got up and left the station in silence as he halted a cab while playing with the earring between his fingers in his pants pocket. His own earring still very much in place. No matter how mad he may be, he wasn’t as impulsive as Taki and he wouldn’t just throw this away.

Because no, no Matsuki didn’t want it to be over. No he didn’t want them to break up. Truth be it, he didn’t need Taki to survive. He didn’t need anyone to survive. But Ma’s goal in life wasn’t just survival, no. Ma wanted to have a good life, a happy life! And as contradicting as it may seem he did NEED Taki. Maybe not to survive but he needed him to be Happy! And Ma needed to be happy, so he needed Taki. He needed Taki in his life. Not just as a band member, not just as a casual fuck or an old friend. No Ma needed Taki to be his, his and only his. Jealousy wasn’t in the guitarist character in general. But Taki was his only and no-one’s else. Maybe the singer needed to actually hear those thoughts to convince him this time. Which wasn’t a fun sight on the future but if it would take that to get him back then Ma would have no choice.

So as he took the elevator up to their suites Ma was busy brainstorming on what to say or do to try and fix the mess. The huge bouquet of wild flowers he had delivered for Taki to their room last night completely forgotten.

(sorry it took so long, sorry it sucks, I hope it's good enough at least.)
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