This was begun back in the day of GHH, painstakingly pasted to GHHToo, and then rescued again for GHHTwo by rubylune (now ruby). And this is how we began.........
From: annie84 Sent: 11/13/2000 12:55 PM 22 of 67
Well, topwopnow...once the La-La's pose for the centerfold of Playboy, we're going to need some legal advice, for sure!
From: lightheart Sent: 11/13/2000 4:00 PM 23 of 67
Meanwhile, back on restaurant row, lightheart is trying to keep the place jumping while the rest of the sisterhood keeps the country afloat. unfortunately, though featured on the menu as a saucy wench (albeit a sappy one), lightheart herself cannot cook. She has called for Carly's help, but Carly, fresh from her beely dancing tour, is now busy loooking for Michael , who wandered off his dockside sloshing duty two days ago (in the LTG) and hasn't been heard from since. On the other hand, Alexis showed up to run a few ideas about the L&B; contract past lightheart (who has some experience in putting deals together and who has currently been busy on the Carly/Laura merger). Alexis commiserates with lightheart for the misery of being on cooking patrol, and the two have reasoned that all anybody really wants in a restaurant is lots of booze, and hopefully popcorn.
Sonny, looking for Alexis to sign a few contracts of his own, is horrified to find these two wannabes discussing cooking, but readily amused by the proliferation of brown paper bags. Not all of them are for breathing, lightheart assures him, some are actually for take-away. Although with his presence, it can be noted that while Alexis has miraculously calmed down, lightheart is getting more excited. Sonny is not sure lightheart should have any more coffee, but thinks in addition to booze and Orville Redinbocher, a few gourmet blends of coffee from Benny's outdoors cafe and some whipped cream from Tags place would be a kindly gesture from friendly neighbors. lightheart is sitting cross legged on the floor, reminded kindly from time to time by Alexis to breathe, as Sonny wanders off on his errand of mercy. Bye Sonny, lightheart breathes into the bag, waving madly, and then promptly passes out. Alexis is properly disgusted by such unseemly behaviour from an attorney. As if SHE would ever indulge in a fit of the vapors like that. But no time to help LH, something in the back is burning -- annie's apple pies no doubt -- lightheart wakes with the smoke alarms blaring and the sprinkler spigots dousing her . They are frantic, debating the merits of escaping the wrath of the rest of the returning sisterhood by crossing the border into Canada. "But we'll need a hostage," worries lightheart. "I thought you said you had a connection in alaska, " counters Alexis. But they manage to calm themselves thinking of reinforcements they might call. "Tammy!" suggest lightheart. "No, Cook," shouts Alexis.
Instead, Luke comes in. His goal was to get Alexis to help him with the ice princess thing, but he is equally enthused to pinch hit in the kitchen, and drive that big grill. Alexis is skeptical, but luke reasons that among the three of them, he is the only one who can even cook! Well, the girls are sure that the rest of the sisterhood will return soon,
Big D has promised to bring the peanutbutter right after his next class lets out, and Laura says she is sure pretty soon she will be able to come up with some bread. How much harm can Luke do?
lightheart is now perched at the bar drinking some of her favorite sister's namesake brew (), and listening in a sort of happy daze to Alexis and Luke screaming at each other in the kitchen, when majit returns. lightheart is thrilled, and immediately fills her in as to the doing and happenings in Hold It Together Land. Without majit's touch the sauces have been a touch too sweet, she tells maj, and certainly a hint of asperity is needed in correct measure, but really all things considered, it hasn't been too bad..... maj is skeptical, and ready with the pepper and lemon juice, when the explosion sounds in the kitchen. Animal skins and apple peels are stuck all over the place. Luke is covered head to toe with jutejute, Alexis is dripping in angel food cake batter, and lightheart is frankly hiding under the bar sucking her thumb, and beggin for Leticia to come and take her home. Majit says, "Love what you've done with the place," and bails.
Sonny returning with the coffee, smells the gourmet blend of exploding gas, sweet and sour sauce, singed apple pie, and burnt footbridges, and smiles appreciately. "Just like my wife makes," he thinks, dropping the coffee on the closest table to the door, and slipping out, unnoticed....................
From: bklyn59 Sent: 11/13/2000 4:10 PM 24 of 67
How did I miss this???? OMG how did I miss this??? What a hoot! And now I have to run out the door to get Meg to Tae Kwan Do. But we have to discuss the "Old" reference here.
From: Majit Sent: 11/13/2000 4:41 PM 25 of 67
Alas, cries Majit, I am being self-indulgent today and cannot contribute. Therefore, I shall take to my bed and pull the covers over my head so that no one can see me ROMLAMSOWTIME (rolling on the mattress laughing my stitches out with tears in my eyes).
From: ScampiCat Sent: 11/13/2000 4:46 PM 26 of 67
Why Majit - Rom Lam Sow Time is the name of the LaLa's first full length CD, abailable from Ronco as soon as Alexis works out the details....
From: annie84 Sent: 11/13/2000 5:18 PM 27 of 67
Then comes the big bump in the road. A reporter...someone like Matt Drudge...but not him....writes a blistering tabloid story that the La-La's are not able to sing a note, but that they lip sync to old recordings of the Patridge Family, spun at a speedy, neverbeforehearof, something like 400,000 revolutions per minute. That's the reason, this reporter says, that they sound a little like Alvin and The Chipmunks and a little like Macy Gray. Words that shouldn't be heard are then obliterated. You know the words I mean. The La-La's go into court, and demand a recount of their revolutions, but find that the only Hollywood, that's Florida, not California, will authorize such an unheard of count. Bette Middler cancels their appearance on her show. Jerry Springer books them. Things are looking tough for the La-La's, and they're thinking of going back to their day jobs, but Dave Smith comes up with this fantastic fictional idea (#3,178) in which the La-La's would team up with Lulu Spencer as their lead, and would then be known as Lulu and The La-La's. "There's a whole new market out there for you," Dave tells the La-La's. "Kids programs, Mr. Rogers is retiring. You can take over HIS neighborhood. Put on comfy slippers, sit down to sing a song or two. It's a whole new beginning. And you can call the show La-La Land.
From: bklyn59 Sent: 11/13/2000 6:33 PM 28 of 67
Lip synch? Mr. Rogers?? I was getting ready to don the the Eddy Maine pants and write about us filling MSG!!!! (Madison Square Garden) I was thinking that Aerosmith could open for us!!! I was thinking groupies, parties, limos!!!
From: maxandmolly Sent: 11/13/2000 6:46 PM 29 of 67
Not to cramp your style, bklyn, but I don't think that Aerosmith would attract the same kind of groupies that the La-La's would be hoping for.
Meanwhile, on the new PBS show, La-La Land, their lead 'singer' Annie, has invited some very special guests for the first show. They are from the Annie's Apples Alumni Association, comprised of everyone who has ever one an Apple. There is even a representative from the Port Charles Docks Association. As usual, Betty is unseen, preferring to send a fellow member of the Overworked Babysitters and Nanny's Union, Local 53, Leticia, accompanied by the President of the Harassed to the Point of Insanity butler's Union, Local 75, Reginald. His sole purpose in attending seems to be to simply get out of the Q mansion. As the show opens, the rest of the La-La Ladies are singing background, when suddenly, the studio audience runs for the exits in a mad dash. Annie looks behind her, to see that the former mayor of PC, one Lucas Lorenzo Spencer, Sr., has come barging on to the set. "Where is she?" He snarls as only he can. "Where is m&m;? She has been left out of this whole thread, and I just won't stand for it!!!!!" Just then, m&m; comes out of the shadows. "Here I am, my darling! Fear not, for I have not been left out! Your darling enemy, Faison, has schooled me in the ways of mind control! I have been directing this thread, unseen, from my desk overlooking the bay in beautiful San Francisco." She fades into the background, content with hre role as all knowing, all controlling Great One. Luke, unsure of what to do next, spots a lovely young La-La named bklyn. As soon as his eyes settle on her, she knows what to do. "Come with me," she purrs, as they fade into the shadows.
From: annie84 Sent: 11/13/2000 7:16 PM 30 of 67
maxandmolly -- Too, too funny. But watch out for Brooklyn. You know she and Luke have a .... well, you know....
From: lightheart Sent: 11/13/2000 9:23 PM 31 of 67
lightheart, back at the sisterhood restaurant is desperate. luke has left behind a chaotic mess, heading off in search of m&m.; alexis had an appointment with her wedding planner, but had to rush home first because her teddy was giving her a wedgy. carly is so relieved over finding michael safe and sound, and so happy with her new found rapport with laura, that she has unretained lightheart for the carly&laura; negotiations, deeming them unneccessary.
"I'm not gonna hold laura up for this deal," says Madam President Corinthos, "You know, if she wants me to work with her, I will, but no contracts, just a simple handshake deal between two women of honor, who have never betrayed anyone in their lives, told lies, had plans, schemed, plotted, or kept secrets from anyone they loved. People like me and Laura, well, we just don't need lawyers. Sorry."
lightheart is now not just desparate, but crushed. fired, from her first big deal. the restaurant is all but burned down around her. and she seems to be out of . majit is sleeping, and will not be disturbed, and the ladies are off on their singing tour, blythly unconcerned about whether or not lightheart can handle the club. what to do, what to do?
as usual it is all luke's fault.
alone, afraid, rather pathetic and needy, in fact, lightheart wracks her brains. she though dave was coming with the peanut butter, but has just heard he is touring with the band. they are Almost Famous by now. who is around? Oh, yes, LH knows! Cool Black should be out of school by now!!!
Within the hour Cool Black has arrived, Gia and Flea in tow. "Gia is here to work," CB informs LH, "Flea is just eye candy." The Flea beams and scrunches her nose. "Oh, you are so sweet, Cool Black," Flea coos, "You are such a hottie." "No, my dear, " says the suave Cool Black, "It is you that are the hottie." "No-- you," protests Flea. crumpling her nose so hard that her eyes shut and the bridge of her nose touches her forehead. Her dulcet tones break the remaining pane of frosted glass separating the front bar area from the dining tables. "No --you," says Cool Black, delighted.
Gia has had enough. "Isn't anybody around here going to help me clean up this mess?" She spots LH, gagging over the counter. "I hope you don't think I am touching that stuff. In fact, I'll make a deal with you. You pay me forty bucks an hour, and I'll sit here and bitch about how much work you want me to do, and then in a while I'll call Nik up, and ask him to pick me up, and when he gets here, if you pay me another fifty grand, I'll get him to pitch in and work so hard his t shirt will either be off, or he'll be in such a manly lather of sweat, that his t shirt will be as good as off."
"I'm a little short on money today," says lightheart, "but I know this old guy who does really well with the ponies, I mean, well, he's going to do really well sooner or later, and when he makes good, then I'll make good, because he owes me a lot of $$$, and then I can pay you."
Gia does not look convinced. But since she is interested in working little nicky into a lather anyway, she obliging calls him.......................
From: suelb Sent: 11/13/2000 9:42 PM 32 of 67
Back on Plastic Island the La-La's and DSmith have arrived at a lovely mansion. They are ushered in by guards and are met by Chloe. Chloe asks if Helena has kidnapped us too. Before we can reply Stefan rushes in and gives us the go along with me on this look. He tells Chloe that Helena has indeed kidnapped also. Chloe notices that DSmith is beaten to a bloody pulp from all of the falling down he did while covering his eyes on the trail. Chloe ushers him off to her divan where she tends his wounds. DSmith immediately falls asleep when he lies on the divan. The La-La's learn some martial from Stefan at Chloe's insistence. She says that if we all learn to defend ourselves we can surely get off the island. I am unimpressed with Stefan's chest, but then I just think he's too old. The other ladies seem to enjoy him and don't notice when DSmith begins to writhe and moan in his sleep. Chloe and I go to him. He awakes and tells us that we must get off the island immediately! He says that Lightheart is in trouble, and needs our help. His visions weren't clear but he sees pieces of animal splattered on walls, Majit apparently unconscious beneath a bar, Nik shirtless and covered in lather, and Gia and Lightheart are drunk and staring at him. Chloe ushers us all to Papier Mache Cave, where she has been secretly working on her raft. She tells us how strong she is, and how really great she is at reconnaisance missions. We all nod in agreement and run with the raft raised over our heads towards the beach. As we pass the bluffs Stefan calls after us to be careful. When we finally reach the water Chloe wonders why the guards aren't chasing us. Stefan asks if she really doesn't get it. She asks what there is to get, and where she should go to get it. We all sing 99Bottles of Beer all the way to the PC Docks.
From: annie84 Sent: 11/13/2000 10:04 PM 33 of 67
We jump in the raft and start paddling like double-l-hockey sticks to get away from Plastic Island. We head back toward Port Charles and much to our surprise, find that the Island is just around the bend behind The Docks, and the water is not more than three feet deep. All this time, Chloe, with her big Superwoman strides, could have walked right into town, stopped at Kelly's for a coffee and gone to L& B to design Alexis' wedding dress. Chloe is safe now...but we look behind us...and splashing in the water, is Stefan, who has carefully rolled up his pure linen trousers so as not ruin the crease. The medal swings, as always, hittting one well-toned pec, and then the other. And we can't help but break out into, "I love you, a bushel and a pec, a bushel and a pec, and a hug around the pec." By the time, we finish the second chorus, we have reached Lightheart's former restuarant. All that remains is a burnt-out shell, and Lightheart is waiting for her State Farmer Insurance Man to get there to assess the damage. Camera crews have set up to get an exclusive for the ll o'clock news. Sitting in a canvas chair with his back to us, is an extremely good looking man, wearing a gray pin striped suit. He yells make-up and of course, Brooklyn, ever the jester, hits him in the face with a huge Elizabeth Arden power puff. Of course, you know who it is. It's Peter Jennings. Shirley appears out of nowhere and has a few choice words with him about his constant cutting in and out of General Hospital. He tries to explain that it's not him, it's that Canadian plot to not only take over the White House, but to revamp General Hospital. The new show will be called "Cooking With Suelb" and will feature the La-La's whipping up their favorite dishes, which include Luke, Mac, Nic, Luke, Taggert, Sonny and, of course, Andreas and Johnny. Lightheart is filled with new hope and decides to call her new restaurant..............
From: annie84 Sent: 11/13/2000 10:07 PM 34 of 67
Mr. 84, who is reading this over my shoulder, just suggested that Lightheart call her new Restaurant "Beefcake and Ice Cream". Well, he's a beginner at this, Not Quite Ready For Prime Time..
From: lightheart Sent: 11/13/2000 10:24 PM 35 of 67
lightheart names the new GHH sisterhood place The Hunk O' Man.
Martha Stewart, the Secretary of the Interiour Design, and Queen of the Budget, will be revamping parts of the Bucket of Blood set, recreating an authentic nautical style dive. The waiters will all be dressed as different varieties of shirtless pirates. Advance buzz on the place is tremedous, thanks to the news coverage by peter jennings, who looks pretty happy in that chair now that amy vining is sitting on his lap filling him in on all the dirt in port charles. Handsome hirees have all been pouring in for their jobs, properly attired in their versions of suitable costumes.
lightheart, in gratitute to gia for whipping nicky into a lather, has hired her as maitre de. gia's first brilliant move is to hire the newly returned jax in his "corporate raider" costume -- a conservative tie and pinstriped slacks, and nutin else! hoo boy! jason is there too, disreputable in a vest and ballon style pants and sandles, in his Sinbad style. but the most wonderful pirate of all? Stefan, in his bedraggled pants, and gold medallion. "Cute," says Gia, "But where's your costume?"
"Right here," answers Stefan, pulling a black patch out of his back pocket.
annie and the gang have never been greeted before as lightheart greets them, dancing for joy on her hands up and down the docks, shouting yippee, hooray, and the like. she is alternately weeping and laughing. suelb is concerned. "I think we should call Kevin," she says. brklyn shakes her head sadly, "This is one for Ferncliff, I'm afraid."
From: jutejute Sent: 11/13/2000 11:09 PM 36 of 67
Call the funeral home if you want to see me. I have just died! This is the most fun I've had in ages with all my clothes on! Lightheart, I owe you, "Luke covered in Jutejute !" Thank you!
From: Majit Sent: 11/14/2000 1:05 AM 37 of 67
So I have my days and nights a little mixed up. I'm fat and happy and ... Rom Lam Sow Time! Y'all do me proud women, proud indeed!
From: HeyJude Sent: 11/14/2000 9:09 AM 38 of 67
This is too funny.........you are all so talented, I feel so inadequate. I was gone 10 days and this is what I missed the most........my GHH family. Keep it up!!!
From: annie84 Sent: 11/14/2000 11:45 AM 39 of 67
Ligthheart now tells the La-La's that she has a Cabaret License, and of course, the La-La's will headline....and shhh, there is going to be a "Full Monty Revue." Amy Vining is almost beside herself. Monica has wandered in and is trying to be very chi-chi, sauntering past Peter Jennnings several times, and she thinks she has his full attention until Felicia arrives. She crinkles, she wrinkles that nose and says to P.J., "Say something in Canadian." Lightheart goes to the stage to tell all the Hunk O'Man guests about the "Full Monty Revue"...but her booking agent is not so great, has booked MONTY Hall....so the La-La's quickly take the stage, get their pitch, and break into "From The Halls of Montezuma to The Shores of Wyndemere".....they actually are booed off the stage. And HeyJude who has just returned and knew nothing about any of this, decides to do a mime of her vacation. The audience thinks she may have climbed an invisible mountain or carried a big plate glass window.With mime, you can never be sure. Now Thelma comes in, looks around at the new restaurant and says, "This is the bees' knees...." Annie faints at the sound of the word knees and has to be revived by Dr. Tony Jones, who has just happened to recurr in this story. And then........
From: lightheart Sent: 11/14/2000 12:34 PM 40 of 67
With the opening night show of the Hunk O' Man not being quite the success the ladies had hoped for (at least in terms of their booking agent), annie, jutejute, maj, lightheart and heyjude, over the serious objections of bklyn, suelb, shirley, thelma, dave, cool black, evilkook, honeymom, kathyliz and the rest of the gang decide to visit a booking agent of another kind.
On their way to see Sorrel, however, they run into Mike, who is weeping and tearing his hair out, dressed in rags and looking most untidy. The ladies are moved to sympathy, even though they are all out of patience with him. "Why are you crying?" they ask. "Sorrel beat me up again," he explains. "Well, why on earth would he do that?" they exclaim. "He always seemed such a NICE man." "Ladies," Mike says, "don't let his appearances deceive you. If you can learn anything from me, it is this, do not borrow any money from Sorrel."
Chastened, and relieved to have been turned back from disaster, the La-La's and co. nevertheless remain with a hint of a money problem. They decide to think this one out collectively on the docks. Thus they are next found sitting dejectedly, all 5 of them piled on the bench beside Liz Webber who is sitting in BodyGuard Francis' lap chewing his ear off (no--literally), while waytenix futiley tries to pull Liz off the man's lap by her too short hair, severly scolding the young woman ("No, Elizabeth," Da Way To Go says, "Lucky is over there.... See? Think Towels........").
As the women sit there they are not at all surprised to see Liz in such a position. Well, to be honest, lightheart and annie seem the least surprised, jutejute and maj are giving Liz the benefit of the doubt based on years of good service to PC, and no one is sure what HeyJude thinks, because she is still reading the racing form. "Since when do we listen to Mike?" she says in great disgust. As the ladies sit there ignoring Fancis' muffled cries for help (at least lightheart is SURE he must be needing help, because it can't be very comfortable to have someone do that to your bottom lip......), who should walk by, but the elegant, much admired Lady of the Yacht, Helena.
Annie and Helena are overjoyed to see each other again, hugging and kissing and patting each other coifs in delighted amazement. "Why annie," Helena exclaims delightedly, "You look wonderful, darling! What fountain of youth have you been sipping?" Annie smiles mysteriously, and simply says, "Helena, my dear, your Andreas is all very well and good, but I must say, my own personal, ahem, assistant, Jason Morgan has him beat hands down." Helena chuckles appreciately, and then asks to be introduced to the other ladies on the docks. Jutejute and Helena hit it off tight away, talking about luke, and his many gifts. lightheart loves Helena suit, and invites her to the Hunk O' Man for their second night open mike session. Maj says, "Helena, why don't YOU sing with the La Las?" Helena laughs with pleasure at the thought, while heyjude whips out her tape measure to do some quick adaptations to the extra La La costume they have.
Helena is overcome and touched. Her eyes glisten with moisture, and her lips curve with joy. "I just can't wait to sing with you again, annie, she says, "I am not the high stepper I used to be, with my knee problems, but I can still belt out a tune with a best of them. What are we going to be singing anyway?"
From: maxandmolly Sent: 11/14/2000 2:08 PM 41 of 67
Just then, the music cues up and starts playing. The La-La's, used to singing doo-wop, are a bit confused but try to go with it as Helena takes lead vocal....."My blood runs cold, my memeory has just been sold...." Suddenly, the backdrop behind them gives way to a large screen, with a picture of La Lexis in her teddy. It's Eddie's Angel! Helena keeeps singing, "My angel is the centerfold....la la la la la la la la la...." Finally, a part the La-La's can join in on. Suddenly, from the shodows off-stage, emerges a familiar figure. "Well, I see you have yet again continues this thread without me. Am I so unimportant that I cannot sing backup with the La-La's or be the road manager, or get sdplattered with burned food on Restaurant Row? If I weren't such a cold-hearted b****, I may actually be hurt by that. But fortunately, your new lead singer here has taught me well." The lights go down, and new music cues up as m&m; gets ready to sing...."Yes I, I will survive! As long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive..." suddenly, another figure emerges form the shadows. It's Robert Scorpio. And in his hand is.....The Ice Princess! It seems m&m;, Helena, and Robert have been conspiring against DA MAN to get the rock back. But wait! Just as Helena reaches for the diamond, Luke emerges, clunks Helena on the head with a burned-beyond-belief frying pan, and turns to his old friend. "We did it!" Once more, the lights go down, and the music is ready, as Luke, m&m; (who is in her own version of heaven), and Robert begin to sing........