I definitely wasn't offended by your cancer comment. It's not uncommon for new quitters to express feelings along the lines of: "at least if I get cancer, I won't have to go through this any more" or "I'll probably get cancer anyway, so what's the use of quitting" or a variety of other variations on the theme.
My purpose in pointing you to Kim's story was not to put you in your place, or express any offense; but to:
a) bring a little reality to your own thinking. Things like cancer and dying, when thought of in the abstract, especially by somebody who's going through very real quit-related struggles, can seem less horrifying than they are. Because they truly are horrifying, and because a return to smoking would increase any of our chances of going through that, I felt it important to make it a little more real for you through Kim's story
b) illustrate the contrast between the difficulties associated with quitting and the difficulties associated with continuing to smoke through Kim's trademark signature (rather be going through withdrawal than this).
Please don't feel the need to apologize for anything you express here in regards to your quit and your relationship with nicotine. It is important that you express your honest feelings, in order for any of us longer-term quitters to be able to help you. Nobody here's going to be offended by the things you're going through. Many of us had the same thoughts you're having now.
From experience, we know that these thoughts (and others like them) can be overcome by confronting them with the truth at all times. We also know that, by confronting them, and overcoming them, any nicotine addict can find lasting comfort. It takes time... but it does happen. I urge you to spend some time on the Success Stories: Before and After
thread... especially the early posts, of which a greater percentage show people who posted SOS's in their early quits, and survived the troubles to find the comfort everyone here is promising you.
I'm glad to see you're reading the replies and continuing to post. In many cases, half the battle is won by simply delaying a bad decision (relapse), and letting the crisis pass. In almost all cases, the long-term battle is won by understanding the nature of the addiction and the recovery process.
Remember. For the nicotine addict (all of us who are members here), there are 2 options. Smoke them all, or smoke none of them. Real comfort comes by pursuing the second option, and breaking the cycle of withdrawal and temporary
relief that characterized our smoking lives.