What's Wrong With Me??

GiGiD40
GiGiD40

July 22nd, 2004, 6:40 am #1

I'm not sure this message board "HELP ME SOS" is the exact place I should post this. The name of this board sounds a bit drastic and a place you'd go if you're about to light up again; which is not where I'm at right now.

I'm just feeling incredibily down tonight. I have no idea why??? Where is this coming from?? 8 days in, was feeling great. Maybe the fact that it's dawn here now (New Jersey) and I know the night is coming and I won't be able to sleep again??? I don't know. Kids are all in the pool with Dad and I'm here, supposedly working, but reading articles and trying to stay positive and WHAM, here comes the overwhelming sadness, loneliness, it's hard to explain (but I'm sure you guys know the feeling, at least I hope so). I know you all say to hang in there and that things will get better but right now; I don't know. I'm hoping, PRAYING, this is not the REAL ME!! How dreadful!!!



Gina
8 days - Nicotine Free
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John (Gold)
John (Gold)

July 22nd, 2004, 7:03 am #2

What's wrong with you?

Nothing. You're healing up just fine!!

Feelin down?

We all did. It's the price we pay for going home!

No idea why?

Your brain is in the most amazing re-sensitization process right now. It's physically adjusting to living without nicotine again. Feeling down, un-rewarded with few highs is what recovery you is all about. Embrace it!

You'll sleep again and without 4,000 extra chemicals. Patience!

You're doing fantastic, Gina. The next few minutes are all that matter and each is doable.

You're right, this isn't what it feels like to be "you" but then neither was it "you" when nicotine controlled the neurochemical show. This is what it felt like on day 8 of the most amazing journey you have possibly ever taken.

We're with you in spirit and there's only one rule ... no nicotine just one day at a time.

John (Gold x5)
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Gold Harleyboy
Gold Harleyboy

July 22nd, 2004, 7:07 am #3

Hi Gina,
Sounds perfectly normal to me. Start a "Parade of Celebration", then, a few hours later, be completely bummed out. Perfectly normal behavior. It was for me anyway. One minute I was laughing, the next minute, I was crying. Your body is adjusting, you have stopped adding poison to the system, and the system is trying to balance out.

Hang onto your quit!! This will pass, and your life is going to be so much better, you won't be able to believe the difference.

Your life is worth the effort, if you don't believe me, ask your kids.


Harleyboy 200 days of Freedom, working on 201
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Toast (GOLD )
Toast (GOLD )

July 22nd, 2004, 7:13 am #4

Hi Gina,

This too shall pass.

That phrase has helped me so many, many difficult times. And has also helped me enjoy great times too. Nothing comes to stay; it all comes to pass. As John says, you are healing and this is a process. You have an exciting world of discovery that you are just being to explore - a life, a you, a brain, a body without smoking. You have no idea - yet - what wonders await you! And wonders they are. I am still amazed at the gifts my quit continues to give to me. You will be too!

Hug your quit tight - it's the best gift you've ever given yourself! You deserve it.

Melissa
37 months
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zomicon1
zomicon1

July 22nd, 2004, 7:13 am #5

Gigi,

Congratulations on your great quit!!! I know there are several threads and articles in Joel's library that will be useful to you regarding quitting smoking and depressed type feelings (and I am sure that other kind posters will tell you where to find them). I also don't want to give any sort of medical advice, but I would like to share my own experiences with you in relation to feelings of sadness and depression. I quit smoking 3 weeks ago in the midst of massive life changes: I went through a tough breakup with my girlfriend, and recently decided to quit my job and move back home to California where I am from.

I know many people feel sadness when they quit smoking because it is like you just lost a friend. However, I think I was masking my depression with activities such as Nicotine use. I happen to have a history of depression, and was recently diagnosed by my doctor as having a depressive episode. I am now getting the proper treatment and things are looking up. And best of all...I am not only healing from depression, but I am doing it without poisoning myself with nicotine.

My point is: Don't use feeling sad as an excuse to smart smoking again. You are doing great! If your feelings of sadness persist or worsen, it is never a bad idea to see a doctor. Remember though, the feelings of sadness and the craving for a cigarette will pass and every day you get healthier from not smoking.

Never take another puff!!!
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BillW Gold.ffn
BillW Gold.ffn

July 22nd, 2004, 7:14 am #6

Hi GiGiD!

Oh, by the way... great parade this morning.

John and Harleyboy are right... Normal.... for eight days in. Pull the plug on the nicotine, the dopamine (feel good) chemical gets out of "normal" and ... more reading!

We have an entire message board divoted to the Emotional Loss Experienced from Quitting Smoking . (That's perhaps the deepest insight here at Freedom.... ). More articles too.

This is the whole function of an "oldbie" here: to let you know it does get better. To tell you we had to take it on faith for a while, when we "didn't know...." either. That those who gave their assurances to us.. were right. It Will Get Better!

So believe for a while longer. It Will Get Better!

YQB BillW ........ who would have relapsed long ago if it hadn't gotten better!
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GiGiD40
GiGiD40

July 22nd, 2004, 7:21 am #7

Yes Harleyboy, EXACTLY! This morning I was sitting on top of the world FREE from the drug I'm addicted to and will be addicted to for the rest of my life and then all of a sudden BOOM!!! Bottomed out!! Wretched feeling. I can't stand it. BUT, I hate smoking MORE!!! I just want this weirdness to go away and get off my back!! Ya know??

Thanks so much for your replies. I'm going to read that article now on the emotional loss and I'm sure by the end of it, I'll feel much beter.

You angels of mine, John (your articles are outstanding!!!), Harleyboy, Toast, Zomicon1 and Bill W, are TOPS!!! I wish I could kiss each of you personally!!!

Don't worry about me; I'll ride this one out.

Gina
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Joel
Joel

July 22nd, 2004, 7:37 am #8

From the string Emotional Loss Experienced from Quitting Smoking
Joel's Reinforcement Library


Understanding the Emotional Loss
Experienced When Quitting Smoking


In her 1969 book, On Death and Dying, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross identified five distinct phases which a dying person encounters. These stages are "denial," "anger," "bargaining," "depression," and finally, "acceptance." These are the exact same stages that are felt by those mourning the loss of a loved one as well.

Denial can be recognized as the state of disbelief: "This isn't really happening to me," or "The doctor doesn't know what he is talking about." The same feelings are often expressed by family members and friends.

Once denial ceases and the realization of impending death is acknowledged anger develops. "Why me?" or "Why them?" in the case of the significant others. Anger may be felt toward the doctors, toward God, toward family and friends. Anger, though, doesn't change the person's fate. They are still in the process of dying. So next comes bargaining.

In bargaining, the person may become religious, trying to repent for all the sins that may be bringing about their early demise. "If you let me live, I will be a better person, I will help mankind. Please let me live, and I will make it worth your while." This stage, too, will come to an end.

Now the patient, becoming aware he is helpless to prevent his impending fate, enters depression. The patient begins to isolate himself from his surroundings. He relinquishes his responsibilities and begins a period of self mourning. He becomes preoccupied with the fact that his life is coming to an end. Symptoms of depression are obvious to anyone having contact with the patient in this stage. When the patient finally overcomes this depression he will enter the last stage, acceptance.

The patient now reaches what can be seen as an emotionally neutral stage. He almost seems devoid of feelings. Instead of death being viewed as a terrifying or horrible experience, he now peacefully accepts his fate.

As stated above, these stages are not only seen in the dying person but likewise in the family members mourning the loss of a loved one. However, on careful observation we can see these same stages in people who lose anything. It doesn't have to be the loss of a loved one. It could be the loss of a pet, the loss of a job, and even the loss of an inanimate object. Yes, even when a person loses her keys, she may go through the five stages of dying.

First, she denies the loss of the keys. "Oh, I know they are around here somewhere." She patiently looks in her pockets and through her dressers knowing any minute she will find the keys. But soon, she begins to realize she has searched out all of the logical locations. Now you begin to see anger. Slamming the drawers, throwing the pillow of the couch, swearing at those darned keys for disappearing. Then comes bargaining: "If I ever find those keys I will never misplace them again. I will put them in a nice safe place." It is almost like she is asking the keys to come out and assuring them she will never abuse them again. Soon, she realizes the keys are gone. She is depressed. How will she ever again survive in this world without her keys? Then, she finally accepts the fact the keys are gone. She goes out and has a new set made. Life goes on. A week later the lost keys are forgotten.

What does all this have to do with why people don't quit smoking? People who attempt to give up smoking go through these five stages. They must successfully overcome each specific phase to deal with the next. Some people have particular difficulty conquering a specific phase, causing them to relapse back to smoking. Let's analyze these specific phases as encountered by the abstaining smoker.

The first question asked of the group during the smoking clinic was, "How many of you feel that you will never smoke again?" Do you remember the underwhelming response to that question? It is remarkable for even one or two people to raise their hands. For the most part the entire group is in a state of denial - they will not quit smoking. Other prevalent manifestations of denial are: "I don't want to quit smoking," or "I am perfectly healthy while smoking, so why should I stop," or "I am different, I can control my smoking at one or two a day." These people, through their denial, set up obstacles to even attempt quitting and hence have very little chance of success.

Those who successfully overcome denial progress to anger. We hear so many stories of how difficult it is to live with a recovering smoker. Your friends avoid you, your employer sends you home, sometimes permanently, and you are generally no fun to be with. Most smokers do successfully beat this stage.

Bargaining is probably the most dangerous stage in the effort to stop smoking. "Oh boy, I could sneak this one and nobody will ever know it." "Things are really tough today, I will just have one to help me over this problem, no more after that." "Maybe I'll just smoke today, and quit again tomorrow." It may be months before these people even attempt to quit again.

Depression usually follows once you successfully overcome bargaining without taking that first drag. For the first time you start to believe you may actually quit smoking. But instead of being overjoyed, you start to feel like you are giving up your best friend. You remember the good times with cigarettes and disregard the detrimental effects of this dangerous and dirty habit and addiction. At this point more than ever "one day at a time" becomes a life saver. Because tomorrow may bring acceptance.

Once you reach the stage of acceptance, you get a true perspective of what smoking was doing to you and what not smoking can do for you. Within two weeks the addiction is broken and, hopefully, the stages are successfully overcome and, finally, life goes on.

Life becomes much simpler, happier and more manageable as an ex-smoker. Your self esteem is greatly boosted. Your physical state is much better than it would ever have been if you continued to smoke. It is a marvelous state of freedom. Anyone can break the addiction and beat the stages. Then all you must do to maintain this freedom is simply remember - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!


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Joanne Gold
Joanne Gold

July 22nd, 2004, 7:40 am #9

Hello Gina:

Sorry you are feeling a bit lonely and lost at the moment. When I first quit smoking it felt as though I was missing out on something and that nothing would ever feel right again. It just wasn't true, it was a lie, pure junkie thinking caused by an addiction that cripples and kills.

Don't worry, down the line things will get better, eventually you will not associate smoking to feeling lonely or out of sorts, or, to anything you do. Recovery takes some time, the comfort comes with experience. The experience is gained from facing and defeating each challenge - your road to comfort.

Hang on tight, Gina! You certainly have a lot to be proud of, congratulations on eight days of freedom. Be sure to keep on reading! You'll gain a good perspective on where you've been, and more importantly, where you are headed. The freedom is incredible!

Guaranteed freedom - all we have to do is not take another puff.

Joanne
5 1/2 years free ; )

The emotional loss when quitting

Life goes on without smoking

"Maybe I am different"

I am different, I'll never be comfortable

Take it one day at a time
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wackylaurie
wackylaurie

July 22nd, 2004, 7:55 am #10

Hi Gina,

I had forgotten about how bad those first few weeks were until I read your post..... then it all came back to me. Yes what you are going through sounds normal....at least I went through pretty much the same thing. I don't think I slept for 3 weeks.
I believe the only reason I made it was I stayed glued to this site the whole time. I also went on blind faith that the old timers were telling the truth when they said it got better. I did not think it or I was ever going to get better.... but I did!!!!!

I don't have cravings anymore and I dont live in a constant state of withdrawal. I was always antsy to get my fix when I smoked. and always pretty uncomfortable in most situations because smoking is so taboo!

I am a calm person now. I am really and truely living and enjoying my life now!
It is truely a blessing being smokefree!
Laurie
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Christy xs
Christy xs

July 22nd, 2004, 8:31 am #11

Hi Gina,

I can't add a lot to what everyone else has said here. I'm only 3 1/2 weeks into my quit, so I can say that I was where you are only a short time ago. For me, it was off and on from about day 7 through about a week ago that I was hit with a "flat" feeling. No happy. No sad. Just Ho-hum flat. In itself, the feeling was sad, but I only felt like I was outside observing life.

Anyway, a little over a week ago, I woke up feeling like cheerful, happy "me" again, and the "doldrums" haven't come back since then. You're normal and the real "you" will come back. Just have a little patience.

Congrats on your amazing quit!

Christy
Three weeks, four days, 19 hours, 22 minutes and 6 seconds. 645 cigarettes not smoked, saving $75.16. Life saved: 2 days, 5 hours, 45 minutes.
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Harryhays green
Harryhays green

July 22nd, 2004, 9:01 am #12

Hey Gi- What's up? I was feeling a lot like you did tonight. I just went to go get my haircut and it changed my whole attitude. (Grant it the kids are with their Dad tonight and I don' t have to work like you do) But still- I found something to change my depressive state.
We can do this. Especially together. That was a nasty foul smelling, no good for you, embarrassing addiction, that did nothing for us but isolated us from the norm and aged us prematurely. there is so much for us to do (together) like get facials and swim and run that are a **** of a lot more fun and better for us......We can actually take up cooking and we all know we both love to eat..............Cheer up. This will pass...............Keep the faith........Call me later........Love Sis.
AND NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FAY NICFREE AND HEALING 13 DAYS
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