What does my quit mean to me now ?

What does my quit mean to me now ?

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

31 Jul 2002, 06:37 #1

My 20 month old quit has become totally embedded into my life.

Not smoking is something I think about rather like not shutting my eyes as I cross the road, or not eating food I see in trash cans. Smoking is something I will never be able to bring myself to do ever again. The concept of NEVER TAKING ANOTHER PUFF is so firmly engraved into my brain that I no longer have to work at reminding myself of it.


I am now quite taken aback when someone I haven't seen for a year or so says "Oh, are you still not smoking?" or when I have to fill in a form that has the question "Smoker or non-smoker?". Yes, not smoking is actually a perfectly normal, natural and pleasant way of life. So the fact of being an ex-smoker is frankly boring.

But being a quitter, now that's something different, that's exciting, that still gives me a buzz.

Sometimes I have a really bad day. Everything goes wrong and everyone around me is an idiot and the government is screwing up its foreign policy and bombs are killing people around the world and my taxes are too high and my accountant tells me I'm on the verge of bankruptcy and my internet connection goes haywire and I get a toothache and...... Did you ever have one of those days ? No, probably not, they only happen to me. Well, when I get one of those days I think of my quit and I smile. I remind myself of what I've done for me and I get a warm, happy feeling. My quit cheers me up and the world doesn't seem so bad after all. To be honest, thinking about my children and grandchildren can also have the same effect, but I always think of my quit first.

When I have a good day, throughout the day I never think about smoking, I'm too busy enjoying a life uncluttered by the demands of an old addiction. But on those days, as I go to bed and reflect on the wonderful day I just had, I can't help but be aware of how many things contributed to that day which simply could not have been so enjoyable, or happened at all, if I had been a smoker. There are always plenty of those things, like working out at the gym, staying with my grandchildren for hours to play with them, going for a long walk with my wife, staying in a restaurant and relaxing after a meal, getting on an aeroplane, talking to friends, posting to Freedom.

The thing I am acutely aware of at these times of reflection is the thing I most miss since I quit. The thing I miss is the awful, sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that I used to get every night when I went to bed, the dread of what I was doing to my body, and the feeling of self-disgust that I wasn't doing what I knew I should do about it. When I smoked, even the best of days was ruined.

But now, the huge emotional boost I get to my self-esteem from knowing that I have now done what I always knew I should, I QUIT, the feeling of pride I still get twenty months later, makes any good day even better.

We often say to people here that your quit will get better and better. But what I'm experiencing is not just "better", it's much more than that. I don't know if what I feel is unique to me, or whether this is what the future holds for all of you. I hope that you'll stay around to find out for yourself.

Marty

NOT A PUFF for one year, eight months, : 10930 cigarettes not smoked saving £2,349.81 : 5 weeks, 2 days added to my life

Last edited by marty (gold) on 01 Aug 2010, 22:22, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

31 Jul 2002, 06:44 #2

Marty, my friend, you rock.

Like you, my quit is so much more than just not smoking anymore. From the beginning, my quit has been the new cornerstone of my next level of life. The action of quitting set into motion a ripple of events and changes in myself, my attitudes about myself & my life, my choices that continue to reach out into my future. I couldn't crawl back into my old shell if I tried. I don't fit there anymore.

Thanks for being who you are!

Melissa
1 Year 2 Months Free
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Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:03

31 Jul 2002, 06:46 #3

Well, Marty old pal, you did it. Thank you. You can explain to the rest of the group what I'm talking about if you like, but know that I appreciate you and this post.

Dave
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

31 Jul 2002, 07:06 #4

Way to say it Marty! That was so inspiring! We've got great things on the board today. I was particularly affected by what you said today about crawling into bed at night knowing what terrible thing smoking was doing to your body. Even when my lungs hurt to breathe - I was still smoking before this quit. I can not give up and I can not relapse - I may never get another chance. I think that is the worst part of nicotine addiction - or probably any type of addiction - you are working so hard getting the fixes - you "ignore" what you are doing to your body and your health. Sick, sick stuff the junkie thinking....

Dos (Dubious)
9 Weeks 8 Hours and 7 Minutes
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Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 19:06

31 Jul 2002, 07:07 #5

Thanks for the great post Marty and Melissa. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I keep thinking I'm going in the same direction as you are, but I'm still thinking about those **** killers. Now that I can taste and smell again, the problem is I can almost taste and smell that cigarette for real! I know I can't ever have one, and I know logic tells me that is will get better and better, but right now it really isn't. I'm not afraid of relapsing in the bit...just my sanity is all. I just can't imagine going a year, and thinking about it like I am now. I mean, I know I won't be. I know I will be tempted now and then even when I'm at your stage, but not like this. But I can tell you, I don't care if I have to be committed to a mental hospital, I'd rather do that then take another puff! (or another 15,000 cigarettes or so a year would be more like it). Well, I'm getting ready to go do some laps at the pool (something I had given up). I love it, but it actually has been a trigger ( I started yesterday). When I'm done I'm feeling so good that I want one. Same thing with lifting weights , which I also started up again. It's like I love the new me and I fear the new me.Everything in life is right there in front of your face...no more smoking 10 cigarettes to divert the moment. I'm just a bit freaking out, because I thought by now I wouldn't be thinking about it all, but I can be just sitting there doing nothing and that fantasy starts to appear. Like I said in my original post, I think just breathing is a trigger for me!!! Again, thanks for the post, because I feel that even the most addicted among us don't think about it all the time with the passage of time.
Thanks, T-John
I have chosen not to smoke for 3 Weeks 1 Day 14 Hours 51 Minutes 44 Seconds. Cigarettes not smoked: 904. Money saved: $158.33.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

31 Jul 2002, 07:54 #6

Howay hay way, Marty (I'm sure Naymor'll be along soon to correct my diction)


Seems like you have this quitting malarky totally under control and are enjoying it immensely.

Me, I'm way behind you in your quit..... but have experienced some of what you say for some time now.... and am enjoying each day my quit develops a little further.


I just wanted to say:

YOU GO GIRL !!!



You're such a great asset to Freedom.....
Now, I'm off... before that Roger comes on talkin' 'bout "comfortability" 'an all that stuff....

-richard
20 weeks freedom from tobacco.... loving it.... and looking forward to more....
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

31 Jul 2002, 09:44 #7

Far better than topped and tailed Cuthbert! I wore a smile, up into my eyes, ears, and nose throughout! Fantastic! No matter how bad life gets we'll always have the real "us" to cheer us on and up! Thanks Marty and thanks to David too for giving him that little brotherly push John : )
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

31 Jul 2002, 09:48 #8

Marty....very well put. As always, you hit the nail right on the head. Each of our quits are unique to us. Isn't it wonderful?

I really and truly hope each quitter here gives themselves the chance to experience what is ahead when they never take another puff.

T John....you are doing wonderfully in your 3 weeks+. There will be a day soon when you will realize that you got through the day without thinking about cigarettes.

Nora
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

31 Jul 2002, 10:08 #9

Great post, Marty!

TJohn.....at three weeks you probably still have to take us on faith when we say "It will get better". Its one of the three mantras here:
NTAP!
IWGB!
ODAAT!
(solutions will be posted tomorrow....)
I had to take Marty et al on faith too, for a while. For most, the "while" is a little longer. Hang in there, and remember
NTAP!
IWGB!
ODAAT!
BillW Five months, three weeks, one day, 13 hours, 7 minutes and 40 seconds. 5176 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,022.09. Life saved: 2 weeks, 3 days, 23 hours, 20 minutes.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

31 Jul 2002, 10:14 #10

Hi Marty,

I love this post. I feel the same way but I'm quite a bit behind you, Marty! I love my new life, and I can't even believe that the possibility exists that it will get even better. But that's exactly what keeps happening.

I felt comfort at three months, and even greater comfort at six. Now I'm at eight plus months, and I am having the time of my life.

Our lives are precious, and we need to live them to the fullest extent within reason. Quitting smoking has enabled that. I never thought I would feel this way as a result of quitting. It's a wonderful surprise.

yqs, Janet
8+ months
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Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

31 Jul 2002, 10:19 #11

Thanks Marty...this is exactly what I needed to hear at this moment.

~Roma Three weeks, three days, 20 hours, 19 minutes and 2 seconds. 496 cigarettes not smoked, saving $107.83. Life saved: 1 day, 17 hours, 20 minutes.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

31 Jul 2002, 10:52 #12

The feeling of pride I still get twenty months later, makes any good day even better....

Great post Marty.... I thought I was the only one walking around with a huge smile...I can relate to everything you have said. Its a great feeling to be enjoying something 100% becuase the junkie didn't need the fix. IT does get better and better once you learn to go with the flow....

Chris

One year, five days. 5562 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,816.95 Aussie dollars. Life saved: 2 weeks, 5 days, 7 hours, 30 minutes.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

31 Jul 2002, 11:20 #13

Marty,

Super post. I can relate to many of your thoughts and feelings. My quit is in the adolescent period compared to yours. I am fortunate and blessed to feel the comfort I feel today. I can hardly wait until I am down the road a year or two.......It must be A Gold Paved Road.

Roger
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

31 Jul 2002, 17:23 #14

In case any of you are inrigued by Hillbilly Dave's and John's comments... this was originally a post I made in a reply to Kiwi, and Dave suggested I create a new thread out of it. I hope Kiwi doesn't mind me re-using my personal reply to her
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Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

31 Jul 2002, 20:25 #15

God luv ya Marty, that is such a nice calming post, it has nicely reminded me of how easy it would be to blame a "bad day" for wanting to smoke, I've been having a bad morning, you see in a few minutes I have to go and have a wisdom tooth out, I've never had to do that before, let alone face it without having a substantial amount of nicotene in my body, but seeing your words has calmed me down and reminded me that smoking does not have to be an automatic requirement to deal with things. Thank you, I better go now, there's a dentist chair with my name on it !!!!
Love Naymor xxxx
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

31 Jul 2002, 21:04 #16

Hey Marty,
Been awhile since I posted to one of your bang-on messages......i often get that, too - oh, are you still not smoking? Usually I get this from the smokers....they're almost a little disappointed (it seems) but I suspect it's more akin to a little jealous. It is so true how I have so many days now when I don't think about smoking and then my activities and thoughts are gently reminded, not by triggers, but by those around me about smoking. I am so grateful to have kept this quit and know that complacency is deadly so I still remind myself in the mornings about, One Day At A Time. But this is a new life for me and one that I do not take for granted. The constant torment is gone and has gradually been replaced with gratitude and awareness so I guess that's what freedom is.....being released from the torture but ever aware of it's potential to slide easily back in. Thanks Marty.
Diana
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

01 Aug 2002, 01:35 #17

Dear Marty:

Gosh this is a great post, great inspiration, and great visualization of where we can go if we just never take another puff.

thanks for sharing, sammy (26 days, 12 hours, 41 minutes of acknowledging and respecting the power of addiction).
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:59

02 Aug 2002, 00:46 #18

Congrats, Marty!!!! 20 months is fantastic!!
Your message basically explains that feeling I've been having lately - the big grin, the pride in myself. Ever since turning Gold last week, I have difficulty NOT being happy! Like you, thinking of smoking is like thinking of something I don't do - I loved your analogy of trying not to close your eyes while crossing a busy street, LOL!! I feel the same way!
I also beleive that this is something that is uniquely MINE. No one else can have my quit, only me. It is my biggest accomplishment, over my college education, over my upcoming wedding - those things I didn't need to work as hard at, LOL!!
You're right, Marty - these newbies need to understand it's not ANYTHING like the first few months. It's not as if we never smoked - we didn't have our minds wiped, of course - but it's as if smoking holds nothing for us anymore, but our strength and determination in being smarter than our addiction does.
Love & Hugs!!
Diana
I have been FREE for 1 Year 1 Week 39 Minutes 9 Seconds. Cigarettes not smoked: 4464. Money saved: C$1,618.32. Life saved: 1 Mo 3 Mins 15 Secs
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Joined: 07 Jan 2009, 19:25

02 Aug 2002, 11:09 #19

I've got an inkling of being where you are, Marty. I can't yet say that not smoking is so automatic a part of me as you describe. But I can say that when I'm having a bad day, one of the comforting things I tell myself is that, at least I didn't smoke -- and it is a comfort. And I'm so much better at dealing with triggers when they come up. One surprised me today, and within minutes, I realized that the smoking urge came from the fact that I was walking around where I used to take smoke breaks in a previous job, for the first time since I quit. And it was easy to reaffirm my commitment to quit and defuse that trigger. I feel more and more comfortable, and more and more secure in my identity as a nonsmoker. But each day I recommit to my quit, and taking it One Day At A Time.
Sophy, Day 83
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

07 Sep 2002, 18:15 #20

As entrenched nicotine dependent humans many of us fed ourselves scores of rationalizations that allowed us cope with the situation in which we found ourselves. For example, it was really pretty easy to say we liked smoking when all we had to compare it with was the sensations of chemical withdrawal. How many of us even remembered what it was like inside our minds prior to nicotine taking control? I sure didn't.

As Marty points out above, it really is much easier being free and me than it ever was arranging life around that next nico-fix. There is no pot of gold at the end of the quit rainbow. It's better than gold! It's 100% "you" and it can't be bought, melted or coined! You're going home! Enjoy the journey! It can be one of the most rewarding adventures of your life! John
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Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:03

13 Dec 2002, 20:55 #21

If you're in your first day or week or month, this is what you have to look forward to if you just hang in there. Everyone has to start the same way--on Day 1.
From there to the place Marty is talking about is just a matter of taking things One day at a time

It really is that simple.


Last edited by Hillbilly(Gold) on 05 Nov 2009, 20:34, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:58

06 Mar 2003, 04:27 #22

I first read this when my quit was just shy of 2 months old. At that time, I thought it was a beautiful picture of a quit, but did not believe that I would ever feel this way. I still felt plagued by daily thoughts of smoking.

Now on the verge of 9 months, this post makes sense to me. I'm haven't hit all the same levels, but can feel myself heading in that direction. A good, healthy, life-affirming direction.

Nurture your quit with everything you've got in you. Give it time to grow and mature. Comfort is there waiting for you...

Grateful for every day of my freedom,
Parker
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Joined: 09 Jan 2009, 23:29

07 Mar 2003, 15:17 #23

My quitting nicotine has transformed my life, and I dread to think where I would be if I had relapsed, as I had done on all my previous attempts to quit. I now lead an extremely active lifestyle and enjoy to the full the benefits of having been nicotine free for the past two and a half years or so. Quite simply it is probably the most important thing I have done for myself so far in my life, and I never want to be in a position where I would have to quit smoking again.

Best wishes -John (Previously Clown065)
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Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

23 Apr 2003, 22:29 #24

If you're a new arrival reading posts like Marty's you're probably scratching your head. Each of us were so deep into our dependency that we lost sight of truth and reality. I know you think taking back your life is hard but it isn't nearly as challenging as spending the rest of your life as the chemical servant of nicotine. Patience, baby steps, just one day at a time and you'll soon begin to sense the calmness that resided inside your mind before nicotine took control. You're going home! John
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Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:00

31 May 2003, 09:34 #25

Just sitting here on Friday night looking for something inspirational to read on freedom and ...... I see that OBob has brought up this post from Marty. It's a wonderful, thought provoking , inspirational post. The one line that hit me like a ton of bricks was..

The thing I miss is the awful, sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that I used to get every night when I went to bed, the dread of what I was doing to my body, and the feeling of self-disgust that I wasn't doing what I knew I should do about it. When I smoked, even the best of days was ruined.

Thanks Marty, I can relate to that one. It's so easy to run away from things that are unpleasant or painful to live with, but what a wonderful feeling it is to take charge and do something about it. Wonderful post and I know it will hit the pit of the stomachs of many of us... Thanks.....

yqs, sue
Two months, two days, 3 hours, 41 minutes and 55 seconds. 2526 cigarettes not smoked, saving $364.79. Life saved: 1 week, 1 day, 18 hours, 30 minutes.
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