Caring for Our Recovery

John (Gold)

8:51 PM - Feb 20, 2001#1

Caring for Our Recovery
The recovered alcoholic, the heroin addict, the nicotine addict, deep down each knows the "Law of Addiction." They've heard it over and over again. Just one sip, one tiny fix, or just one little puff or hit of nicotine, just once, that's all it takes and the addict is back! They know that either immediately or in a short period of time they'll once again be slaves to their old level of drug use or greater. We know the Law of Addiction, so why do we break it?

There are three primary factors associated with relapse: (1) rewriting the law of addiction; (2) an excuse; and (3) a vague memory. It doesn't matter if it happens within two hours, two days, two weeks, two months, two years, or twenty, the factors remain the same and apply to all of us. Rewriting the law of addiction is easy and we don't need a pencil, paper or computer to do it.

Amending the Law of Addition

"Just one puff," "one chew," "one dip" and then "do not pass go, do not collect $200, but go
directly to the addict's prison and surrender your freedom for good." It isn't that the recovering nicotine addict doesn't know or believe the law, because we do. It's just that we begin to believe that we're an exception to the law. We convince ourselves that we're stronger and smarter than those who discovered the law, or wiser than all addicts who came before us. We try to amend the law. We put ourselves above it. "Just one, it'll be ok, I can handle it, I'm stronger than the others, a little reward, it's been a while, I've earned it!!!"

I'm sorry. As soon as such thoughts begin infecting the mind they tend to feed upon themselves and in all likelihood your body's period of healing and freedom is about to end. All our dreams and hard work are being thrown into a dirty toilet that a single hit of nicotine is about to flush.

For the smoker, within 10 seconds of that puff up to 50% of their brain's a4b2-type acetylcholine
receptors will become occupied by nicotine, stealing an unearned dopamine high that the brain's priorities teacher will make nearly impossible to forget. While we may very well walk away from the event thinking we've gotten away with it, our brain will soon be begging for more.

Instead of saying that we can handle" just one ," a truthful statement would be that "I can handle them all, give them all back to me, my entire chemical dependency, fix after fix. If a smoker, picture all the ashtrays, the endless stink, the cough, the stream of cancer causing chemicals (at least 43) and tissue destroying toxins that arrive with the 4,000 chemicals present in each puff puff. Picture the constant gradual destruction of every cell in our lungs and the slow but steady clogging and hardening of blood vessel throughout the body. Atop that one puff add the 50/50 likelihood that of losing 13 years (males) to 14 years (females) of life expectancy and all the money it will cost me to stay enslaved for years and years to come (together with future price increases designed to get us to quit). Add growing social pressures that will make us feel even more like social outcasts. Don't lie but tell yourself the truth about that one puff, "I want it all back, all of it!"

It's far easier for the junkie mind to create a one puff, one chew or one hit exception to the "law" than admit the truth. A one pack a day dependency means 7,300 cigarettes a year. Don't picture smoking just one. Instead, picture yourself sticking at least a year's supply into your mouth all at once. Try fitting them all into your mouth because in truth that's exactly where they'll be going, year after year after year. "To thine own self be true." You deserve the truth - you paid the price - you earned it.

The Perfect Excuse

The excuse can be anything. Usually the addict waits for that great excuse to come along, but some get tired of waiting and any old excuse will do. Even joy! A reunion with an old smoking buddy, a few drinks with friends, a wedding, a graduation, or even a baby's birth and a free nicotine laden cigar, or trying a harmless looking new nicotine delivery device like the 27 flavors of suckers, the straw, lozenges, candy or even nicotine water or soda, why not! But joyful or even stupid nicotine relapse is harder to explain to yourself and to those you love.

The smart nicotine addict waits for the great excuse, the one that we know we can sell to ourselves and others. As sick as it may sound, the easiest to sell and the best of all is the death of a loved one. Although everyone we love is destined to die and it will happen sooner or later, for the reformed addict it's the perfect excuse for relapse. I mean, who can blame us for ingesting highly addictive drugs into our bodies upon our mother's death. Anyone who does would have to be extremely insensitive or totally heartless! Right? Losing a job, the end of a relationship, serious illness, disease or financial problems are all great excuses too - it's drug time again! The addict is back!

Lost Memories

But an excuse doesn't work alone. It needs help. Failing memories of "why" we were willing to put ourselves through the anxieties and emotion of physical withdrawal, and weeks and weeks of psychological adjustment in order to break free, breathe fatal life into any excuse. Most of us failed to keep a detailed record of why we commenced recovery or what it was like. Instead, we are forced to rely upon our memory to accurately and vividly preserve the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. But now, the memory in which we placed all our trust has failed us.

It isn't that your memory is bad, faulty or doing anything wrong. In fact, it's working as it should to preserve in as much detail as possible the joyful events of life, while forgetting, as quickly as possible, all the pain and anguish that we've felt, including our disdain for the addict's life we lived. To have our brains do otherwise would make life inside our minds unbearable. If women were forced to remember the true agony and intense pain of childbirth, most would have just one. We are each blessed with the gift to forget.

So how does the reformed nicotine addict who failed to keep accurate records of their journey revive their passion for freedom and recall liberty's price? If we forget the past, are we destined to repeat it? Not necessarily. It doesn't have to be. But just as any loving relationship needs nourishment to flourish, we can never take our recovery for granted or the flame will eventually die and the fire will go out. We have to want to protect this glory until the day we die. We have to turn that "want" into action. If we do, we win. If not, our fate may be up in the air with serious risk of relapse followed by crippling disease or even a very early grave.

Whether it's daily, weekly or monthly, our recovery needs care. If you don't have a detailed log to regularly review when faced with adversity, upon each anniversary of your quit or at each birthday, do your best to create one now. Talk to those still smoking and ask for help in revitalizing your memories. Encourage them to be as truthful as possible. Although they may look like they're enjoying their addiction to smoking nicotine, the primary joy they get is in keeping their body's blood serum nicotine level within the comfort zone, so as to avoid the onset of the anxieties and craves of early withdrawal. Show them your pen and paper and invite them to help you create your list. You may even cause a spark in them. Be kind and sincere. It wasn't long ago that those were our shoes.

Also, try envisioning the first week. What was it like? Can you still feel the powerful craves as your body begged and cried to be fed? Can you still feel the pain? Do you see yourself not being able to concentrate, having difficulty sleeping, feeling depressed, angry, irritable, frustrated, restless, with tremendous anxiety, a foggy mind, sweating palms, rapidly cycling emotions, irrational thinking, emotional outbursts or even the shakes? Do you remember these things? Do you remember the price you paid for freedom? Do you remember why you were willing to pay it?

If you have access to a computer, you won't need a smoker's help or even to recall the early days
of your own journey. You can go on-line to scores of smoking cessation support groups and find thousands of battles being fought, hear tons of cries and watch hundreds struggling for survival as they cling to the promise of the rich sense of inner calmness, quiet and comfort that lies beyond. Visit as often as possible. Make a few posts to those in need. The most important thing you can tell them is the truth about why you are there. Tell them how comfortable and complacent you've become. It's what they yearn to hear! Many smoked their entire adult life and have a difficult time believing that withdrawal isn't permanent. Fear of the unknown is frightening. Help them and in doing so help yourself.

If you find yourself attempting to rewrite the law of addiction, stop, think, remember, read, revisit, revive and give to others, but most important, be honest with you. Terrible and emotional events will happen in each of our lives - such is life. Adding full-blown nicotine relapse to any situation won't fix, correct or undo your underlying concern. In your mind, plan for disaster today. How will you cope and keep your healing alive should the person you love most in this world suddenly die? What will you do?

Remember, we've only traded places with our now arrested chemical dependency and the key to the cell is one puff of nicotine. As long as we stay on this side of the bars, we are the jailers and our dependency the prisoner. We only have two choices. We can complete this temporary period of adjustment and enjoy comfortable probation for life or we can smoke nicotine, relapse, and intentionally inflict cruel and unusual punishment upon these innocent bodies for the remainder of their life, together with inviting a 50/50 chance that you'll be putting yourself to death. If the first choice sounds better - comfortable lifetime probation - then we each need only follow one simple rule - no nicotine today, Never Take Another Puff, Dip or Chew!

Breathe deep, hug hard, live long!

Last edited by John (Gold) on 12:16 AM - Jan 20, 2010, edited 5 times in total.


9:24 PM - Feb 20, 2001#2

How did you know I was feeling this? How did you know I needed to hear this? You hit the nail on the head for me today! I gave up a 7 month quit (almost 8) due to my husband being in a bombing. I didn't know if he was alive or dead for almost a day. It was a Navy wives nightmare. Khaki's everywhere, brass as far as the eye can see and no word! It was awful, but I didn't smoke...UNTIL IFOUND OUT HE WAS ALIVE!!! Go figure! I have no clue why I did that. Relief? The fact that everyone else left the room to go outside and have one and I followed? I worked so very hard last time. The Lord was with me. And here I am four months later through **** week. It has been very hard. I am scared that the next time I just won't have the will to quit. I am hanging onto this quit like it is my last chance. Your letter proved to me that no matter what type of stress comes our way, in the laws of an addict, we should NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF. That has been the life saving phrase to me and wish I hadn't rationalized it away last time. Now I know better. Thanks for a post that really hit between the eyes. I was starting to wonder why I had started now, why didn't I wait until he went out to sea again in a year or so. I just keep telling myself it was too soon. I must stop the JUNKIE thinking and move on. Thanks Zep!



9:38 PM - Feb 20, 2001#3

I am guilty of all three factors of relapse!

(1) rewriting the law of addiction
I have the strength to stick to a couple of cigarettes a day or just smoke at the weekend (yeah right)

(2) an excuse
Smoking will help me lose weight (sure) I am going through a traumatic time right now (cigarettes make it all better)

(3) a vague memory
I can stop any time...I have done it problem! (It's ****!!!!)

I seem to have 'forgotten' that I was NEVER able to stick to just a few cigarettes...EVERY SINGLE TIME I started smoking again I very quickly worked my way up to 20 a day and smoking NEVER helped me lose weight...and every time I attempted to quit I went to **** and back and I did not last long at all before I started again!

It's interesting to look back and see how often I have deceived myself....scary
thank you for posting this...

S Sweet

12:19 AM - Feb 21, 2001#4

thanks zep, as always you guys seem to post these things just at the right time for me lol

still smokefree and loving life - 4 months and counting

Succeeding Gold

7:39 AM - Feb 21, 2001#5

Thanks Zep - I have almost 3 months now and I really needed the reinforcement!
I am
Last edited by Succeeding Gold on 1:56 AM - Feb 16, 2009, edited 1 time in total.

GrumpyOMrsS (Gold)

9:58 AM - Feb 21, 2001#6

Hi Zep and everyone.....

This is really an important post. My quit has become on obsession with me. It took me 41 years to take the plunge and it has been a time of revelation and joy.

It was a fairly easy quit if I compare it to many of the others I have seen on the board.....but it does not make it any less valued. It has been an has been a truth faced and it has made me a lot stronger person. I know that I may never have the desire to quit again nor may I ever get a chance to quit again should I take a puff. I have learned that all quits are different......this one was a joy...if I had to do it again, the next could be terrible. I have learned that this quit is mine....I did it by myself and, by the same token...I am the only one that can keep it. If I go back to smoking, it won't be because a crises has occured or a job lost or someone did not say hello to me will be because I ignored all that I learned and all that I was taught and took a puff....all by myself. This quit has made me a stronger person and a healthier one....It has made me happier and prouder......and i never ever want to forget that I smoked or let anything get hazy in my mind, because I know and have learned that I'm only one puff away from not only a full fledged addiction.....but I could possibly be only one puff away from my death.

Linda.........After smoking for 41 years...I have been smokefree for one year, one month, two weeks, three days, 8 hours, 56 minutes and 22 seconds. 8287 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,243.12. Life saved: 4 weeks, 18 hours, 35minutes.


10:15 AM - Feb 21, 2001#7

that is simply the great truth, thank you for your words.


10:32 AM - Feb 21, 2001#8

Thanks Zep!

John (Gold)

9:10 PM - Mar 22, 2001#9

Imagine, for a second, that Freedom is a heroin recovery support group instead of nicotine. Picture each of us as recovering heroin addicts who have never smoked. When a "great" EXCUSE for relapse comes along what would we each consider putting into our blood stream? Nicotine? NOT!!! The thought would never cross our minds! We'd reach for heroin. The recovering alcoholic, the cocaine addict, they'd each reach for their own substance too.
The ability of a drug to produce an intoxicating type high is not a measure of its power to create dependence in those who use it. In every drug comparison research study that I've been able to locate (three so far) nicotine has ranked first in "dependence" when compared to heroin, cocaine or alcohol. We can either use this information as another "excuse" or as "motivation" for getting serious about taking our lives back.
This isn't new information either. The first study findings made headlines in 1986 when the U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Koop, proclaimed to the world that nicotine was right up there with heroin and cocaine in its addictive properties. Science has come a long way but there is still much to learn. Today scientists are analyzing how addictive substances alter the brain's normal dopamine patters to give each type of addict their very own "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh" feeling. We don't need to become brain scientists in order to taste victory in our lives. All we need to do is remember the most important lesson of all - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!
Last edited by John (Gold) on 2:09 AM - Feb 16, 2009, edited 1 time in total.

maid n oz (Gold)

10:42 PM - Mar 22, 2001#10

Dear Zep,
I was only thinking about this yesterday when I was having coffee with my mum. As I looked at her with absolute unconditional adoration, I wondered how I would handle( god forbid) her death or someone else's in my family or a close friend. As I lost my younger brother, suddenly, in a car accident just in August of last year and when I think back to that time, I'm here to tell you all, the experience of losing a loved one is crippling. Even dealing with your grief months after, the strongest cravings can come when I'm thinking of my brother and I'm sad. You're so very right Zep. I realised with your post, at this point I would most definitely be a prime target. I can see myself embracing my addiction in 'my time of need'. The death of a loved one is to me, the ultimate trial. I mean, mentally and physically, a grieving person is at their weakest and most vulnerable time. 'Sometimes', in grief, for a period of time, the last thing you want to think about is prolonging your life. Especially, when the loved one you have lost, is a partner or a child. Facing the reality of death is something all of us will have to deal with at some time in our lives and protecting our quit may fall to the bottom of our list of priorities, so we need to prepare ourselves. We need a back-up switch to click in when our senses, check out. I know I have a lot of work in front of me. Thanks Zep. Powerful post.

Triin (GOLD)

11:40 PM - Mar 22, 2001#11

Hi Zep!

You wrote:
"In every drug comparison research study that I've been able to locate (three so far) nicotine has ranked first in "dependence" when compared to heroin, cocaine or alcohol".
Could you provide us with the links of those studies (if they are on Internet)? It is really interesting.

Thanks in advance,
I have been Quit for: 1M 17h 39m 16s. I have NOT smoked 634, for a savings of $43.64. Life Saved: 2D 4h 50m.


12:02 AM - Mar 23, 2001#12

Thank you Zep!
Haven't posted in quiet some time, in constant competion for computer time with kids and spouse. Feeling very good about my quit I yeild to them.
Out of the blue yesterday I found myself covinced that I could handle "one...just one". I was scheming, planning for about 3 hours, maybe longer, this went on. I even selected the smoker I was going to bum from, a person who wouldn't tell. The only reason I didn't smoke was because of my former closet smoker mentality. The opportunity never presented itself to discretely hit him up. Dumb luck. Out of frustration I gave up! Packed up my tools, came home, logged on, and here it was...excactly what I needed to read. Couldn't find the words yesterday...ashamed I guess for even entertaining the idea. It's dominated my thoughts and I am sill pretty shook up...I'm scared and will not let go of that'll keep me honest
Happy to report I am still smoke free and will be green next Monday!

3 weeks and 2 days

John (Gold)

7:06 AM - Mar 23, 2001#13

Dear Triin,

I tried posting some articles for but hidden HTML codes really messed up the entire thread. I'm going to try a little different approach this time. The three studies I was referencing were the 1988 U.S. Surgeon General's Report by Dr. Koop, and two articles I've cited in "Nicodemon's Lies. I doubt we'll locate full texts of the studies online but abstracts are available. Here are a few of good links that contain brief abstracts of most of the work in drug comparison over the past decade. If you run into any other good materials please share the link.

Be careful in searching as Phillip Morris and other drug manufacturers have funded lots of "scientific" research with findings to the contrary and now NRT drug manufactures have found scientists who'll say that nicotine may be addictive but our nicotine is wonderful! A couple of these are not very detailed but still reinforce the fact that the findings around the world are producing similar results. The last Turkey article was very early, May 1991, but very telling in regard to NRT. Nicotine marketing has improved tremendously in just a decade. I'm off to class!

American Council on Science & Health, August 5th, 2000

Triin (GOLD)

6:06 PM - Mar 23, 2001#14

Thank you, Zep, so much, the articles were very interesting. It's striking truth, isn't it? I was so suprised when I first read how addictive nicotine is. I believe most of the people don't know it. It drives me crazy when I ask people why they smoke, and they answer "oh, it's a bad habit" I want to yell at them: "NO, It's NOT a habit, it's a DEADLY ADDICTION, you have to acknowledge it some time!!!"

Also, Zep, good luck with running these anti-smoking programs

And Kristin - it's nice to see you! I was wondering where have you been...

I have been Quit for: 1M 1D 12h 5m 10s. I have NOT smoked 650, for a savings of $44.69. Life Saved: 2D 6h 10m.

JimD (Green)

6:59 PM - Mar 23, 2001#15

Hey Zep...Thanks for this was a great review of where I've been and where I'm going today as I celebrate 3 months of Freedom...Getting comfortable now, but I know the dangers of that from past experience, so thanks for the reminders!
Jim D.


3:16 PM - May 13, 2001#16

Right On Zep! Every time I think I'm losing it, I tune in to you all and get a handle to hold. Thank You again...for much help thru these 9 weeks of sometimes madness, sometimes proud and happy to be me without the habit...Peace and Love from Paula (63 days w/o a puff)

Joanne Gold

2:45 AM - Jun 23, 2001#17

For our newbies, for all of us.
Keep your eye on the prize!
One day at a time....

John (Gold)

6:19 AM - Jul 14, 2001#18

We care for our recovery as if our life depends on it.

Because it likely does!
Last edited by John (Gold) on 1:59 AM - Feb 16, 2009, edited 1 time in total.

John (Gold)

7:58 PM - Jul 30, 2001#19

The Endless Cycle of Defeat & Decay
Forget the concept of "just one" or "the perfect smoke," this is where a single puff would take us! But, we will never be forced to face the thousands of nico-fixes it will bring us, if we simply remain strong enough to defeat that very first puff of nicotine.
We each must die someday, but not today, not as an addict, and when we do hopefully healthy! The comfort becomes complete! Enjoy your healing!
Last edited by John (Gold) on 2:01 AM - Feb 16, 2009, edited 1 time in total.

John (Gold)

6:48 PM - Aug 11, 2001#20

Last edited by John (Gold) on 2:03 AM - Feb 16, 2009, edited 1 time in total.

John (Gold)

5:22 AM - Sep 07, 2001#21

Learning to live and walk among the addicted while remaining free ourselves takes patience and dedication. Getting our ashtrays back and our pockets full of addiction tools is one of the easiest things we can ever do. Our healing can be destroyed with a snap of the fingers, as fire meets white, and smoke meets healing. It's over, it's done, the addict is back! Freedom isn't free! If we want to keep it then we can never take it for granted! When it comes to my addiction, I'm not one bit different from you. I'll always be just one puff away from three packs a day - and then I'll stay that way, as long as the decay doesn't kill. Is that what life's about? God be with us! YQB John

mirigirl (silver)

10:07 PM - May 14, 2002#22

This thread is good for me - it helps to be reminded to care for my quit.

Although these days its a lot easier to do than all the energy invested in the first few weeks - I still remind myself every day that just for today I've made a decision not to smoke. I accept myself as a nicotine addict - and for me "just one" is just not possible. And I've learnt here at Freedom that I can care for my quit no matter what is happening in my life. I like that ~ "caring for my quit" ~ it's something I can do every day to care for me. I'm glad it gets easier.

yqs mirigirl
another nicotine addict
free and healing

GrumpyOMrsS (Gold)

7:27 AM - May 16, 2002#23

congratulations, John, on your three years of freedom and on leading the way.


AMD33 (gold)

1:25 PM - Jun 15, 2002#24

This thread has been so important to me. I have subscribed to it, so whenever anyone posts to it, I get an email with the subject line: Caring for our Quit.

Just reading that subject line reminds me that I need to pay attention, even if I haven't been back to visit Freedom for a little while. Even though I have more than six months now, I am just one puff away from a full fledged habit. That email, Caring for Our Quit, always seems to come through just when I need it.

I caught myself trying to negotiate with the law of addiction this week for the first time in a while. I was at my new job and things were very very tough. I kept thinking about a nearby store that I knew carried my brand. I pictured myself going over there and buying a pack. I would just have one, I reasoned, and I would throw the rest away.

I don't know how many times I've told myself that lie before and acted on a trigger that would have passed in a moment or two. Back then when I negotiated I found myself stuck with my full fledged habit again. "Just one" is a lie.

And everytime I get that email, Caring for Our Quit, I recommit to my quit. I force myself to remember how bad it was before I was free. And I think about how hard it was to break free again once I gave in to my inner junkie.

I am so very grateful to be a member of Freedom

Thank you everyone

Jessica aka AMD33
Celebrating Freedom for Six months, three weeks, three days, 7 hours, 54 minutes and 1 second. 2053 cigarettes not smoked, saving $538.88. Life saved: 1 week, 3 hours, 5 minutes.

Suekickbutt (GOLD)

3:00 PM - Jun 15, 2002#25

I want to subscribe too!(if it's possible). I found this thread particularly helpful today - I had one those days for some unknown reason You know, looking inside shops as youwalk past, at their display of ciggies. Telling myself that it would be "fun" (fun? FUN??) to just have one and see what it feels like.


I have chosen not to smoke for 3 Weeks 4 Days 5 Hours 55 Minutes 57 Seconds. Cigarettes not smoked: 757. Money saved: A$231.01.