Absenteeism affecting progress?

BJC
BJC

April 22nd, 2009, 5:21 am #1

BJC - Free and Healing for One Month, Sixteen Days, 16 Hours and 2 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 6 Days and 14 Hours, by avoiding the use of 1907 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $286.57. Hi, everyone. I've been absent for a little while. Life has been demanding, lately. I have been spending every day for a week at the dreaded hospital: visiting my mom-in-law to be. I'll just come on out and say it. I've been wanting to smoke really badly these past few days. For whatever reason, I don't like the feeling. Am I getting too relaxed? Is my addictive reasoning getting to me? Am I just in a phase that all ex-smokers go thru? Not visiting the site seems to be taking a toll on my progress.
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RobinS614
RobinS614

April 22nd, 2009, 5:59 am #2

From the thread Thoughts that seem worse than the first days urges

The urges that happen weeks or months after initial quitting can catch you much more off guard than the urges encountered during the first few days. When you had an urge at 10:00 am the day you quit smoking, it was no big deal. You likely had one at 9:55 am just before it. In fact, the first few days if you went to long without an urge you would have felt something was wrong. Although, some people just have one urge that first day. It hits them when they wake up, goes away when they go to sleep, at which point they dream about smoking all night. In essence, it was chronic.
When you start to get more time under your belt not smoking, the triggers become more sporadic. At first separated by minutes, then hours, eventually days and weeks. But they still happen. When they occur after a long period of time they catch you much more off guard.

Also, in the beginning, when your guard is up and urges are frequent, you are constantly talking yourself through them. You are then basically reinforcing your resolve over and over again all day long. When you stop having chronic urges, you naturally stop reinforcing your resolve throughout the day. Then when the trigger hits, not having talked yourself through it very recently, you sometimes have a harder time mustering up the initial motivation for quitting and ammunition for staying off.

One other factor happens with time making urges feel stronger. You start to forget smoking but still remember the "good" cigarettes. You forget the ones you smoked automatically, paying no real attention to even as you smoked them. You forget the nasty one you despised as you smoked them. You forget all the associated annoyances that went with being a smoker. Then you start to remember the best cigarette you ever had in your life. If you focus on this cigarette without recalling all the others and the problems that went with the others, it is hard to not want it.



From the thread
Turning the corner - acceptance

Seems to be a common occurrence... Usually, somewhere between say 4 weeks and 4 months, sometimes a tad earlier, occasionally a bit later, we reach a hurdle. We've been through withdrawal. We've gotten ourselves really good at reconditioning triggers. But, something's still lingering. I've seen it described as a sense of doubt, a dread, a dark cloud. It's threatening. It's frightening

During our pre-quit, our withdrawal, and our early trigger reconditioning, we deal with heavy doses of the first 3 stages (denial, anger, bargaining). It's not always pleasant, but it IS something we can sink our teeth into. There's something to push against. As long as we've got a tangible enemy to fight, things tend to be, if not pleasant, exciting and clear-cut. Meet your enemy head on.... defeat it with truth, and sometimes sheer stubbornness.

Then.... gradually, the struggle lessens. Comfort begins to kick in. We discover, "hey! this is doable!"
BUT...
as we sit there, face to face with the prospect of our own success:
--The tangible struggle fades. Triggers happen, but they're fewer and farther between. We know how to deal with them now, and we recognize that they're temporary. Physical withdrawal seems a distant memory. The excitement is over. It's just me and my life, and it's time to get on with it. And, nicotine isn't a part of it. Neither is "quitting" -- I DID quit. In some ways it's like the aftermath of hosting a big party. The madness of preparation, the fun of the festivities... then, everyone's gone home, and there's just clean-up to do, and work the next day.

--We ponder our success. We ponder our identity. We're on the verge of making a transition. We've been a "smoker who's quitting" for weeks, maybe months. But, now we're feeling the comfort. We know it's doable in terms of winning the battles. We've won so many.... but, now we're at the point where something is suddenly becoming very real.... our identity as an ex-smoker... Success.
This is acceptance... and for many of us, it's terrifying! In some respects, it's simply another form of junky reasoning. But, in this case, it hits where we're still most vulnerable... our identity... our self-confidence.

the very nature of the transition -- acceptance of yourself as an ex-smoker -- is rooted in permanence. Where before, the struggles were day-to-day, this is suddenly about me vs. eternity.


From the thread
Complacency

I saw where a member who has been off a significant time period is seeming to be in a "bargaining" phase again. Actually, there is a phase that many people go through once they are off significant time periods that mimic bargaining. It is a stage of complacency.
The self talk a person may do when in complacency is the exact same self talk he or she may do when first quitting and bargaining. It will only be one, it'll get me through the crisis, it will be a terrible cigarette and help me secure my resolve, no one will ever know, and so on.
The only difference between the bargaining phase and the complacency phase is that when you are bargaining, you know all of the comments are lies and that you are just trying to convince yourself that you can have one. When in the state of complacency though you can believe everything you are saying. Whether you know the feelings are lies or not doesn't change the fact that they are lies.
You don't have the option of one and if you try to test the theory you are going to find yourself a smoker again. A smoker who is never going to have the support that you had last time (see Good news, our members don't relapse anymore...) and more importantly, a smoker who may never have the strength, desire or worst yet, the opportunity to quit again.

Last edited by RobinS614 on April 22nd, 2009, 6:07 am, edited 2 times in total.
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BJC
BJC

April 23rd, 2009, 4:34 am #3

Thank you so much, RobinS 614. I will read all of the articles which you referred to. The tid-bits of info. you included in your answer were helpful. Something for me to ponder upon, until I get the time to read more. A big, sincere thank you for your time!
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Joe J free
Joe J free

April 24th, 2009, 11:09 am #4

"Education Is The Key To Unlock The Golden Door To Freedom"
~George Washington Carver~

Reading and growth

Caring for your quit
"Come share your strength, come recognize your vulnerabilities?"
What can Freedom do for me?
"My support group is responsible!"
The fan letter
Reach for your dreams!
Patience
Last edited by Joe J free on April 24th, 2009, 11:17 am, edited 1 time in total.
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