Random thought

Carolyn green
Carolyn green

12:28 PM - May 29, 2003 #1

It is so irritateing that my family doesn't understand why I must quit, especially my younger sister. For the last three days she keeps offering me smokes...."you can't really not want one"....It would not be too far off to say that I hate her right now.
How or what should I be doing differently? I am trying very hard not to cave but it's so hard when even the people who are suposed to love you can't understand why you would want to quit killing yourself!
To be fair, my boyfriend has not let me forget how proud he of me for sticking to my guns.

Carolyn

I have been quit for 1W 4D 20h 26m (11 days). I have saved $35.13 by not smoking 177 cigarettes. I have saved 14h 45m of my life.
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eagle747au
eagle747au

3:52 PM - May 29, 2003 #2

Hi,Carol,camon,don't get upset if they don't understand or give you a hard time...YOU ARE QUITTING FOR YOURSELF and so KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK ...lead by example,'cause I believe that when in time they see you seriously quitted they made feel encouraged to quit themselves..so take courage and read read read Joel's reinforcement library....stay FREE,ciao yqb Rob
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Tubes GOLD
Tubes GOLD

4:59 PM - May 29, 2003 #3

Hey Carolyn:

Yes, it can be a little irritating when those closest to you do not understand the
motivation behind what you are doing. Or even how you doing it. I think what is
important is to remember that now you do have that choice. Yes, you could accept
the cigarettes from you sister. You just choose not to. I would recommend that
response the next time she asks.....no thanks...not right now....maybe tomorrow.

What does it matter what others think anyway? I choose to go my own path.
I may stumble, and even take a step back once in a while, but I am still moving
forward. The only person I have to justify my behavior to is the person I see in
the mirror every morning. Can't pull the wool over his eyes! (Well, yes, I can, but
I choose not to )

TubesInAsia
Nicotine Free: 3 Months 3 Weeks 5 Days 9 Hours 59 Minutes 16 Seconds
3116 LESS Nicotine Delivery Devices
$833.59 MORE in my Pocket
3 Wks 15 Hrs 22 Mins 21 Secs MORE in The Saddle, In The Wind
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qwerty (green)
qwerty (green)

5:53 PM - May 29, 2003 #4

This message has been deleted by the author.
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qwerty (green)
qwerty (green)

6:21 PM - May 29, 2003 #5

Hi Carolyn,

I'm sorry to hear you're being tempted by your family. This article from Joel's Library should help: Negative Support From Others. Reading the entire library is highly recommended. Remember that the non-addict usually cannot understand what it's like to be a recovering addict, nor can they fully appreciate the process of quitting (except for Joel, of course!), so a non-addict may not be the most helpful or supportive person.

Even so, there really is no excuse for relapse. Hard words, perhaps, but true. Here's a thread on that topic from the amazing John: A new excuse to relapse, and here's another one from Joel: Relapse - there is no legitimate reason.

Perhaps you can explain the health risks of smoking and the health benefits of quitting to your sister so that she can get a sense of what is at stake for you. Hang in there, keep that young quit going strong, and congratulations on getting through Glory Week!

qwerty
1 month, 1 week, 1 day
NTAP
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Joel
Joel

6:34 PM - May 29, 2003 #6

Hello Carolyn:

I have a solution for your sister's behavior. Next time she offers you a cigarette, smile and say yes I would like a cigarette right now. She will be so happy. When she gives it to you take the cigarette, smash it up in front of her and go flush it down the toilet. If she offers you another one do the exact same thing. If she still persists just keep destroying and flushing them. Explain to her that it would really be much quicker if she will give you her pack next time and you can destroy them all in one swift act. If she still seems bent on giving you cigarettes tell her to go out and buy you a carton and you will destroy them too. You would be amazed at how fast she will stop offering you her cigarettes if you stick to this plan. Smokers often realize just how expensive cigarettes are when they see them being quickly and senselessly destroyed. By the way, if she complains about your actions simply explain to her she offered you the cigarette. If you smoked them she wasn't going to get them back so what difference does it make what you do with them?

As far as why would your sister be making the offer, read the string Negative support from others. It covers the behavior your sister is partaking in. By the way, if you think your sister is driving you nuts, you should know that your actions are probably driving her nuts a bit now. Your sister thinks that it is impossible for you to quit. Your sister also thinks that it is impossible for herself to quit. You are shaking up her sense of reality here. She will likely be jealous of your accomplishment until she herself quits. Hopefully one day your example will help her to quit too but until that point you should always remember that you are the primary benefactor of your quit and nobody can make you lose your quit as long as you always stick to your commitment to never take another puff!

Joel
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ComicForces GOLD
ComicForces GOLD

9:10 PM - May 29, 2003 #7

Hey there. I love Joel's suggestion, although I personally don't think I'd have the "guts" to do something like that!

I remember when I had only been a few weeks into my quit (IF that - it was very early in my quit), a friend of mine (from whom I'd always bum) literally took a cigarette (unlit, of course) and tried to PUT IT INTO MY MOUTH. In all seriousness!! He said that I never followed through on a quit before… I was always the "I'm trying to quit, can I bum one" person. I told him about Freedom.

Surprisingly, the conversation turned to HIS struggle…and how much he KNOWS he needs to quit. And how lucky I am that at ten years his junior, I am conquering this addiction.

All of the smokers out there admire us and our Freedom. I'm not trying to sound high-on-ourselves here, and I'm not trying to make TOO bold a statement, but my personal theory, since I found Freedom, has been that NOBODY who smokes is happy about the fact that they are smoking. They sometimes express it in different ways, though. I try to keep that theory in mind, though.

Just stay strong and set a good example. Your comfort will amaze her more and more as time goes by. I really believe that. In turn, you'll feel stronger and stronger. And Free-er (is that a word or did I just make it up?) and free-er!! Good luck!!

ComicForces
3 months 1 week 1 day


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jdinkcmoGOLD
jdinkcmoGOLD

9:23 PM - May 29, 2003 #8

Hi Carolyn,
Are we related? I must have the same younger sister that you do. She is a real pain about this smoking thing sometimes. Do read all the stuff in Joel's library about this; it helped me a bunch. The other thing I've decided about my sister is that because she's still an active addict, my being quit is a threat to her. There have been a few times when she admits she'd like to but when she tried it once (using NRT), she lost it after a few months. Now, I see her junkie thinking more clearly. If I would fail, then she wouldn't feel as "guilty" for continuing to smoke. I've told her about whyquit and freedom but have no idea if she's ever come here or not. So, Sis, if you're lurking out there, you can do this. As for you and your Sis, the farther along you get in your quit, the more ability you will have to see her as an addict that you also happen to love. your quit sis, JD

Judy has been nic free for: 4 Months 1 Week 5 Days 6 Hours 12 Minutes and has NOT smoked 6041 smelly cigs, for a grand $$$ savings of $1,011.97 plus life of Freedom extended by: 2 Weeks 6 Days 23 Hours 25 Minutes.
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Joel
Joel

9:37 PM - May 29, 2003 #9

Hello CF:

Actually what I am suggesting shouldn't take too much guts. If your sister offers you a cigarette say no thank you, I don't smoke anymore. If she persists and offers you again say, "Well okay, if you really want me to have it give it to me." Then destroy it. If she acts insulted you can honestly tell her that you didn't want to smoke it and you will also be able to say that it made you feel good to destroy it. After all, she was giving it to you for your personal enjoyment, wasn't she? The other thing you can say is you felt good knowing it was one less cigarette she would smoke that day. I would then make it clear that any future offers will be dealt with the same way. Maybe one day you will have the honor of destroying your sister's last cigarette before her cigarettes destroy her. Hopefully she will learn from your example and if anyone ever pressures her she will know how to graciously accept offers for cigarettes, destroy them and come out with her commitment still intact to never take another puff!

Joel
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