MusicalMe (GOLD )
MusicalMe (GOLD )

February 14th, 2002, 3:50 am #76

Joel -

Thanks so much for that...it was right on time!! I've been smoke-free for 37 days now and have been having extremely vivid and therefore disturbing using dreams for the past few nights. I had a few in the first couple of weeks but not nearly as vivid and awful as these latest dreams. It's nice to know I'm not alone in this and that there is a reason it's happening.

Thanks again!

Ruth
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z greyfox (BRONZE)
z greyfox (BRONZE)

February 19th, 2002, 12:13 am #77

Well its been two weeks. I have read so much about this dream thing that I thought heck the best times I'm having right now is when I go to bed. No thoughts no cravings no nothing related to smoking.
Then last night it happened. If it hasn't happen to you, you would not understand the reality of this dream. I am sure each dream is different but the guilt seems to be the common thing. I was still sleeping but in my dream I had awoken and it was so real I was disgusted with myself for allowing a weak crave for a cigarette get out of hand. You know the one puff won't hurt thing well I went out bought a pack hid them in my work bench and one cigarette after the other until my daughter caught me. Well this was it for me I was back at step one.
But then it was morning and I was awake and still nicotine free. "It was my first nicotine nightmare" Yes they are real.
zig
2wks 2days 17 hours
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nightsnacker
nightsnacker

February 19th, 2002, 12:53 am #78

I had one last night too.. I was in the hospital and apparently had something wrong with my heart. I was argueing with the Doctor and telling him I had to leave. Then I had a heart attack in my dream and lost consciousness. I woke up after they had shocked me back and continued insisting that I would sign his form saying I was leaving against his advice. I needed to leave so I could go have a cigarette. I was thinking how I needed to quit smoking, but I was feeling how hard it would be. In my dream I had this horrible empty feeling when I thought about not smoking. I couldn;t imagine how I could ever give it up. What would I do with myself instead of smoke? How could I live through the pain being without a cigarette would cause me..
I woke up this morning and it took me a while to come out of the residual sadness I had in my dream. As the effects of the dream left I started feeling very peaceful and mellow. I realized I HAVE done it. I got through the first 3 days. I got through the first week. I am well on my way to my first month and the imagined pain wasn't and isn't anything like the agony I thought I would have without cigarettes. I love these dreams. When I wake up and realize it was a dream I always feel great!
Lisa
Nicotine free for Two weeks, six days, 9 hours, 816 cigarettes not smoked, Life saved: 2 days, 20 hours, 0 minutes.
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clean (bronze)
clean (bronze)

February 19th, 2002, 1:36 am #79

My fellow Freedom fighters must by psychic. I was just about to post a question asking what it is about these dreams (I had a very scary one last night) when this thread popped to the top of the list.

Thank you Joel for this great information. I dreamed last night that I smoked two cigarettes. I awoke this morning convinced I had done this and I was so sad and angry and scared! I needed to know why I was dreaming this six weeks into my quit and whether it meant I wanted to smoke because in my waking hours, I hardly ever think about smoking any more and I certainly don't want to smoke. So thank you for helping me see this is "normal."

I am curious about one thing -- I have never coughed since I quit smoking. Does that mean I haven't cleaned out my lungs?

Thanks again. As usual, when I need it, Freedom is there for me.
Clea
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marty (gold)
marty (gold)

February 19th, 2002, 6:09 am #80

No, Clean, it doesn't mean that. The build-up of tar and residue in the lungs is variable --- it is worse in some people than others, and of course it varies according to how many cigarettes you smoked, plus whether you live in the city, or work in a polluted atmosphere, and so on. The chances are if you haven't been coughing up a lot of garbage, there wasn't much to cough up, and you probably won't start now. Count yourself among the lucky few, but also don't be fooled. That doesn't mean you're immune to the bad effects of smoking, it just means that this time you missed out on just one of the many possible risks

Sweet dreams, everyone
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lenguatron (green)
lenguatron (green)

February 19th, 2002, 8:21 am #81

Hey, Joel and gang,
What a great post! Earlier in my quit I had been wondering where the smoking dream was. In past (unsuccessful) quits, I've always had a smoking dream, usually within the first week (whenever I made it that long). This time around, it was 30 days into my quit that I had the frightening dream.
Silly dream you know. I was meeting some friends (who didn't know I had quit smoking) in some sort of cafe/bar. They advertised cigarettes, so without even thinking I bolted up from the table and raced over to the counter to buy a pack. All they had were Benson and Hedges, which I had never smoked even when I smoked. I bought the pack anyway and went back to my table. I didn't really think about what I was doing until I looked at the half-burned cigarette smoldering between my fingers, making my hand actually look disgusting. I was crushed when I realized what I was doing. My friends were laughing at me as I ran out of the cafe and threw the pack in the trash.
But it was too late, and the horror of what I had done was beginning to sink in. What would I do about Freedom? Would I have the guts to go online and tell them I'd relapsed? I would have to go 72 hours without nicotine first! Could I? How would I live with myself, knowing I'd had all the tools and support, and yet failed again? A numbness began to take over--the numbness that always comes with a relapse. I guess I couldn't deal with hating myself, so my mind produced a numbness to cover it up. I began to realize why I was feeling numb, but there was no escaping what I had done.
Even after I woke up, it took me nearly an hour to realize I was hating myself over a dream. Slowly I realized with joy that hey, I really DIDN'T fail. I sighed with relief, a long, deep, clean sigh. I laughed to myself and thought, okay, so this is the only kind of relapse you ever get away with. And even a dream relapse results in horror! How awful would I feel in real life if I took another puff?
Thank you, it's always good to have somewhere to tell stories like these.
Congratulations to everyone for going strong!
Never take another puff. (Never know that pain again!)
YQS,
Mary (lenguatron)

FREE for one month, two weeks, three days, 19 hours... saving $158.10, free from 975 sickarettes, and a bonus 3 days, 9 hours and 15 minutes in my life!
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clean (bronze)
clean (bronze)

February 19th, 2002, 8:58 am #82

Thanks Marty. And no I don't and won't ever think I'm immune to smoking's bad effects. I'm already so glad to be rid of the smell, the shortness of breath when I exercised, the social stigma (I don't know too many people who still smoke, so I was a real stranger in my social circle), the frequent sinus infections, etc. etc. Thanks for filling me in and listening to my story.
Have a good week!
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OBob Gold
OBob Gold

February 19th, 2002, 9:05 am #83

That's scary Mary! I too was spared the smoking dream earlier in my quit, only to be stricken with it multiple times (3 I think) in the past 10 days or so. The differences between your dream and mine are so tiny, they don't even bear mention. In fact, I was starting to wonder if you were snooping in on MY dreams. The only thing that eases the stress from them is that slowwwww realization that it was just a dream. I wake up all bummed out... I can't go back to Freedom. I'm a failure.... just kind of thoughts in the semi-awake mind. And then, eventually, I remember I was sleeping, and I have to kind of think back.... "I didn't REALLY smoke, did I?" It takes a few to confirm that I'm okay, but once I do, I get some relief.

Very unsettling things, those dreams....
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Stan (Gold)
Stan (Gold)

March 8th, 2002, 7:23 pm #84

Funny that this thread should appear....just had one last night...can't even remember the circumstances, but as always glad to wake up and realize it was a dream...This dreaming business apparently is like when I was about 12 or 13 yrs old and we asked this old man of about 80 how old you had to get before you "Couldn't do it anymore"? He replied; "Boys you're going to have to ask somebody older than me"
I been whoopin' nicodemon coming up on 18 mos and folks to find out when the smoking dreams cease "you're going to have to ask someone who has quit longer than me"
Have a great day, Stan
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MSN User
MSN User

March 11th, 2002, 5:20 am #85

Thanks to all who replied to this thread .. Milly
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OBob Gold
OBob Gold

March 16th, 2002, 4:36 am #86

I guess the Never Take Another PUFF thing has really sunk in.

So, I'm on this party bus, and we're headed home from a pub crawl in San Jose. And there's Tess. She's offered a cigarette, and momentarily forgetting she doesn't smoke anymore, she absent-mindedly accepts, lights, puffs. I'm too late. TESS, what the **** are you doing?! Momentarily, she looks panicked, as the new, free Tess, relinquishes control to the junky. The moment of panick and horror passes from her face, and the junky speaks to me. "Don't get yer knickers in a twist Bob, it's JUST ONE." She puffs away, resuming her conversation with her friend, and her life of addiction.

Next scene. We're walking from the bus through some lot with a bunch of dead grass. It's like a border control point I vaguely remember as you enter Mexico from San Diego. Tess needs to get something from her bag, and asks me to hold the cigarette for her. I do, and before I remember that I don't do that any more, I put the already-lit cigarette to my lips, and inha....STOP! NO! Oh my GOD! WHAT HAVE I DONE! I exhale as quickly as I can. A big cloud of smoke comes out. I spit. The taste is all over my mouth. There's a drinking fountain near-by. I'm there. I'm trying to rinse my mouth out. But the realization's there. I know I got enough. I could see it in the billowing cloud of smoke that came out. Did I exhale in time? I know I didn't. I'm replaying one of Joel's articles in my mind.... the one about second hand smoke not having the capacity to cause a relapse, but how even the amount of nicotine absorbed through the lining of the mouth on an inhaled smoke IS. I know I'm lost. It was just an accident.... I only forgot for an instant. I know it's over. I know my freedom is taken. The demonic shadows (like in the movie, "Ghost") are creeping up around me, hissing, coming to take me back.

And then I wake up. Tess is asleep next to me. My eyes are as wide as saucers. Takes me a moment to collect the thoughts.... reassure myself that it was a dream.... there's a glass of water on the night stand.... I take a sip.... breathe again.....
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childofnite GOLD.ffn
childofnite GOLD.ffn

March 16th, 2002, 4:48 am #87

Oh god, OBob!!!!

I 'momentarily forgot' which thread I was reading in, and didn't realize it was a dream, until after I read: I put the already-lit cigarette to my lips, and inha....STOP! NO! Oh my GOD! WHAT HAVE I DONE! Because I know, as dedicated a member of Freedom that you are, that if this had been true you would NOT have posted.

But, you had me scared for a minute, there! I was SSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOO worried for your Tess! Don't do that again!

Yqs, Diana
7 Months, 2 Weeks, 4 Days. *phew*...
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OBob Gold
OBob Gold

March 16th, 2002, 5:05 am #88

That's how I felt like when I woke up this morning!

Sorry to scare you like that Diana. These doggone dreams seem so real.

And you're right. As a dedicated member of Freedom, I will never post a relapse for the simple reason that I will Never Take Another Puff.

10 weeks free tonight...

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childofnite GOLD.ffn
childofnite GOLD.ffn

March 16th, 2002, 5:30 am #89

Yeesh, aren't they horrible?!

I still have them at 7.5 months quit, and they can be pretty scary - however, intermixed with the scary ones, are ones in which I "JOEL-IZE" them buggers! LOL! I've got to have had a total of a hundred smoking dreams since I quit, and they don't bother me nearly as much as they used to, because after a certain period of time (I think) you come to this 'knowing', in that you *KNOW* - even while dreaming - that you wouldn't do that in real life, and so it dissipates quickly thereafter.

I remember a 'smoking' dream I had a month or two ago about a friend offering me a cig, and me turning it down, and ragging on her for the rest of my dream in true Joel fashion - in my dream, my friend actually quit - now, THERE'S a smoking dream I wouldn't have minded coming true...


Yqs, Diana
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childofnite GOLD.ffn
childofnite GOLD.ffn

March 16th, 2002, 5:32 am #90

Oh, and MAJOR congrats on your 10 WEEKS, OBob!!!



I've been watching you journey since the beginning, and I have to say, you are an impressive sight when you get going - reminiscent of our Marty. I have every confidence you'll be getting that Bronze medal in no time!

Diana
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OBob Gold
OBob Gold

March 16th, 2002, 5:47 am #91

Wow, thanks Diana. That's a big compliment in my book. As Tess is fond of saying, I couldn't be like a better person.
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NevadaGal Gold
NevadaGal Gold

April 4th, 2002, 1:47 am #92

Well, I woke up this morning sorta reeling from my dreams last night. I get my cup of coffee and log on which has become my new morning ritual and WOW, there it is right on top of the board... smoking dreams.

It was a sign, I must type this one out...besides, it is pretty funny after I have had a few minutes to think it through.

I was bringing my husband to a Freedom Gathering of some sort (he is a never-smoker) to have him meet all of you whom I have become very fond of. I was feeling pretty lousy with that 'out of sorts' feeling that I had in the very early days of my quit. I could not shake it, and tried all my 'old' standby methods of dealing with craves... nothing worked. And since I was going to be seeing all of you soon I guess it is OK to smoke as long as it is just one, and I figured I could quit again! And wow, I happened to have a cigarrette in my pocket! (how convenient!) So as we are walking up to the 'Freedom Building' I am lighting up, and as soon as I do I feel tremedous guilt and begin to panic. Since this is the first in-person gathering I have been to, nobody will know who I am, I decide to pose as a still-smoking spouse and ask my husband to pose as Matt, then I realize his wife is pregnant and that probably won't work... maybe Marty, or Bob, no they are probably already here, no, we are going to have to find somebody who is involved, yet not too much.... Well, I went through every male Freedom Member I could name, while puffing away trying to convince my husband to go along with this charade.

Well, when I woke I really thought hard about this dream. Guess I am still learning every day who I really am and who I was when I was smoking and to what lengths I am willing to go for my addiction. I am the queen of junkie thinking even in my dreams!

Here's to another day without nicotine!
The Happy Ex-Smoker
Rachel
Two weeks, five days, 9 hours, 36 minutes and 28 seconds. 194 cigarettes not smoked, saving $12.61. Life saved: 16 hours, 10 minutes.
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TooKan25 (green)
TooKan25 (green)

April 5th, 2002, 1:55 am #93

Bob,
...Look at it this way, it's like the earliest film technical brillance when the mirror, in the mirror, in the mirror.....ad infinitum, or the TV Pic, within the pic, within the pic.... was figured out... NOW, we're talking literally about smoke and mirrors!

I'm telling you! Bergman!! WATCH OUT! We're gonna get it all over 'Persona and the Scmokin' Gun'. Orsen Wells? is screwed, with the upcoming sequel "Rose Butt". Who else can I pick on... uh 'Dr. Caligary's Humidor'...

My mind is just hysterical in these things... because I NEVER WANT to smoke...it's the evasion of the act that causes me to divert... in the dream... I'm still working on the whole Greecian Satyr thing here... and the required elements of tragedy and satyr...protagonist, error/oopsy/moral **** up/flaw... and that we can't fight fate. hummmm.... So far? I have NOT smoked in any one of the dreams. I've either woken up laughing or move into another dream...

uh, if you get an agent, does this mean I already owe you royalities?

TooKan
Two months, one week, two days, 14 hours, 25 minutes and 52 seconds. 1715 cigarettes not smoked, saving $257.25. Life saved: 5 days, 22 hours, 55 minutes.
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OBob Gold
OBob Gold

April 5th, 2002, 2:17 am #94

TooKan, you've got me giggling like an idiot.
Last night, I dreamt I was a film critic. .
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TooKan25 (green)
TooKan25 (green)

April 5th, 2002, 2:45 pm #95

Bob! There's an epidemic!

So, there I was again... just now... woken up... the dream...(I cannot believe this is happening again.) THIS time, I am in a hotel, one on the mountains here in Colorado...Beaver Creek...foofoo hotel. I am DYING to get massaged, cucumber wrapped, (oh my gawd to die for...) I am SOOOO excited to be there... I am waiting to check in...I have my suitcase, skiis...another suitcase, wait...wait, what is THAT...a CASE of assorted cigarettes on the valet's cart. I begin to pitch a complete fit... that the porter has LOST one case, and that I cannot POSSIBLY stay in the hotel, amongst thieves. The manager of the hotel is offering me free rooms, ski passes, a private condo, food, wine, more massages.... OHHHH no, I want is restitution for the cigarettes... and the harm has been irrepairable...well, maybe MORE ...10 cases, should more than make up for the loss, the humiliation of my behavior in the lobby...and I'm very very interested in keeping of the heavy teri cloth robes for my very own. Again, I do not smoke a thing, and wake up with the porter delivering all this ****, pounds of food, wine, flowers...whaever... and entire bed is piled to the ceiling w/smokes. No even I draw this line---smoking in bed...The cigarettes get their own private room. This has hit and fallen OVER the top.)

...I don't know WHO or WHAT to blame... the spinach pizza I had for dinner, my subsconscious mind completely running amuck, or the sheer ability to really be able to release some of this insanity, however far-fetched I have to take it... for it to SINK into my thick head. I have a sneeking hunch that since this subject has been broached I have to admit I have hightened awareness about... the smoking dream... and now, lighters. I am near to convincing myself that it is NOT smoking therapy I need but rather Post Traumatic Nicotine Disorder treatment. (again, if there is a legal waiver here...regarding confidentiality on my posts... thank you ever so much, I'd like to review that now.)

And Bob, watch out in your new career path... you're up against some substantial "obstacles"...think about it... THOSE cig's are 20 feet tall, on the big screen...careful-- there could be a rash of unexplained cinema house fires.

(I must be delerious...TooKan
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Anna GOLD
Anna GOLD

April 9th, 2002, 8:03 pm #96

Hehe, you guys have me cracking up! Wish I had time to go back and read this whole thread again, but have to head to work.

My dreams have gone from devastating to almost down right ridiculous in that I wake up shaking my head and chuckling. Last night, I dreamt my hubby, some people from work, and I were at a social gathering with one of my bosses. (I work for 7 doctors). Now, this one dr is not my favorite of the bunch by a long shot, so why he was even in this dream is beyond me. Anyway, we're all sitting around a table and the doc produces hand rolled cigarettes. (not sure where that came from either; NEVER smoked hand rolled) He insisted that we all join him for a smoke. Being that he was a doctor, (and I guess because it was a dream) I must have convinced myself it was ok, so I did partake, but immediately woke up at that point. It took me about 2 seconds of panic to realize it was a dream, then the chuckling came in. The mind is a mysterious thing. Heading to work. *rolling eyes*

3 Months 1 Week 5 Days 8 Hours 3 Minutes 9 Seconds. Cigarettes not smoked: 2353. Money saved: $588.43.
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Saint GOOD GOLD
Saint GOOD GOLD

April 18th, 2002, 10:21 am #97

How true it is how true it is.........

My dream was sooo real!!!! I got home from work parked in the alley the way I always do but this time I was walking to the 711 and (though I dont remember buying smokes I did have one) I lit it up....and all of a sudden I started crying......I dident even want a smoke its like i was just majically in that situation. Then I was so incredibly pissed off at myself, I mean geez, even when I woke up I was angry at myself.....it really did take me a few minutes to realize that it was only a dream!!!!


Jacinthe
1 week 5 days!!! WHOO HOO!!!!
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misledfairy
misledfairy

April 21st, 2002, 9:06 pm #98

Now it is weird that this post should be at the top when I arrived here today, I dreampt that I was smoking last night, when I woke up I was in such a sweat, I was so disappointed with myself and felt I had let everyone here down. It took several minutes before I calmed down and realised I'd dreampt the whole thing.
Love Naymor
xxxx
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SweetLorraine (Gold)
SweetLorraine (Gold)

May 7th, 2002, 1:43 am #99

Had one of those scary very real smoking dreams last night - I was sobbing in the dream because I'd lost my quit and would have to give up my silver shoes! Thanks to freedom I knew this was not a sign I wanted to smoke or was never going to get past thoughts and dreams of smoking, but rather a sign of healing. So glad it was just a dream.

yqf Lorraine
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Roger (Gold)
Roger (Gold)

May 7th, 2002, 5:55 am #100

Lorraine,

Wondering if it was a full moon last night. I had one also at over 4 months. I haven't had one in a while. I guess a person never knows what is in store for us. They bother me during the dream itself as they are so realistic. Once I wake I can just say a big Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...and roll over and pay no more attention to it. It is such a calming feeling to know I will never take another puff. Even nightmares like smoking again can be looked at as just another dream as long as that is all they are is a DREAM.........

Roger
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