To be said just before taking your first puff after
having quit for any appreciable period of time
With this puff I enslave myself
to a lifetime of addiction.
While I can't promise to always love you,
I do promise to obey every craving and
support my addiction to you
no matter how expensive you become.I will let no husband or wife,
no family member or friend,
no doctor or any other health professional,
no employer or government policy,
no burns or no stench,
no cough or raspy voice,
no cancer or emphysema,
no heart attack or stroke,
no threat of loss of life or limbs,
come between us.I will smoke you forever
from this day forth,
for better or worse,
whether richer or poorer,
in sickness and in health,
till death do us part!"You may now light the cigarette."
"I now pronounce you a full-fledged smoker."
Postscript: While 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce, the addiction to smoking will last a lifetime-albeit a shorter lifetime. Once a smoker, annulment of the addiction is impossible. One puff can result in a permanent relapse. Don't take the chance of relapsing to this marriage of inconvenience.
NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!
© Joel Spitzer 1994, 2000
Page last updated by Joel Spitzer on August 23, 2003