I needed to post to this thread tonight. To remind myself of where I have come from and to add to the testimony that INSISTS........never take another puff.
I'm not to good on dates or the exact order that things happened. I couldn't tell you the number of times that I have tried to quit. But I can recall some of the circumstances in which I took the one puff .........that always (see above) becomes the one long extended daily puff of a coast to coast steam train addict!
Here's one from the early years. It could probably go into the (attempted) divine intervention thread that I have seen elsewhere.
.......A great weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I felt inspired to stop smoking as well. Two or three days into the quit I was at the park with my youngest boy (he was about 18 months old). The damage had probably already been done as I had bought a packet of cigs on the way there (undoubtedly blocking my mind at the time to the feelings of shame and worthlessness as well as to the voice of reason)...................................or was there still hope? As my boy played with a small ball I opened the packet and put the cig in my mouth...... but as I lifted a lighter to resume my flirtation with death and slavery a projectile (my sons' ball) flew threw the air and........quite precisely broke off the tobacco section of the cigarette leaving me with the filter tip in my mouth.........SAVED!!!!!!!!............? ...........surely?
.....Well, no................after giving my self esteem a final kick in the ribs (though I did ponder the situation for a few seconds) .....I took another cigarette out of the packet and resumed my smoking for at least the next 10 years (give or take a few more quit attempts).
The quits I have made in this time have lasted usually a few days or a couple of weeks. On two occasions I have stopped for about 3 months. A number of occasions I have been drawn back by starting to smoke cigars.....even when I knew where this would inevitably lead me......this path of repeated failure, as everyone knows, eventually leads to a terrible sense of hopelessness and desperation, whatever might be happening in the rest of your life.
This brings me to my last and probably wimpiest, most pathetic attempt at quitting made a few weeks before this, my final quit. (I am not trying to tempt fate or to be a man of iron here.....I just cannot afford to think or speak in any other way....this is my final quit). From the divine intervention (failed) of one of my earliest quits, we travel to an even more depraved picture that I am sure many of you can unfortunately identify with.....
........I throw tobacco in the bin as on several previous quit attempts............ I go to bed.............
...and next morning, like the most God forsaken dog returning to the filthiest vomit.....I retrieve enough tobacco from among the usual kitchen waste (use your imagination for this one if you have to) to roll a few smokes...... before I officially start my next stint of slavery by buying another packet.
It has been commented that many millions of people have stopped smoking without the benefit of this web site. I salute their courage and wisdom. A few weeks after the above quit attempt (????), desperate, depressed, but sort of wiser I decide (again) that I must quit. Something makes me look on the internet for help and I find this site. And as I read, the penny drops. I finally add the 2 of my experience to the 2 of yours and for the first time I get 4. I am an addict.......I will always be an addict.........therefore.......I must Never Take Another Puff..........and the road to recovery and healing began!
DAVID - Free and Healing for One Month, Four Days, 21 Hours and 49 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 3 Days and 15 Hours, by avoiding the use of 1047 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me £78.66.