The Isolation of a Widowed Smoker

Joined: 19 Dec 2008, 00:39

02 Feb 2007, 14:06 #41

This could be my life, smoking was taking control of everything I do during the day. I still "automatically" reach for my cigarettes before realizing that I am now an ex-smoker. I'm starting to control the panic I feel for a moment and articles like this really give me a boost of willpower.
Liz, 11 days quit.

Sal GOLD.ffn
Joined: 16 Jan 2003, 08:00

25 Aug 2007, 08:26 #42

I think that most of us can relate to this thread.
It is really nice to be free of the controlling constantness of nicotine withdrawal.
Stick with your quit, it is completely worth every bit of the adjustment period. You are healing.

One day you will just live your life as an educated and comfortable ex-smoker. Occasionally you will easily remind yourself: Never take another puff.

Always you will celebrate the choice that you made: your freedom. Image

Last edited by Sal GOLD.ffn on 28 Jul 2009, 00:26, edited 1 time in total.

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

09 Oct 2007, 23:24 #43

This article reminds me of the "insanity" of smoking. I've read it several times, but now I can see thoroughly that this was my life. I've hosted Thanksgivings in our family for years and can remember the panic of getting that cigarette in right before and after the meal. I am so happy to report the "insanity" is gone from my life now and I don't miss it one bit!!

ImageVICKI - Free and Healing for One Year, Two Months, Six Days, 17 Hours and 51 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 30 Days and 1 Hour, by avoiding the use of 8655 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $1,982.40.
Last edited by VICKIGOLD2006 on 28 Jul 2009, 00:25, edited 1 time in total.

Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

10 Oct 2007, 05:09 #44

it's quite shocking when you read the day like that. i expect it's a typical routine of most smokers - it's not till you see it in black and white though that it really hits home, i can remember the jittery feelings when you can't have a cigarette and the all consuming feeling that takes over until you have one.

i supose reading it like that is similar to showing someone who kept a food diary for a week how much junk they have eaten (like on the diet shows on tv) i always thought that their shock at seeing the food was a bit false and they must have some idea what would be on the table as they have eaten it - how easy it is to deny that you've had the forbbidon?

very enlightening as i always find the articles here - real eye openers!

jakki - I have been quit for 4 Weeks, 1 Day, 22 hours, 53 minutes and 21 seconds (29 days). I have saved £224.64 by not smoking 898 cigarettes. I have saved 3 Days, 2 hours and 50 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 09/09/2007 23:15

JoeJFree Gold
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

15 Nov 2007, 02:07 #45

What the 'planning for the next dose' theme of this 'Joel Classic' shows is not that we chose to 'punctuate our every action' but that the two hour half-life of nicotine in our blood serum became the control mechanism that drove our every thought, every action, every plan while we were still using nicotine to maintain our dependency.
We never inhaled the smoke of burning tobacco because we wanted to (although that's what we told ourselves) we did it on a very regular basis because we had to. We didn't smoke because we liked to ....we continued to ingest nicotine by any means available because we didn't like what happened when we were not able to replenish our constantly dwindling reserves - the almost immediate onset of withdrawal anxiety. The fear that life would fovever be racked with that (as it turns out very temporary) intense feeling of withdrawal anxiety is what kept so many of us trapped on the incessant 'paupers wheel' of addiction servicing.

Only after we pledge to permanently bar nicotine re-entry to our blood stream and brain and then pay the 72-hour deposit on our future of freedom do we see that getting rid of nicotine brings an unexpected and mostly underappreciated reward - absolute and unending freedom to live our lives free of the constant demands of an all-consuming chemical dependency.

imply Not Another Puff.......
and live free as we were always meant to live.
JoeJ Free a nicotine addict and now an ex-smoker for 2 years, 10 months, 4 days, 2 hours, 39 minutes and 14 seconds (1038 days).
I've not had to buy & consume 25953 Nicotine delivery sticks, and saved $5,689.35.
I've reclaimed 90 days, 2 hours and 43 minutes to live as I Choose, that's the best part of my gift to me.Image
Last edited by JoeJFree Gold on 28 Jul 2009, 00:32, edited 1 time in total.

JoeJFree Gold
Joined: 18 Dec 2008, 23:57

25 Aug 2008, 18:40 #46

You need not be a widow to feel and act as isolated as the person in this story. Everyone caught in active dependency feels this way due to the need to feed an addiciton - no matter what. The best way to avoid such a situation is to make and keep a personal commitment to never take another puff - no matter what.

Joined: 06 Dec 2008, 16:58

10 Dec 2008, 19:47 #47

Joel's Reinforcement Library

The Isolation of a
Widowed Smoker

Life had become a boring routine. She had just been going through the motions of maintaining a normal semblance of existence. Waking up, having a cigarette. Washing up and brushing her teeth, having a cigarette. Eating breakfast, having a cigarette. Doing some light cleaning, vacuuming, dusting, and having a cigarette. Watching a little television while having a cigarette. Preparing a sandwich for lunch, having a cigarette. Taking a short nap, waking up for a cigarette. Reading the newspaper, having a cigarette. Making a list of needed groceries, having a cigarette. Getting ready to do some light shopping, having a cigarette. Driving to the local market, having a cigarette. About to enter the store, but stopping to have a cigarette. Checking out at the cash register, leaving the store and having a cigarette. Going home and starting to prepare dinner, having a cigarette. Eating dinner, having a cigarette. Clearing the table and washing the dishes, having a cigarette. Watching a little television, having a couple of cigarettes. Washing up, brushing her teeth and getting dressed for bed, having a cigarette. Getting into bed, having a cigarette. Going to sleep.

Ever since the loss of her husband many years ago, nothing in her normal daily existence seemed to give her life any meaning or any real happiness. Weeks would go by with her barely cracking a smile. Almost nothing seemed to bring her joy anymore. But this day was starting differently. After breakfast her phone rang. She ran for a cigarette. On the fourth ring she made it to the phone and picked up the receiver. It was her daughter. She lived only an hour away, but because of her career, her husband's schedule and the kid's school, soccer, piano, ballet lessons, etc., they only were able to visit occasionally. Well, to her pleasant surprise, she found out that they were coming on Saturday to spend the day.

For the first time in weeks she seemed truly happy. As soon as she hung up the phone she grabbed for a cigarette. She had to start planning and preparing to see the kids. She called her beauty shop to make an afternoon appointment. When she hung up the phone she took a cigarette. She got dressed and ready to go shopping, and right before leaving, she took a cigarette. In the car driving to the store she hurriedly smoked two cigarettes for she knew she could not smoke while in the store. She hurriedly went up and down the aisles, with a certain bounce in her step for she was still so excited about the visit. When she left the store she hurried to her car and lit a cigarette. She went home, put away the groceries, prepared and ate a quick bite, smoked a cigarette and hurriedly left the house to be on time for her beauty shop appointment. While she was there she smoked and conversed with the other patrons, glowing as she told of her exciting weekend news.

When she got home, she smoked a cigarette, and starting preparing a turkey for the big Saturday night meal. She smoked and ate, smoked and cooked and smoked and prepared for bed. One last cigarette and she slowly dozed off, happy and excited about the joy of the upcoming day.

When she woke up she excitedly grabbed for her first cigarette. She got up and cleaned and brushed her teeth, and took another cigarette. She ate breakfast and smoked again. She started preparing her feast and smoked numerous cigarettes. Even though she was not conscious of the fact, she was smoking more than normal. Through years of conditioning she had learned that since she couldn't smoke when around the grandchildren she had better have plenty of nicotine in her system by the time they arrived. A little last minute cleaning, and cooking and smoking. She was ready.

The door bell rings. She hurries to the door and opens it up. There is her family. Everyone is excited. She goes to kiss the youngest, who says "Oh grandma, you smell like an ashtray!" She was used to these comments, she loved him anyway. After 15 minutes of talking with all the kids and her daughter and son-in-law, she and her daughter go to the kitchen to work on the dinner. After a couple of hours she starts to feel the twinge for a cigarette. But she knows she can't smoke. The kids are running through the house vigorously. As the hours pass, her patience becomes strained. Too much noise she thinks to herself, boy, does she wish she could smoke a cigarette. She starts to complain of a minor headache. They decide they better eat early, grandma is seeming a little tired and a little hassled. They sit down to eat. The food is good and everyone is enjoying.

But grandma seems to be feeling worse and worse. Four hours have passed and still no cigarette. After dinner they all decide grandma needs some rest and mutually everyone agrees they will leave early. She kisses them all good-bye and rushes them out. As the door closes she hurries to her pack and smokes three cigarettes in a row. She finally starts to feel better. She now sits down in a quiet empty room thinking how lonely she feels and how sad that they had to leave so soon. But at least she has her cigarettes. But it had been a long day. She washes up, brushes her teeth, gets dressed for bed, and has one last cigarette.

Tomorrow would be another routine day.


© Joel Spitzer 1994, 2000
Page last updated by Joel Spitzer on August 24, 2003

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Last edited by FreedomNicotine on 28 Jul 2009, 00:03, edited 4 times in total.

childofnite GOLD.FreedomFromTobaccoQuitSmokingNow
Joined: 19 Jan 2009, 18:47

19 Jan 2009, 21:31 #48

I am in tears as I read this yet again. No amount of time makes the impact gentler or more easily received....

As you can see, I *HAD* to bump this post. It is the only one I subscribed to receive email reminders of over seven years ago when I found my own Freedom.

It reminded me of some of my own behaviour (even though I am relatively young) and my mothers' behaviour especially.

I have recieved periodic updates on this thread for 7 years, as Joel or John or another long-timer saw fit, and I always remember when I receive those updates where I came from.

I don't mean to wax nostalgic on all of you, but this story is the best of the best - it is an addict's cycle - plain and simple. if you can see yourself in this, PLEASE quit. You will become free, and people here at Freedom will help you every step of the way. They know, love and accept you despite your addiction and will always stand by you. I am living BREATHING proof!

YQS (your quit sister) Diana

7 Years, 5 Months, 25 Days, 4 hours and 30 minutes FREE!

Edited to remove an errant "Q". Image
Last edited by childofnite GOLD.FreedomFromTobaccoQuitSmokingNow on 19 Jan 2009, 21:48, edited 1 time in total.

Joined: 20 Feb 2009, 03:04

29 Dec 2009, 18:33 #49

This article was mind boggling! I could not believe the similarities to my own life before I chose Freedom. I would wait and wait for everyone to leave just for a cigarette. I would cut visits with my grandchildren short, just for a cigarette. So many things I am sure I missed out on<just for a cigarette!! Conversations, that "something funny, that you can't make happen again". Smiles, cries, laughter, sadness, I was missing out on life just as this story relates. So true and such a good reminder.Never Taking Another Puff and Never Missing Another Moment!

Posts 0

29 Jan 2011, 02:11 #50

That hit home. How many times have I tried to get in as many smokes as possible before certain events. Glad to be smoke free, no longer a slave to nicotine