The Isolation of a Widowed Smoker

Alleen Golden
Alleen Golden

September 8th, 2003, 3:03 am #26

Joel:

I know you know I had a rough time in the beginning but I am 1 week 2 days and 19 hours, almost 10 days into the quit. I think I am feeling better - honestly... I think I am going to make it. I knew I would but sometimes it just feels like you won't - you know what I mean.

I have recommended this website to my smoker friends. However, I don't want to become one of the awful ex-smokers either.

Thank you for your nice letter to me. I will read my cigarette my friend - which sounds like something my son should read too.

Thanks again - you will continue to keep hearing from me because I will never take another puff...

Alleen
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smokefreeJD Gold
smokefreeJD Gold

October 29th, 2003, 9:33 pm #27

This is my favorite as well, and the post that touched me enough where I knew Freedom was where I wanted to call "home." It reminded me of everything I thought and felt when my father would come to visit me or if I would go to visit him. I would be looking forward to it SO much but since I was a closet smoker around him I would always be haunted and dominated by my addiction. So instead of enjoying my time with him I was consumed by my need to feed. Now it's the opposite, and I'm so incredibly grateful!
Jill
Kicking Butt for 1 Year 3 Weeks 5 Days.
Last edited by smokefreeJD Gold on July 28th, 2009, 12:35 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joel
Joel

January 26th, 2004, 1:51 am #28

I saw where a member was thinking of smoking because of her lonliness. Thought this post would add some perspective to the issue.
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Joel
Joel

February 13th, 2004, 12:52 am #29

I know some people are currently feeling like their lives are somehow sadder because they have quit smokng. The sadness that people feel when they first quit is temporary. The sadness and loneliness that a person can feel because they smoke can be a lot worse and last a lifetime--albeit a shorter lifetime because of the fact that smoking will likely end up in your facing a premature loss in life. The true road to greater happiness is sticking to your commitment to never take another puff! Joel
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j a g 64
j a g 64

September 15th, 2004, 1:35 am #30

How odd! I just posted a bit about this piece in my quit diary. I was so shocked when I read this which was actually yesterday afternoon from the PDF download I have. Not only did I relate to how often she smoked and for what variety of any and all reasons (the oven is pre-heating, time for a smoke), I too have left early from visiting my beloved nieces and nephews simply because I wanted to go smoke where they couldn't see me (which meant cutting off the visit as their yard is tiny and has no place to hide).

JAG
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kwhtlw
kwhtlw

September 15th, 2004, 4:30 am #31

Man!! What-a-slap-in-the-face!! I needed that. Nicotine does nothing but, kill, steel, and destroy! But only if we let it!! NTAP
Last edited by kwhtlw on July 28th, 2009, 12:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
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sophiaduvall
sophiaduvall

December 18th, 2004, 9:55 am #32

This surely is a needful read. Smoking isolates us from those we love and those things we love to do. And there ain't much that we get in return 'cept illusion and misery.

I am in such agreement with Janet here, it's amazing how I could find little pockets of time for a cigarette. Some time back I was boiling water for pasta for supper and I couldn't quite figure out what I wasn't doing...surely I'm missing some step here? Then I realized what it was.....I usually had a smoke during the few minutes that it took for the water to boil. Now, not smoking, I can put those little pockets to use in productive ways. Or not. It's my choice now, really my choice.

Sophia
3M 3W+
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Charlee GOLD
Charlee GOLD

January 29th, 2005, 1:36 am #33

I haven't read this since very early in my quit. It still brings a tear to my eye.
Timeless, as are all the articles.


Charlee


I have been quit for 8 Months, 1 Week, 4 Days, 33 minutes and 58 seconds (256 days). I have saved $832.07 by not smoking 5,120 cigarettes. I have saved 2 Weeks, 3 Days, 18 hours and 40 minutes of my life.
Last edited by Charlee GOLD on July 28th, 2009, 12:36 am, edited 1 time in total.
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childofnite GOLD.ffn
childofnite GOLD.ffn

March 5th, 2005, 1:48 pm #34

I haven't been here in a LOOOONG LOOOONG time - but I had to post and let you all know that this article was the one that made my quit stick.

It reminded me of my own mother, and she is finally quitting on March 13th - the 9 year anniversary of my dad's death.

I will do all that I can to help her, and will bring her by Freedom for reinforcement.

I could never thank you all enough - Grumpy, John (Zep!! :D) Joanne, Joel, and ALL the wonderful people here. I wish I were around more, but as John said to me once, a long time ago: "Our hope is that you won't have to be here anymore." I'm glad I don't have to, but know that I think about Freedom every day.

Love and hugs to all that read this!!

Diana

3 years, 7 months, 6 days of Never Taking Another Puff...
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joyousAnaisfree
joyousAnaisfree

April 26th, 2005, 7:57 pm #35

This is the one that took me from thinking about quitting to getting it done.
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CarolJJ3
CarolJJ3

July 23rd, 2005, 7:03 am #36

Thanks Joel............. and Candis
Carol
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Starshinegrl Gold
Starshinegrl Gold

December 10th, 2005, 9:00 pm #37

I thought I had a sort of "déjà vu" over the last couple of days: got a phone call from my daughter-in-law asking me if it would be okay if she dropped her 4-year-old off yesterday. He was eager to do some (promised) baking with me ...

Happy to report that we spent nearly 6 hours yesterday on doing just that and the results were a lovely big and nicely decorated snowman as well as a (bit small, but my first attempt) gingerbread house with all sorts of fancy stuff on it. Well, my grandson was pleased and he thought "it looked fantastic" - here is me hoping now that it will also taste nice.

Anyway, the reason I am putting my comment into this string today is that I thoroughly enjoyed my day yesterday. Not once did I have to go out for my nicotine fix, not once did I have to make sure that Elliot didn't find any lighters or other smoking paraphernalia, I didn't have to think about how I smelled or wanting him to go home so that I can smoke in peace again.

Last night, I was trying to remember what this reminded me of ... and here it is.

Gitte
379 days and a bit
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Em B 12106
Em B 12106

February 17th, 2006, 7:31 am #38

The Smoker Life just makes me cry!
Em
Three weeks, four days, 20 hours, 24 minutes and 32 seconds. 387 cigarettes not smoked, saving $82.20. Life saved: 1 day, 8 hours, 15 minutes.
Last edited by Em B 12106 on July 28th, 2009, 12:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
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wellwoman41
wellwoman41

April 15th, 2006, 12:20 pm #39

Thanks for this thread. So many times over the past few days I have been thankful for my freedom from cigarettes. I cried for a day or two as I let go of the bad parts of me. I have also loved learning what I like now.(taste changed) (complexion improved)Anyway, I spent years (smoked for eighteen) declining invitations to really wonderful places because I wouldn't be able to smoke, Not wanting nonsmokers in my car and freaking out at the thought of being trapped in theirs. We are celebrating the holiday this Sunday at my house as everyone in my family smokes and at laeast this way it (the smoking) will be outside. and not so tempting!! I really haven't wanted one for the past four days or so. They are just not worth the sacrifices of not just quantity of life but QUALITY of life! Thank you so much for educating all the smoke-blinded people (as myself) and so well! I have been sharing so much with others (even tips on minimizing symptoms to others who have recently stopped.) I am just very thankful tonight. Also, this is really cool, my daughter (10 years old) likes to check my quit keeper, she forced my husband and me to do a "countdown' to our eighth day smoke free. My fourteen year old son cried when I told him I quit and I didn't even know he had been worried about it. All the people affected. For all those years.
Abby NTAP!!!!!!!
I have been quit for 1 Week, 1 Day, 50 minutes and 45 seconds (8 days). I have saved $23.22 by not smoking 160 cigarettes. I have saved 13 hours and 20 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 4/6/2006 11:30 PM
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Blue1451
Blue1451

May 6th, 2006, 1:58 pm #40

Wow...what a post!!! I LOVED reading that! We have all been in similar situations..
Reminds me of when my niece wanted to drive with me somewhere instead of going with her mom.. i said no and watched as her big brown eyes looked so sadly at me.
I hop'd into my truck, started to follow them..reached for my smokes and lite one up.. that's why i didn't let her come with me....cause i HAD to have a smoke!!! I chose my smoke over her!! That was many years ago....funny how the post made me think about that!
I choose my family and my life over nicotine!!
Free and healing and LOVING IT!!!!
Tracy
I have been quit for 1 Month, 1 Week, 3 Days, 23 hours, 47 minutes and 29 seconds (40 days). I have saved $192.65 by not smoking 327 cigarettes. I have saved 1 Day, 3 hours and 15 minutes of my life.
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lizardl131
lizardl131

February 2nd, 2007, 2:06 pm #41

This could be my life, smoking was taking control of everything I do during the day. I still "automatically" reach for my cigarettes before realizing that I am now an ex-smoker. I'm starting to control the panic I feel for a moment and articles like this really give me a boost of willpower.
Liz, 11 days quit.
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Joined: January 16th, 2003, 8:00 am

August 25th, 2007, 8:26 am #42

I think that most of us can relate to this thread.
It is really nice to be free of the controlling constantness of nicotine withdrawal.
Stick with your quit, it is completely worth every bit of the adjustment period. You are healing.


One day you will just live your life as an educated and comfortable ex-smoker. Occasionally you will easily remind yourself: Never take another puff.


Always you will celebrate the choice that you made: your freedom.


Sal
Last edited by Sal GOLD.ffn on July 28th, 2009, 12:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
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VICKIGOLD2006
VICKIGOLD2006

October 9th, 2007, 11:24 pm #43

This article reminds me of the "insanity" of smoking. I've read it several times, but now I can see thoroughly that this was my life. I've hosted Thanksgivings in our family for years and can remember the panic of getting that cigarette in right before and after the meal. I am so happy to report the "insanity" is gone from my life now and I don't miss it one bit!!

VICKI - Free and Healing for One Year, Two Months, Six Days, 17 Hours and 51 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 30 Days and 1 Hour, by avoiding the use of 8655 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $1,982.40.
Last edited by VICKIGOLD2006 on July 28th, 2009, 12:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
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jakki8368
jakki8368

October 10th, 2007, 5:09 am #44

it's quite shocking when you read the day like that. i expect it's a typical routine of most smokers - it's not till you see it in black and white though that it really hits home, i can remember the jittery feelings when you can't have a cigarette and the all consuming feeling that takes over until you have one.

i supose reading it like that is similar to showing someone who kept a food diary for a week how much junk they have eaten (like on the diet shows on tv) i always thought that their shock at seeing the food was a bit false and they must have some idea what would be on the table as they have eaten it - how easy it is to deny that you've had the forbbidon?

very enlightening as i always find the articles here - real eye openers!

jakki - I have been quit for 4 Weeks, 1 Day, 22 hours, 53 minutes and 21 seconds (29 days). I have saved £224.64 by not smoking 898 cigarettes. I have saved 3 Days, 2 hours and 50 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 09/09/2007 23:15
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JoeJFree Gold
JoeJFree Gold

November 15th, 2007, 2:07 am #45

What the 'planning for the next dose' theme of this 'Joel Classic' shows is not that we chose to 'punctuate our every action' but that the two hour half-life of nicotine in our blood serum became the control mechanism that drove our every thought, every action, every plan while we were still using nicotine to maintain our dependency.
We never inhaled the smoke of burning tobacco because we wanted to (although that's what we told ourselves) we did it on a very regular basis because we had to. We didn't smoke because we liked to ....we continued to ingest nicotine by any means available because we didn't like what happened when we were not able to replenish our constantly dwindling reserves - the almost immediate onset of withdrawal anxiety. The fear that life would fovever be racked with that (as it turns out very temporary) intense feeling of withdrawal anxiety is what kept so many of us trapped on the incessant 'paupers wheel' of addiction servicing.


Only after we pledge to permanently bar nicotine re-entry to our blood stream and brain and then pay the 72-hour deposit on our future of freedom do we see that getting rid of nicotine brings an unexpected and mostly underappreciated reward - absolute and unending freedom to live our lives free of the constant demands of an all-consuming chemical dependency.



S
imply Not Another Puff.......
and live free as we were always meant to live.
JoeJ Free a nicotine addict and now an ex-smoker for 2 years, 10 months, 4 days, 2 hours, 39 minutes and 14 seconds (1038 days).
I've not had to buy & consume 25953 Nicotine delivery sticks, and saved $5,689.35.
I've reclaimed 90 days, 2 hours and 43 minutes to live as I Choose, that's the best part of my gift to me.
Last edited by JoeJFree Gold on July 28th, 2009, 12:32 am, edited 1 time in total.
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JoeJFree Gold
JoeJFree Gold

August 25th, 2008, 6:40 pm #46

You need not be a widow to feel and act as isolated as the person in this story. Everyone caught in active dependency feels this way due to the need to feed an addiciton - no matter what. The best way to avoid such a situation is to make and keep a personal commitment to never take another puff - no matter what.
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FreedomNicotine
FreedomNicotine

December 10th, 2008, 7:47 pm #47

Joel's Reinforcement Library


The Isolation of a
Widowed Smoker




Life had become a boring routine. She had just been going through the motions of maintaining a normal semblance of existence. Waking up, having a cigarette. Washing up and brushing her teeth, having a cigarette. Eating breakfast, having a cigarette. Doing some light cleaning, vacuuming, dusting, and having a cigarette. Watching a little television while having a cigarette. Preparing a sandwich for lunch, having a cigarette. Taking a short nap, waking up for a cigarette. Reading the newspaper, having a cigarette. Making a list of needed groceries, having a cigarette. Getting ready to do some light shopping, having a cigarette. Driving to the local market, having a cigarette. About to enter the store, but stopping to have a cigarette. Checking out at the cash register, leaving the store and having a cigarette. Going home and starting to prepare dinner, having a cigarette. Eating dinner, having a cigarette. Clearing the table and washing the dishes, having a cigarette. Watching a little television, having a couple of cigarettes. Washing up, brushing her teeth and getting dressed for bed, having a cigarette. Getting into bed, having a cigarette. Going to sleep.

Ever since the loss of her husband many years ago, nothing in her normal daily existence seemed to give her life any meaning or any real happiness. Weeks would go by with her barely cracking a smile. Almost nothing seemed to bring her joy anymore. But this day was starting differently. After breakfast her phone rang. She ran for a cigarette. On the fourth ring she made it to the phone and picked up the receiver. It was her daughter. She lived only an hour away, but because of her career, her husband's schedule and the kid's school, soccer, piano, ballet lessons, etc., they only were able to visit occasionally. Well, to her pleasant surprise, she found out that they were coming on Saturday to spend the day.

For the first time in weeks she seemed truly happy. As soon as she hung up the phone she grabbed for a cigarette. She had to start planning and preparing to see the kids. She called her beauty shop to make an afternoon appointment. When she hung up the phone she took a cigarette. She got dressed and ready to go shopping, and right before leaving, she took a cigarette. In the car driving to the store she hurriedly smoked two cigarettes for she knew she could not smoke while in the store. She hurriedly went up and down the aisles, with a certain bounce in her step for she was still so excited about the visit. When she left the store she hurried to her car and lit a cigarette. She went home, put away the groceries, prepared and ate a quick bite, smoked a cigarette and hurriedly left the house to be on time for her beauty shop appointment. While she was there she smoked and conversed with the other patrons, glowing as she told of her exciting weekend news.

When she got home, she smoked a cigarette, and starting preparing a turkey for the big Saturday night meal. She smoked and ate, smoked and cooked and smoked and prepared for bed. One last cigarette and she slowly dozed off, happy and excited about the joy of the upcoming day.

When she woke up she excitedly grabbed for her first cigarette. She got up and cleaned and brushed her teeth, and took another cigarette. She ate breakfast and smoked again. She started preparing her feast and smoked numerous cigarettes. Even though she was not conscious of the fact, she was smoking more than normal. Through years of conditioning she had learned that since she couldn't smoke when around the grandchildren she had better have plenty of nicotine in her system by the time they arrived. A little last minute cleaning, and cooking and smoking. She was ready.

The door bell rings. She hurries to the door and opens it up. There is her family. Everyone is excited. She goes to kiss the youngest, who says "Oh grandma, you smell like an ashtray!" She was used to these comments, she loved him anyway. After 15 minutes of talking with all the kids and her daughter and son-in-law, she and her daughter go to the kitchen to work on the dinner. After a couple of hours she starts to feel the twinge for a cigarette. But she knows she can't smoke. The kids are running through the house vigorously. As the hours pass, her patience becomes strained. Too much noise she thinks to herself, boy, does she wish she could smoke a cigarette. She starts to complain of a minor headache. They decide they better eat early, grandma is seeming a little tired and a little hassled. They sit down to eat. The food is good and everyone is enjoying.

But grandma seems to be feeling worse and worse. Four hours have passed and still no cigarette. After dinner they all decide grandma needs some rest and mutually everyone agrees they will leave early. She kisses them all good-bye and rushes them out. As the door closes she hurries to her pack and smokes three cigarettes in a row. She finally starts to feel better. She now sits down in a quiet empty room thinking how lonely she feels and how sad that they had to leave so soon. But at least she has her cigarettes. But it had been a long day. She washes up, brushes her teeth, gets dressed for bed, and has one last cigarette.

Tomorrow would be another routine day.


Joel


© Joel Spitzer 1994, 2000
Page last updated by Joel Spitzer on August 24, 2003


WhyQuit | Joel's Library | Costs of Smoking | Next Article
Last edited by FreedomNicotine on July 28th, 2009, 12:03 am, edited 4 times in total.
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childofnite GOLD.FreedomFromTobaccoQuitSmokingNow
childofnite GOLD.FreedomFromTobaccoQuitSmokingNow

January 19th, 2009, 9:31 pm #48

I am in tears as I read this yet again. No amount of time makes the impact gentler or more easily received....

As you can see, I *HAD* to bump this post. It is the only one I subscribed to receive email reminders of over seven years ago when I found my own Freedom.

It reminded me of some of my own behaviour (even though I am relatively young) and my mothers' behaviour especially.

I have recieved periodic updates on this thread for 7 years, as Joel or John or another long-timer saw fit, and I always remember when I receive those updates where I came from.

I don't mean to wax nostalgic on all of you, but this story is the best of the best - it is an addict's cycle - plain and simple. if you can see yourself in this, PLEASE quit. You will become free, and people here at Freedom will help you every step of the way. They know, love and accept you despite your addiction and will always stand by you. I am living BREATHING proof!

YQS (your quit sister) Diana

7 Years, 5 Months, 25 Days, 4 hours and 30 minutes FREE!


Edited to remove an errant "Q".
Last edited by childofnite GOLD.FreedomFromTobaccoQuitSmokingNow on January 19th, 2009, 9:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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grandmaroux
grandmaroux

December 29th, 2009, 6:33 pm #49

WOW
This article was mind boggling! I could not believe the similarities to my own life before I chose Freedom. I would wait and wait for everyone to leave just for a cigarette. I would cut visits with my grandchildren short, just for a cigarette. So many things I am sure I missed out on<just for a cigarette!! Conversations, that "something funny, that you can't make happen again". Smiles, cries, laughter, sadness, I was missing out on life just as this story relates. So true and such a good reminder.Never Taking Another Puff and Never Missing Another Moment!
Doris
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Guest
Guest

January 29th, 2011, 2:11 am #50

That hit home. How many times have I tried to get in as many smokes as possible before certain events. Glad to be smoke free, no longer a slave to nicotine
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