The Isolation of a Widowed Smoker

Joined: January 7th, 2009, 7:25 pm

February 8th, 2003, 2:16 pm #21

I'm sending this one to my 3 packs a day sister. Yes, I
said 3 packs.
When she gets older and her kids are grown, she could
end up being the lady in Joel's story.

I told her about this website. I don't know if she ever
looked at it. She is the most stubborn addict that I
have ever known.

If she could only see through her addiction for a few,
clear, bright seconds!

Gena (bronze)
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:58 pm

May 1st, 2003, 12:02 am #22

You know, I don't have a husband, dead or not, much less any kids, but I remember this Joel Classic as probably the first that made my eyes pop in the first week of my quit.

I think it was because usually when you read about someone in literature, a cigarette means something about their character and is used as a prop--romanticized. You know, like Audrey Hepburn at her party in Breakfast at Tiffany's.

But smokers don't get to use cigarettes just as props. . .this little story shows smoking for what it really is; punctuation for every single act you do in the day. Joel, I just don't know how you know how to portray smoking this accurately but I'm so glad you do, because sometimes I forget what being a smoker is really like and I start thinking it would be nice to have one at the cafe or at the bar. I forget the reality.

Very powerful. . .it just got to me again, two months later.

Alex
2 months 2 weeks 2 days
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:57 pm

August 2nd, 2003, 5:01 pm #23

I was just resonding to an email from a person who found this one particulary helpful in realizing just how much life revolves around cigarettes when a person is an active nicotine addict. What is great is how once you quit, life no longer revolves around smoking nor not smoking either. Life as an ex-smoker just revolves around life. To keep your health and to stay permanently free from the grip that nicotine once exerted upon you is as simple now as just always remembering why you first quit smoking and why for numerous personal reasons you are still totally committed to never take another puff!

Joel
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Joined: January 9th, 2009, 12:16 am

September 8th, 2003, 12:29 am #24

Joel:

This was a wonderful article and a really sad article. As I read, I could see myself, the addiction of smoking so clearly. I am amazed at the number of articles that you have and how moving they really are.

Thank you Joel... You helped teach me how to save my own life. I feel so much better that I will never take another puff.

Alleen
1 week 2 days, 17 hours. 194 cigarettes were not smoked. Wow - the cigarettes are starting to add up.
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:57 pm

September 8th, 2003, 1:13 am #25

Hello Alleen:

This letter was a little different than most of them. I didn't have any one specifically in my mind when I wrote this piece, it was just my impressions of a number of lonely older people I knew at the time. Some of them were actually non-smokers and ex-smokers. I just saw how much these people had looked so forward to family and friend visits and then it just struck me how a smoker in the same situation is likely to have altered priorities.

As opposed to this letter, most of my articles were inspired by a specific smoker or group of smokers. "My Cigarette, My Friend " for example was inspired by a specific clinic graduate who had relapsed and who I was visiting in the hospital right after she thought that she just experienced her fourth heart attack. She was afraid she was dying, and was wanting a cigarette. She had been out to a play the night before that she had to leave during some key scenes so she could go out and smoke. She was bitter about that and also about the fact that she believed that her cigarettes were killing her at this particularly moment in time, yet she was saying how much she wanted a cigarette and could not have one because she was hospitalized. I went home that evening and just wrote what I thought as I reflected about her conflicting comments and sentiments. Basically, that letter almost wrote itself.

I feel that the Isolation of the Widowed Smoker is really clear at showing how much valuable time and energy our members and readers once wasted on cigarettes and on just fixating on smoking. More importantly now though, I hope this piece creates a sense of importance on how you never want to waste your future valuable time and energy on maintaining an active nicotine addiction and to always serve to remind you that you never will have to waste such quality time on smoking as long as you always remember to never take another puff!

Joel
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Joined: January 9th, 2009, 12:16 am

September 8th, 2003, 3:03 am #26

Joel:

I know you know I had a rough time in the beginning but I am 1 week 2 days and 19 hours, almost 10 days into the quit. I think I am feeling better - honestly... I think I am going to make it. I knew I would but sometimes it just feels like you won't - you know what I mean.

I have recommended this website to my smoker friends. However, I don't want to become one of the awful ex-smokers either.

Thank you for your nice letter to me. I will read my cigarette my friend - which sounds like something my son should read too.

Thanks again - you will continue to keep hearing from me because I will never take another puff...

Alleen
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Joined: December 19th, 2008, 12:06 am

October 29th, 2003, 9:33 pm #27

This is my favorite as well, and the post that touched me enough where I knew Freedom was where I wanted to call "home." It reminded me of everything I thought and felt when my father would come to visit me or if I would go to visit him. I would be looking forward to it SO much but since I was a closet smoker around him I would always be haunted and dominated by my addiction. So instead of enjoying my time with him I was consumed by my need to feed. Now it's the opposite, and I'm so incredibly grateful!
Jill
Kicking Butt for 1 Year 3 Weeks 5 Days.
Last edited by smokefreeJD Gold on July 28th, 2009, 12:35 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:57 pm

January 26th, 2004, 1:51 am #28

I saw where a member was thinking of smoking because of her lonliness. Thought this post would add some perspective to the issue.
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:57 pm

February 13th, 2004, 12:52 am #29

I know some people are currently feeling like their lives are somehow sadder because they have quit smokng. The sadness that people feel when they first quit is temporary. The sadness and loneliness that a person can feel because they smoke can be a lot worse and last a lifetime--albeit a shorter lifetime because of the fact that smoking will likely end up in your facing a premature loss in life. The true road to greater happiness is sticking to your commitment to never take another puff! Joel
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:58 pm

September 15th, 2004, 1:35 am #30

How odd! I just posted a bit about this piece in my quit diary. I was so shocked when I read this which was actually yesterday afternoon from the PDF download I have. Not only did I relate to how often she smoked and for what variety of any and all reasons (the oven is pre-heating, time for a smoke), I too have left early from visiting my beloved nieces and nephews simply because I wanted to go smoke where they couldn't see me (which meant cutting off the visit as their yard is tiny and has no place to hide).

JAG
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:58 pm

September 15th, 2004, 4:30 am #31

Man!! What-a-slap-in-the-face!! I needed that. Nicotine does nothing but, kill, steel, and destroy! But only if we let it!! NTAP
Last edited by kwhtlw on July 28th, 2009, 12:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: January 7th, 2009, 6:56 pm

December 18th, 2004, 9:55 am #32

This surely is a needful read. Smoking isolates us from those we love and those things we love to do. And there ain't much that we get in return 'cept illusion and misery.

I am in such agreement with Janet here, it's amazing how I could find little pockets of time for a cigarette. Some time back I was boiling water for pasta for supper and I couldn't quite figure out what I wasn't doing...surely I'm missing some step here? Then I realized what it was.....I usually had a smoke during the few minutes that it took for the water to boil. Now, not smoking, I can put those little pockets to use in productive ways. Or not. It's my choice now, really my choice.

Sophia
3M 3W+
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:58 pm

January 29th, 2005, 1:36 am #33

I haven't read this since very early in my quit. It still brings a tear to my eye.
Timeless, as are all the articles.


Charlee


I have been quit for 8 Months, 1 Week, 4 Days, 33 minutes and 58 seconds (256 days). I have saved $832.07 by not smoking 5,120 cigarettes. I have saved 2 Weeks, 3 Days, 18 hours and 40 minutes of my life.
Last edited by Charlee GOLD on July 28th, 2009, 12:36 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:59 pm

March 5th, 2005, 1:48 pm #34

I haven't been here in a LOOOONG LOOOONG time - but I had to post and let you all know that this article was the one that made my quit stick.

It reminded me of my own mother, and she is finally quitting on March 13th - the 9 year anniversary of my dad's death.

I will do all that I can to help her, and will bring her by Freedom for reinforcement.

I could never thank you all enough - Grumpy, John (Zep!! :D) Joanne, Joel, and ALL the wonderful people here. I wish I were around more, but as John said to me once, a long time ago: "Our hope is that you won't have to be here anymore." I'm glad I don't have to, but know that I think about Freedom every day.

Love and hugs to all that read this!!

Diana

3 years, 7 months, 6 days of Never Taking Another Puff...
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:58 pm

April 26th, 2005, 7:57 pm #35

This is the one that took me from thinking about quitting to getting it done.
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Joined: December 19th, 2008, 12:04 am

July 23rd, 2005, 7:03 am #36

Thanks Joel............. and Candis
Carol
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Joined: December 19th, 2008, 12:00 am

December 10th, 2005, 9:00 pm #37

I thought I had a sort of "déjà vu" over the last couple of days: got a phone call from my daughter-in-law asking me if it would be okay if she dropped her 4-year-old off yesterday. He was eager to do some (promised) baking with me ...

Happy to report that we spent nearly 6 hours yesterday on doing just that and the results were a lovely big and nicely decorated snowman as well as a (bit small, but my first attempt) gingerbread house with all sorts of fancy stuff on it. Well, my grandson was pleased and he thought "it looked fantastic" - here is me hoping now that it will also taste nice.

Anyway, the reason I am putting my comment into this string today is that I thoroughly enjoyed my day yesterday. Not once did I have to go out for my nicotine fix, not once did I have to make sure that Elliot didn't find any lighters or other smoking paraphernalia, I didn't have to think about how I smelled or wanting him to go home so that I can smoke in peace again.

Last night, I was trying to remember what this reminded me of ... and here it is.

Gitte
379 days and a bit
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Joined: December 19th, 2008, 12:06 am

February 17th, 2006, 7:31 am #38

The Smoker Life just makes me cry!
Em
Three weeks, four days, 20 hours, 24 minutes and 32 seconds. 387 cigarettes not smoked, saving $82.20. Life saved: 1 day, 8 hours, 15 minutes.
Last edited by Em B 12106 on July 28th, 2009, 12:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: January 9th, 2009, 11:22 pm

April 15th, 2006, 12:20 pm #39

Thanks for this thread. So many times over the past few days I have been thankful for my freedom from cigarettes. I cried for a day or two as I let go of the bad parts of me. I have also loved learning what I like now.(taste changed) (complexion improved)Anyway, I spent years (smoked for eighteen) declining invitations to really wonderful places because I wouldn't be able to smoke, Not wanting nonsmokers in my car and freaking out at the thought of being trapped in theirs. We are celebrating the holiday this Sunday at my house as everyone in my family smokes and at laeast this way it (the smoking) will be outside. and not so tempting!! I really haven't wanted one for the past four days or so. They are just not worth the sacrifices of not just quantity of life but QUALITY of life! Thank you so much for educating all the smoke-blinded people (as myself) and so well! I have been sharing so much with others (even tips on minimizing symptoms to others who have recently stopped.) I am just very thankful tonight. Also, this is really cool, my daughter (10 years old) likes to check my quit keeper, she forced my husband and me to do a "countdown' to our eighth day smoke free. My fourteen year old son cried when I told him I quit and I didn't even know he had been worried about it. All the people affected. For all those years.
Abby NTAP!!!!!!!
I have been quit for 1 Week, 1 Day, 50 minutes and 45 seconds (8 days). I have saved $23.22 by not smoking 160 cigarettes. I have saved 13 hours and 20 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 4/6/2006 11:30 PM
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:57 pm

May 6th, 2006, 1:58 pm #40

Wow...what a post!!! I LOVED reading that! We have all been in similar situations..
Reminds me of when my niece wanted to drive with me somewhere instead of going with her mom.. i said no and watched as her big brown eyes looked so sadly at me.
I hop'd into my truck, started to follow them..reached for my smokes and lite one up.. that's why i didn't let her come with me....cause i HAD to have a smoke!!! I chose my smoke over her!! That was many years ago....funny how the post made me think about that!
I choose my family and my life over nicotine!!
Free and healing and LOVING IT!!!!
Tracy
I have been quit for 1 Month, 1 Week, 3 Days, 23 hours, 47 minutes and 29 seconds (40 days). I have saved $192.65 by not smoking 327 cigarettes. I have saved 1 Day, 3 hours and 15 minutes of my life.
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Joined: December 19th, 2008, 12:39 am

February 2nd, 2007, 2:06 pm #41

This could be my life, smoking was taking control of everything I do during the day. I still "automatically" reach for my cigarettes before realizing that I am now an ex-smoker. I'm starting to control the panic I feel for a moment and articles like this really give me a boost of willpower.
Liz, 11 days quit.
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Joined: January 16th, 2003, 8:00 am

August 25th, 2007, 8:26 am #42

I think that most of us can relate to this thread.
It is really nice to be free of the controlling constantness of nicotine withdrawal.
Stick with your quit, it is completely worth every bit of the adjustment period. You are healing.


One day you will just live your life as an educated and comfortable ex-smoker. Occasionally you will easily remind yourself: Never take another puff.


Always you will celebrate the choice that you made: your freedom.


Sal
Last edited by Sal GOLD.ffn on July 28th, 2009, 12:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:57 pm

October 9th, 2007, 11:24 pm #43

This article reminds me of the "insanity" of smoking. I've read it several times, but now I can see thoroughly that this was my life. I've hosted Thanksgivings in our family for years and can remember the panic of getting that cigarette in right before and after the meal. I am so happy to report the "insanity" is gone from my life now and I don't miss it one bit!!

VICKI - Free and Healing for One Year, Two Months, Six Days, 17 Hours and 51 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 30 Days and 1 Hour, by avoiding the use of 8655 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $1,982.40.
Last edited by VICKIGOLD2006 on July 28th, 2009, 12:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:57 pm

October 10th, 2007, 5:09 am #44

it's quite shocking when you read the day like that. i expect it's a typical routine of most smokers - it's not till you see it in black and white though that it really hits home, i can remember the jittery feelings when you can't have a cigarette and the all consuming feeling that takes over until you have one.

i supose reading it like that is similar to showing someone who kept a food diary for a week how much junk they have eaten (like on the diet shows on tv) i always thought that their shock at seeing the food was a bit false and they must have some idea what would be on the table as they have eaten it - how easy it is to deny that you've had the forbbidon?

very enlightening as i always find the articles here - real eye openers!

jakki - I have been quit for 4 Weeks, 1 Day, 22 hours, 53 minutes and 21 seconds (29 days). I have saved £224.64 by not smoking 898 cigarettes. I have saved 3 Days, 2 hours and 50 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 09/09/2007 23:15
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Joined: December 18th, 2008, 11:57 pm

November 15th, 2007, 2:07 am #45

What the 'planning for the next dose' theme of this 'Joel Classic' shows is not that we chose to 'punctuate our every action' but that the two hour half-life of nicotine in our blood serum became the control mechanism that drove our every thought, every action, every plan while we were still using nicotine to maintain our dependency.
We never inhaled the smoke of burning tobacco because we wanted to (although that's what we told ourselves) we did it on a very regular basis because we had to. We didn't smoke because we liked to ....we continued to ingest nicotine by any means available because we didn't like what happened when we were not able to replenish our constantly dwindling reserves - the almost immediate onset of withdrawal anxiety. The fear that life would fovever be racked with that (as it turns out very temporary) intense feeling of withdrawal anxiety is what kept so many of us trapped on the incessant 'paupers wheel' of addiction servicing.


Only after we pledge to permanently bar nicotine re-entry to our blood stream and brain and then pay the 72-hour deposit on our future of freedom do we see that getting rid of nicotine brings an unexpected and mostly underappreciated reward - absolute and unending freedom to live our lives free of the constant demands of an all-consuming chemical dependency.



S
imply Not Another Puff.......
and live free as we were always meant to live.
JoeJ Free a nicotine addict and now an ex-smoker for 2 years, 10 months, 4 days, 2 hours, 39 minutes and 14 seconds (1038 days).
I've not had to buy & consume 25953 Nicotine delivery sticks, and saved $5,689.35.
I've reclaimed 90 days, 2 hours and 43 minutes to live as I Choose, that's the best part of my gift to me.
Last edited by JoeJFree Gold on July 28th, 2009, 12:32 am, edited 1 time in total.
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